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Disasters like the coronavirus pandemic destroy things, including illusions.
For example, people assume business owners are rich. Hardly. In fact, profit margins are so thin, one storm could blow them over permanently.
Especially restaurants, which are getting hit hard these days. By the time this is over, a night out will be heading to 7-Eleven to buy beans.
We worry about waitresses, servers, and of course, every tavern's ICU specialist, the bartender. But to help them, you've got to help the owners first.
It’s like in airline emergencies, where the parent has to put on the oxygen mask before he or she helps the kids.
The guy who owns the bar needs help first so then he can then pay his staff. If not you end up with boarded-up storefronts. A bustling street becomes skid row. Towns die this way.
The solution? Glad you asked. I once balanced my checkbook.
So, President Trump, if you're listening – I know you are – first government needs to make loans directly to business owners. Cut out hiring requirements. If the owner can’t pay it back, it’s on him or her.
They did this after 9/11. It worked.
The loans should also have a long payback period to reduce thoughts of suicide, because that’s where debt can lead. Sixteen percent of all suicides are financially driven.
The second part involves you, the viewer. You need to go out and spend. Get that oxygen pumping into the system.
But first, you need an incentive. So how about for one year, we make meals and beverages tax-deductible? Take those bar tabs and mark them all "self-entertainment."
So if your family goes out and spends $200, you get $60 back later. Let’s put the “fun” in “refund.”
Because if we don’t, you could lose your favorite bar. Which sucks, because after all this, you’re going to need a drink.
Adapted from Greg Gutfeld's monologue on "The Five" on April 8, 2020.