Six topics revealed for first presidential debate

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Six topics revealed for first presidential debate

The Hill Media reporter Joe Concha, Fox News contributor Tyrus, Fox News contributor Katherine Timpf and literary critic Walter Kirn weigh in on 'The Greg Gutfeld Show.'

This is a rush transcript from “The Greg Gutfeld Show" September 26, 2020. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.  

 GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Today's lesson is a contrast in delusions and reality. The delusions are actually nightmares concocted daily by the media and Democrats forever predicting the end of days whenever Trump predicts better times.

So Trump looks to the heavens and sees the beauty of creation. Dems look to the heavens and ask why Trump is inviting meteor strikes. The reality, actual daily violence is real, preserved by Dems and their killer parrots whose dismissal of rioting and looting keeps it alive.

That's the contrast, one evil never occurs, but is promised; another one occurs daily, but deemed acceptable. There is a connection.

The predictions of the apocalypse are used to justify the degradations on the street. By doing so, you have actual media dopes, blaming Trump for violence. I call it the circle of death.

Number one, gin up the anti-Trump panic. Number two, let the rage unfold. Number three, then blame the carnage on Donald Trump and four, use that to gin up more rage. Rinse and repeat.

The Supreme Court Justice pick is one more conduit for this lunacy. Once the seat went vacant, the same hysterics went hysterical again. Trump made his pick, the confirmation process is next. The endless hearings, the gratuitous grandstanding. You know that's going to be a circus of exploding heads. And Lemon's head already did.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DON LEMON, CNN ANCHOR: We're going to have to blow up the entire system.

You're going to have to get rid of the Electoral College.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Hmm. Lemon is the Duke of Delusion, and proof that if you get a lemon, you can always make CNN. Nightly, he expresses his apocalyptic fictions of what Trump will bring while, of course, denying the actual apocalypse he has previously mocked.

This clip never ages. What violence? I went out and had a great dinner in New York City.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

LEMON: We went out and had a great dinner in New York City tonight, people actually walked up to us and said thank you for -- I watch you every night. I can't believe they thought they thought that they did a double take at us, actually hanging out and not seeing us on the TV screen.

But New York City was not, you know, hellscape, was it?

CHRIS CUOMO, CNN ANCHOR: I mean, that one guy ran by with the machete who tried to -- no, of course it isn't.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: He since backtracked on destroying the system, saying he was taken out of context. But at CNN, context is not necessary. In fact, that's what CNN stands for "Context Not Necessary." But confusion is.

Really now? Whose news and whose commentary over there? At FOX, it's obvious, you know, I'm commentary and Hemmer is news. You know, Tucker is commentary and Brett is news. You know, Jesse is -- well, we don't know what Jesse is. But we've sent his hair to a lab for tests.

But at CNN, what's a Lemon? What's a Cuomo? If you did a nutritional analysis, how much of what they produce is news? How much is commentary? And how much is raw sewage?

It's a media mullet. They got a little bit of news up front, but a whole lot of smelly opinion in the back, and here's how that recipe plays out.

Up front, today, COVID death stands at 200,000. In the back, thank you, Donald Trump for killing each and every person and also for running over my dog when I was five.

It's why these doom merchants can't be labeled. Their only standard is, make money for Jeff Zucker, which calls for conflict. It's just as bad at MSNBC. Their delusion, for the first time in the history of this Republic, you have a President of the United States who will not commit to a peaceful transfer of power.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE SCARBOROUGH, MSNBC HOST: For the first time in the history of this Republic, you have a President of the United States who will not commit to a peaceful transfer of power.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Is it pretty much a five alarm fire?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

SCARBOROUGH: That is pretty much a five alarm fire.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Thank you for that. Is he Beavis or Butthead? I can never remember. Again the left creates a delusion that Trump will be violent while they guaranteed a non-peaceful outcome through extortion. Your city shall burn if Trump wins, and violence is only encouraged when gibbering ass faces keep Hitler-rising people.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DONNY DEUTSCH, BRANDING AND MARKETING EXPERT: What is the difference between Adolf Hitler and Donald Trump? I'm not saying there's a holocaust. But when you look at the tactician -- and that is be-all right now. There is no difference from what Donald Trump is preaching from what Adolf Hitler preached in the early 30s. Let's just say it once and for all.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Okay, how does he keep working? Who does he have naked pictures of? It's himself and he threatens to release them if he ever gets fired. But this literal hell raising is raising hell all over. Protesters showed up at leaders' homes again.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: And again they threatened people out for dinner.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: More rioting in Portland, more cops got shot in Louisville, people getting attacked in cars for trying not to be the next Reginald Denny, and you think people won't get targeted if Trump wins? They're getting targeted now.

