Fox on Sex: Please, Ma'am, May I Have Another? Spanking 101

Tender skin. An open palm or leather flogger. The anticipation before the hand or instrument meets flesh. The thrill as the sound reaches your ears at precisely the same moment the sensation reaches every inch of your body. And you only get another if you ask very, very nicely.

Oh, the joys of spanking. It may have been a dreaded punishment as a kid. But as part of consensual adult play, it can be delicious fun. Much of the thrill comes from the expectation and build-up. When will it happen? How will it feel? Will it happen again? And no matter how many times you may indulge, those same questions always seem to arrive since each spanking encounter is different.

People enjoy spanking, because in a safe environment, it can be exhilarating to command and to relinquish all power. The spanker is in control of how many spanks and how hard (within the agreed upon scenario, of course.) The “spankee” is left to wait and wonder. Many people find themselves aroused before the paddle ever meets skin, in fact. Just the setup and the imagery in their mind is enough to drive them wild.

Spanking is also a thrill for the senses. The smell of the leather. The sight of the instruments of pleasure or your partner’s backside. The sound of the spank. The feel of open hand or flogger or paddle. The taste of your partner’s kiss as reward after you’ve been “punished.” In fact, each of those sensations alone can send some spanking aficionados over the edge.

The mere sight of the instruments of play can make some people salivate. Although you can use your bare hand, some prefer to use a leather flogger, spanker, slapper, or riding crop for spanking play. And sometimes just leaving it out for your partner to see will delight him or her as much as the action to follow. There is something naughty about these tools, especially when “innocently” left out on crisp white sheets, hinting to the evening’s activities to come.

If you want to get a taste of how it’s done and how it may feel, you might first want to try reading some erotica on the subject, like “Bottoms Up: Spanking Good Stories" by Rachel Kramer Bussel. Warning: These tales are not for the faint of heart, and they may likely make you long for the barest of bottoms. Sorry, couldn’t resist. And if you choose to indulge in spanking erotica, believe me, you won’t be able to resist either.

The how-to of spanking is simple because you can play however you like. The only real rule is that those who are in the game want to be. Talk beforehand about what you’d like to do, and what doesn’t interest you one bit. And have a safe word, something simple and easy to remember. If that word is ever uttered, it’s hands off. Literally. No questions asked.

Step One: Bare the Bottom

You may want your partner to lower his or her pants just enough for you to get to the goods. That mid-state of undress might actually be more exciting for you both than going the full monty.

Step Two: Assume the Position

The “spankee” can lie across the spanker’s lap, legs spread (if clothing allows.) Or he or she can bend over or lie across a bed, chair, or table. It’s your scene, set it however you like.

Step Three: Prepare the Canvas

You may want to take your hand or instrument of choice and rub the waiting target gently, teasing with the very thing that is about to bring a sting or slap or whisper of pain.

Step Four: Say the Word

A little dirty talk can also be fun when you indulge in spanking play.

“Are you ready?”


“Yes, what?”

“Yes, ma’m.”

“That’s better. Now lift up that beautiful bum. I’m about to start a little fire.”

You get the idea. And it may sound cheesy now. But in the moment, you just might find your heart racing and your breath shortening without warning.

Step Five: Let ‘er Rip

Take your time. Going too quickly will spoil half the fun. And be sure to check in with your partner. Reminding the spankee to breathe is also a good idea as you go. It makes the pleasure deeper and keeps the spankee in touch with how the sensations really feel.

Step Six: Basking in the Afterglow.

Yum. The aftermath. Almost the best part. The red marks left behind. The heat rising from the spanked skin. Caressing the skin with cool hands after the spanking can be stellar. Or, try a massage tool like ceramic stones that you can chill with ice-cold water and soothe your savage beast with by doing a bottoms-up massage. The smooth texture combined with the chill feels amazing on fiery skin.

The attraction to spanking play is manifold. And although it may take a little courage to ask your partner if he or she wants to play, I’m betting you won’t be disappointed by the reply. Then all you have to do is shut the door and utter the magic word.


Jenny Block is a freelance writer based in Dallas. She is the author of "Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage." Her work appears in "One Big Happy Family," edited by Rebecca Walker and "It’s a Girl: Women Writers on Raising Daughters," edited by Andrea Buchanan. Visit her Web site at