It all started in Green Bay, Wisconsin. Then it moved onto a muddy field in February against Sudbury Town in England – and eventually to facing Lionel Messi and playing every minute of a World Cup.
My mentality was always the same: the tunnel mentality.
When you get in the tunnel, you have a couple of minutes of calm before the storm. You have to go down deep inside and create an unshakable confidence. Someone chose you to be there, so while it’s easy to think "I’m going to get crushed," sometimes, you have to convince yourself that you belong.
At the 2010 World Cup, Bob Bradley was masterful at picking the right guys for the right situations. He knew that a good team does have all the same characters; it’s full of different ones. He knew which characters were needed at the right time.
Jay Demerit (right) played every minute of all four USA games at the 2010 World Cup. (Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)
Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a character. I had no fear because I had gone through the hardest parts of my journey to get in the position where he could pick me.
When you enter a career from the back of the line like I did, from Wisconsin, I had to fight to belong on the field from the time I was 17 or 18 years old. And at that age, you’re also trying to prove to yourself that you are good enough.
What I learned through standing in those tunnels throughout my career is that while you line up opposite your adversaries and wait for the referee to come out, there’s a lull – a calm before the storm. That’s where the tunnel mentality comes into play.
This also applies to all walks of life. If you’re walking into an interview for a job you’ve dreamed of, you’ve worked your ass off to get to that moment.
For me, it was the tunnel. I’ve lined up opposite Lionel Messi, Wayne Rooney, Cristiano Ronaldo – the best of the best.
When it’s time to go to battle, you have to go deep inside and create the savagery and confidence necessary to make sure you are unshakable. It requires a lot of hyping yourself up.
Lionel Messi tangles with Jay DeMerit back on March 26, 2011 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Jeff Zelevansky/Getty Images)
The First Moment
When I got to Watford in 2004, I played two seasons in the Championship. There were some very good players in that league, and I got to play at Anfield in the FA Cup, as well.
We got promoted to the Premier League in 2006, though, and the first time I looked over at the tunnel and thought, "Here we go," was against Manchester United in our third league game of the season. It was at home at Vicorage Road, a 20,000-seat stadium. I was vice captain that year and later became the club captain. Not only is it a new league and better competition, but it’s also more responsibility.
We were waiting in the tunnel for the United team, which was full of international stars. Edwin van der Sar was in goal. Paul Scholes and Michael Carrick were in midfield. On the wings for United were Ryan Giggs and Ronaldo.
I saw the Manchester United badge on the jerseys, and thought, OK, you’re in the Prem now, big boy. You ready to go?" It’s very easy to look at Ronaldo and think, "Oh my gosh, he is that good-looking." But my tunnel mentality kept me focused.
Cristiano Ronaldo anticipates a tackle from Jay Demerit during a 2007 FA Cup semifinal. (Stu Forster/Getty Images)
Here are the two key steps to that mentality:
1. Gain Confidence
The question I asked myself: How are you going to be the best version of you? And no one knew that better than I did. For me, it was to gain an immense level of confidence. I took confidence in the fact that someone believed that I could go out there in front of these people and play well – so I should too.
2. Work Ethic
I always say, work on what you’re really good at in the light, and work on what you’re not so good at in the dark.
For me, the light was very simple. My job was to win the ball and give it to somebody better than me. I had two rules to do that.
I could be wiry and get in front of attackers, handchecking them and putting off that player’s first touch. In those moments, I imagine myself coming in as my best and winning those challenges.
I always had the mentality of, "I get to do this." I got to go out and kick Ronaldo. I went out and tested Rooney’s tenacity. I tested Didier Drogba in the air for 90 minutes. Do you know how many people would stand in line for that opportunity, would give their left leg for it? I’m going to go out there with purpose and confidence.
Jay Demerit holds off a challenge from Wayne Rooney. (Richard Heathcote/Getty Images)
It’s really easy to go into the idea of, "How are we going to beat these guys?" I always did my best to get my mind into a place where I could walk out under control and feel empowered.
I think we're missing that in the development side of the game, working on the stuff you’re not great at, whether it’s physical or mental. If you focus on that, when you get to those moments of light, you better be refined, you better be ready.
Thrown Into The Fire With The USA
My first start for the U.S. national team was against Lionel Messi and Argentina at the 2007 Copa América. That summer also included the Gold Cup, which saw me on the bench, so the second team was in action at that tournament.
I played Messi when he was still No. 19. My job was to mark Hernán Crespo, who at the time was one of the best goalscorers in the world. In midfield, Juan Roman Riquelme was pulling the strings. It was a star-studded lineup.
At the end of the day, like, if you don't believe that you belong there and you can't figure out how to convince yourself that you do, your performances will never be good. I was someone who really loved stepping into those environments as a renegade spirit.
You will always know who the strongest and fastest players are at the highest level, but who can keep their mind right when it’s chaotic? Who can stay calm?
I had this ability to stand in that tunnel and be the same player, whether I'm playing in front of two people or 100,000. I truly put a lot of mental effort into getting to that point.