And while I understand the protest, to think a purple haired non-binary park squatter with daddy issues knows more about a police case than a grand jury determined to do the right thing and avoid riots is BS.

But does it matter? No. We're watching a narrative pumped up by algorithms and media corporations inciting conflict because it makes money and it preserves the power of such algorithms and corporate bosses.

It directs our behavior by spiking our anger with every headline and missing fact. And as long as we as a nation fight amongst ourselves, we can't fight them. It's genius, really.

ANNOUNCER: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. How can we falter with a guest like Walter. Author of "Up in the Air," Walter Kirn.

He is the dimpled chin who tackles media spin. "The Hill" media reporter, Joe Concha.

Bathtub gin makes her grin. Host of "Sincerely Kat" on FOX nation, Katherine Timpf.

And Venus just discovered life on Tyrus. My massive sidekick and host of "Nuff Said" on FOX Nation, Tyrus.

All right, Walter, isn't it a bit hypocritical to say the least for people who couldn't accept an election in 2016, to be so worried that Trump will leave office four years later?

WALTER KIRN, NOVELIST/LITERARY CRITIC: Well, first of all, it's a psychological trick. They're wanting him to admit that he might lose and advance and to accept that and to get other people to accept it, and it's such a transparent trick that I'm surprised he even bothers to answer the question at all.

The other problem for me though, is these revolutionaries on the news like Don Lemon. I mean, they are the most well paid Bolsheviks in history, and they talk about things like blowing up the Electoral College. The Electoral College is not a campus, it does not have, you know, a student union. It's not Penn State.

We're talking about the Constitution here and you don't blow it up, you amend it, but the talk on these other cable channels is, you know, it's rivaling everything that FOX was once accused of doing. It's really too much.

GUTFELD: Yes, you know, Joe, what do you make of my crazy, constant obsession over the media? That is be -- I feel that we are being manipulated to hate each other? Am I close or am I crazy?

JOE CONCHA, MEDIA REPORTER, THE HILL: Well, firstly, I've got say, GG, that you -- you've taken the gut out of Gutfeld, if I could use one of your ear opening lines. You're like across of Adrian Brody and Ally McBeal right now. It is taking a little getting used to, it's like a thin Jonah Hill. So great job.

GUTFELD: Thank you.

CONCHA: I mean, I look I am in my second trimester down here. Sure, no problem.

Let me share a little number with you that's disturbing that backs up your argument, Greg, and that is that Gallup and the Knight Foundation did a poll just a couple of weeks ago that showed that 84 percent of the country say the media bears the blame for divide in this country, 84 percent thinks that. It's not just a Republican conservative thing. It's also Democrats.

And it always wasn't like this back in 1976, seven in 10 Americans actually approved and trusted the media. It's completely been turned on its head.

So when you hear like a Don Lemon, who again is labeled an anchor on CNN, and even its media reporter insists that it's a news program and not an opinion show, he says this, "We're going to have to blow up the entire system." Who is we exactly? Because no Republicans are calling for the Electoral College to go. So that's either media, Democrats, or basically it's anonymous at this point. Both -- so who is we. It's not even journalism anymore. It's activism and it is painfully apparent.

GUTFELD: Yes. And then when he -- I think Cuomo gave him like three opportunities to walk back -- walk it back at he didn't and then he walked it back the next day because somebody must have called him and said, you can't keep saying we. Tyrus, do you think of me as a news anchor or commentary or a mix of both? Or do you ever think of me at all?

GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Greg, as you know, unless I'm physically putting you in a box, I will never put you in a box. You are a bouquet of since Walter Kirn -- Mr. Walter Kirn is on, I'll try to be, you know, set the scene. You're a bouquet of knowledge and wit and extreme narcissism.

