Since Kevin Hart bailed from the Oscars, the awards show is desperately seeking new options, including going without a host at all.
Think about that. The Oscars looked around at all the possibilities in their own inoffensive, morally pure industry, and decided -- it's just not worth it. We're all jerks, clowns, sinners, bigots and pigs. And of course we're petrified of the mob.
Meaning, they're actually human. And just as every human has a skill or talent -- we all have a past or a life -- one worth more than a tweet.
But for some, a simple dignified apology will never be enough. The moral majority, is now the mobbing morality, and forgiveness is viewed as an accessory to evil. And the Oscars is responding the way everyone does now: to be so gun-shy about the social media fallout that they just give up. No one wants to share the risk.
So, nothing too edgy. And humans are just that, in the face of unforgiving, hordes. So, after decades of filling that hosting position, humans need not apply. So, who then?
How about Deep Blue, the chess-playing computer. It's cold. Faceless and never told a joke -- offensive or otherwise, ever. Much like Seth Meyers.
Or a drone -- something that can drop a crude joke from on high, then completely disappear. Like Michelle Wolf.
But, whoever they pick will be hosting the show from under a rock. Or under the rock.
Unless of course they find someone with guts whos not afraid of courting scandal.
Who could that be? ((close in of a Donald Trumps smiling face))
Adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s monologue on “The Five” on December 11, 2018.