Now - if you told my ten-year-old self that I’d have Caitlin Jenner on my talk show. I’d be like, I have a talk show? And who is Caitlin Jenner? And then, I would tell my ten-year-old self who Caitlin Jenner is, and I’d be like holy s***! What the hell is going on with this world? Then I would ask if Mr. T is still Mr. T? But then I would calm down, and be totally psyched.
So when you have a sports legend on your show, who is also trans, you're gunna have to tackle the elephant in the room. Yep, to paraphrase Roy Scheider in "Jaws" - we're gunna need a bigger Wheaties box.
Yes - the Olympics welcomes its first trans athlete. And thankfully we have a few athletes on this panel tonight talk about this. Not Kat. The last time she ran anywhere was from the police. But as a former Olympic athlete - I have some thoughts. Bet you didn't know I was in the Olympics? I sure was, until they banned the dwarf toss. Yep, even made it on the Wheaties box. Take that Count Chocula.
Still, I don't know how much to care about women's weightlifting. My idea of women’s weightlifting is watching Kat try to pick up my wallet. And, can you find a smaller subgroup of society than women's weightlifting? In New Zealand? Well, maybe Seth Meyers fans.
I know - who knew New Zealand had an Olympic team. I know they have a government. They're quite a sturdy bunch!
So out of 7 billion people, the trans athlete issue is commanding quite a space. But should everyone have an opinion?
I live by a very simple rule -- don't get angry about anything, if the people closer to the issue aren't angry, first. I came up with that rule a week after I was married. Meaning - if the people directly impacted by this stuff aren't willing to speak up, then why should I? Now, maybe they're pissed off - but can't say so. Cuz they're scared... For the very reasons everyone is scared today - they don't want to be ostracized for their beliefs
In the modern era of wokism - even people possessing real experience that enables them to speak out - get swarmed by the mob. Just happened to Rita Moreno - she had to apologize for defending a nonwhite director for not being woke enough. But then again, we're talking female weightlifters. Why should they be scared of anyone -- they can crush you with their thighs. And they charge a lot for that on Craigslist. I really should get a new safe word. It's "harder."
My point is -- the people who should be getting upset about competing against trans athletes should be the athletes, their parents. Their significant others. Their coworkers at the postal service. But if they can't voice their opinions cuz they fear attacks by hardcore activists, how can the rest of us help? Maybe that’s the point.
People critical of trans athletes competing against biological women bring up the hard work biological women put into their training - all to see them losing their spot to an athlete who looks like me in a onesie. There’s a reason why people take male hormones to enhance performance. Now, you could have separate teams for male, female, and trans. But god forbid we violate the woke’s sacred rule of inclusion.
You could do away with all criteria altogether, and let humans play together - like coed soccer back in school. Except, a real sport. But even in those games, you can't escape the innate sex differences. Rules usually require an equal number of sexes per team, cuz men and women are different. Something I have to remind myself when I accidentally walk into the wrong sauna at Planet Fitness.
It's not common in head-to-head sports to have men compete against women, due to physiology. But in "open-class" sports, you can mix up the sexes, you know, like a party at Kat’s apartment. In equestrian sports - females compete with male jockeys. In dog sled racing male and female mushers directly compete. In the NCAA, men and women compete against one another in rifle shooting. Which is great prep if you're planning to move to Chicago.
There's ultimate Frisbee - which allows people of different genders to match up in play. Usually between their shifts at hot topic. But after that, my analysis collapses like Chinese-made lawn ornament.
Those are the exceptions, which might prove the rule: we are dancing around the 400 pound weight lifter in the room. Sex differences. It's everywhere, including in curling.
Now, this sport should be female only cuz it involves a broom and sweeping... Is something a sexist might say! And something I would condemn.
So we live in a time where we can't speak the truth. The gulf between our thoughts and words is wider than an Olympic soccer field and it keeps getting wider. Especially about biology.
Which is a shame, because we could actually make progress, if we were open about the progress itself.
This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld's opening monologue on the June 23, 2021 edition of "Gutfeld!"