So here's something weird: everyone who attended Joe Biden's speech to a joint session of Congress Wednesday night was fully vaccinated, yet we all saw a near-empty room full of fearful eyeballs darting above their masks like a room full of coked-up surgeons (though it did remind me of his campaign rallies).

Mind you, I would wear a mask, too, to just cover the smell of bulls---. I mean, did you hear this?

BIDEN: And we won't ignore what our intelligence agencies have determined to be the most lethal terrorist threat to the homeland today. White supremacist terrorism. We're not going to ignore that either.

Well, that's a first, telling the American public that the problem is within the American public. My feeling is that if you're supposed to be the unifier-in-chief, you'd better back that up with some data or shut the hell up, If you don't have the numbers, you've allowed the media to smear millions of people, and maybe that's the point. Unify, then crucify.

More confused tidings from the president in the plastic bubble. The guy sends more mixed messages than a stripper. (Seriously, she gives me all this attention, then she does the same thing with another guy!) 

But it wasn't all bad, because the bar for "all bad" is now gone. Biden's speech was barely capable, like watching grandpa reading his own eulogy if the funeral home had a TelePrompter and grandpa had left everything to his cat. It had all the drama and urgency of a Tupperware party hosted by the lady who's fallen but can't get up.

Of course, the greatest achievement mentioned in the speech was one Biden unjustifiably took credit for.

BIDEN: After I promised we'd get 100 million COVID-19 vaccine shots into people's arms in one hundred days, we will have provided over 220 million COVID shots ... We are marshaling every federal resource. We've gotten vaccines [in] nearly 40,000 pharmacies and over 700 community health centers.

CNN SLAMMED AS 'CREDULOUS BIDEN PROPAGANDA' AFTER GUSHING PIECE ON CORONAVIRUS RESPONSE

Hey, now we have two Dr. Bidens! Thank you, Joe, for also discovering the polio, tetanus and measles vaccines. (Hunter's especially grateful you discovered penicillin.) Talk about plagiarizing. He's like a relief pitcher who comes in and gets the last out of a no-hitter.

Of course, the main thing that helped beat this pandemic were the vaccines ordered and sped up by noted science hater Donald Trump. When Trump announced Operation Warp Speed, he was mocked by famous scientists like Dr. Joy Behar and Dr. Whoopi Goldberg, who assured us that such vaccines would take years and years. Trump did it in nine months. Joe Biden took credit for it just one hundred days. 

That's a fact, Gloria Borger.

BORDER, CNN WEDNESDAY: And of course, everybody understands that Operation Warp Speed happened under Joe Biden, but getting vaccines into arms was a Biden operation.

Actually, Operation Warp Speed started in May 2020. The only thing Joe does at warp speed is raise taxes or roll down the cellar stairs after tripping on his bathrobe. The last operation Joe had anything to do with took place at a hair loss clinic (that was called Operation Joe Plugs). Of course, CNN let that slide because it's Gloria Borger, who hasn't said anything of merit since the early 80s (Her early 80s).

So how did the media take to Joe? Well, as a young Senator Biden used to say to FDR, are you sitting down? It turns out they liked it. 

BRIAN WILLIAMS, MSNBC: An extraordinary amount of the use of tone, at times speaking to a whisper.

LAWRENCE O'DONNELL, MSNBC: Every single sentence had a very clear point to it and every line of it had that Biden humility.

VAN JONES, CNN: And it was really beautiful. I mean, it was beautiful.

MARTHA RADDATZ, ABC NEWS:  He's really trying to bring the country together. It was a "Make America Feel Good" night.

Forget COVID. These people suffer from fawning stupidity, which can be just as harmful since it's hard to breathe when you're kissing that much ass. And then there was Tim Scott's rebuttal and the media's compulsive reaction, because all he had to do was wonder if he's also experienced a different kind of intolerance. 

SEN. TIM SCOTT, R-S.C.: I've also experienced a different kind of intolerance. I get called "Uncle Tom" and the n-word -- by progressives! By liberals! Just last week, a national newspaper suggested my family's poverty was actually a privilege, because a relative owned land generations before my time.

Every time Scott bravely counters the narrative that America is hopelessly racist, he gets crucified by the woke, peace-loving, utterly tolerant Dems. Some called him "Uncle Tim," but at least no one called him "Fredo."

RACHEL MADDOW, MSNBC: There's some stuff there that may make sense in a sliver of Republican world, but in the news world, I don't think will ring.

NICOLLE WALLACE, MSNBC: This is a speech delivered from a planet where facts don't matter, which is where the current Republican Party resides. So it's really not his fault, but it is his responsibility to get his facts straight.

JOY REID, MSNBC: This was standard Republican pablum ... "America's not a racist country." "There's no racism here." I'm not sure what the purpose of this was ... I am shocked and a bit embarrassed for him. This was a lost opportunity.

Behold, the stark contrast between media treatment of an old White male that they can control and a young Black man that they can't. I'm not saying they hated Scott's rebuttal, but all the BLM flags at CNN were at half-staff Thursday.

Joe Biden presented a vision that received the stamp of approval from the woke class as he abandoned any defense of the working class. Class is dead. Long live race. Tim Scott, on the other hand, by rejecting the language of victimhood and hate, scares the media more than Project Veritas' next release. Here's a Black guy who's on to them.

SCOTT: Today, kids are being taught that the color of their skin defines them again, and if you look a certain way, they're an oppressor ... doubling down on the divisions we've worked so hard to heal. You know, this stuff is wrong. Hear me clearly: America is not a racist country.

I certainly heard him clearly. How dare Tim Scoot say something so positive about America? Didn't he didn't get the memo, or at least watch the Oscars? I mean, seriously, has he ever even met a Black person outside of his family and many of his friends and thousands of his constituents? We're all racists, and what's more racist than believing we get to live in the greatest country on Earth. Who says that?

SCOTT: We get to live in the greatest country on Earth ... I'm confident that our finest hour has yet to come. Original sin is never the end of the story, not in our souls and not for our nation. The real story is always redemption. 

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Everything Tim Scott said was positive and unifying, and it was despised by the media and the Democrats. Why is that? Because they need an enemy and that enemy is us. They hate redemption because it's what prevents the profits one gets from division. It's also now something the left condemns from a man who has the audacity to be Black and say such things.

You can't push revolution in America if you believe Americans are actually redeemable. Instead, you must believe that even the Black guy is a White supremacist. Dr. King, please pick up the white courtesy phone or whatever color courtesy phone you prefer. We need you more than ever.

This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld's opening monologue on the April 29, 2021 edition of "Gutfeld!"