This is a rush transcript from "The Five," September 29, 2017. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

JESSE WATTERS, "THE FIVE" CO-HOST: Hello, everybody. I'm Jesse Watters along with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Juan Williams, Dana Perino, and Greg Gutfeld. Its 5:00 in New York City and this is The Five. This is a Fox News alert. Health and Human Services secretary Tom Price has resigned. This comes after he faced a lot of criticism for his use of taxpayer money for private flights. For more on this, we bring in chief White House correspondent John Roberts.

JOHN ROBERTS, FOX NEWS WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENT: Jesse, good afternoon to you. You know we sort of saw that the writing was on the wall two few days ago when the president was asked about this as he was walking across the south lawn after talking to the press on his way to the helicopter as he was traveling to Indianapolis for his first tax reform speech. The president was asked are you going to fire Tom Price, and he paused for a second and he turned over his shoulder and he said, we'll see. And he just had that look like I'm angry at this person, and the, we'll see, was, you betcha, just not today.

And as the president was leaving this afternoon to head up to Bedminster, New Jersey, he was asked a lot about Tom Price, it was clear that he was very, very angry and upset over what Price had that done in terms of taking those charter flights because now the figure, I believe, is up over a million dollars for the cost of the flights that he took. He says it's out of keeping with the tone and tenor of the Trump administration. We're trying to save taxpayer's money, not spend more. And we really sort of knew the writing was on the wall when we said, are you going to fire Tom Price, and he said we'll have an announcement later today. That typically means it's a done deal, we just have not been made it public yet.

And the fact that we found out from statements from press secretary Sarah Sanders, and I know you've spoke with her earlier this afternoon. I don't know if you talked about this with her or not. But she said that Secretary Price actually offered his resignation earlier this morning and the president accepted it, so it's just a matter of getting the communication team together to make the official announcement this afternoon. But when the president said this afternoon, we'll make an announcement he had already made the decision.

WATTERS: All right. John, thank you very much. I guess, we'll see, is a code for you're fired.


WATTERS: Kimberly.


WATTERS: We talked about this the other day.

GUILFOYLE: What was that?

WATTERS: Commercial break, and we said that if Kathleen Sebelius.


WATTERS: Had done this, I think we would had been very critical.

GUILFOYLE: Well, right. So be fair. And the bottom line is -- look, I agree with the president, you know. He made a promise to really drain the swamp and reform Washington, D.C. and politics as we know it. So therefore, when you see a situation like this, which at least suggests that there was an abuse, that these charter flights shouldn't been taken, that this was too much, you know, largess and waste of taxpayer money, I'm right up that alley in that lane. I think that's 100 percent true, it's a fair criticism, it was improper. Obviously, the president would be upset with something like this. You know, wouldn't you? And so, Tom Price offering the resignation was the right thing to do. He offered it. The president accepted it. That's that. So let that be a lesson learned. Let's see if that's good enough for some people or they're going to criticize anyway.

WATTERS: Yeah. They'll probably criticize anyway. I think when you put the phrase private jet and politician in the same sentence, never good, Juan. This is never good for either party.

JUAN WILLIAMS, "THE FIVE" CO-HOST: No. And, you know, to pick up on what Kimberly said, I think there's a lot of pressure on this president at this moment given that he just submitted a tax plan that -- you know, people on the Democratic side are arguing it benefits the rich. So, here he has people on his team and it looks like they're just living like, you know, the high and mighty and they don't really care. They're not in touch with the grassroots. I mean, the other thing to say is here, I think the failure of the Obamacare repeal did not help Tom Price with President Trump.


WILLIAMS: And so, he was on thin ice in that regard. And the final point I make to you, Jesse, is that -- I mean, there's a lot of talks around town that Monday night at that private session with donors, the president was also highly critical again of Jeff Sessions, his attorney general. And that does not seem to be a happy relationship.

WATTERS: Hopefully he doesn't say, we'll see, about Jeff Sessions.

DANA PERINO, "THE FIVE" CO-HOST: Or he's a good man.


WATTERS: He's a good man. Dana, is there events did Tom Price say, well, this is why I did this?

