Before the ceremonies to remember our fallen veterans, the President of France said he wanted a European army and claimed he needed to protect against Chinese, Russian and U.S. cyber threats. So, us as a potential enemy? That's kind of rude.
Trump said he was insulted. And every journo on the planet called him a big meanie for that. So Trump did what Trump does, he tweets. A lot. Telling Macron maybe he should concentrate on his sad approval ratings. And that France would be speaking German if it weren't for us. Also, make France great again. Which can only mean, lose the mimes.
Now to the dim, this seems like a spat between a French chef and a Yankee cab driver. But really, it’s a conversation between allies under Trump. Because Trump doesn't care. If you haven't noticed by now, Trump gets along with Macron, the Canadian dude, the nice lady from Germany and that English woman who's not the queen -- but that doesn't affect his candor. He'll tell you when your fly is down, which is why Bill Clinton relied on him so much.
So Trump’s friendship means he’s going to elbow you. But if anything were to happen to you, he'd be there in a heartbeat. And he'd send in more than an ear-punishing James Taylor. In fact, we'd never abandon France even if we had to invade the country to save it again!
But overlooked in all of this? The greatest thing. During a somber event marking 100 years since the ceasefire that ended World War I, the Moroccan king, dozes off. Trump glares, while the king naps.
That’s a damn good metaphor, as we keep watch over Europe.
Adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s monologue on “The Five” on November 13, 2018.