The creep known as the "American Taliban" is out of jail. Three years early. Due to "good behavior."
Yeah – he turned over a new leaf. In all the time he was behind bars, he didn't behead anyone.
That's the thing about jail. It's hard to get away with acting like a Taliban killer. Which is why I don't understand "good behavior." How does one get points for a path that’s forced on him?
Who knows what this loser would've done if he wasn't in jail? Actually, we do know. In 2015, the traitor said ISIS did a "spectacular" job. He also endorsed violence to create a caliphate.
He knew what ISIS was doing. They were killing people who had been guilty of nothing more than "good behavior.” They dropped videos of terrified people about to be beheaded, burned alive, or drowned.
So while innocent people were killed, he cheered. That's what you call a monster. A monster now free to roam – unlike CIA officer Mike Spann, who was murdered shortly after interrogating this punk in Afghanistan.
Now, this could've ended differently. Treason was once punishable by death. Back when adults ran this place. But we're better than that now. More enlightened. And besides, he looks like a folksinger.
So prepare for the second wave of media analysis. He'll be the victim; you'll be the perp. No – he was a political prisoner! They'll be lining up to give him that first interview. Asking him if he's healed from the trauma of terrorizing people. Then a speaking engagement at Columbia University. A book deal. A yuk-up with Bill Ayers. Or Seth Meyers.
And so, as always, America is the land of second chances. Even for scum who don't deserve a first.
Adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s monologue on “The Five” on May 23, 2019.