OK, spill it. How many of you are nursing five-alarm hangovers today? Don't want to admit it? Fine, we'll just move on.
It's the first day of 2016 and with it comes a sense of renewal, a rebirth, a chance to put the negative feelings of 2015 in the rearview mirror and blah, blah, blah. All of that has been said before. And nobody cares about resolutions that won't make it to the second day of the year.
I view Jan. 1 as the first chance of the year to spew HOT TAKES! And the NFL provided us with an excellent opportunity on Tuesday when THE EAGLES FIRED CHIP KELLY! Dammit, the league always finds a way to come through.
So, let's not waste time. Let's get to those takes! And bring 'em hot!!
CHIP KELLY: MISUNDERSTOOD GENIUS OR NFL FAILURE?
I'm giving you two choices here, and I expect Bayless-level reponses. Go!
Well, that was unexpectedly well-reasoned. And you're right, a 26-21 record over almost three seasons isn't exactly a Bobby Petrino-type failure. But come on, man, where's the venom? The spittle flying out of the mouth? Eh?
You just blew my mind. It's possible for someone to be both at the same time. That's a very nuanced answer. Unfortunately, I wasn't looking for nuance, so your answer gets an F+!
Nice! I love the capital letters and the retroactive poo-pooing of Chip Kelly's accomplishments at the college level. No matter that he was able to consistently guide an undersized Oregon roster to national relevance year after year! He wasn't a GENIUS!
Your anger is so delicious that it led to you splitting "jackass" into two words. That's the power of the dark side.
Yep, now we're cooking with gas. I almost want to light a cigar, put my feet up and just enjoy this.
OK, wow, no need to shout. Use your inside voice.
See, Drew? That's how you do it.
Whoa, whoa. We're getting ahead of ourselves here. We're not talking about Chip's next stop on his coaching career yet.
Well, until now.
NFL OR COLLEGE FOR CHIP?
Chip Kelly did tell NFL on FOX's own Jay Glazer that he wants to stay in the pros, but is that the best decision for him? You make the call, and try and make your take hot.
The Titans are a tasty option, just for the potential Mariota-Kelly reunion. But Kelly will have to change some stuff about his approach. If you've got players coming out of Philly saying Kelly was aloof and unapproachable, that's a problem.
We're in a different time. The days of the cliched boss, sitting in an office on the top floor of a giant building, behind a wooden desk while chewing a cigar and harrassing the secretary are over. (Thank god for that, by the way)
You need to be at least somewhat relateable to the modern athlete to make it in the NFL. If you can't, you'll have a mutiny on your hands as soon as you stop winning.
Hey, we're trying to find a good landing spot for Chip, not punish him further. Although, Manziel and Kelly? Hmmmm ....
So, has Kevin Sumlin been fired already? Remember when he was the hottest commodity in college football? Seems like a lifetime (and a Manziel) ago ...
He had full control over his team this season and it didn't work out. It wasn't a matter of control, it was more of a comparison between college and NFL players.
Most 18-year-old kids are more willing to listen and learn at the college level because there's such a huge jump between high school and college. However, you're dealing with adults in the NFL -- and most adults, let's face it, are self-centered jerks.
Think about it: How many bosses have you had that you were CERTAIN were idiots and unqualified for their jobs? I would guess most of them. Does that mean you're right? Of course not. You would be much worrse as a boss, but that doesn't stop you from having a stupid attitude about people in charge. That's the kind of people that Kelly and pretty much every NFL head coach deals with.
I don't understand why anyone would want to be in charge of anything. What a terrible fate.
I've got news for you: I imagine most people couldn't handle working at McDonald's during a lunch rush.
Have you ever worked in fast food? It's a tough job and it comes with very little money. You've got orders flying at you from every direction and you must kiss every customer's ass, even the one who can't possibly have their quarter-pounder with seeds on the bun.
Ahh, a fellow Indian. I checked your background image on your profile page. I have a pair of those shorts you're wearing. Great minds ...
Anyway, I'd be surprised if he ends up with either the Colts or the Lions. I don't think Jim Caldwell will get fired yet, and I just don't think Jim Irsay will want to bring someone in with a record of front-office strife to Indianapolis, a place filled with front-office strife.
But hey, I've been wrong before.
That take is hot. I salute you, sir.
I've never understood that metaphor. So, I'm allowed to have cake, but then I'm not allowed to eat it? What kind of sick crap is this?
Sorry, Chip. It seems as though the peanut gallery is uniting under one voice.
Yep, that is two words. Well done.
You didn't answer my question, but OK.
Chubb? Be gone, fat-shamer! Not cool, dude.
That's right! He can do whatever he wants to do. And you can do whatever you want to do. And I can do whatever I want to do.
And what I want to do is end the first mailbag of 2016. See you guys next week and we'll talk playoffs!