Nothing says “I love you” more – from a handsome, 6-foot-something husband to his petite unassuming wife – than a new car with a big red bow waiting in the driveway, or a diamond ring wrapped in a white bow hidden in an itty bitty light teal box, on a picturesque snowy Christmas morning, right?
Wrong! You’re so, so wrong! This is 2019, and those signs of love from one significant other to another are so last holiday season.
This year, Peloton has taken the traditional gifts of showing one’s love to his significant other by upping everyone’s game to the ultimate goal: perfection! In Peloton’s new holiday ad, the husband is gifting the gift of body shaming!
And he doesn’t even wait until after the pleasantries of sipping hot chocolate, eating cookies with their little daughter, or some other fattening things like that even take place.
No, in this man’s castle, I mean, home, it’s more like: “Good morning, honey. So nice of you to finally get out of bed at your typical lazy 7 a.m. wakeup time to join the Christmas tree, Peloton, and me for a rude awakening! You need to work out, girl! Um, starting now!”
Yes, Peloton, the $2,000+ piece of home biking exercise equipment is saying what so many husbands must be thinking this holiday season: “I need my thin wife to work on her body just a little bit more.”
Thanks to Peloton, long gone are those sappy holiday commercials with images of couples sipping coffee and staring at a sparkly diamond on her newly manicured finger. Or the male dangling those car keys in front of the kitchen window, overlooking the red Lexus slowly capturing those fluffy snowflakes, just teasing her to take it for a test drive.
This year, Peloton is all about making your loving wife, and mother of your child, super hyper insecure. They are about the “you’re just not good enough, honey” holiday message. It’s about the men telling their ladies how they really feel.
Get that fat rear end on the Peloton and ride! And don’t just ride for a cute Christmas morning picture. Make a commitment to ride this overpriced piece of exercise equipment and document it. For a year! With a vlog. Starting now!
Haven’t seen the 30-second ad blowing up Twitter and most social media sites since its release this Thanksgiving? Quite simply: it’s about body-shaming your beautiful 116-ish pound wife the second she uncovers her eyes and sees the true meaning of love enveloped into a holiday gift next to the Christmas tree: a workout bike!
And what does the modern-day wife living in the #MeToo movement say? If you watch the commercial, it’s almost hard to tell if she’s crying, shocked, scared, or even mouthing the word “Help.” But, either way, in the next scene, her year-long journey to perfection begins with her first vlog on her new Peloton bike!
“I’m a little nervous, but excited,” she says, trembling into her phone (which serves as the video diary). “Let’s do this,” she mumbles.
Those of us watching and cringing feel her desire to go from a perfect size 2 to an anorexic size 0. To be honest, we’re not sure what’s in store next Christmas if the goal is not achieved.
But, alas, it is achieved. Fast forward 30-seconds and she definitely has an eating disorder, looks a whole four pounds lighter, and has a year-long vlog featuring of dreary morning and torturous workouts to prove it.
“A year ago, I didn’t realize how much this would change me,” she says into the camera and into her approving husband’s eyes.
A year ago, I didn’t realize how sexist, selfish, and downright scary a Christmas ad could be. Thanks, Peloton!