GUTFELD: Thanks.

MURDOCH: To answer the question of who is we, it was Cuomo and Lemon, people who hate the electorate or people who didn't like the election, particularly Lemon and Cuomo. Those are the "we," that's why he tried to walk him back because he only had 50 percent willing to participate in the blowing up of a thing that doesn't really physically exist.

You know, when I was in my wrestling career, whenever someone asked me, what are you going to do if you lose? I typically would give them a ridiculously stupid answer. I'd say, well, I'm going to cheat, so I won't.

You know, like, nobody ever talks about the losing plan, and you ask those questions, specifically for a grenade and I think the President at this point is if you ask for a grenade, you're going to get a grenade.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: So, he is going to give them that type of answer. So that is just basically where we're at right now. Our moral compass in this country only points in the directions of who we have an issue with, and I think we're seeing that spread all over the country right now.

GUTFELD: That is wisdom. Kat, Tyrus talked about like, you know, losers, you don't have a plan for losing. But I have a feeling that we don't have a plan if it's close. Like, I mean, no one is talking really about what's going to happen in November and that's why I guess, I'm paranoid that something bad is going to happen. I'm always paranoid.

KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: It is so unlike you to be paranoid is what I was going to say, it's a shocker.

Look, I'm really just kind of stuck on how funny it is for Don Lemon to be talking about blowing up the system. While he is also so often talking about how we need to vote for the guy who has been a politician for 47 years. Do you realize how long that is? That is more than 19 percent of the time that America has been a country. That's like he is the system, okay?

And I think that we do need to change the system in the sense that people who are in government have too much power. And I think that this whole Supreme Court battle is a perfect example of that. Because think about it, what if, instead of having to have mass -- people have massive meltdowns over a single Supreme Court Justice dying? Power wasn't so concentrated, so much power among just a handful of people? What if we had enough agency over our own lives or would it be something that people are freaking out about so much.

And it's been interesting to me, because this time, of course, it's people on the left, mostly, who are freaking out that RBG died, their rights are going to be taken away. But then in the same breath, they talk about packing the courts. So they want to essentially set a precedent for giving the government more power and control over our lives for partisan reasons.

How about instead, we start to talk about the individual rights and taking control of our own lives or in the immortal words of Mace, I do what works for me, you do what works for you.

GUTFELD: Maybe Mace should replace the Supreme Court?

TIMPF: I would support that.

GUTFELD: Yes. And kudos to you for injecting a little bit of math into your soliloquy. Ninety percent, I did not know that. That was really good.

TIMPF: That was a little more than 90 percent.

GUTFELD: And you didn't even round up to 20, which is what I would do, just to save time. All right. Great A-block. So exciting.

A reminder, Sunday, October 11 is my next show in support of "The Plus" H- E-B Center at Cedar Park, Texas. Join me and Tom Shillue as we talk about my new book. Tickets on sale now, go to https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=http-3A__ggutfeld.com&d=DwICAg&c=cnx1hdOQtepEQkpermZGwQ&r=tgDLkJy54PfJyWJwul3dKe54qGxqO7b7d5vjo7RcZds&m=77OJASqhZZ6aBNufEoKhQeFwahQ50Ww2JqR6r8a-q4I&s=DskyPZUspAtkYHm7Zi8qJvlrj4MVclAvEXHflAm5-vU&e= for info.

And you can also go there to access "The Gutter," my brand new website. By going there, you can sign up or go directly to https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=http-3A__ggutter.com&d=DwICAg&c=cnx1hdOQtepEQkpermZGwQ&r=tgDLkJy54PfJyWJwul3dKe54qGxqO7b7d5vjo7RcZds&m=77OJASqhZZ6aBNufEoKhQeFwahQ50Ww2JqR6r8a-q4I&s=a1HFur0Fjo_4aQZiHoTPoQDQSfFHQu7FLRde7Q7KRAs&e= where you can chat with me personally, and read my daily musings without trolls and other crap.

Up next, the debates.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: We can't wait for the first debate. It's happening Tuesday. We've got Trump. We've got Biden and invisible ride-in candidate, Captain Super Cuddle Face. You won't see him, but I can.

