Sexpert Q&A: Introducing a Gay Lover

Dear Yvonne, My partner refers to me as his roommate in front of coworkers that don't know he is gay. It bothers me. So how do I handle it? -Unsigned

Dear Unsigned, The next time this happens don't address the situation until you have a chance to be alone with your partner and express how you feel. You don't want to embarrass your lover for his insensitivity, no matter how well deserved. That will only compound your problem and make your partner more defensive than anything.

In addressing the issue in private, own your statement - meaning use "I" statements, like "I feel" or "I think", as you're not wrong in expressing yourself and won't seem as attacking. Unless being gay puts his job at risk, your partner should be able to introduce you as his partner. You have every right to be bothered by that. And you may have to make a tough decision as far as if you can stay in a closeted relationship, should he choose not to come out. One way to compromise his issues with being out is to leave things more open, for example, "This is Jack" - without adding insult to injury with a label like 'roommate.'

People these days are pretty savvy in putting together the pieces - and most don't care. If a person inquires about the relationship exactly, however, then you can respond with an honest response.

Dr. Yvonne KristAn Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of

Sexuality Source Inc.

She is the author of several books including, "Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots."