Greg Gutfeld: We are the luckiest generation of spoiled brats in the history of the world

Some city streets look like the inside of Charlie Sheen's mouth

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So as a kid growing up in the 70's I loved science fiction movies. 

My favorites: "Planet of the Apes," "Soylent Green," "The Omega Man," and of course "Fried Green Tomatoes."

As a kid, I imagined the future as frightening and weird. Every day would be like Black Friday at Walmart. Battling roving bands of marauders. 

Who can forget "Mad Max"? And its sequel, the "Road Warrior"? Riveting tales of a dystopian earth where lawlessness reigns and survival becomes a daily challenge. Much like being married to Kat.

Then there's Kurt Russell as Snake Plissken, in "Escape from New York." And later Los Angeles. Funny how those walls worked.

Robocop - a funny film - deadpan in its take of a society sinking in crime and ambivalence.


I loved these movies, because like Joy Behar remaining employed, I assumed it couldn't happen. Unless it could be caused by one event  – A meteor strike, A nuclear war, Hillary becoming president.

I had no idea that society, through its own inaction and cowardice, could just let it happen... Day by day... Slowly... Until, lo and behold the dystopia shows up at your front door like a naked Amway salesman.

But that's what's happening. The stats say so, but they're ignored. The local news says so, but they're ignored too. 

America has become the frog sitting in that pot of slow boiling water. Having no idea that in time he'll be some French guy's appetizer. 

Which means it's time for "Things don’t look good."

You ever hear of Burgerville? It's a famous chain of burger joints in Portland. It had to close one of its most popular places due to rising crime, homelessness, and human waste. Apparently, their customers prefer their cheeseburgers without a side of poop. Amazing -- your business closes because you're literally tired of all the s***.

Meanwhile, Denver spends way more money on the homeless, per person, than on students or veterans. New York too -- 800 million bucks was spent on dealing with "the homeless problem" but have you been to New York lately?

Have you been to any major city? It's like Burning Man minus the good drugs. Some city streets look like the inside of Charlie Sheen's mouth.

In San Francisco, a woman leans outside a car window brandishing an AK-47. I guess Pelosi is handling her own security now. In Minnesota, a man beheaded a woman on a city street, while they were sitting in traffic. Must have been a long light.

This week a woman shot another woman dead on a busy New York City Street, before casually returning to her white doubled parked SUV. How did she not get a parking ticket? I'll tell you why: the driver had the hazard lights on. Talk about priorities. There's nothing worse than getting a parking ticket piled on top of a life sentence for cold-blooded murder.

Meanwhile, a woman kills her husband in Indiana, chops him up and gets the kids to help dispose of the body. And I used to complain when I was asked to take out the trash. But I guess that’s a good way to get kids to do chores. And at least she turned tragedy into some quality time with the kids.

An elderly man gets brutally beaten. And no -- I’m not talking about Joe Biden’s latest approval poll. Another in a wheelchair gets tossed and ransacked by ghouls. A would-be pervert chokes a woman out and drags her off the subway. Who knew Andrew Cuomo takes the subway to work?


Stray gunfire strikes people sitting on a bus in Queens. Men casually walk over and slug elderly women. Other men rip jewelry off women's necks in broad daylight. That's ten minutes of research on my part of the past week. Just ten minutes. The same time it takes Biden to answer the question, "oatmeal or cream of wheat."

Meanwhile, what do you hear from the media? Let's turn to the classic.

Don Lemon, Sept. 17, 2020: "If you watch a certain state TV and you listen to conservative media you would think that, you know, entire cities are just, you know, embroiled in fights and fires and whatever. We went out and had a great dinner in New York City tonight. People actually walked up to us and said thank you for -- I watch you every night. I can't believe -- they thought, they had to do a double-take at us actually hanging out and not seeing on the TV screen."

That clip has been played more times than bingo at the villages.

And our politicians? The loudest voices say "defund the police," then deny it. Then admit, later, yes it’s exactly what we want.

Rep. Cori Bush, D-Mo, Thursday: "I won’t let them get that off. You can’t get that off. I’m going to make sure I have security. Because I know I have had attempts on my life, and I have too much work to do. There are too many people that need help right now for me to allow that. So, if I end up spending 200,000, if I spend ten more dollars on it, you know what, I get to be here to do the work. So, suck it up. And defunding the police has to happen. We need to defund the police and put that money into social safety nets."

I know her slogan for her next election campaign: suck it up. Really? You expect me to believe people voted for her. In major cities all over, life is changing. For the worse. And it's incremental, but it is inexorable. Why is that? Why are we fine with this?

I think about this a lot. When I’m not fantasizing about Stuart Varney. I think I figured it out. It's a perfect storm of distraction, and exploitation. We are distracted. We have everything we need.

An abundance of food, a never-ending faucet of trivia, news, and cat videos. Instagram and Tik Tok keep the young ones enthralled. Twitter keeps the maniacs frothing over microaggressions. Porn keeps the boys glued to the screens because there is no stopgap. And the cancel culture mob decides whether we live or die.

We are the luckiest generation of spoiled brats in the history of the world. But because of that, we stopped minding the store. And in walked the worst of the worst. The radicals.

Who said, to themselves: while these suckers are nose deep in their phones, we can do this. They're in every power center- they're the politicians, the DAs, the professors, the judges. The social media honchos. Even kindergarten teachers.

So yeah, I finally got to live in the movies I loved. But sadly it's gonna end like the "Planet of the Apes." 


Spoiler alert!

Charlton Heston: "They did it. They finally did it. They blew it up."

Happy Friday everyone!

This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld's opening monologue on the August 6, 2021 edition of "Gutfeld!"