PERINO: He tried. And he also said that he would repay the federal government for his portion of the flight. It's basically -- it got out of control. And when a secretary, not a press secretary, when a cabinet secretary embarrasses the president, it becomes like the story and you're off of a legislative failure. You know, Tom Price is probably right to submit the resignation. I would add one other thing that it wasn't fake news. Politico, the reporters track this down. They did the reporting. And I'm not saying that they were proud, they've got a scalp, but this is what happens in Washington when you have reporters that's, sort of, gets outside the White House briefing room, stop focusing on everything that the president is tweeting, and look at what's happening across the federal government, you might find stories like this.

WATTERS: Hopefully they don't run too many more stories like this. Gutfeld, you fly private constantly. You could understand the allure of not going through lines and things like that.

GREG GUTFELD, "THE FIVE" CO-HOST: How ironic that his name is Price and that is what he paid for costing Americans millions. We'll be right back. I want to -- there's a bright side for Tom Price on this. Count this as a relief that this is how you lost your job as a politician. This is not a career killer. I mean, you weren't found in bed with a horse. You know, you're going to say, how did you lose your job? Well, I flew private. Everybody is like, oh, that sucks. I like private. You know, it's a bad thing, but it's not the worst thing. I don't think most Americans still don't know who he is.

WATTERS: They don't

GUTFELD: I don't even know who he is. What day is it?

WATTERS: It's Friday.


PERINO: President Trump has his finger on the pulse of his voters, and this is the exact kind of thing that he said would not happen in Washington on his watch. So he acting decisively I think showed that he still understands his base.

WILLIAMS: By the way, there's another story like this bubbling with the V.A. secretary who apparently was taking flights at taxpayer expense to go watch Wimbledon.

WATTERS: Oh, wow. The movie?

WILLIAMS: The tennis court up in London.

WATTERS: Oh, OK. Well, that's never good. Now to another top story, a week ago today, President Trump sparked a fire storm with his suggestion that players who don't stand for the national anthem should be fired. Players are now standing. Progress on the field last night in Green Bay, every player on both the Packers and the Bears stood with locked arms during the national anthem last night. Perhaps the NFL is realizing the protests are bad for business. Packers fans appear to largely ignore the team's request to link arms during the anthem, lots of folks holding signs in support of the flag instead. More teams may be back on their feet this weekend as well. The Steelers will be, according to this player.


UNINDENTIFIED MALE: I promise you one thing, this week we'll all be standing up out there for the national anthem. Trust me. We respect our flag, and we respect our military and everything that goes part of it. I care about the flag. Trust me, this team will stand up.


WATTERS: We've talked about this last night. We said the tide is turning, Kimberly. And I think there is evidence that we were right.

GUILFOYLE: Absolutely. It just feels good to be right here at "The Five," don't you think?


GUILFOYLE: I mean it's just feels great. It's Friday. "The Five." And so far, 7 minutes in we're getting it all right.

WATTERS: Everybody except Juan.

GUILFOYLE: Except for Juan. All right. We'll bring him along for the ride. But I like this, that actually we're able to get a positive outcome, we're going in the right direction. I wish that this never happened? Of course. However, it seems that they were able to do some quick work behind the scenes that this didn't continue to escalate into a big public nightmare. Because, ultimately, this was going to affect the team owners, the players, et cetera, because you really were seeing a difference terms of viewership. You know it really can have a bad impact over all. You want to respect the players and their rights to express themselves about their personal opinions or they want to stand for something like for social injustice, but at the same time you want them to do the job that they were paid to do, so find a way to work it out. So far, they're standing and I hope we can move forward from this as a country.

WATTERS: I hope we can too. I feel like we are moving forward.

GUILFOYLE: Hand over your hearts.

WATTERS: That's right. Going in that direction, it looks like, and a lot of teams are asking all the players to stand up in unison. Do you think that's a good thing?

WILLIAMS: I don't have any objection to them. I mean, I never thought that -- I thought it confused the message. But let me just say this. What you're seeing is man standing, locking arms, and they've asked the fans to lock arms, I'm not sure that many of them did, but they asked. It's still an attempt to call attention to what they see as an injustice, which is the way that black people are treated by cops.


