Zito told the San Francisco Chronicle he was “miserable” going to the ballpark.
“I rooted against the team because my ego was in full control and if we lost, then I could get out of there,” he said. “It would a) prove they couldn't do it without me, and b) take me out of the situation because I was so miserable coming to the field every day.”
He added: “I was so deep in shame. I wanted out of that situation so bad.”
Zito, who details his family upbringing in his new book, “Curveball,” told the newspaper his ego was embedded in him from the experiences he had with his parents.
“I felt superior to others because my parents always told me I was special, but I was always looking for something else,” he said.
He said he thought about quitting baseball after being left off the 2010 playoff roster.
Zito lamented destroying his relationship with Brian Wilson, who was the up-and-coming star of the Giants’ bullpen at that time.
“He became the most famous guy in baseball while my career was tanking, and I literally couldn't handle it,” Zito said. “I pushed him away.”
Zito played for the Giants from 2007 to 2013 after signing a seven-year, $126 million deal. He played for the Oakland Athletics from 2000 to 2006 and again in 2015 before retiring from the sport.