We are exactly one year away from the election.
In a moment, we're going to fill a time capsule right here with items that best symbolize this coming year. Will it be a strand of Bernie Sanders' ear hair? An Elizabeth Warren headdress? Or a Life Alert for very slow, sleepy Joe Biden?
"Very slow, sleepy Joe," the president said at a wild rally in Kentucky. "Now they have him all freaked out, because he makes a mistake every time he speaks, so I can just see these handlers ... like they use on horses ... so they’re screaming ‘get off, get off! Sleepy Joe get off the stage, please, please, Joe you’re doing fine.’”
The president was talking about the stuff that matters. Like the great Lou Dobbs!
"The great Lou Dobbs," Trump said. "And he said that when Trump took over, President Trump, he used to say, 'Trump is a great president.' Then he said, 'Trump is the greatest president since Ronald Reagan.'"
So this year is going to be historical and hysterical. A two-way battle, not a one-way street. Just ask corrupt politicians, in Trump's words, including House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., and Rep. Adam Schiff, D-Calif.
So can we already predict who might win?
The impeachment gambit suggests Democrats know that if they stick to an election, they’re going to lose. Impeachment is the fire alarm they pull to cancel school on the day of the big test. It's either that or move to Canada.
Even the new battleground state polls look pretty good for Trump, though the media still cling to his low favorability polls. That's because they still believe America must adore who they vote for.
Nope. They don't need a Mr. Nice Guy. Trump is an MMA politician. In a caged debate, he'll fish-hook his opponents. That's unseemly, but it's why he won in 2016.
The best way to show you how good the country is doing under Trump is to watch what the news has become now: analysis of Trump's misspellings, whether he was booed at an event, and more sweaty coverage of a phone call. They're all "opinion" problems about "personality."
It wasn't always like this. In the past, we had body bags and detached professionalism. Now we have no body bags and a wild man.
I prefer that trade-off. In a year, so will a lot of people.
Adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s monologue on “The Five” on November 5, 2019.