WILLIAMS: So they're trying still to make the statement. And what strikes me as, you know, having written about civil rights history is you go back to Dr. King. Dr. King, when he was in jail in Birmingham, remember, he wrote this. He said, you know, there're people who are more devoted to order than to justice who prefer a negative piece, which is the absence of tension, to a positive peace, which is the presence of justice. And to me it's like everybody say, oh, yeah. So the players aren't kneeling, we win. Boy, I think that's tone-deaf. I really do.

WATTERS: Have we not had a discussion about police brutality? Because this is what originally the whole protest movement was about?

PERINO: Well, we have. It's interesting, talking to Governor Huckabee last night he's just signed on with this group of conservatives who are for criminal justice reform. And there is a bipartisan effort that could actually get done. And I think President Trump is in a position to direct his attorney general to say let's work on this, let's get this done. And if I think that if the country saw that there was policy movement in Washington, D.C. on this and it was bipartisan, which people have said they wanted, that everybody could maybe get back to watching football.

WATTERS: Greg, what do you think?

GUTFELD: I think this is something that got out of hand. It's like when I try to fix a stain on my shirt, you just keep rubbing it and rubbing it and that's what happens. This thing was something that everybody had to start rubbing -- oh, I'll fix it, I'll help it, and the stain just got bigger and bigger and bigger. I think people.

GUILFOYLE: I hate when that happens.

GUTFELD: People who engage in this kind of protest which is introducing politics into sports are upset when other people get upset. You realize that's the risk. I mean, if there was -- if people did not get angry, then you're protests had no risks. It means nothing. So everybody got something out of this. I mean, the protesters can say, hey, look, we raised awareness, even though we're probably incorrect on the statistics because if you took the time and read the statistics about police brutality, you might come away changing your mind. But we won't get into that here because that takes a lot of time and it's far more, you know, romantic, sentimental, emotional, to take a stand in front of people and introduce it into a public event. But the problem is people get mad. You have to accept that. That's the risk you took.

WATTERS: A lot of people did get mad. All right. Next, how the far left saying President Trump is now actually hurting children. A wild story ahead.


GUILFOYLE: We all love Dr. Seuss. Who didn't grow up reading one of his books like Cat in the Hat, Green Eggs and Ham? Well, to celebrate National Read a Book Day, first lady Melania Trump sent Dr. Seuss books to school in each state. She had a surprising letter back from one liberal elementary school librarian in Cambridgeport, Massachusetts, who refused to accept the gift. Well, the woman criticized the Trump administration education policy and images in the book, calling the illustrations steeped in racist propaganda. Interestingly, this same librarian wasn't opposed to the beloved children's author way back in 2015, two long years ago, when she was dressed as a Dr. Seuss character. Hmm. No, you can't make it up. There it is right there. Green egg and ham in all. So Dana, what do you make of this?

PERINO: Obviously, I feel like she was trying to get attention. OK. And then, people like this librarian seemed to hate the right so much or hate Fox News, and they make it so easy for us to say how ridiculous you are. First of all, yes, you're right about -- Dr. Seuss, everyone pretty much agrees first ladies are off limits when you're giving away books. Pretty much, like accept the book and move on.

GUILFOYLE: I think she's making a fake point here. It's like fake outrage about Dr. Seuss, but it's clearly she was digging it. Who else would dress up like that? I mean, that's one costume I don't have.

GUTFELD: Is he a doctor, for real? I'm just curious. I never really looked into that if he's an actual doctor. I think there's a story in that, Rachel Maddow, is Dr. Seuss an actual doctor? Do you remember when librarians weren't self-righteous left-wing jackasses?



GUTFELD: They were nice -- generally, they were little old ladies, but they were very stern.

PERINO: Well, somebody like Laura Bush who was a librarian.

GUTFELD: All they would do is shush you. That is their role. By the way, the library is like the only place where the first amendment doesn't apply. Like you actually can't speak. The thing is, liberals have to start really looking at their party, or their group, their ideology, because now it's all nuts and no nougat. I mean, there's just - a lot of angry people out there making stupid decision. And let's not forget who read the cat in the hat to children -- I guess it was -- I don't know how many years ago, but it was like Michelle Obama had read this, and apparently it was no problem, but now it's a problem? I don't know.

