It's a bewildering experience working in cable news right now. Fun, but pretty unbelievable. just about every morning, some story from the Biden White House crosses our screens and we think to ourselves, "Come on, there is absolutely no way that can be real, please. It's just too crazy."
And of course, pretty much every morning, what we had assumed was a joke turns out to be entirely real. It's actually happening. The Biden administration really is that crazy. They really are firing thousands of nurses in the middle of a pandemic, firing thousands of cops in the middle of a crime wave. No, they're not kidding, even in the slightest, when they tell you that's a genuine female four-star admiral standing right there. Joe Biden isn't giggling. He tells you Rachel Levine's promotion is a victory for women everywhere, and he means it when he says it.
He means all of these things, even the ones he doesn't understand, which is most. As the guy who runs the Babylon Bee told us recently, It is getting tough to run a parody site in this country. No matter how creative your jokes may be, it is almost impossible to be more ludicrous than reality already is.
And yet, even by those impossibly high standards, we can confidently announce tonight that we have just read the single most deranged news story ever printed in this country. So no matter what happens going forward - and God knows what that will be - This story will live forever is the high watermark of political lunacy. Mark your calendars. It's October 28, 2021. This is the day that things couldn't possibly get nuttier.
And here it is: According to a piece in this afternoon's Wall Street Journal, the Biden administration has decided to pay reparations to illegal aliens. In other words, foreigners who came here without invitation, who came in willful violation of legal statutes passed by our Congress, per our Constitution, those people are about to get a groveling apology and huge amounts of cash.
Why? Because our government dared to enforce its own laws, which now apparently is immoral. So the Biden White House is going to pay criminals for committing crimes.
It's almost impossible to believe that's real, but it is real. According to the Journal, the administration plans to "offer immigrant families that were separated during the Trump administration around $450,000 a person in compensation. The U.S. Department of Justice, Homeland Security and Health and Human Services are considering payments that could amount to close to $1 million per family." A million dollars per family for illegal aliens at exactly the moment that American families are becoming noticeably poorer by the day.
You won't be surprised to learn, according to the paper, that nearly a thousand reparations claims have already been filed. Why not? The total payout from all this: More than a billion dollars.
So how much is that, exactly? Well, let's see if you're an American citizen who is killed in a war defending your country, our government promises to send your family $100,000. That is less than a quarter of what Joe Biden intends to give illegal aliens for the inconvenience of being deported.
They're once again getting $450,000 apiece from your tax receipts. That's more than some of the 9/11 victims got. It's more than any ordinary American ever gets for anything from the U.S. government. Most people in this country just give.
Foreigners with no respect for our laws or systems, meanwhile, are hitting the jackpot. So take three steps back, you've got to wonder how long this sort of thing can continue. How long before the people who make this country run who, by the way, are not the same people who run this country - Those are two very different groups - But before the people who make this country run decide they have had enough and they're not going to take it anymore. Why pay your taxes at this point? Seriously, it's too insulting. It's too destructive. It is evil.
Now, who knows how long it's going to take to get there, but at this rate, it's coming quick. In the meantime, what can we know? Well, we can be certain how the rest of the world is going to see this announcement. Why wouldn't you cross our border illegally at this point, you have to be insane not to. Joe Biden is literally paying people who do it. So, not surprisingly, as Fox’s Griff Jenkins just reported, new waves of illegal migrants are coming here as fast as they can. Here's one caravan:
GRIFF JENKINS: Chanting liberty, the caravan charges through a checkpoint as the Mexican National Guard stands by watching. The migrants, undeterred by Mexico’s foreign minister Marcelo Ebrard, who says they are being deceived by the organizers.
EBRARD: They tell them, let’s go in the caravan. We get to the U.S., and they will let us pass. It’s not true. You saw what happened with the Haitians. It’s the same thing.
GRIFF JENKINS: But the warning isn’t breaking the will of the migrants.
MIGRANT: That’s not stopping us, cause we got the power of God, right next to us. And he’s going to open.