Moderator and world record holder in the 400-meter freestyle, Chris Wallace will focus on these topics. The Supreme Court battle, coronavirus, the economy and unrest in the cities. Excellent topics.

I would have added around debating the best way to steal toilet paper from work. Guess, I'll never be asked to moderate. You've got to wonder how these two are getting ready for Tuesday night.

Trump has got a full plate with the Supreme Court and his rallies. But what's Biden doing?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANNOUNCER: And now Joe Biden prepares you the debates.

TOM SHILLUE, IMPERSONATING JOE BIDEN: I'm getting my mouth in shape with special exercises. I call it jaw jitsu.

All right, let's try some insults. You're nothing but a wet gym sock in my soup. Well, I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever bounces off for you sticks to me, and then yes -- you know the thing. Let me -- let me just try some "Come on man's." Just a whole series of them.

Come on, man. Come on, man. Come on, man. (Talks gibberish). You like that one?

My secret weapon. Oh, yes. There we go. Atta boy. The American people love hairy legs. Just not too hairy.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Beautiful. All right, Joe, so Friday, I guess the other Joe Biden called another lid. He's got more lids than a jar factory. What is going on? What is -- what are you hearing? That was a terrible joke, by the way. But Joe, there's something wrong. What's happening?

CONCHA: He has called a lid which means, no events, no questions from reporters. Ten out of 25 days in September, which would be okay for a 77- year-old guy winding down, but we are, you know less than six weeks from an election and he wants to be the leader of the free world, yet he's not even leaving his basement. I am another Joe in my basement, but I do get out once in a while and I'm not even running for President.

So look, he's got to do -- and he's not going to do it, but you know, going into this debate, he is going to be in some serious, serious trouble because it's kind of like going into a heavyweight boxing match without training or sparring in any way and he hasn't done one remotely tough interview.

So when Chris Wallace, who is a moderator here, obviously on Tuesday night, he is going to be asking him some questions that Biden hasn't heard at all, especially during that CNN beach ball Town Hall last week. It wasn't even a softball, it was probably a beach ball, because in that debate, 16 questions asked Greg, three by Republicans, 13 by Democrats, you think that's getting Joe Biden ready for this?

I'm telling you, he's walking into a real buzz saw because he hasn't prepped in the way that you do, the way President Trump does in terms of taking questions every day and sitting down with a guy like Wallace like he didn't July in a 100-degree he in a suit, which couldn't have been fun.

GUTFELD: No. Tell me about it. I do all my interviews shirtless. Tyrus, Tom already did his "Come on, man" impression, so I think we can retire that.

MURDOCH: Well, for Tom, yes. Please, sir, come on, man. You just don't have -- you either got it or you don't.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: You know what I'm saying. Either you've got the rhythm or you don't and does a lot of great things. But come on, man is not one of them. But I don't need to go there because for this, although Mr. Wallace is phenomenal, I'm a little upset that my colleague journalist, Katherine Timpf was not given opportunity as a mediator. We have been pushing this on "Tyrus and Timpf" podcast. So the struggle is real.

And again, I would be remiss if I did not bring up -- and you know what I'm talking about? I don't think I heard that little "W" word, and I was promised. So I've got another word. I'm calling bull [bleep], Greg. It is supposed to be "With Tyrus." You promised. I'm not a guest. How am I a guest in your house? I've been here for five years. I'm not paying rent. I'm not a guest.

Kat, tell him.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Kat?

KIRN: Burn it down, man.

GUTFELD: Burn it down. So we've got to burn it down. All right, Kat, what is your take on the debate? This is the only chance that you can make a prediction.

TIMPF: I don't think they're going to actually be listening to what anyone is saying. We don't really do a lot of that anymore. People just already have their minds made up and it is so partisan, that they just sit there and shake and like seethe and like foam at the mouth with hatred for the other side.

I guarantee you that the next day, anyone on the left is going to say "Amazing Biden," "Amazing, amazing." And then on the right, it would be this -- it'll be the same thing.

I do think that expectations for Joe will probably be a little bit lower. I think if he makes, a lot of people will be impressed with that. The expectations will be lower.