PERINO: So did Ted Cruz on that senate floor.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my goodness.


GUTFELD: Michelle Obama said she's a better comparison.



PERINO: There's a bipartisan love.

GUTFELD: I actually had a thought but they didn't play it. Sound that tape to you people at home.

GUILFOYLE: OK, control room, can you make Greg happy?

GUTFELD: No, we don't want it now. It's too late.

GUILFOYLE: What a freak.


GUILFOYLE: All right, let's go to Jesse. Too soon.

WATTERS: I think they should center the cat in the make America great again hat. That's not really the name of the book, it's just Cat in the Hat. What are the racial overtones of Green Eggs and Ham? How is that racial propaganda? Green? Ham? Tell me, Juan, do you have any ideas?


WATTERS: You can't make this stuff up.

GUILFOYLE: And that's high.

WATTERS: Yeah, I know. I'm a lot taller.

WILLIAMS: Do you want me to explain to you.


WILLIAMS: Just so the audience understands because Greg said that everybody on the left is like pulling nougat.

GUTFELD: I said nuts.


WILLIAMS: Nuts. It's too easy to slam back on to what's going-on on the right at the moment. But let me just say to honestly answer your question, Jesse, that she things that the Cat in the Hat is like a minstrel and it's based on people -- white people performing in black face is what she said.

GUTFELD: Why didn't she bring up the Michelle Obama rhetoric?

WATTERS: Is it the cat in black face in the "Cat in the Hat" book?

WILLIAMS: No. The whole behaviors -- you know what? I mean.



GUILFOYLE: You're just going to have to use your imagination.


WILLIAMS: It's hard for me because I loved the book and I read it to my children, and I read it to my grandchildren. In fact, my grandchildren like Tom and Jerry, and their dad, who is white, has told me that, you know, they have to get a warning now on Tom and Jerry.

WATTERS: Why, because it's too violent? They're gay couple?

WILLIAMS: What is wrong with you?


WATTERS: I'm fishing. I'm fishing why are they upset?

WILLIAMS: How did I get on this show?


WILLIAMS: What am I doing here?

PERINO: You we're saying, why are they upset with Tom and Jerry?

WILLIAMS: It's violent and also racial stuff inside. You know, I was a big fan of Little Rascals, and you talk about racial stuff? Little Rascals has racial stuff.

GUILFOYLE: Wait -- OK, wait a second. So in case you throw away your iPhone, your calendar and you're like, what day of the week is it, you know it's Friday on The Five right now.


GUILFOYLE: It's like crazy town. I don't even know. Let's just be serious, Juan. There's nothing wrong with.

WILLIAMS: I just told you. I don't have any problem with it. But I was trying to respond to Jesse in an honest way about the substance.

GUILFOYLE: How does that work out?

WILLIAMS: Obviously, it didn't have much impact. But I'm just saying this is what the woman said. You can just dismiss her or you can say what are you talking about?

GUTFELD: I don't think that's what it's about. I don't think it was about the actual book at all. I thought it was about the fact that the art Dr. Seuss had done some editorial cartooning about the Japanese in World War II that was considered racist propaganda, am I wrong?

WILLIAMS: And that's not what she said. I mean, she said the fact that the book should have been sent to a poor school rather than to her school.

WATTERS: No. Juan, you know what it's for? It's because Melania Trump gave the book. Not because there's racial overtones. That was a ruse.

WILLIAMS: Oh, OK. I just want to give people.

GUILFOYLE: Can we show the picture of the woman again, the teacher, the librarian in that outfit? I mean, this is really says it all.

GUTFELD: Wait, so this -- she's dressed.


GUTFELD: Then why does she dresses.

GUILFOYLE: Wait a second. Did you hear the whole opening for this segment?


WILLIAMS: Let me just say. President Obama gave -- I hate to say this in front of Greg, but Dr. Ted Seuss Geisel -- you know, an award -- I forget what the award was, but it was like a presidential award for having written "The Cat in the Hat."

GUILFOYLE: I think we need to leave it there.

GUTFELD: Is there any other books besides "Cat in the Hat" and "Green Eggs and Ham?" "Horton Hears a Who."

GUILFOYLE: We need to go, really.

