As the Hotel-Tell All, Oyster is very well-traveled when it comes to hotels. We’ve seen it all — whether good or bad. Let it be known: after visiting thousands of hotels, the endless fees, poor service, and mediocre food, it starts to get irritating.

11. Valet Charges

No parking? Don’t charge through the roof for valet parking. You know it’s our only choice and makes us bitter.

10. The Toilet Flush Demo

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We appreciate you showing us how to flush the toilet upon the room check-in tour, but come on! We’ve been able to do that by ourselves for a long time now.

9. The “Complimentary In-Room Treat”

Please don’t provide a “complimentary basket” filled with treats upon room check in, and then secretly charge $3 for the biscuits lying right next to the basket.

8. The Resort Fee

We’d love to be provided with an actual definition, explanation, and breakdown of what exactly “The Resort Fee” is. We understand all hotels do it these days, but if all your friends were jumping off of a bridge, would you?

7. The Lounge Chair Reserve

When hotels allow guests to save lounge chairs by the pool by putting down a towel at 6 am, it makes other guests feel unworthy. We were under the impression that vacation was a time to relax – just because we’re not in mood for an early-morning-lounge-chair-brawl doesn’t mean we don’t deserve a chair of our own. If you’re not there, you’re not lounging.

6. Lounge Chair Charges

Speaking of lounge chairs, charging for them and umbrellas is just stingy. We’ll be more likely to give a bigger tip if we’re not forced to pay for an amenity that should come with the hotel.

5. The $10 Bottle of Water

We know that same bottle costs $1.59 at 7-11. You’re not fooling anybody.

4. Self-Written Reviews

Listen, we’re Oyster. We know the real reviews from the fake ones. 

3. The Photo Fakeout

We’ve mastered the art of investigating Photo Fakeouts – Oyster’s most popular feature that exposes hotels’ deceiving marketing photos. Heads up: if your main pool is the size of a kiddie pool, no need to angle the camera so the viewers think it’s an Olympic size lap pool. We’ll likely call you out on it.

2. Mini Bars

Where to begin…

1. WiFi Charges

Get with the times. It’s like toilet paper and oxygen. Also, WiFi is provided free of charge, give us a good signal. There is nothing more frustrating than slow or unusable Internet.