Greg Gutfeld: Joe Biden is a unifier, we all think he's nuts

They don’t care if our schools are dead last -- only that they prevent you from having a choice of schools, or a say in the matter

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So this is crazy. Monday, Attorney General Merrick Garland announced the FBI would investigate a "disturbing spike in harassment, intimidation and threats of violence against school administrators, board members, teachers and staff."

A disturbing spike? Are we talking about legitimate charges or Trey Gowdy’s hair? In the memo they decry threats of violence. But is it actual terroristic activities, or parents trying to get to the bottom of a lousy education?

HAWLEY, COTTON GRILL DOJ OFFICIAL ON MEMO TARGETING THREATS AGAINST TEACHERS, SCHOOL BOARD MEMBERS

Which, in the long run, is more of a national threat – than China, Russia and Iran combined. But the school board and the law want you to think that parental concern is now a domestic terror threat.

That's right, a mom yelling at school board members at a public meeting is the same as her donning an explosive vest and blowing up a school. Demanding quality schools is now like crashing a plane into the Pentagon. 

They've taken the most necessary debate one could have: how to teach your kids, and re-cast it as the perfect left-wing fantasy: Heroic educators battling a mob of pitchfork-wielding heathens all wearing mom jeans and fanny packs. And those are just the dads.

Garland published the memo right after the National School Boards Association letter demanded help from the White House because our "public schools and its education leaders are under immediate threat."

BIDEN'S ‘POLITICIZATION’ OF DOJ CONTINUES WITH NEW EFFORT TO COMBAT THREAT AGAINST SCHOOL BOARDS, CRITICS SAY

First, can you imagine asking Joe Biden for help on anything other than how to use Metamucil? Did you not see the Kabul airport evacuation? Asking Joe for help is like asking Ted Bundy for a ride home.

Now there may be unsavory incidents – but when it comes to getting between a dad and his kid who you've labeled racist because of his race, that can happen. Teachers and parents will get in shouting matches. Which isn't good. But it's understandable, given the insane teachers' unions, the brainwash they call education and the utter disregard for difference of opinion.

They don’t care if our schools are dead last. They only care about preventing you from having a choice of schools, or a say in the matter. Which could be why the NSBA suggested that these acts of malice, could be the equivalent to "domestic terrorism."

Domestic terror is now more watered down than Kat’s court-ordered, urine sample. But the school board actually learned something – that if you claim something is domestic terror, it’s in the eye of the beholder. 

SEN. TOM COTTON CONDEMNS BIDEN ADMINISTRATION FOR ‘SICKING’ FEDS ON CONCERNED PARENTS

And no one can tell you that you weren't terrorized. So you can use it on anyone. Except, of course, rioters or looters. Just angry parents. And just you wait, that harmless co-worker of yours will be next.

*Skit of a man calling DHS on his coworker for wearing strong body spray*

All you have to do is weaponize the potential for a threat, and you can silence anything through fear. Maybe I can accuse my wife of being an immediate threat when I’m trying to watch the game – and by game, I mean "The Masked Singer."

Think about it. Parents were upset with mask mandates being imposed on their kids, not to mention critical race theory. In a normal world that would be considered both physical and mental abuse. But this a Joe Biden world and it's considered good instruction. So rather than engage, the other side is smeared.

The left hates open debate almost as much as they love open borders. They hate legitimate protests as much as they love riots. And now they have the law to intimidate you into silence.

KEVIN MCCARTHY ACCUSES DEMS OF SEEKING TO ‘SILENCE PARENTS’

I wonder what the angry White male has to say. 

Tom Shillue, Angry White Male: I was tired of being ignored by teachers and school administrators, that’s why I started homeschooling. Now I can be ignored in the privacy of my own home.

I hope that’s his kid, or someone should call the cops. I wonder what the angry Black male has to say.

Tyrus: What Gutfeld, can’t you see I’m working here? Fine ask your question. What? The teachers’ union is referring to parents as domestic terrorists because they have a difference of opinion? Yea that works. That’s a lot like me trying to interview – 

Woman: Hi there’s this man trying to ask me a lot of questions. I’m very concerned can you make sure my kids are ok? I’m really concerned that they are not in school right now. Please help me.

So now the FBI will split their time between tracking down men in Viking hats and irate parents who were rude to teachers. As for the legitimate daily threats we get from al Qaeda, we’ll get to them right after we raid the home of this mouthy soccer mom at dawn and arrest her in front of her kids because she had her own thoughts about how her kids should be educated.

So while they target parents, you can still follow a woman into a bathroom and film her – and the president will defend it. Not only will he defend it, he’ll probably ask what kind of shampoo she uses.

DESANTIS: GARLAND ‘WEAPONIZING THE DOJ’ AGAINST PARENTS

You can brutalize anyone or steal anything in New York, and be back on the streets in hours. 

You could torch businesses and permanently ruin cities like Minneapolis, and never see jail time.

But the FBI needs to cuff a mom because she raised her voice to a transitioning social studies teacher with a rainbow tattoo on her neck. Yes: Antifa is just an idea, but mom and dad are deadly.

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That's the world we live in – where your speech is redefined as violence, and their violence is redefined as justice.

Well done, Joe, you really are a unifier. We all think you're nuts. 

This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s opening monologue on the Oct. 5, 2021, edition of "Gutfeld!"