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No man has perfected the art of the girlfriend swap better than George Clooney.
The two-time People sexiest man alive has turned relationships into an assembly line of amore, wherein older (but still really hot) models are turned in for new ones with clockwork efficiency.
And it goes a little something like this:
1. The Classy Kiss Off
George breaks up with an extraordinarily beautiful but waaaay less famous lady, calmly and cordially.
Case in point: Elisabetta Canalis. To close the chapter on his recent Italian model, he and Canalis released a joint statement to US Weekly magazine stating: "It's very difficult and very personal and we hope everyone can respect our privacy.”
2. The Mum, Humbled Ex
With a cyborg efficiency, the Clooney ex nobly bows her head in defeat and goes gamely into that good night with nary a bad word. Canalis joined “Dancing With the Stars,” would say nothing about Clooney, and was out after the first round.
Insiders tell FOX411.com that his women would never think of bad mouthing Clooney because he treats them so well during their relationship, and never promises more than a brief love affair.
3. Single and Silent
Clooney then retreats for period of private relationship mourning. He lays low for a month in Como ... or Darfur. His fans imagine he is healing his broken heart, licking his wounds. But in reality, he's lining up the next piece of arm candy.
4. He’s Dating Who?
A few months later, we hear whisperings of a new lady, equally as obscure as the first, but even more beautiful, but in an entirely different way.
Clooney went from spunky sexy Las Vegas cocktail waitress Sarah Larson to the composed Elisabetta Canalis, all curves and pouty Mediteranean lips. Then he surprised everyone by trading Canalis for an all-American professional wrestler (!) with a low public profile—Stacy Keibler.
5. New Model Roll Out
The public introduction of Clooney’s new gal is meticulous. We hear it before we see it.
In August an “insider” told OK! Magazine that "George cooked dinner for Stacy and it was a short visit….she didn't spend the night…They watched ‘True Blood’ on demand."
Then photos appear of Clooney and new not-very-famous person out for a casual night on the town. “The first picture anyone ever saw of George and Stacy was released from Getty. That’s not a real paparazzi agency. That was a set up. That is a released image,” one celebrity magazine editor told Fox411 “That is a publicity still of his life, of the George Clooney story.”
Once appetites are whetted and positive reviews are in, it’s time for an official stroll: the red carpet appearance. On October 17, George and Stacy went to the New York Film Festival’s premiere of “The Descendants.” “That’s when you know it is serious. when he takes her to a premiere,” the magazine editor said. “Going to a premiere is like George’s equivalent of a normal person taking someone home to meet their parents.”
6. The Relationship Exists
Now they’re an item … for a time.
Clooney was with Sarah Larson for a year, from 2007 to 2008, and Canalis for exactly two years, from June 2009 to June 2011. Applying the law of averages, Kiebler has a shelf life of approximately 18 months.
She can look forward to months of copious trips to Clooney’s house in Como, film festivals, and charitable jaunts around the globe.
Who could blame a gal?
7. Clooney Disappears
With Canalis, cracks started to show when she spent time alone at the Cannes film festival last May.
Clooney’s girlfriend at Cannes alone? That spells trouble.
Cue the nonconfrontational breakup. Rinse, and repeat.
So what’s behind Clooney’s Girlfriend-O-Matic?
“The reason George Clooney is able to go from beautiful girlfriend to beautiful girlfriend without a break in between is because he's not expecting any of his romantic relationships to last and he's keeping the women at a distance,” dating and relationship expert Tracey Steinberg explained to Fox411. “He doesn't want to get married again (he admits he's not good at it) so when his relationships don't work out, he is fine, because he never emotionally invested in any of them in the first place.”
“My advice to Stacy Keibler is to enjoy the trips to his Italian villa,” Steinberg added. “But don't expect your own drawer...ever.”