Well, that didn't end well. I speak of Kat’s night out, last night. She leaves a wake of damaged furniture and tears. But I also speak of actress Ellie Kemper folding to the woke. Here's a recap, from the most handsome man on television.
Gutfeld, 6/2: Ellie Kemper star of The Office and Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is under attack after online idiots declared she was racist—her crime? In 1999 a St Louis business group named her their Queen of Love and Beauty. The group used to be "Whites only" but integrated twenty years before she won her crown. Twenty years.
It's hard to absorb the news when it's coming from someone that gorgeous. Now when we did the segment we saluted Kemper for not responding to the Twitter mob calling for her scalp. No offense Elizabeth Warren. But that's how you beat cancel culture.
You realize it's just a dozen losers screaming for attention from a content-starved media. Like newborn babies you let them scream until they scream themselves out. That’s what my mom did to me in the woods. We thought Kemper would outlast the mob. Kinda like Katie Pavlich powering through a hangover. But sadly, just days later, Kemper groveled to the woke police.
Offering not just an apology, but a confession - one so pathetic it embarrassed John Cena. It had all the woke catchphrases. And I quote: "I unequivocally deplore, denounce, and reject white supremacy. At the same time, I acknowledge that because of my race and my privilege, I am the beneficiary of a system that dispensed unequal justice and unequal rewards."
POWs speak more off the cuff than that.
But, she follows the script: "There is a very natural temptation when you become the subject of internet criticism, to tell yourself that your detractors are getting it all wrong, but... I realized that a lot of the forces behind the criticism are forces that I’ve spent my life supporting and agreeing with."
Did Jane Fonda write that?
She then said she was grateful for her humiliation - and tells us she will use her "privilege in support of the better society I think we’re capable of becoming."
How nauseating of her.
So: what if we followed her lead. Every single person playing pro baseball has to apologize for participating in a league that once segregated blacks. That also includes baseball fans, baseball cap-wearers, and anyone who’s ever tried to get to second base on a date. Also: every Democrat must apologize and demand a name change for their political party - it was the party of slavery and Jim Crow, after all. They fought a war to keep slaves. Joe Biden even gave a eulogy for Democrat leader Robert Byrd, who was a KKK Kleagle, or grand poohbah, or whatever those idiots call each other.
So think about this - Kemper was a debutant for an organization - one she didn't know was racist even before she was born. But every single Democrat became a Democrat knowing they were once the party of slavery. As people often say to me in the sauna: "wow, that can’t be right."
Now, I understand Kemper. She's terrified of being ostracized. Like most actors - they desperately want to be liked. And they can't speak unless they have a script -- and a consultant. Without that - they're vulnerable to the worst kind of groupthink.
I wonder what the angry White male has to say.
Tom Shillue, Angry White Male: Oh, I’m not worried, I can’t be canceled. My mainstream career was destroyed years ago when I met a man named Greg Gutfeld. Thanks Greg!
Your welcome Tom—his career is over.
How about the angry Black male?
Tyrus, Angry Black Male: What’s up? So, someone’s got to apologize for something that happened long before they were born? And when they joined, they don’t do that anymore? Well, I guess with that kind of thinking—I guess that Democrats are all in the Klan?
So that was Kemper's time in the barrel. It began with an old photo. And it became a Twitter trend. In fact, if you look at any mob action it always starts that way. With Twitter trends. They show you what people are clicking on at the site, which, becomes an attention self-generator. Like Chris Cuomo.
Remember "Uncle Tim," that smear on Senator Tim Scott? Without Twitter trends, no one would have heard of it. The Covington kid smear was a Twitter trend, manipulated by the legacy media, promoted with a dishonestly edited clip. Trump feeding the fish. Mike Pence loading empty boxes. Trump wearing his pants backwards!
But Twitter trends creates these fake stories. It's pornhub for leftists. And like the Wuhan lab, all you need to do is create one source, and unleash it. And Twitter trends does the rest. Because that's the media's trough.
Trends are the easiest stories to write. And they play upon outrage addicts who have no lives. My theory: if Jack Dorsey eliminated Twitter trends today - cancel culture would starve to death. And the world would instantly become a better place.
So Jack - it's not hours of fasting and meditation or that stupid Amish chin that's gunna make you a better person. It's removing the part of your site that destroys lives. But until you do that, Jack - we shall sit by and watch the endless parade of cowardice, dressed up as enlightenment, while Twitter feeds on the cadavers of careers.
And the contrition will all be an act. Sadly, it's the best acting some of these celebrities do.
This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld's opening monologue on the June 8, 2021 edition of "Gutfeld!"