[Spoiler alert! The following contains spoilers from "Jill & Jessa: Counting On"]
Anna Duggar sobs about her unfaithful scandal-plagued husband Josh on the latest special "Jill & Jessa: Counting On"—and fills viewers in on their troubled marriage.
Anna has no plans to divorce Josh, even though she stood by him when his past molestation scandal was revealed and then was devastated when he admitted cheating on her.
On Sunday night's TLC special, Anna tearfully tells the cameras about the pain she suffered over his betrayal: "When your world is shattered, there are a lot of emotions that you have to walk through and initially it was just crying and crying and crying and then you get to a place where you can't cry anymore and start to go on with life -- and then you start crying all over again."
The devoutly Christian wife admits, "I know that there are those who feel I have every right to walk away from this marriage and I respect other people's views but in my heart, when I got married, I vowed to God first and then to Joshua, 'for better or worse, 'til death do we part'…."
Anna now prays that "I would love him and forgive him and that I would wait patiently and allow God to work in our hearts and my prayer and my heart's desire is for our marriage to be restored."
Sunday's second of three TLC specials continues to follow up with the "19 Kids and Counting" Duggar family just months after oldest brother Josh's creepy misdeeds were revealed.
The original reality show chronicling the home life of conservative Christian Arkansas parents Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar and their many children was canceled in May after reports that Josh had molested four of his sisters and a baby sitter in 2002 and 2003, when Josh was a minor.
But there was more shocking news in August, when Josh publicly apologized for a pornography addiction and cheating on wife Anna.
In November, adult film actress Ashley Stamm-Northup, known as Danica Dillon, sued Josh, claiming the reality TV star assaulted her on two occasions when consensual sex turned rough.
On Sunday night's show, Anna tells viewers Josh had to resign from his job in Washington DC after the scandals and then she gave birth to their fourth child, daughter Meredith.
Anna says she and the kids wound up moving back to Arkansas to live with Jim Bob and Michelle while Josh went away to a Christian recovery program because "he decided…he needed a lot of help."
When asked about why she stood by Josh when news of his teen molestation scandal broke, Anna stammers that she knew about it before they married.
Soon after they first met, Anna says Josh gave her parents a very detailed and honest, "the good, the bad, and the ugly" account of his life because he wanted to court her.
Although Anna already knew his past, she admits the police report that was made public this year "was a shocking thing" to read through, "having to almost relive what Joshua had done…It was like ripping open an old wound."
Eventually, Josh's sisters Jill and Jessa admitted that they were his victims in an exclusive interview on "The Kelly File."
Although it was a tough time, Anna implies she and Josh were putting his past behind them as the birth of baby Meredith inspired new happiness.
But then, Anna was blindsided by news of Josh's cheating.
"I was shocked," she says. "I was like, there's no way….And so my first reaction really was denial and just like, I was really hurt that that someone would think that about my husband because I really thought everything was okay and that we had a strong marriage."
However, that wasn't true, as Josh soon admitted his infidelity.
Quavering and trying to recover her composure, Anna says, "Initially, I think I was really speechless and it just felt like a bad dream. It didn't seem possible. I was just like, I'm going to wake up and everything's going to be okay and this can't be true."
Tears coming to her eyes, Anna continues, "It is such a betrayal for a spouse to go through what we're walking through."
The woman whose wedding was filmed for TLC says, "Everyone was able to see us get married and to bow before God to be loyal to each other and that loyalty was broken….how could this happen in our marriage? Josh was my first love, he's my one and only!"
She now hopes with God's help, their marriage will turn out stronger.
Also on the special, Anna participates in a baby shower for Jessa and her husband Ben Seewald.
While Anna admits the hubbub around her expectant sister-in-law has been a great distraction, she says she misses Josh.
"Jill & Jessa: Counting On" airs Sunday on TLC.
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