GUTFELD: No, let's keep going?


GUILFOYLE: That's enough already for me. All right. On a serious note, my hometown, Puerto Rico completely devastated. And the situation there could get much worse. Next, we're going to hear from President Trump on his strategy to give aid to the struggling island.


PERINO: So the situation in Puerto Rico is growing dire, 10 days after a direct hit by Hurricane Maria. As foreseen, it's getting worse before it gets better. The president addressed the crisis earlier today.


DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA: We have to rebuild. I mean, if you look at it, the electric is gone, the roads are gone. The telecommunications is gone. It's all gone. And the real question is what's going to happen later. It's a tough situation. Puerto Rico was flattened. And a big decision comes as to what we're going to do. But I'm there to help. I can tell you that.


PERINO: Kimberly, President Trump is going to go there on Tuesday. In the meantime, he has appointed a three star general, General Buchanan, who was to go down there and try to assess the situation so that they can try to figure out what kind of aid that they need. They have water needs, medical needs, food needs. They also just need a way to get all of the aid that's there to the people, because the dams are breaking, the roads are washed out, and there's no gasoline.

GUILFOYLE: It's really a dire situation. I'm really happy the president is going on Tuesday. It's the right move. I think it will mean a lot to the people of Puerto Rico that they are not forgotten. You know, despite the fact that there're so many natural disasters and tragedies that have been occurring lately in the United States. It's always the first to lend a helping hand. And it's important too that we -- you know, take care of our own here as well.

And like you mentioned, Dana, it's a huge problem there in terms of a lack of any kind of infrastructure set up to be able to -- even try to, you know, hand these things out, to disseminate the information of supplies, materials, roads, proper transportation. Reports are in very bad damage.
And then, of course, medical situation like I've been talking about with our chief of our medical team, Dr. Manny Alvarez, was one of the first to go down there to offer help and assistance for the medical crisis.

We know the people -- things like chemotherapy being flown out by the singer, Pit Bull, who donated his plane so that they can continue their treatment. Can you imagine that having to evacuate people so that they don't die? That they can get their cancer treatment. That's how serious it is there. And how much need, real need, substantive need there is in Puerto Rico. And it's something that's not going to be fixed very quickly. And sending the general there I think it's very important, but it's going to require a military operation.

PERINO: Well, he's already said that they're going to need more military personnel. And in fact, Jesse, New York State and New Jersey, both governors are sending National Guard in order to try to help as well.

WATTERS: That's great. It's always the military that comes in during these crises because they're the best equipped institutions to handle something like this. No one can deal with the logistics of bringing in generators, bringing in water, and coordinating the situation on an island, you know, surrounded by the ocean. It's just so hard to do. If anybody can do it, it's the U.S. military. They're going to have to rebuild this island and it's going to take years, but it's also going to provide a lot of opportunity. There's going to be a lot of investment in Puerto Rico, I believe. A lot of celebrities. I know J.Lo, you've mentioned Pitbull have raised money and raised awareness because I still think a lot of awareness needs to be raised. Yes, it's not first in their minds like Florida or Texas. Puerto Rico is a little different than.

GUILFOYLE: Mark Cuban gave his plane.

WATTERS: Exactly. You know, this island, U.S. citizens are there. It needs our help. And I think it's good that we do these stories on the show.

PERINO: Juan, the mayor today said, "Save us from dying." That's how -- the situation is such that the local population has been overwhelmed, and so obviously, they need a lot more help.

WILLIAMS: You know, there's a political dimension to this story that you kind of hesitate to bring it up. But I mean, it is the subtext of what we're discussing. Because the prime text is obviously the suffering, the potential loss of life. Half of the hospitals in Puerto Rico out of service. Half of the island, no running water. They talk about the retirement homes, senior citizens centers now is becoming human cages, because they have no air conditioning. We know what happened in Florida in that kind situation.

But it's become political, because you have, especially on the left, people saying that President Trump is not performing here. We know what happened when there was criticism of President Bush down in Louisiana and how quickly it got into a racial conversation. All of that is present in this consideration.

