Well, they are closer than ever to reaching that goal, and yet, in another reminder that human nature is more complex than the human genome, they don't appear very happy about it. In fact, the closer impeachment gets, the more despondent they seem.
As the Buddha himself once noted, man longs to drink from the lotus blossom, only to discover its nectar is the most bitter of all. And so Washington Democrats are close to tears over impeachment. They had such high hopes for President Trump, they want you to know that.
They saw his potential. Sure, they could be mildly critical from time to time, but only in the most loving way -- as a parent corrects a child. It is an opportunity for self-improvement because, underneath it all, they were rooting for Donald Trump from day one. Because honestly, when you strip it all away, they're patriots, too. They just want what's best for this country.
But then, tragically into the path of their good intentions, rolled Donald Trump's fateful phone call to the president of Ukraine. That changed everything. Now Democrats have no choice but to impeach the president of the United States. Sometimes you've got to overturn a democracy in order to save a democracy.
Sad as hell. In fact, it's enough to make even a hardened political operative like Nancy Pelosi a little emotional.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif.: This is a very sad time for our country. I say this to you with great sorrow and prayerfully.
Well, first, let me say that this is no cause for any joy. This is a very sad time for a country.
It's really sad. We have to be very prayerful. I pray for the president all the time.
This is a very sad time for our country. There's just no joy in this. It's sad. We must be somber. We must be prayerful, and we must pursue the facts further.
Yes, it's just sad. There's no joy in this. We're somber. We're prayerful. That's the official position of the Democratic Party on the question of impeachment. They rolled it out. They tested it this weekend, the talking point, on the Sunday shows, and tellingly, not a single news anchor challenged them on it.
Strangely, though, no one seems to have informed Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib, one of the party's most visible members. She is still selling t- shirts emblazoned with her most famous quote, "Impeach the mother-effer." You can buy it now if you want.
Apparently, Nancy Pelosi hasn't had time to call the congresswoman and recommend instead a weekend of contemplative prayer. She'll get on it at some point, and God knows what Tlaib will say when she does.
Say what you will about Tlaib and her other friends in "The Squad," but they are a lot more direct. In fact, let's just be clear: They are a lot more honest than schmaltzy windbags like Nancy Pelosi. They don't even bother to pretend to weep and pray.
Weep and pray? They're thrilled. They're a little closer, like, to seizing power. And from their perspective, that is always an unalloyed good. They couldn't care less about the system. They'd like to turn the system down. That's the point.
Mainstream Democrats meanwhile, though, ever worried about what normal people might think, are still churning out increasingly implausible lies. We saw the latest on Monday night. It's maybe the best: They're telling you that the Ukraine saga is actually about national security concerns.
Rep. Hakeem Jeffries, D-N.Y.: That is classic abuse of power, which undermines our national security. This is as serious as it gets.
Rep. Adam Schiff, D-Calif. and House Intelligence Committee chairman: Our President sacrificed our national security.
Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: This is a very serious matter of national security.
Pelosi: At the expense of our national security.
Sen. Cory Booker, D-N.J., 2020 presidential candidate: The president of the United States is willing to compromise national security.
Rep. Katherine Clark, D-Calif: The tipping point is clear: It was national security. Full stop.
If there were self-righteous leakers around in 1962, the world would have blown up. That's probably not an overstatement.
Yeah. Uh-huh. "National security," says Ocasio-Cortez, who couldn't find Ukraine on a giant map. How did the president jeopardize our national security? By delaying, they say, military aid to Ukraine. That jeopardizes our national security. Uh-huh.
Yes. If anything jeopardizes our national security, it's sending -- mindlessly sending -- military aid to Ukraine in order to antagonize Russia. What do we get out of that? Quick - what's the answer? Oh, there is no answer? Right. We don't get anything out of it -- at all.
But of course, no one in the press pauses for 30 seconds to question the core story at the bottom of this, which is we're sending close to half a billion dollars in military aid to Ukraine because, why? Because a couple of neocons think we should. Please.
But while we're at it, by the way, another thing that puts our national security at risk - for real - is when you make it impossible for the president - any president - to have private conversations with his counterparts in other countries, with other foreign leaders. Remember, the closest the world ever came to nuclear war was in 1962, during the Cuban Missile Crisis. How did that end? How did it deescalate?
Well, it ended when our president reached a deal with the Soviet President Nikita Khrushchev secretly. They made concessions to one another secretly. They couldn't have done it in any other way.
If there were self-righteous leakers around in 1962, the world would have blown up. That's probably not an overstatement. So it's a huge problem if this president or any president can't proceed with the expectations that his phone calls, the core of his job, will remain private.
And by the way, honestly, the Democratic Party really cares about national security? The party that won't enforce our border with Mexico? That refuses to deport illegal aliens convicted of felonies? Yes, they are really worried about national security.
This has nothing to do with national security. That's the most annoying of all the lies. It's about power. It's a power grab. And by the way, say what you will about Tlaib and AOC and the rest of those hyper-aggressive freshmen. At least they are kind of honest about that. And there's something sort of nice about someone who is honest about his aims, even if those aims are disgusting and contemptible and scary, which power-grabbing is. At least you don't have to wade through a bunch of self-righteous air to get there.
Bottom line: the Democratic Party wants to pretend the 2016 election never happened and to make sure it can never happen again. As Washington expresses its fake concerns about national security, they can't even pretend to be worried about corruption at the highest levels.
Nobody thinks Hunter Biden deserved hundreds of thousands of dollars for a no-show energy gig in Ukraine. But nobody seems upset that he got it anyway.
Adapted from Tucker Carlson's monologue from "Tucker Carlson Tonight" on Sept. 30, 2019.