It's confusing to be a college student in America. And not just because you pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to make you stupid. I could do that for free with a hammer. But I kid.
It's tough to be in college in America. Land of the free, home of the brave. And pizza with cheese-stuffed crust. Yep if you’re in college, the biggest threat is carbs. It's one place where you can cry about inequality while turning your ass into your own portable ottoman. And if anyone's mean to you, there's a campus crisis center full of fluffy pillows and emotional support llamas.
Now, you could consider yourself lucky. But if you do - no one is going to agree. Clearly, America is the worst place on earth, according to their professors, who judge the whole country based off things they learned from their professors. It's a tenured daisy chain of hate that regenerates every year, spitting another elite class of activist brats who think dying your hair purple is a brave political stance.
So as you know, protesters in Cuba have been seen flying our American flag over the past couple of days. That's weird! Cuz it's not the Cuban flag. It's our flag!! And that's like so uncool and xenophobic! Don't the Cubans know what they're doing? They're offending our students, our professional athletes, our Olympic hammer throwers!
I mean, maybe Cubans see it as a symbol of freedom, but how would they know, right?
Campus Reform talked to college students around the Capitol and asked what they thought when they saw the flag.
Ophelie Jacobson: what is the first thing that comes to mind when you see the American flag?
Student: I would think that it represents the union of all people but like there is clearly not a union amongst all of us. There is clearly so many structural inequities.
Student: honestly kinda what has been going on with the country with all the riots and stuff?
Student: I think the flag is a symbol of America and obviously America has done some horrible things and that is part of our very complex history.
Student: shame, honestly. I felt like if I had the American flag and was associated with the American identity, I was associated with a lot of bigotry and racism, and sexism. And not stuff that I like really would like to think about the American flag symbolizing so.
Student: it is a symbol of hurt. I am African American. My family really built this country up. It is controversial.
Wow, in just 52 seconds, I counted 432 likes and I could feel my brain-draining from me. I feel so dumb, right now. I finally understand the appeal of Seth Rogan.
So the students choose to focus on the flawed past of a country that now has universal suffrage, equal protection under the law, and the Gutfeld show.
But yeah - the flag? It's probably just a piece of cloth!
Jacobson: do you think it represents freedom?
Student: I don't think it is as free as people think it is, and I just think that it is a piece of cloth at the end of the day.
Student: for me, no. I don’t see myself represented in it so I would not say it represents freedom to me.
Student: I think it once did but honestly recently I am not too sure anymore cuz like with everything going on, I don’t know. I think we once were free but now like there are like new laws and like new things coming about that I don't know if that is true anymore.
Yeah, it's like we live in a prison state. It’s like Shawshank redemption, with less digging and more student loan debt. Here’s a tip: if America was oppressive they wouldn’t allow its luckiest citizens to hate it.
But I get it - you see Cuban protesters cherishing something you hate - it must be hard to fathom. Why are doing that? And why are they disappearing?
Jacobson: why do you think they are flying the American flag in these different nations?
Student: hmm… I mean we don't represent a socialist government so I am not sure why they would wave the flag. I'm not sure actually.
Ophelie: do you think they are waving it because it is a symbol of freedom and democracy?
Student: that could, yeah, potentially.
Ophelie: why do you think these people are waving the American flags overseas?
Student: um, that's a good question.
So why would a Cuban fly an American flag if it’s not their flag! Perhaps it's a desire to have the same rights we do. To vote, to protest. To sponge off mom and dad while you get high before noon. Who knows!
But I guess the flag just isn't a perfect image of equality and opportunity. Maybe they should try to fly a different flag?
Jacobson: when looking at all these protests, flying the American flag, do you think there is another flag they should be flying instead? Maybe to represent more freedom, more democracy? What other country do you think they should be looking towards?
Student: maybe like Sweden? Some European countries are definitely doing better on equality.
Student: I’d say if they’re trying to symbolize equity, I would say France or Switzerland!
Student: why does it have to be a national flag? We could be flying the equality flag? I don’t believe it has to be nationalistic. I don’t think we should put any country on a pedestal.
Student: what’s that country where there’s really not even a prison system? They have a really low crime rate? What is that country?
Wait there's a country that doesn't have a prison system? Sign me up. I mean, I know our liberal-run cities no longer have a prison system, they just toss the thugs back on the streets.
But I guess Canada is better. Yeah, Canada - they don’t even have electricity.
But, again - how can students make any sense - when our own media and politicians are blaming America for the world’s problems. Cuba is also probably Trump's fault.
MSNBC's Andrea Mitchell: COVID has, on top of the Trump sanctions, cratered their economy. Should we find ways to do more for the Cuban people and for relaxing some of the Trump restrictions on remittances?
So we should ease the policy that might lead to an end to a dictatorship. How does she even find her way to work every morning? And I ask that knowing that she works from home.
Of course, AOC also blames the U.S. for the Cuban crisis, and why shouldn't she? That's her brand. When she accidentally spills a glass of wine, has a cavity, or can‘t find her belt in the morning she blames U.S. Policy. She blames America’s past and ignores Communism's present. She’s like the Nike of congress.
So should we worry when college students fail to see how our country inspires so many people around the world, who aren't as lucky as these students? Let's ask the angry White male.
Tom Shillue, Angry White Male: *singing and walking prancing through New York City* You’re a grand old flag you’re a high-flying flag and forever in peace may you wave. You’re the emblem of the land I love, the home of the free and the brave.
How did he not get murdered?
In sum, I suppose it's easy to poke fun at people who have taken our flag for granted. They're young, dumb, and full of terror. That's the real truth. It’s not stupidity. It's fear. They know what happens if they say something counter to the approved anti-American message.
You can label, censor and cancel them at their most vulnerable. It’s the perfect tool for indoctrination.
So asking them about the flag -- I guess you could say it's like shooting fish in a barrel. Except here, the fish would say it's preferable than to living in America.
This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld's opening monologue on the July 16, 2021 edition of "Gutfeld!"