Dear Dr. Y, I am so self-conscious about my body that I can't get out of my head enough during sex to orgasm. I worry about what my partner might be thinking about - all of the imperfections and squishy parts - instead of about my pleasure. What do I do about this head game? Leslie
Dear Leslie, Socialization and habit dictate the positive and negative response you're having to your own body. Undoing these notions can be a challenge, but yoga, therapy, massage and other naturopathic/holistic exercises and treatments can be excellent tools for getting comfortable in your skin and accepting yourself as a beautiful living specimen.
You can also take on this head game by standing in front of the mirror after your next shower. Take a deep breath as you look at each body part as objectively as possible. Watch for programmed responses and move past them by letting go of them. Acknowledge and accept each part of your whole without judging. Labels are so harsh, and can impede your ability to realize that, for example, a potbelly is just a belly - not good or bad, merely a belly.
If you still feel terribly self-conscious post-body and soul work, a trainer might be able to help you design an exercise program to trim down, bulk up or change your overall appearance. But make sure you do it for you - to feel better about your figure. Learning to love your self in is a vital part of a fulfilled life, not limited to the realm of sexual satisfaction. Self-love is the cornerstone to being fully capable of loving anyone else.
She is the author of several books including, "Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots."