Greg Gutfeld: Not everyone on campus is dimwitted, just the faculty

In place of individuality, we have a woke mindlessness brought to you by our nation's professors

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To the monologue!

So Campus Reform has a video out, where they interview college women on systemic sexism.

I wonder - does America oppress women?

Campus Reform's Ophelie Jacobson: would you say that women are treated unfairly in the united states?

Woman: yes, I would say so.

Woman:  yes.

Woman:  I have quit so many jobs because of the way I was treated at work.

Woman:  definitely.

Woman:  I think there are a lot of institutional factors that play into that, especially when you think, like, unequal pay.

Woman:  we already have a lower pay wage come even if we are overly qualified for the position.

Woman:  there are still a lot of traditional, I guess you could say, like, perspectives, on what a woman should do and what a woman shouldn't do.

Woman:  yeah, there are definitely some unfair treatment in some aspects.

Ophelie Jacobson: would you say that women are oppressed here?

Woman:  yes.

Woman:  yeah.

Woman:  yeah, absolutely. But it is primarily come of course, there is the intersection of not just being a woman, but a woman of color or a poor woman or an immigrant.

Not surprised by their answers. This is the college campus. Where fresh brains go to die. But what happens when these women are told about actual oppressors?

Ophelie Jacobson: before the US Troops invaded Afghanistan, the Taliban was in control, and under the Taliban, women weren't allowed to have a job, they weren't allowed to get an education, they weren't allowed to hold a position in government, they were being beaten and killed under that government. We drove them out, and since then, you know, would like for women in Afghanistan to improve greatly because of the US presence.

So how does that change their views?

Woman: yeah, we have it better. We do.

Woman:  I think it does -- I mean, compared to what is happening in Afghanistan, I mean, I do have more basic rights.

Woman:  oh, yeah, for sure, we still have it a lot better than many other women in other countries around the world.

Woman:  you know, obviously, in other areas, it is a lot worse, like with that situation, I know, obviously, there is not as much to complain about here than over there.

Ophelie Jacobson: do you think we have it pretty good here?

Woman:  that contradicts what I say -- but it is the truth, though! You have a very fair point. We do have it better here than we do in Afghanistan.

I love that woman, cuz she admitted she was wrong, in real-time. Somebody, please send this clip to our VP stat, that’s if anyone can find her.

So these students were exposed to new facts and changed their minds. And I don’t mean "exposed" in the way that got me kicked off campus. 

We used to call this "learning," and it’s great to see. Fact is, not everyone on campus is dimwitted. Just the faculty.

Sadly, the students only get a very narrow worldview fed to them by these unhappy hate merchants called professors. 

They don’t want thinkers, they want parrots. And these parrots blame everything on the crackers. The creed boils down to: This country sucks, and if you're white, you suck too. 

It's an easy script to mimic, and many do it to keep the mob away. And get a good grade. 

So anti-American hacks repurpose student brains for imagining everything as a power struggle. Which puts their minds in a 24 hour a day fistfight between what they’re being taught and what they're experiencing in real life.

But when these students hear the other side of things, it's nice to see the effects. If we’re lucky, they might escape college with an education!

But this national self-loathing isn't something you find only on campus. It's infiltrated every nook and cranny like so much butter on Stelter’s morning bagel. It's considered a requirement for our cultural conversation. Except it’s stupid and toxic - like drinking Windex while watching the Real Housewives of New Jersey.

So you find it in movies, TV, and of course sports. If you’re someone who loves this country - and you watch a Netflix movie, an NBC sitcom, and Stephen Colbert all in the same night, your spouse or the cops will find you the next morning with your head in the oven and a suicide note that reads "I apologize. For 400 years of oppression."

But this "America is no better, and possibly worse" perspective might be the easiest way to pass yourself off as a caring intellect. When ironically, it's inversely proportional to actual wisdom.

Almost everyone who claims women are routinely paid less than men are operating on outdated statistics about income and the work women choose to do. The oil rigs and crab boats await you, ladies! 

The stats always get debunked. You just never hear about it. Like when famous female soccer player Megan Rapinoe claimed how women players were victims of wage discrimination. It was covered widely in the press. 

What wasn't covered as widely - the California federal court dismissing the claim after finding the women's soccer team actually make more than men on a cumulative and per-game basis. The women's national team earned 24 million, men earned 18 million.

If it were up to me they’d both be making minimum wage. That sport makes curling look like the last 5 minutes of "Rocky."

Hope Solo, the former goalie of the women's soccer team - and my favorite Star Wars character - told an interviewer that Rapinoe badgered teammates to support her spotlight chasing activism. 

Others dispute this claim, but you don’t have to be a shrink to see how Rapinoe’s strident act could dampen a spirit. 

It’s like that person in the office that wears too much perfume or cologne, five minutes around them and you want to throw up.

Imagine having someone like that at your place of work.

*Skit of Megan Rapinoe in the workplace*

Rapinoe: Hey! Why y'all standing here?

Co-worker: Just standing.

Rapinoe: Standing for what, the patriarchy? You work with me; you take a knee. Kneel down, kneel down, turn your back. Keep working.

Rapinoe: Hey, what the hell are you eating?

Co-worker: Oh, this is great, local sandwich shop downstairs.

Rapinoe: We only eat Subway in this office. You want to smash the fash, but that in the trash.

Co-worker: It's my first day of work might having a great time.

Rapinoe: Who are you talking to?

Co-Worker: My mother.

Rapinoe: Don't you mean birthing person?

Co-Worker: No, actually, I’m a doctor.

Rapinoe: Adopt this. *Puts a nametag with the name "Oppressor" on his chest*

Co-worker: Yeah, let me call you back.

I miss the Olympics. Actually, I missed the Olympics, but so did a lot of people. Why is that? The same reason the NBA’s ratings are lower than the Taliban’s tolerance for string bikinis.

Give us more winners like Tamyra Mensah-Stock, wrapped in our flag and loving the red, white, and blue. You can keep the Rapinoe's, wrapped in endorsement deals and resentment. 

It's a microcosm of the current administration, who also see America as the land of hate and inequality. Biden's embrace of woke culture put the stamp of approval on the grim conviction that America is eternally guilty of systemic racism, and so, how dare we pass judgment on medieval talents like the Taliban?

We're no better, right?

So when you look at attitudes on campus, or on the field, you can see how we ended up fronting a slapdash embarrassing retreat. We sacrificed our moral standing, seeking new ways to punish fellow Americans for thinking for themselves.

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In place of individuality, we have a woke mindlessness brought to you by our nation's professors.

The worst people on earth... Not including the Taliban (yet).

This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld's opening monologue on the August 20, 2021 edition of "Gutfeld!"