What if May Day protesters were Tea Partiers?

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," May 2, 2013. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Spirit of May Day, demonstrators hit downtown Seattle where marches and rallies are as common as bum spit.


GUTFELD: They protested the grievances, capitalism begin at the top, while championing the same old suspects.

And like most anarchic mobs, they glom on to something stuff like amnesty to further erode a country they find so evil. They don't really care about illegal aliens. They just want free market system to buckle under, making way for a new world disorder.

And as if on cue, as it got dark, the mobs smashed windows of local businesses, cars and the courthouse. Yep, the cowardly romance of violence is a marker of such events. The inevitable spasm of idiocy that pleases both the media and protester alike.

If these were Tea Partiers, of course, Michael Moore would shout bloody murderer from roof tops if you could find a freight elevator that could take him there.

But these protesters should celebrate. May Day marks the achievements of communism. That's why people wear red. It symbolizes blood.

When factoring the body count from all the heaviest hitter of communism, China, the USSR, Korea, Cambodia, Ethiopia, Yugoslavia, Mozambique, Romania, the list goes on we have seen over 100 million people plus murdered in the name of quality. You can't get more equal when all of you are dead.

So, congratulations May Day protesters, you truly are number one at something. You should get one of those oversized "we're number one" foam fingers shoved right up your asses.

GUILFOYLE: Oh my gosh!

GUTFELD: You know, I want to apologize.

DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: He meant ashes.

GUTFELD: I meant ashes.

I want to apologize to Michael Moore weight joke. I swore I would never make a joke about his weight. But when he linked the Tea Partiers to the Boston bombers, I thought, yes, he lost that privilege.

Here's the thing that drives me nuts, Dana --

BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: Among other things.


Mainstream media will say this is a peaceful protest marred by some anarchists. They never asked, but it happens in every protest. They never will actually say it's the same people when there is a left wing march, there is left wing violence.

PERINO: Look at the difference of the coverage when it was the Tea Party. Somebody raised their voice, like oh these angry characters. And they are so convinced that's going to happen at a Tea Party, that paranoid people they're right every once in a while.

GUTFELD: That's true.

PERINO: But you could have written a script for this.

GUTFELD: Yes. It's so predictable, Bob.

BECKEL: Yesterday, in New York, may day rather in New York, there were tens of thousands of people marching.

GUTFELD: No, there wasn't.

BECKEL: Yes, there was.

GUTFELD: Really?

BECKEL: There were.

GUTFELD: I didn't see them and I was all over the place.

BECKEL: Maybe several thousand.


BECKEL: There were no violence at all and they did. They marched. I would have marched if I had a chance to do it.

GUTFELD: You don't march.

BECKEL: No, I don't. Because my feet hurt.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

PERINO: Do you Segway?

BECKEL: I do Segway?

GUTFELD: Who like to see you Segway during a protest?

BECKEL: Segway with a machine?

GUILFOYLE: Machine. You should get one of those.

BECKEL: I tried that as soon as I get up here, and they said I couldn't register the thing because you can't drive on the sidewalk or something.

GUILFOYLE: You can give me a ride home.

BECKEL: I'll break the law for that. But I saw a cop on scooter today it was a perfect size scooter for me. He was my size. Fairly substantial. And the thing was perfect. It was down in Hell's Kitchen. I have got to get one.

GUTFELD: All right. Well, that's great for this segment.

All right. There's one thing I want to point up, Eric or Kimberly. I'll let you guys physically fight over answering this.

In a climate where the police department has to be concerned with terror in major cities, isn't this just pure selfishness on the part of loser who to take away precious resources? Isn't that the point?

GUILFOYLE: Me, me, me, me. OK, I won.

Yes, I really get instruments freighted by that because there are crimes that are happening. Crimes of violence, domestic violence, other crimes should be investigated. And, instead, they are baby-sitting a bunch of spoiled brats that would raise their hand in five seconds to give up their American birth right and it frustrates me.

They should be charged when 911 calls can't go answered because of this nonsense.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

BOLLING: A couple of quick observations. They're saying that little sound bite you rolled, F the Bourgeoisie. Bourgeoisie was originally was a strong middle class. Karl Marx in his communist manifesto Bob, turned it into a bad thing. He turned it negative. The Bourgeoisie versus the proletariat, made it a struggle of the proletariat.

Forget, if they knew what they are talking about, they wouldn't be yelling that.

Number two, that guy spraying the cops, I hope he got his butt kicked in that foam finger shoved right up his you know what, also, because he deserved a tough booking.


BECKEL: You should borrow my communist manifesto and read it better because you're not right.

BOLLING: I'm 100 percent.


PERINO: What's Karl Marx boss?

GUTFELD: One last question to you, Dana. One last question to you. Why does the media especially romance violence? Why is it so interesting to them?

PERINO: There's not a lot to write about if there's a protest and no violence. Then you have to write this. You were an editor.

They came to you and they'd say, here is my story. Everything went perfectly peacefully today. You would say, well, then, you are not going to get your --

BECKEL: Where is your foam finger to put it up or whatever?

GUILFOYLE: Oh my gosh!

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