QA: Adam Carolla talks bad jobs, worse parents and 'horrible' network execs in new book

Before Adam Carolla hit it big with ‘Loveline’ and ‘The Man Show’ he was a struggling construction worker who lived in a succession of awful apartments with terrible roommates. Carolla chronicles his crappy life before fame in his second book, "Not Taco Bell Material." The book is peppered with hilarious tales of life with his uncaring parents, road trips with Jimmy Kimmel, and a succession of miserable jobs, including having Taco Bell reject his application.

FOX411: Your write that your parents were pretty awful.

Adam Carolla: I’ve joked that my Dad never beat me because that would have meant getting off the sofa. I really would have preferred an occasional beating and a guy cheering away up in the football stands than what I got, which is nothing.

FOX411: They were constantly putting you down.

AC: They didn’t really work at it, like saying, ‘You’re stupid, you’ll never amount to anything.’ It was just a quiet subtle humbling that they were into. It’s just a kind of, ‘What about the other guy? You’re not so great, don’t brag and don’t feel too good about yourself.’ They didn’t know what they were doing. It was just auto mode.

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It’s like when my mom said she loved Jon Stewart and when my wife said, ‘Jon Stewart is a friend of Adam’s,’ and then she didn’t like Jon Stewart anymore.


FOX411: You had a succession jobs you hated. Did you ever think you’d get out?

AC: No, not really. I thought I was just destined for mediocrity. Once you get indoctrinated into that world... that’s the main problem with the world of poverty, once you get sucked into that world there’s no other world for you. My family never believed there was any other way but that way. It’s more of a mindset than anything else.

FOX411: What was your worst job?

AC: Physically the ugliest dirtiest crappiest job was probably doing earthquake rehab work but it actually paid the best because I was working for the city. That’s why they’re broke by the way. They paid everyone twice as much as we were making in the outside world. Then they paid laborers a dollar more than the carpenters. It was probably some union nonsense.

FOX411: So how did you get from there to here?

AC: It was baby steps. One foot in front of the other. I never had a plan. All I really knew was I hated construction, I hated poverty. I hated not being insured. I hated not having a credit card. The constantly looking over your shoulder. You’re driving a truck and you’re not insured and you owe the I.R.S five grand.

You don’t have a credit card. You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society. Like going to the ATM and taking twenty bucks at a time and by the way getting charged two bucks which is 10percent. It’s just a lot of trouble. I wanted to own a home; I wanted to work on my own home. I just knew it was going to be a horrible life.

FOX411: You're lucky you’re funny otherwise you’d probably be still there.

AC: I guess so but then I wouldn’t have been miserable dong it. I didn’t have the right brain for it. That’s part of what made me miserable and I didn’t even know it. I couldn’t figure out why I was so uncomfortable doing this repetitive shi**y blue collar work and no one else seemed to be quite so miserable.

FOX411: Who are you going to vote for?

AC: I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts. But I’ll probably vote Republican this year. First off I hated the hope and change message. I felt like he ran on feelings and emotions. I knew hope and change was bullshit and sort of condescending.

FOX411: Would you vote for a socially liberal fiscally conservative party?

AC: Yeah that’s the whole problem with each party. It’s like the cereal variety pack. You get three or four flavors you want and the ten you don’t want but it comes with the pack. Both parties are that way. I don’t want to argue about legalizing marijuana or abortion. I’ve come to realize that’s part of it.

I wish we could have a party that ran it like a business. You’re in charge of whatever your pursuit of happiness is and if that’s smoking weed and marrying your gay partner that’s your business. You’ll only hear from us if you don’t pay your taxes. That’s what I want and I think what everyone wants and it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen soon.

So now I’m going to vote for the party who’s going to let me keep my money because I don’t trust them. I think they waste it.

FOX411: And you’re not a fan of the Los Angeles public school system.

AC: The school system in L.A. is like a microcosm of why I want someone in there who is tightfisted with money. The school system is horrible. The excuse is we need more money. You guys spend a ton of money and we’re still 47th. You need more money? You really think more money is going to fix this one? Haven’t you been spending like an heiress over the last twenty years? To what work our way up into the low 40’s?

FOX411: Who do you hate more? Network development executives or T.S.A. agents?

AC: Development executives because they took good ideas and ruin them. Those guys don’t know what they’re doing. They’re horrible, at least the ones I’ve dealt with. They’re pompous and stupid and rich which is a horrible combination.

You get the last laugh on the T.S.A. guy. He jumps into a car that was built when you were graduating high school and goes back to his shi**y apartment.