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The Reddit community recently took a strong stand: It told a fellow Redditor that she was wrong for telling her teenage son that he had "ruined" the holidays this year for her and that he could not spend Christmas with his dad, as he told her he intended to do.
Sharing that she is divorced, Reddit user Aita657995460 took to the "Am I the A*****e" subreddit on Nov. 18 in a post titled, "AITA for telling my son that he ruined Christmas for me and his stepdad when he decided to spend it with his dad?"
The Redditor said that she and her ex-husband share a 16-year-old son, "Mason," and that she is now remarried to her husband, "Nathan."
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She said she and her ex have a history of arguing about where their son would spend holidays when he was little. She added, "As he got older, we started letting him decide."
Last year, Mason spent Christmas with her, she said. She added that he did not enjoy time with her new in-laws, calling the experience "terrible" — mainly due to the food served. The teen also said he "didn’t feel as comfortable as other kids in the family," the Reddit user revealed.
A Redditor has revealed her personal family drama connected to the holidays. She said her son (not pictured) didn't like the time he spent with her new family (she is remarried). The boy said he didn't feel comfortable and didn't like sharing his cellphone with his new step-cousins. (iStock)
Mason also did not like that he had to share his cellphone so that his "step-nephews" could watch a Christmas movie on it, she said.
"Yesterday, during breakfast, we were talking about Christmas and what we were planning this year," the woman wrote on Reddit. Then, "out of nowhere," she added, her son "announced that he'll be spending this Christmas with his dad at a rental Christmas cottage in his favorite town."
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Saying that she and her new husband were both "stunned," the mom wrote that she asked Mason "when and how" he had agreed to these new holiday plans.
The teenager said he didn't want to have another "horrible" holiday.
Mason "pointed back to what happened last Christmas," she said, telling them he didn't want to have another "horrible" holiday.
"I told him that his dad should've come to me first, but he argued that he's already OK'd it and so he saw no need for my opinion," the Redditor wrote in her post.
An argument over where a child was spending Christmas turned into a heated exchange with mother and stepfather, a recent Reddit post revealed. (iStock)
The family started arguing, the post continued. The son said his mom was trying to "ruin the experience."
In response, the poster said she told her son that he has "already ruined Christmas for me and his stepdad the minute he agreed to this arrangement."
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Mason got up and walked away, according to the Redditor. The teen said his mother was being "overdramatic."
"Now Mason isn't speaking to me. Nathan is trying to convince him to stay with us because without him our Christmas is ruined …"
Nathan "just sat there and looked down," she also said.
A "huge argument" ensued between the exes, the Redditor also related, with the ex-husband saying she sounded "pathetic."
"When I told him I'd have my lawyer call him," she continued, "he backpedaled and said he wouldn’t have done this if Mason didn't like it."
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She also said, "He urged me to drop it and let Mason have this experience, or he'll resent me for missing it."
The woman also wrote on social media, "Now Mason isn't speaking to me. Nathan is trying to convince him to stay with us because without him our Christmas is ruined, but he won't budge, from the looks of it."
A Redditor told her son (not pictured) that he had "ruined" her Christmas this year by wanting to be with his father on the annual holiday instead of with her and her new husband. (iStock)
She asked the Reddit community, "AITA for not dropping it as well?"
She also added, "What I meant by ‘Why didn't his dad come to me first?' is that he planned to take Mason out of town, which is a big deal to me. There's going to be traveling."
"Don’t let your feelings hijack the best interests of the children. Love your children more than you dislike the other parent."
Later on, the woman added an edit to her original post.
She wrote, "I might be the a*****e for telling him [her son] that he ruined Christmas for me and his stepdad and making him feel guilty about being excited to spend the holidays with his dad at the cottage he wanted to visit for so long."
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She added, "Maybe I shouldn't have hurt his feelings and pressured him like this."
The Reddit community voted — deciding the poster was wrong in this situation.
On the AITA subreddit, Redditors can reply to posts saying that the poster is "NTA" ("Not the A*****e), "YTA" ("You're the A*****e"), "NAH" ("No A*****e Here") or "ESH" ("Everyone Sucks Here").
Users can "upvote" the responses they think are helpful and "downvote" ones that are not.
The Reddit community voted — deciding the poster was in the wrong in this situation.
"Don’t let your feelings hijack the best interests of the children. Love your children more than you dislike the other parent," said North Carolina family law attorney Nicole Sodoma about the situation shared in Reddit as well as other family issues during the holidays. (iStock)
One commenter whose reply was upvoted 44.6K times said, in part, "YTA. So your son can decide who he wants to spend holidays with, as long as he chooses you? Get over yourself."
Nicole Sodoma, founder and principal attorney of Sodoma Law, a family law practice in Charlotte, North Carolina, told Fox News Digital that she has had parents "weep in her office" when they realize their kids will be spending a special holiday with an ex-spouse.
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Sodoma is also the author of the new book, "Please Don’t Say You’re Sorry." She said that proper planning and communication can help all parties, especially the kids.
"We typically send an email out to clients a couple of months before the holidays, saying, ‘Take a look at your parenting agreement, your custody order, your holiday plans. Look at when you need to provide notice of travel and if you’re going to be gone overnight; is there any conflict we need to resolve now?'"
"Communication is key. Communication is not only about talking, but more about listening."
Sodoma continued, "Don’t let your feelings hijack the best interests of the children. Love your children more than you dislike the other parent."
A Boston-area child psychologist said that when it comes to co-parenting during the holidays, the children's thoughts and feelings should be the focus for parents.
"Permission and encouragement to have children share their feelings, concerns and questions ahead of time helps you become knowledgeable and better prepared to deal with the issues at hand," Dr. Donna Housman, founder of The Housman Institute, which offers materials and training to support mental health in children, told Fox News Digital.
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Housman, also the author of a new children's book, "Theo’s Deliciously Different Dumplings," said that allowing the sharing of feelings helps kids to feel valued and accepted.
"This gives the message to your children that all feelings are OK; it’s what we do with them that matters most."
"Permission and encouragement to have children share their feelings, concerns and questions ahead of time helps you become knowledgeable and better prepared to deal with" issues that turn up, said Boston psychologist Donna Housman. (iStock)
She noted that when parents share their own feelings in a "developmentally appropriate way," this helps reinforce to children that "they’re not alone."
She also said, "Communication is key. Communication is not only about talking, but more about listening."
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The goal is to provide opportunities for children to feel "heard, safe, valued and respected" as a "very important part of the family" whose presence "can be of tremendous help in seeking a positive outcome," she also said.
When parents share their own feelings "in a developmentally appropriate way," this helps reinforce to children that "they’re not alone," said Boston-area child psychologist Donna Housman. (iStock)
Noting that "the children's best interests always come first," Houseman said that depending on the nature of the relationship between the divorced or separated parents, several options may be possible for the holidays.
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"Spending the holiday together, if on good terms, or splitting the day into halves" may be options, she noted.
Also, "agreeing [on] which holidays will be spent with any given parent" is another option — so that children have an understanding in advance and "it’s not a last-minute decision."
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Whichever option the parents choose, it’s best to stay with it, she noted.
If a situation emerges that requires a change, "make sure you discuss it together for implementation for the following year," she added.
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