The Democratic Party has long been a collection of deeply unhappy interest groups that secretly hate each other. But for the last three years, it's been fairly simple to keep that fractious coalition together -- you just focus on Donald Trump.
Despising Trump, jumping up and down about how mean and vulgar and immoral Trump is, is the one thing that pretty much every Democrat can agree on. It makes them feel virtuous. So Nancy Pelosi was hoping it would last forever.
But alas, election season intrude and Democrats don't now have just a few months to choose their party's nominee, their standard-bearer. That means that for the first time in a long time, they have no choice but to focus on each other.
Imagine the most miserable people you know stuck together in an elevator for eternity. That's what it's like. Naturally, CNN is right in the middle of it.
Their shadowy political activist president, Jeffrey Zucker, has joined forces with Elizabeth Warren and her campaign to crush their common enemy, Bernie Sanders. Just before Tuesday night's Democratic debate, Warren used CNN to attack Sanders as a sexist -- not sexy, but sexist -- for saying a woman could not be elected president. Sanders denied saying it.
After the debate, Warren marched over to Sanders and barked at him. Presumably, at Warren's request, CNN later released that tape. Watch how it went, including a special guest appearance by Tom Steyer, who suddenly looks tiny and afraid.
Sen. Elizabeth Warren, D-Mass.: I think you called me a liar on national TV.
Sen. Bernie Sanders, I-Vt.: What?
Warren: I think you called me a liar on national TV.
Sanders: Let's not do it right now. You want to have that discussion, we'll have that discussion.
Sanders: You called me a liar. You told me -- all right, let's not do it now.
Tom Steyer, Democratic presidential candidate: I don't want to get in the middle, I just wanted to say hi, Bernie.
Sanders: Yes, good. Okay.
"I don't want to get in the middle of this, I just want to say hi, Bernie."
So Elizabeth Warren is not someone you'd want to have dinner with - - that much is entirely clear. Tell her you're busy if she ever calls.
But what else does that video prove? Well, absolutely nothing; not one thing. We're in the very same place we were at the beginning of the week, with an aging, unprovable allegation thrown onto the field in desperation by a fading presidential candidate who seems more unlikable by the day. It would get nowhere in court.
Consider that four years ago, Democrats rigged the primary for Hillary Clinton. They did that despite the fact Hillary Clinton probably would have won anyway. But they just couldn't resist cheating. Because they did that -- because they cheated -- millions of Democratic voters emerged from the process embittered and enraged. Some of them stayed home that November ... The net effect of this: Democrats lost.
But over at CNN, where being a high school student from Kentucky is considered the grounds for character assassination, it's enough to show conclusively that Bernie Sanders hates women. Watch the analysis.
Video clip of Helen Reddy singing "I Am Woman" plays.
I'm sorry, we pulled the wrong tape from our feminist outrage file. In fact, the real thing is even more embarrassing.
David Chalian, CNN political director: It was so real, the moment. I mean, her -- however, you want to describe it, her frustration, her anger, her desire to have and make this point to Bernie Sanders was crystal clear.
Gloria Borger, CNN chief political analyst: So you can clearly understand her fury with that. And, again, it's one of those moments you don't see very often in politics where she felt very frustrated -- use whatever words you want. And she just went over to him and told him what she was thinking.
Bill Press, radio host and CNN contributor: I agree with Hillary, it was for real. She was pissed off.
Hillary Rosen, CNN political commentator: People I've heard all day are saying, "Well, she knew she was mic'd. She did this on purpose." That, to me, did not look like an on-purpose. It looked like she was kind of seething through that part of the debate.
Who do we believe? Like, I believe Elizabeth Warren. She is feeling under the gun, where she is feeling judged as a woman. And I think that there's an insensitivity around her frustration on that.
Yes, it was totally authentic. This time, CNN tells us -- this time -- Elizabeth Warren was being a 100 percent completely real. Not like that time she lied about her race or the time she lied about her job history, or the time she lied about her plan to finance universal health care without a middle-class tax hike.
No, this time for sure -- no question at all -- Elizabeth Warren is telling the whole truth and nothing but, and you'd have to be some kind of misogynist to doubt her. That's what they told us all night on CNN.
Now, why do they tell us that? Why lie to us? Simple. The Democratic National Committee is worried about Bernie Sanders. All those attacks on Wall Street offend donors.
So Jeff Zucker, a Democratic partisan who has said repeatedly he plans to run for office once he is finished destroying CNN, jumped in. He was happy to help. Zucker unleashed his army of paid robots to stop the Bernie menace before voters could elect him. So that's what you're watching -- the media working, as always, as handmaidens to the ruling class, and not just on CNN.
The L.A. Times praised Warren for refusing to shake Sanders's hand. They called her rudeness "a masterclass in handling sexism."
Okay. But is any of this true? Is it real? I mean, Sanders is a socialist, obviously. But is he a sexist?
Consider this. According to an analysis by Breitbart, Sanders pays his female congressional staffers three and a half thousand dollars more per year on average than Elizabeth Warren does. And yet, according to CNN, Elizabeth Warren is the real champion of women.
Okay, so what's the effect of this debate? Well, Michael Moore isn't much of a filmmaker -- or, for that matter, much of a person -- but he knows an awful lot about the Democratic Party.
Michael Moore, filmmaker: I've known Bernie since the '80s. So there's no way he said anything like the way it's been reported. They will mark this day, January 13th, as the day Donald Trump was reelected.
So says Trump's beneficiary Michael Moore. And by the way, he may be on to something.
Consider that four years ago, Democrats rigged the primary for Hillary Clinton. They did that despite the fact Hillary Clinton probably would have won anyway. But they just couldn't resist cheating.
Because they did that -- because they cheated -- millions of Democratic voters emerged from the process embittered and enraged. Some of them stayed home that November. Others voted for Jill Stein or Gary Johnson. Some moved over to Donald Trump.
The net effect of this: Democrats lost. They suffered a shocking upset on Election Day. Could that happen again?
Obviously, it could. But no one in Washington knows that because no one in Washington ever learns anything.
Adapted from Tucker Carlson's monologue on "Tucker Carlson Tonight" on Jan. 16, 2020.