Happy Monday, We are back in New York City. Just returned from an amazing week in Nashville. It was fantastic.
But you know, it's like when you go to the beach and you return and there's sand everywhere. It’s like that with Nashville – except its grits. Tough to get it out of those hard-to-reach places. But that's what the hamsters are for. But did we have some great times?
So what did we miss while we were gone?
Well, several obnoxious leftwing activists tailed Senator Kyrsten Sinema from a classroom at Arizona State, to the restroom and harassed her outside a stall. Now, I’ll admit I’ve done this myself while drunk, but it had nothing to do with politics. And everything to do with a missing bag of weed, that Julie Banderas still owes me.
But instead of giving the senator some privacy, they just continued their business, while she did hers.
**Clip of people following Sinema into restroom**
Now that'll win converts to your side. ASU’s always been a party school. Now it’s a potty school, too.
But I’m impressed by the senator. If someone ever recorded me in the bathroom stall, the audio would sound like a Miles Davis solo.
So why were these activists so outraged? Well, they claim it's because she wasn’t supporting Joe's Build Back Better agenda. We know that’s BS. But they chased her into the stall, assuming she's a girl and won't fight back.
But Kyrsten, if you’re listening – we’ll take you over Mitt Romney any day. You know how to make the tough choices, and you look better in thigh-high boots.
Here's what the president had to say:
Peter Doocy: Mr. President, Mr. President, you're talking about how you have 40 democratic votes right now. The other two have been pressured over the weekend by activists. Joe Manchin had people on kayaks show up to his boat to yell at him. Senator Sinema last night was chased into a restroom. Do you think that those tactics are crossing a line?
Joe Biden: I don't think they're appropriate tactics, but it happens to everybody from the only people. It doesn't happen to people who have secret service standing around. So it's part of the process.
What did he just say? Sometimes I think he’s just playing scrabble with us in his head.
But this kind of invasive harassment is the type of discourse the left champions. From harassing diners to looting businesses, it’s all part of the same strategy. And it's no coincidence they do their best work in the toilet.
They don't give a crap even if you're giving... A crap. Even worse -- they refused to spare a square.
I don’t know - if someone followed me into the bathroom holding a camera phone - I think it wouldn't end well.
**Clip of ‘Bringing Down the House’ where a woman gives another woman a swirly**
First, who follows you into a bathroom filming you? Why can't they do it the right way, and hide the camera? It's completely inappropriate, and why I always bring my sketching pad.
But most people would clobber that creep. Especially if you were with a kid. Now I’d assume the media would care about this invasion of privacy - except, they always side with the protesters. That’s why their ratings are heading into the toilet, too.
I wonder where this could lead.
**Skit taking place in a men’s restroom where man is confronted by a reporter in stall**
We saw this coming. Remember - everyone is politically deputized by the Democrats, to get in your face. Science doesn't even matter (or in this case, biology).
Last week we told you how the CDC has gotten rid of the term "woman," when discussing pregnancy. That’s both sexist and misogynist – and boy, have the broads been complaining!
The Washington Post joined in - saying that reporters will now be expected to write "pregnant individuals" because not all pregnant "people" are women. The complete phrase: pregnant women and other pregnant individuals. Meaning I suppose men.
Once again -a reminder to all you narrow-minded types: yes, men can get pregnant. I refer to the men who have ovaries, and wombs and can fertilize an egg and bring a baby to term. Oh wait - men don't have that stuff. And good luck trying.
If you put a Mercedes engine in a Toyota, it’s still a Toyota. But mention the science -- you risk marginalizing someone. Who? Good question.
I hate to tell you, but it’s not men. It's women you're smearing. Men now appear on Playboy. It’s happened before, but this is different.
Yeah check this out. A half-naked dude on the cover. Hugh Heffner and 3 dead chicks must be turning in his grave. I hope he gets a lot of exposure over this. But be careful young man, you don't want to get pregnant.
He’s a social media influencer apparently. He’s influenced me to order my own pair of those platform shoes – instead of borrowing Dana Perino’s.
But I get it. Playboy is a dead brand, and the only way to breathe it back to life is going woke, hoping you get attention from the Twitter mobs. And because it’s a slow news day we ate it right up. It was between that story and the one where Biden puts his shoes in the microwave by mistake.
Fact is all of these things have one thing in common: vapid stupidity. The activists who chase people into bathrooms are stupid and vapid. The people who demand you say pregnant individuals are stupid and vapid. And anyone who took over Playboy magazine –stupid, stupid, stupid, and vapid.
They’ve decided to live in a nonsense world and drag the rest of us into it. All of this stupidity makes me miss Nashville. For it has a dome of impenetrable common sense that protects it from such idiocy. And we need to expand that dome or move under it.
True I have grits in my pants and gravy in my naval, but it was worth it. Now I’m back, and it's good to see nothing’s changed. And as a man who needs to use a bathroom, I couldn’t be happier. I feel my water breaking, or maybe I just need to pee.
This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld's opening monologue on the October 4, 2021 edition of "Gutfeld!"