I just -- I'm so glad it's happening. I'm thrilled to watch it not just because I'm almost a year into the pandemic and I running out of things to watch. But because I love this and it is so important that it's happening. I think it'll be great.

I just really hope that people can actually listen and watch with more of an open mind than we seem to be able to do anything right now.

GUTFELD: All right, Walter, bring us home. It is true with the low expectations. If Joe doesn't grope the moderator, he might just win.

KIRN: Well, first of all, I'm a little surprised by the location of the debate. It said an auditorium associated with the Cleveland Clinic, which means that somebody wants to be very near an emergency room afterward.

I'm not sure, you know, the age of American presidential candidates has gotten to be a problem. And at this point, I want heart monitor readouts by both of them, and you know, they should probably hold it in the Critical Care Unit, in fact.

I'm not looking forward to the debate because I'm going to probably publicize myself by live tweeting it and that's a way to get yourself in trouble with both sides. I think both sides have decided in advance who won, and they've decided in advance what their storyline is going to be. So it's sort of one of those games that doesn't have to be played that we're going to have to watch anyway, plus the heart monitor on my part.

GUTFELD: I disagree. I am so -- I don't know what --

TIMPF: I agree with you, Walter.

GUTFELD: You --

MURDOCH: I agree with you, Greg.

GUTFELD: The first five minutes --

MURDOCH: My Pillows for everybody. Everyone is going to be glued to their seats.

GUTFELD: The first time -- the first time that Joe makes one of those outrageous claims about drinking bleach or whatever, do you think Biden -- I mean, do you think that Trump is just going to sit there and take it? He is going to jump right in and it's going to get messy and he is also going to try and poke Joe to lose his temper over his son, Hunter.

So I think that you're going to see some really interesting things and I am -- it's going to be awesome.

All right, up next, we answer the age old question, should you send body parts in the mail?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ASHLEY STROHMIER, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I'm Ashley Strohmier. Confirmation hearings for Amy Coney Barrett are expected to start on October 12th.

President Trump announced the 48-year-old mother of seven as his nominee to replace Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg earlier today. The four-day hearing will include opening statements, two days of questions, and one day for outside witnesses. A swift information is expected for the conservative that is despite objections by Democrats.

Vice Presidential Nominee Senator Kamala Harris and other Democrats say the President and Republicans want to destroy the Affordable Care Act and access to abortion.

Barrett will start meeting with senators early next week including Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. But some Democrats like Connecticut Senator Richard Blumenthal say they won't even meet with Barrett.

I'm Ashley Strohmier, now back to THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW.

For all of your headlines, log on to http://foxnews.com.

ANNOUNCER: Pandemic-Con.

GUTFELD: They are forlorn over popcorn. Thanks to the movie theater shutdown, popcorn farmers are sitting on piles of the kernel, which sounds kinky.

Up to a 111 million pounds of unsold seeds and their starchy endosperm. Some companies are building extra silos for storage while others may sell directly to consumers, starting with this fella.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: That might be the greatest video I've ever seen. Meanwhile, I didn't know there was raccoon television. Meanwhile, Time Squares New Year's Eve will not host the massive crowds to watch the ball drop, which is great news for me if I want to see a ball drop, I'd watch the Mets. I have no idea what that means.

Some college Biology programs operating remotely are now mailing students animal parts to dissect at home. Stuff like pig hearts and cow eyes and sheep brains, which schools often use because of their resemblance to human brains, and also Tom Arnold's face.

For more, we go to Steve, the sheep who hates chairs. Steve, what's the latest?

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: These videos in the C-block are like the best. Tyrus, okay, what do you want to talk about? Because I find that the idea of movie candy and movie popcorn, like being kind of screwed, I feel bad for the people that work there. But how long we've been paying -- overpaying for that stuff when we went to the movie theater?

MURDOCH: Yes, no, it's not --

GUTFELD: Or -- go ahead.

MURDOCH: Not really breaking my heart. The fact that it was like 12 bucks for a medium popcorn, $6.00 for Coke, it was like nine bucks for some candy. So you should have plenty saved in the old savings account. The downside of that is unfortunately, that's not how it works.

