Greg Gutfeld: Dems' ideas sprout from the reflex to not be associated with you

The entire Democrat platform is based on staking out positions defined by their hatred for red states and red hats

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Happy Tuesday everyone! So look at these happy people! These are Texas Democratic lawmakers as they fled the state like Hunter Biden running from a pregnant stripper. 

They left yesterday to deny Republicans the quorum needed to vote on strengthening election safeguards -- or as the Dems like to call such safeguards, the worst thing since the civil war!! 

Jen Psaki: "He’ll also decry efforts to strip the right to vote as authoritarian and anti-American." // "and he will highlight the work of the administration against this, the necessity of passing the ‘for the people act’ and the ‘John Lewis voting rights advancement act, and how we need to work together with civil rights organizations to build as broad a turnout and voter education system to overcome the worst challenge to democracy since the civil war." 

The worst challenge to democracy since the civil war –hold on a second! I was told just days ago that the worst thing since the civil war was January 6th! You guys gotta get your "worst thing since the civil war" story straight. You’ve been comparing anything you don’t like to the civil war.  "Yes, I’d like to return this shirt. "Why didn't it fit?" "It’s the worst thing since the civil war".

But I guess it beats this call back.

Biden, August 2012: he’s gonna let the big banks once again write their own rules. Unchain Wall Street. They’re gonna put y’all back in chains.

Yep, the race-baiter's still got it! What's he calling voter ID Now?

Joe Biden: This makes Jim Crow look like Jim eagle—it’s gigantic

Poor Jim Eagle. There’s some guy in Scranton saying, "I had nothing to do with it." That made no sense. But this old White guy loves ginning up division almost as much as hunter loved crack—it’s his crack. Some unifier.

But maybe it's time to freshen up the analogies. Have you thought about exploiting 9/11?  Like this mutant.

Steve Schmidt: "The 1/6 attack for the future of the country was a profoundly more dangerous event than the 9/11 attacks. And in the end, the 1/6 attacks are likely to kill a lot more Americans than were killed in the 9/11 attacks, which will include the casualties of the wars that lasted 20 years following."

How did this psychopath get past security? I was waiting for two hospital orderlies dressed in white coats to throw a net over him at the end. But the only way dumbass sleazebags like that get ahead is in darkness. Lack of transparency is the cloak for malfeasance.

So is it any wonder, that the Dems see any effort at enhancing voting transparency as an attack on them? It almost makes you think they might be hiding something they did to win the last election. Just kidding!

Let's state the obvious: Dems are trying to block voter ID. Not cuz it makes it harder to vote, but that it makes it harder to illegally vote. That simple.

But this is why when you ask Dems which voters that voter ID might limit, they never can give a name. So they tie IDs to racism. Even though it’s obviously absurd. You need IDs to drive a car, take out a library book, get a fishing license. Buy a gun. This is sounding like Joe Machi's dream weekend.

But also to buy that lite beer that's sitting in that charter bus. Yep. You need an ID kids. But lite beer. Seems a little late for that. (In the afternoon)

So they spent thousands on a private plane but cut corners with a beer that has a lower alcohol content than Kat’s bloodstream. The beer must be the only thing they paid out of pocket. Were it on the taxpayer’s dime, they’d be splashing Cristal like they just won the Stanley Cup.

But they look happy and maskless - and why not, masks are for kids on 100-degree playgrounds, not Dems in air conditioning. This "flee-bargain" has been done before - back in May - when they ran away to prevent Republicans from voting on the earlier bill. These dopes flee more than the felons their party bailed out after the riots.

In fact, here's the only occupation where not doing it - is considered part of the job. It's like being a fact-checker for CNN. Or a hairstylist for Brian Stelter. 

It doesn't matter. None of this does - here's why. If the Republicans came out for hugs, the Dems would become anti-hug. But if the GOP were anti-hug, Dems would come at you like Kevin Spacey at a Boy Scout sleepover. 

The entire Democrat platform is based on staking out positions defined by their hatred for red states and red hats. And it's forced them to take more absurd positions than Gumby studying the Kama sutra.

Remember the defund police movement occurred cuz Trump was pro-law enforcement? Look at anything the Republicans are naturally for--school choice, law and order, American interests in general - and you'll find a rabble of democrats forming a spiteful opposition.

It's like a chess game where your opponent is a robot that punches you in the face after each one of your moves. So why are you playing at all? 

It's not politics. It's pointed antagonism that then becomes cemented as real. So - they really start believing socialism is preferable to capitalism; that IDs are impossible to get, that cops aren't necessary, that we need to teach kids that white folks are inherently racist. While they buy fancy homes, send their kids to private school, hire security guards, and dine in expensive restaurants without masks or shame.

All of these nonsense ideas sprout from one reflex - to not be associated with the likes of you. The Democrats are now just an "I hate you" party. They don't feel that way about actual American adversaries - because you can only hate one group all the time - and that's you.

Wonder what the angry White male thinks.

Tom Shillue, Angry White Male: Yea when I was growing up, everyone was always talking about peace and love. Nowadays people who claim to believe those things just want to demonize people. It’s as if they take pleasure in it. Somebody ought to write a book—call it "the joy of hate"—as if that would ever happen.

And what does the angry Black male think about how bad voter ID is.

Tyrus, Angry Black Male: Bruh, it’s my lunchtime but let’s do this. Sandwich, chips, water, cookies. White chocolate cranberry? This is worse than the potato famine. This is worse than the island where all the trees got cut down and people had to become cannibals. No, it’s not. Not even close. Not even a little bit. It’s not. Not!

Imagine if the Republicans acted like Democrats - and rejected any idea associated with their opposition party. Maybe that's the way forward. Problem is, the Dems don't have any ideas, except to hate your ideas. Without us to hate, they got nothing. No ideas, no solutions. No decent beer.

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We can't even debate them, cuz we're just debating a child screaming, "I despise you!" As they side with criminals, authoritarians and neo-racists.

So I hope they enjoy their flight to DC on their private plane. But when they return to Texas, let's hope someone changed the locks.

This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld's opening monologue on the July 13, 2021 edition of "Gutfeld!"