We're not here to bash any of the charitable, hard-working contestants from the Miss America pageant, but we will bash the people who wrote their cringe-worthy intros for the opening segment.
At the top of Sunday night's telecast, each of the lovely hopefuls was tasked with reciting an introduction which included her name, where she's from, and either a pun or a state-related fact. More often than not, though, those puns and facts left us feeling confused, somewhat embarassed, and in the most extreme cases, even a little dirty. (We're looking at you, Miss Wisconsin.)
What do we mean by all that? Just take a look at what some of these women were asked to say:
"Though Rocky Mountain oysters are our delicacy, I’m here to grab the bull by the … horns," said Danielle Wineman, Miss Montana. (On the bright side, Wineman did have the coolest shoes at the "Show Us Your Shoes" parade before the pageant.)
Miss Alabama, Meg McGuffin, wanted us to know she hailed "from the state that bought you the hottest dancer, Channing Tatum." So thanks for that info, Meg. We're not really sure what we're supposed to do with it, but thanks. (It's also worth noting that later, Meg McGuffin revealed that her nickname is "Egg McMuffin.")
"Representing the Dairy State — come smell our 'dairy air' — I’m Miss Wisconsin," said Rosalie Smith, with extra emphasis on "dairy air" (derriere), just in case we didn't get the pun. Because who doesn't love thinking of flatulence at a beauty pageant?
After pointing out that the 2004 film "Napoleon Dynamite" was filmed in Idaho, Kalie Wright said, "Don't vote for Pedro, vote for me!", which makes us wonder if literally anything else has happened in Idaho in the last 11 years.
"My state has the most hogs to butcher — and Ashton Kutcher," announced Taylor Wiebers, perhaps believing she could earn points with pork-loving Americans and Ashton Kutcher fans all over the nation.