Every year, you say you're not going to bother with a Halloween costume, and every year, you get invited to a Halloween get-together where costumes are mandatory.
Of course, nobody's going to turn you away if you show up without a costume, but people are going to notice. They're going to be looking at you, judging you, and silently resenting you for ruining the aesthetic of their party — at least until they get tipsy off and completely forget why they're miffed.
Rather than put up with all that, why not just wear the simplest costume you could possibly string together? Show your hosts that you barely made an effort by dressing as …
#1. A Human Burrito
What you'll need: a blanket, and maybe a friend to help you stand.
#2. Chilly Toga People
What you'll need: a sheet, a belt, maybe a few safety pins, and a cardigan.
#3. A Bespectacled Ghost
What you'll need: a sheet and some glasses.
#4. Alvin (or the Other Chipmunks)
What you'll need: a large red (or green or blue) t-shirt and masking tape.
#5. Backwards Clothes Lady
What you'll need: clothes.
#6. Your Own Evil Twin
What you'll need: a fake mustache, or black construction paper and a scissors for creating a fake mustache.
#7. Two Guys in One Shirt
What you'll need: a shirt.
#8. Marty McFly
What you'll need: a down vest, suspenders, sunglasses and a working hoverboard.
#9. The Snuggie Monster
What you'll need: a Snuggie or similarly sleeved blanket.
#10. Toilet Tissue Mummy
What you'll need: Charmin Ultra.
#11. Angelina Jolie's Leg
What you'll need: a dress that showcases your right leg, and a right leg.
#12. Curtain Man
What you'll need: a window with a curtain in it.
#13. Lampshade Lady
What you'll need: a lampshade.
#14. A Robot (Series #0705)
What you'll need: cardboard boxes, random packing materials and/or leftover HVAC equipment from the garage.
#15. A Nerd
What you'll need: a pair of glasses, tape, a bowtie and suspenders.
#16. Your Dad, Circa 1987
What you'll need: a loud, beautiful sweater.
#17. Count Chocula
What you'll need: a box of Count Chocula.
#18. John Waters
What you'll need: an eyeliner pencil and an upper lip.
#19. A Kentucky Derby Spectator
What you'll need: a ridiculous hat, plus things to staple to it.
#20. The Rock, Circa 1994
What you'll need: a black turtleneck, a silver chain, a fanny pack, and if possible, and a hi-top fade.