Dear Yvonne, I am a 50-year-old-man who has lost all interest in - and avoided - sex with my partner since she has gained weight. Watching her gobble a double pie a la mode for a nighttime snack was like an anti-Viagra for me. When I met her 3 years ago, she was perhaps 30 pounds thinner. I noticed an older photo of her and she appeared to be perhaps 50 pounds heavier. Do women lose weight to meet a man and seek commitment as if crossing a finish line to find the food again? -JK
Dear JK, Both men and women often seek to be physically fit in order to attract a potential partner. Many do "let themselves go" once they have the commitment since they feel that the woo'ing phase of the relationship no longer requires work. However, it's hard to say, if your partner intentionally lost weight to "nab" you, and then didn't have a care in the world when she put the weight back on.
The reasons why people put on weight are very complicated and numerous. Factors that lead to weight gain include:
o Diets high in calories (sodas), saturated fat (fried foods), and/or sugar (candy) o A lack of exercise o Not getting enough sleep o Stress o Health problems, for example, hypothyroidism o Medications o Menopause
In order to reclaim your sex life, try to spend quality time with your lover in ways that keep both of you active and eating healthy meals. Instead of being critical, try to be compassionate by expressing concern for her health, and offer to be of assistance in any way possible. Feeling sorry for yourself won't do you or her any good.
Dr. Yvonne KristAn Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of
She is the author of several books including, "Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots."
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