MIGRANT 2: That is not going to stop us. We’re still proceeding. We’re still moving. It’s not going to stop us.
We act like this is an act of God. We just can't stop it. But that's not what's happening. The Biden administration is actively encouraging this, and more so even today. The legislative framework that Democrats released today would give amnesty to millions and millions of illegal aliens. It's the largest amnesty proposed in the history of this country.
The Center for American Progress, which is of course closely aligned with the Biden White House, released an analysis of this, and it concluded that nearly seven million illegal aliens living here would get green cards under this proposal.
Specifically, it would legalize anyone here illegally as long as that person could show he or she arrived in this country - Follow this - Between January 1st, 1972, during the first Nixon administration and December 31st, 2009. That's the span of forty-seven years, quite a strike zone.
But what, you ask, about the millions of illegals who've come here since 2009? Well, they're fine to actually. The Biden administration has just put out a list of no-go zones - not places that foreigners who break our laws can't go, they can go anywhere, especially where you live - but a no-go zone for federal officers who are trying to enforce those laws.
So ICE agents, according to the Biden White House, are no longer allowed to enter schools, hospitals, health care facilities, places of worship, playgrounds, child care centers, crisis centers, homeless centers, rehab facilities, food banks, disaster relief centers, funerals, parades and many other places. Basically, they’re not allowed anywhere. So that's it for immigration laws, they're done, they're totally ignored. They're totally unenforced. The question is - the one that's never asked by anybody - is how exactly do American citizens benefit from these changes? Well, let's see. Here's a recent report from the state of Florida.
REPORTER: When Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd discusses this horrific car crash that killed a five-year-old girl, the anger in his voice is hard to miss.
SHERIFF: Had he been in his home country last Saturday night like he should’ve been, our beautiful five-year-old little girl would’ve been alive.
REPORTER: But instead, Ernesto Lopez Morales was driving down state road 16 in Mulberry.
SHERIFF: He has already drinken [sic]six 32 oz. beers by his own admission.
REPORTER: And the sheriff says Lopez Morales was out buying more beer. We are told his headlights were off. He was speeding, and he slammed in the back of a Hyundai Elantra driven by a Plant City mother. The impact crushed the back half of the Elantra, including the back seat where the five-year-old was in her car seat.
So here's the point of that awful story: That man, Ernesto Lopez Morales should never have been here in the first place. He was here illegally, like millions of others, he didn't even have a driver's license. So after downing the equivalent of 16 regular-sized beer, 16, he killed a five-year-old girl in a car crash. So the question is, what will Joe Biden do about things like this? Well, nothing. We know that for certain because Biden has already announced that drunk driving is no longer grounds for deportation.
JOE BIDEN: You only arrest for the purpose of dealing with a felony that's committed, and I don't count drunk driving as a felony.
"I don't count drunk driving as a felony." Well, that's a big change. Oh, that only applies to people here illegally, not to you.
The Biden administration, once again, is making this country poorer, more chaotic, and in many places much more dangerous. It's not an accident, of course, it's being done on purpose. People who are close to it see it every day. James Chilton is close to it. Chilton is a fifth-generation rancher from the state of Arizona. His property abuts a five-mile stretch of the Mexican border. Ooh, woe to him. Because over the last few months, his ranch has been transformed into something unrecognizable. His ranch is now covered with garbage dropped by people coming into this country. Illegal aliens fire weapons at Border Patrol officers as they head back and forth into Mexico.
So watching all this happen, watching his land be destroyed by foreigners, Chilton had an idea. So the Biden administration, as you may have noticed, claims it cares deeply about the environment, about something called ecological justice. And this seemed unjust. So Chilton called the Forest Service for help. Maybe they would save his patch of the environment from being poisoned and destroyed. But no, they didn't. The Forest Service said they couldn't come to Charlton's ranch because the property was too dangerous to patrol. Federal agents can't even go there. This is America.
This article is adapted from Tucker Carlson's opening commentary on the October 28, 2021 edition of "Tucker Carlson Tonight."