When it comes to sex, trust me, bigger isn’t always better – but you’ll almost never hear a guy complain that his penis is too large. Quite the opposite: As more and more guys get their ideas about genital anatomy from porn, I see increasing numbers of men who erroneously think that their penises are too small. But when it comes to having real sex in the real world, it’s better to have a real average-sized penis than a pumped-up penis.

First off, when you consider that the average vagina is only about 3 inches deep, an average sized guy will certainly be able to reach her cervix with his erection. And even when a woman is aroused, and her vagina expands another inch or so, it still isn’t as deep as the length of the average guy.

As I discuss in my book Penis Problems: A Men’s Guide, most women would agree that girth is usually more important than length when it comes to enjoying intercourse – that’s because there’s an abundance of erectile tissue that surrounds the opening of the vagina. The average width of an erect penis is about 4 3/4 inches around, and generally it isn’t until a penis is over 6 inches in circumference that some partners will start to feel it becomes a little challenging. Having a large penis can be challenging, but there’s much you can do to make the experience more pleasurable for your partner:

Wait ’til she’s ready

As a woman becomes aroused, her vagina expands and produces natural lubrication in anticipation of intercourse. That said, many women may have sex before they’re fully physically aroused—something that may work very well with smaller or average-sized penises, but which can cause discomfort when their partner has a larger member. Just as plenty of foreplay can help partners of men with smaller penises, it can benefit your partner, too. Kissing, touching, and oral or manual stimulation can boost her arousal so when it’s time for intercourse, she’ll be ready.

Use lubricant

Lubricant can go a long way to easing intercourse for women. In fact, it’s a must if you have a large penis. There’s a wide variety of lubes out there, from thin and slippery to thicker and more viscous. To prevent breakage, remember to use a lube that’s compatible with the type of condom you’re using. So start experimenting!

Choose the right positions

You’ll want to try out different sexual positions to see which work best for you and your partner. In general, though, you may want to avoid positions that involve deep penetration and choose those that allow your partner to better control the angle and amount of thrusting and penetration. This position also gives her control of the rate of penetration.

Find the right fit

You’re probably not exaggerating if you complain that regular condoms are too small for you. These days, you can find condoms in a slew of sizes that shouldn’t break or feel too tight. Shop around until you find what works best.


When a woman has a steady partner, her vagina will accommodate to him. This means that the muscles and skin will stretch to fit your larger penis so that with regular sexual intercourse, it becomes more comfortable. Keep in mind that relaxation for her is the key, so let her determine the pace if she is uncomfortable.

Remember, sex should be about pleasure, not pain. When you’re with a real woman, don’t confuse her with the women you see in porn. Having an average-sized penis goes a long way!

A psychiatrist specializing in sex therapy with couples and individuals, Dr. Madeleine Castellanos is committed to helping others learn about their own sexuality and how to achieve physical and emotional balance in their sex lives. For more information, please visit www.goodinbed.com.