So then you have Elaine Duke, the acting homeland security secretary, saying, "You know what? This is a good news story," because so many people are making an effort, as you just heard from Jesse and Kimberly. And in fact, the number of corporations, including the cruise lines and others, the Dallas Mavericks, everybody, getting involved.

But she said it was a good news story. So then the San Juan mayor, Carmen Yulin Cruz, says, "This is not a good news story. People are dying." And she said, you know, the president had called San Juan and she said, "Thank you, Mr. President, but there's 77 other towns that are still underwater."

So at that point, it's just like, you know, how much can you do and is the president, in fact, not responding in the way that he should be to help Americans?

PERINO: Well, I do think all of that can come later, and there are some questions about...

GUTFELD: I can address that. If you look at the media's take on the other networks towards Puerto Rico, it's absolutely shameful. If this is, indeed, somehow Trump's responsibility, then look at the two impeccable responses to the previous disasters. OK, if you're just looking at experience, and you're saying, this is what happened here and this is what happened here, and this is different. What's the variable? What's the variable? It's the same man. So maybe you might want to consider that it's the area that is different. That it is an island. It's a location. You've got to get ships there. It takes longer for ships to get there. That's not Trump's fault.

No. 2, infrastructure. This is not like a U.S. state. They're U.S. citizens, but the infrastructure pales in comparison. This place was a mess. We know it's a mess. It's been a victim of 20 years of corruption.

So this -- You've got to go back. There were two examples of excellent response. This one is slower. The inclination to blame Trump is because he is Trump. And to bring up race and to say that he's not doing enough because they're Puerto Ricans. That's just B.S.

You have two perfect examples of a perfect response to two disasters. This one is different. Why? The variables are location and infrastructure. How simple is that to understand? They don't want to understand it. The media doesn't want to understand it, because see this as a way to tar Trump.

PERINO: Well, it's also -- I mean, everybody wants to go back to Katrina.


PERINO: When in fact it was Oprah Winfrey who apologized to President Trump.


PERINO: When she said, "Oh, my gosh. I didn't realize how bad the local response was."

Location is also part of it.


PERINO: It's also the strength of the storm.


PERINO: It was a gigantic storm that hit them at high tide right over the island. Like, the eye went over it so nothing was spared.

GUILFOYLE: Hurricane...

PERINO: The good news is that the general is on the ground. The president is going to go on Tuesday; and people trying to get the resources in there and that we will all be trying to do as much as we can.

All right. Next up, Delta Airlines and their new idea that will surely drive me nuts. We're going to tell you what it is next.


WILLIAMS: Delta Airlines is about to offer free in-flight text messaging to their customers as part of a strategy that will give them, quote -- quote here -- "something they've been asking for," end quote, which is good for you, Gregory. Except they'll have to deny you those little booze bottles. I've seen you on Twitter, you know.

Anyway, so when I -- when I heard about this, I thought, you know, "I wonder how Dana Perino would react?"

PERINO: I am -- I am fine with people texting as long as everyone turns every noise off of their phone.

GUILFOYLE: She hates it.

PERINO: There's nothing worse than when you land, and people turn on their phones, and it's like, "Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding." And then the entire time. Like, if you get that many text messages, you don't need to be notified, because you're checking it every three seconds anyway.

WILLIAMS: Well, let me just say.

PERINO: That's how I feel.

GUILFOYLE: That irritates her. That's why do not have your phone on, and you hear it make -- My phone is always on "Do not disturb," man. I'm not getting the frosty freeze left and right.

WILLIAMS: Did you say in hair and makeup?

PERINO: Hair and makeup.

GUILFOYLE: We're all getting ready together.


GUILFOYLE: You better not have the "Ding, ding." Ma'am.

WILLIAMS: But so here is my problem.

PERINO: My mom has a train. It goes choo-choo. It drives me crazy. Mom, I love you, but...

WILLIAMS: Now she's in trouble.

But here's my worry. That this is just, you know, the start. And pretty soon, you're going to be able to have cell phone calls, and that's going to really be a problem.

GUILFOYLE: There's going to have to be a quiet car or something. I'd be like, "Oh, no, you didn't." Shh, shh, shh.

GUTFELD: I don't think know what you're talking about.

WILLIAMS: They don't know what we're talking about?

GUTFELD: The quiet car.