The farmers were selling it for cents on the dollar. So, they've got all of this extra stuff. So the upsell guys, they're fine. And the farmer once again gets the short end of the stick.

So your heart goes out to them. You think we want to say that, we want to go out and say well, movie prices, farmers ain't getting that movie price money. So, you know, that's the cold part, and as far as brains and stuff being sent to the house, I guess my concern is when you have kids going, there's something here for AB Normal. There's an AB Normal brain, is that like -- we just did -- some of the reading is down but at least they're getting their science stuff out.

This is the way school is changing now. Now, you're going to have brains and stuff sent to the house and now homeschool just got really cool because your dysfunctional dad is going to have to re-up on his science books and help you with dissection because if you mess it up, you get another one or if you get it confused with your mail and food prep. You know, and you accidentally eat your son's brain when you thought it was your diet food, it could be a lot of problems, so you know.

GUTFELD: That is true. Walter, shouldn't they be sending these brains over to CNN?

TIMPF: You missed that -- if only we had the studio audience. They be like --

KIRN: No, no, it is like an episode of "The Godfather," you know. You know you've done something to cross the mob when you wake up with a brain in your lap and the UPS man you know at the door.

But in Montana where I live, and where the farmer is an important part of our economy. It's really true. The money is just not reaching back to us. We didn't get it in the first place so we're not missing it now.

GUTFELD: I see.

KIRN: But I think that we should do with popcorn what we did with oil when prices plunged, we need to get a National Strategic Popcorn Reserve that way when the price goes back up, we can, you know, sell it for nothing, and we need a place to store all this popcorn. I think there are two places we might put it.

We could put it on the streets of Portland which I think would become like ball bearings and there would be no protests that night or we could fill professional sports stadiums with this popcorn. You know, they are empty storage facilities at this point.

GUTFELD: Yes, they are.

KIRN: Or oil.

GUTFELD: Their own silo in a way and aren't we all in our own silos? Kat, my dream has come true about Time Square, again, you know it's -- I think the COVID has been terrible. But there's nothing worse than that event in Times Square on New Year's Eve.

TIMPF: Yes, going to Times Square on New Year's Eve for fun on purpose is some sort of mental defect that it is so baffling, I could never understand it, but something else that was baffling is, I read the statement from the guy in charge about it going virtual, and he said, "More than ever in these divided and fear-filled times, the world desperately needs to come together symbolically and virtually to celebrate the people and things we love and to look forward with a sense of renewal and new beginnings."

I'm sorry, after this year, the last thing I need is to come together symbolically or virtually, let alone desperately need. Okay. I have had enough of that, a thousand percent. If I get invited to one more Zoom happy hour, I'm going to fake my own death.

So I think we really kind of desperately need literally to do anything else. So read the room Time Square guy, but it's no shock you're not good at that. Your square sucks.

GUTFELD: I now am totally volunteering to do the FOX News New Year's Eve thing now that no one is there. Because imagine the kind of New Year's Eve you could have. And we could actually win that night. Right? You know, we can be like, imagine the stuff we could do. It would be amazing.

Joe, take your pick of what you would like to discuss.

CONCHA: Look, Time Square, I did it once. And I was like Kat, like I was within inches of doing something very bad to myself because you don't get access to a bathroom. You don't get access to alcohol. You've got to get there like two o'clock and they put you in this little pen where you can't even leave. There is zero fun about this.

We just saved the night of thousands in terms of going through that hell and hopefully this is something I agree with everybody is a permanent thing.

GUTFELD: It's true. I know. I think that there will be permanent things from COVID that we actually won't miss and this is one of them.

Still ahead. Trump's response to Harry and Meghan. Who are they?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Is it time for a Royal flush? Since Prince Harry and his wife have ditched England, we've inherited them and their painful attempted relevance through political posturing. That pretentious pair released a voter registration video, which is really a thinly veiled ad for Joe Biden.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

PRINCE HARRY: As we approach this November, it's vital that we reject hate speech, misinformation and online negativity.

