Her name's Nicolle, and she's quite a troll.
NICOLLE WALLACE, MSNBC, APRIL 6: I think if someone were to parachute down here and wonder what the most, sort of destructive force on our planet is, and they landed in this country, they might look at the Republicans.
WALLACE: When is someone in the Republican Party going to rise up against those in the Republican Party whose speech and language and their selection of debates are still killing people?
Yes! Once again, it's those evil Republicans killing people. Those damn pro-lifers. But it's always the same, isn't it? The Republicans want you to die. Except, isn't Nicolle Wallace a Republican? She's so two-faced that she'd better be double-masking, and I seem to remember a lot of people dying in wars under her watch. She should turn herself in to the United Nations for crimes against humanity and human eardrums.
But don't be foolish enough to think Wallace is being original. She just stole her screed from a very old playbook.
SUSAN RICE, CNN, OCTOBER 2019: We are handing over our Kurdish allies to slaughter, and that blood is going to be on Donald Trump's hands.
NANCY PELOSI, DEC. 30: These Republicans in the Senate seem to have an endless tolerance for other people's sadness.
REP. ILHAN OMAR, D-MINN., MSNBC, JAN. 7: I believe they have blood on their hands and no one should forget that.
Here's the divisive narrative the media is currently pounding out: That it's Republicans who hate vaccines. But in order to believe this lie, you must pretend that Operation Warp Speed, which happened under a Republican, never existed, that it disappeared just like a conservative social media page.
You also have to deny that states governed by Republicans did way better in vaccine rollout, preventing COVID deaths and reducing unemployment. And you'd have to forget it was Kamala Harris who said she wouldn't trust any vaccine put forth by Donald Trump, as if he were mixing up doses at a Port-a-Potty in a landfill.
Fact: States with Republican governors have lower death rates, beating the blue states whose stricter lockdowns led to higher unemployment. According to the Las Vegas Review Journal, if blue states had the same jobless rate as red states, 900,000 more people would be employed.
But as much as I can easily dismantle Nicolle Wallace, what's the point? If you, the viewer, would just step outside of the left versus right, Democrat versus Republican, rich versus poor crap, you can see how much of this unsettling reality is manufactured by social media companies, media giants and politicians. As long as we fight among ourselves, they keep their power and get rich off our warring factions. Jeff Zucker should have a yacht called "Divide and Conquer" by now.
So where's the president? Was Joe's whole soul into healing this nation?
JOE BIDEN, JAN. 20: My whole soul's in it. Today, on this January day, my whole soul is in this. Bringing America together, uniting our people, uniting our nation. And I ask every American to join me in this cause.
So what happened? Nothing, because he lied. Remember, this is the same guy who used the "fine people" hoax to win an election. He also pushed the "drinking bleach" lie to brand Trump and his supporters as deadly Neanderthals. You know, those crazy cavemen who want to earn a living and drive around Bedrock without a vaccine passport. So what did our healer say Tuesday?
BIDEN: The best way to do this is for Georgia and other states to smarten up. Stop it. Stop it. It's about getting people to vote.
Was that healing? Referring to voter ID laws as Jim Crow? Is he aware that over 70% of blacks favor photo IDs for voting? Biden is to healing what a surgeon's dirty scalpel is to a patient, which is the point. Unification isn't the goal. Conflict is.
Once you see this framework, it shows up everywhere. I mean, take a look at what's on CNN right now.
"Grandmas are systemic racism. If you don't call your grandma and tell her she's a racist, you're a racist."
The point of "Gutfeld!" is to pull you and I out of these destructive "us versus them" narratives by trying to show you how the media creates false stories to keep us engaged and angry.
I don't hate Democrats. I don't hate liberals. I hate the media for wanting us to hate each other. That's their game, and it's a terrible one. The way you win is by being the first and loudest without facts or context. It's not good or healthy. But you know what is? Watching this show and leaving this prison of two ideas behind.
The left-right thing is deader than a bill submitted to Congress by AOC. It's now you versus the manipulating monolith called the media. The good news is that now that you can see their game, you can't unsee it. And that means you and I can kick their asses together.
This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld's opening monologue on the April 7, 2021 edition of "Gutfeld!"