"Yesterday I spent the day going through every single transactions that took place in 2018...As I recounted these purchases, I began re-living these moments," she wrote on Wednesday night. "A year of extreme highs and lows. The year that my name would be synonymous with villain. The year that $12,000 in hospital bills would drop my 750 credit score to 620. The year that my little brother came to live with me in 300 square feet after being on the streets."
"It wasn't just the fact that I had no money to pay them," the 31-year-old reality starlet penned of her mounting bills and crushing debt. "I had to confront the emotional trauma that my body, soul and heart had endured. The heavy slap of defeat. The months of anxiety and depression."
"The confrontation that I had failed and fallen and didn't know what pieces could even be put back together," she continued. "What the $2.20 purchases from my favorite Italian coffeeshop stopped, I remembered how I had to cut that out of my budget because I simply couldn't afford it anymore... Venmos from my Mom to send me money for food while I cared for my little brother sank back in."
"Also the year that I said f--k fear and launched my own business. The year that I made my dream to write a workout program come true," she wrote. "The year that I had to confront the self-limiting beliefs that I wasn't good enough for success and fulfillment. The year that I had to allow myself to trust. The year that I would surrender to love."
"I poured tears over the pages of my journal as I slowly came back to me," she continued. "I trusted in the Universe that everything was here to teach me how I could grow. How I could become better, stronger, more compassionate, more resilient, more knowledgeable and more loving to myself. 2018 you taught me that my heart is the only validation that I need. To embrace the dark nights because that is when we grow the most. And most importantly to never lose faith in my dreams."