MEGHAN MARKLE: So as we work to reimagine the world around us, let's challenge ourselves to build communities of compassion.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Historically, it's a no-no for British Royals to get involved in politics. Harry can't even vote in the U.S. or the U.K., or likely even in his marriage, and Meghan's distaste for our President is no secret. How else can she get Hollywood to like her? When asked about the Royal couple, here's what Trump had to say.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DONALD TRUMP (R), PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I'm not a fan of hers, and I would say this, and she probably has heard that, but I wish a lot of luck to Harry. Because he's going to need it.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Man, I think you hit the nail on the head. Like when Walter Kirn went nude skiing.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: So many good parts of that, Kat. So did we fight a war to escape royalty?

TIMPF: Exactly. Far too many good men died in the 1700s for some British guy to sit there and try to tell me how I should vote. We won the war. Okay.

I also, just in general, I get so irritated with people who are all -- they're so fancy. They're so rich. They have every advantage in the world and they say to themselves, you know what I'm going to do with all of that, lecture other people about how they're not doing a good enough job. Okay.

They live in a massive, massive mansion. Okay, two people, one baby. And again, I -- I have not I have not seen the baby. I purposely don't care to look. Again we won the war. Pretty sure he's not that big. Okay.

So take in a few roomies? How about that? Do something like that? I'd say huge mansion, two people living. Let some people in. How about that?

GUTFELD: That's good. That's good. You know, Joe, I always find that the most dangerous liberal is a rich, white, guilt-ridden one. Like Harry somehow sees himself -- he sees his own victimhood and the fact that he was so privileged. It's bizarre.

CONCHA: I believe they call it limousine liberals in this case, but with Prince Harry, I mean, this thing went viral. This clip by Trump.

Look, everybody knows that poor Harry isn't even the beta male in this relationship. He's not even Delta. I'm pretty sure he's like down by Zeta.

GUTFELD: You know, Tyrus, I have a theory that they kind of want to be a power couple like beyond power couple. They want -- they don't want to be David Beckham and the spice lady. They want to be the Obama Juniors but without actually having to achieve much here in the United States.

They want to be Barack Obama and Michelle Obama and be able to be like, oh, do you know who's going to be here? Oh, let's give them a Netflix deal. They just want to jump right ahead.

MURDOCH: Right, a couple of problems with that. One, Barack Obama actually earned the things that he got in life. So that's going to be tough for the everything-handed-to-him Duke-Prince-Duchess what -- I forget whatever his Royal title is.

One thing. He is more legitimate as a celebrity to talk about voting, because he has an excuse he can't vote, whereas most celebrities make the commercials but never actually vote because they don't have to then stand in line, but it says, hey, everybody vote. What are you doing? Oh, I'm in a character thing during that time. I'm not going to be doing that.

So that's a lot of big things. But what is killing me, President Trump what he said to him, those are fighting words, man. Talking about your woman, bro. It's time to go. Ring the bell. Where's the -- where's the rebuttal? Where's the, hey, you want to talk about wives? At least mine stays in the same building as me.

You know what I am saying, like, where's the fight?

GUTFELD: All right, Walter. Walter, last word to you. Should we take them seriously?

KIRN: I don't know, if we should. But I think this is the rare case where Trump didn't punch back hard enough. I mean, this would be like Eric Trump going over to England and telling them he wanted the monarchy just deposed. That they should have a revolution.

I mean, all he said was, you know, watch out for your wife, which I think was a minimal punch back. They are entitled to everything just for the fact that they maintain their digestive process. They are entitled to land, tens of millions of dollars, global fame from the moment they are born. They are not entitled to their opinion, as far as I'm concerned.

GUTFELD: Yes. And to put it -- and so even -- but that's not enough, so what they're doing is they are using woke-ism to establish another credential. So they're not just the Prince and the Prince's wife. It's like they're the woke royalty.

All right, the wedding songs that can do a marriage. That's next.

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GUTFELD: Will your marriage go wrong with a bad wedding song? A new poll asked thousands of British couples what song they chose for their first dance at their weddings and how happy they are now in their marriages. It's in England. So as it turns out, the most miserable couples were the ones that chose "Little Things" by the British boy band, One Direction, with 75 percent of them saying they were now unhappy, followed by people who picked "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz -- is that how you say it? And "Chasing Cars" I don't know by Snow Patrol. These are all like bands I don't listen to.

The happiest couples were the ones who picked "Can you feel the love tonight" by Elton John, "Isn't she lovely" by Stevie Wonder, and "The Way You Look Tonight" by Frank Sinatra. Well, my marriage is going great. And you know why, because I played this song in my wedding.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: Yes, no, thank you. That beats the "Macarena" any day of the week. All right. Tyrus, do you find this research helpful?

MURDOCH: Yes, I feel so much better now because I didn't pick any of those songs. Listen, man, this is so simple. This is pathetic. But the reason why one group is more successful is because one group clearly is older and has wisdom. That's why they pick the older songs. They've been around and they've seen things and when they got married, they made the right choice.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: The other the other group is young and dumb and they picked their favorite song and just heard the lyrics in the chorus and didn't bother to listen to the words because all of those other songs are talking about, get with one and then move on to another. You've got to think people, if you're young, you shouldn't get married. Get your own stuff, build your own life, then get married and you can feel the love tonight. But until then, no finance with romance is a new sense, bro.

TIMPF: I am super young.

GUTFELD: Wisdom. Wisdom. Walter, he is like a t-shirt cannon of wisdom. Walter, I always wonder, what happens to the photo albums after divorces? Like who gets -- who wants -- who shouldn't -- who gets the photo album and what do you do with it? It's a reminder that you -- it's a reminder that you lost half your stuff.

KIRN: I've been divorced twice and I've got a pretty nice big storage unit for all the photos. I chose in -- my third wedding, we had no music, we had it in a field. It was just us to with somebody signing a piece of paper. I mean, it was less than a civil ceremony.

But I actually analyzed the two lists of songs and the songs for the successful marriages are all songs in praise of the woman.

GUTFELD: Right.

KIRN: You know, you look so beautiful. You're so great. Yes, dear. Yes, darling. And so I think that's the secret right there.

GUTFELD: That's a good point. Kat, do you buy this correlation?

TIMPF: I don't know. Look, you know, I don't even know -- I'm engaged, but I don't think I'm going to have a wedding. So I guess this is something I don't really have to think about, right? Because it's like virus. If I have one, I will certainly be accused of murdering grandmothers. And I'm just not really vibing with that happening to me right now.

So I will probably go to the courthouse actually. So my wedding song will end up being whatever some guy is playing on the street on his trombone for cash, which actually more often than not, is "When the saints go marching in."

GUTFELD: Yes, it's true. It's true.

TIMPF: So, if I had to guess, I'll probably have the same one as you, Greg.

GUTFELD: Yes, I can't wait. I did -- I did Justice of the Peace, City Hall in New York. I don't remember any music, Joe. I don't remember much of anything though. That's just because I have a terrible memory. What about you?

MURDOCH: You were hammered.

CONCHA: Congrats to Kat. I didn't read on Page Six that she got engaged so this is huge.

TIMPF: It could happen to anyone.

GUTFELD: Well, here's a media reporter, Joe, like everybody has known about this for like two or three months. You, Mr. Media Reporter had no idea. I would be embarrassed right now, Joe. Very embarrassed that you don't know.

CONCHA: Egg on face. Egg on face also because I was just pressing my brain what my first dance song was. I don't remember it. Now that was 10 years ago. I guess I get a little bit of a, pass but honestly, we actually did with our DJ. We had a DJ and a band kind of like having a pool and a pond. Pond had a good view.

But we had a DJ and a band, and we told the DJ, okay, you get 50 percent up front. You don't get the other 50 percent until you don't play these songs. In other words, we didn't have a request list. We had a do not playlist, and trust me, I was listening to it closely.

Chicken dance, Village People. No way. Because it's at every wedding and it wasn't going to happen at the Concha wedding at the Breakers at the Jersey Shore.

GUTFELD: Who cannot love a good chicken dance? Oh, my goodness. Yes, the little thingy thing like that. You know what I mean? All right. More show next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: I'll see you Sunday at 5:00 p.m. Eastern for a special edition of "THE FIVE." That's live.

Thanks to Walter Kirn, Joe Concha, Kat and Tyrus.

I'm Greg Gutfeld, I love you, America.

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