GUILFOYLE: On a train. There's a place where there's no talking, and there's a place where there's a lot of eating and socializing.

PERINO: And in the bus on the way anywhere.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh.

PERINO: There's no talking, right?

GUILFOYLE: No talking.

WILLIAMS: Jesse, do you buy the wi-fi on airplanes?

WATTERS: I expense it, Juan.

GUTFELD: There you go.

GUILFOYLE: The price is right.

WILLIAMS: But it's expensive.

WATTERS: Yes, it is.

WILLIAMS: And so the head of Delta said, "You know what? The problem is that we're going to have to make it less expensive and therefore more available." But once you do that, then again, it's like you can never say to the boss, "Jesse is out of touch. You know, the flight boarded..."

WATTERS: Yes. That was my time where I just really unwound and watched movies. And no, obviously you need to text in the air. You've got to talk to your family. You've got to talk to the boss, the employees.

GUILFOYLE: You've got to talk to El Dad when he's looking for you.

WATTERS: Yes, I mean, he needs to get in touch with you. It's fine. I'm all for it. I don't know what, particularly, Dana is so worried about it. It's not that big of a deal. It's not that loud. You must have, like, audio sensitivity problems.

PERINO: I do. I have very good ears. Hearing, not ears.

WILLIAMS: Greg, you are the deciding vote among the justices tonight.

GUTFELD: I -- I've said this before, it's a bad idea to mix alcohol and communication. Especially on a high altitude. Because high altitude has a better impact on your blood stream when you're drinking. And so certain bad idea start feeling like they're good ideas.

GUILFOYLE: Well, because you take medicine, too.

GUTFELD: No, I'm talking about altitude.

GUILFOYLE: No, but you know. You're fine. Anxiety. My gosh, take his sock off.

WILLIAMS: He's giving you the eye.

GUTFELD: I don't like it.

WILLIAMS: You don't like it?

GUTFELD: No, I don't like it.

WILLIAMS: Well, the court has ruled.

All right. It's your turn to ask questions straight ahead. "Facebook Friday," up next.




GUTFELD: That's the music from the chase scene in "Planet of the Apes." The original "Planet of the Apes," the only one.

All right. It's "Facebook Friday." We have your questions, but before we begin, a reminder that next week, you get to select the music on the show. So send us your song choices, using hashtag #WelcomeBackTo5. I hate saying "hashtag." It makes me feel smaller than I already am.

PERINO: Would you rather say "pound"?

GUTFELD: Pound. That's what it originally was. Pound. Say "pound."

OK, from Paul I: "What is the best quality you got from your parents?" Kimberly?


GUTFELD: Very good. Loyalty, eh? Hmm.

GUILFOYLE: I mean, hard work, too.


GUILFOYLE: You said one.

WATTERS: Not their politics...

GUTFELD: That's the best quality! Not their politics!

WATTERS: Not they're politics.

GUTFELD: They're very liberal.


GUTFELD: I think professors?

WATTERS: They're educators.

GUTFELD: OK. Interesting.

What about you, Dana? What's the best quality? There's so many...

PERINO: My dad's work ethic. And also -- with my mom, I guess the -- she is very bighearted, and she did a lot with refugee resettlement. And I think that had a big impact on me.

GUTFELD: So it's your selflessness.

WATTERS: Have you taken any Syrian refugees?

GUTFELD: It is your selflessness.

GUILFOYLE: Empathetic and also, you know, charitable. And that makes sense because of your work, as well, with so many organizations. Mercy Ships.

PERINO: Yes, Mercy Ships. I think that's true, yes.

GUTFELD: What about you, Juan?

WILLIAMS: I always think my mom was pretty tenacious, you know. I mean, people talk about Asian tiger moms. Well, I had a black tiger mom.


WILLIAMS: She was like -- I mean, really, she's tough. But I loved her. And I think she loved me, of course. But...

WATTERS: You think?

GUILFOYLE: I'm sure she did! Juan, of course she did.

WILLIAMS: But then my dad -- my dad was kind of a tough guy. And I'm not a tough guy like that. And I always wanted to be like him, so I hope I'm a little bit like him.

GUTFELD: The best quality I got was brute, physical strength. I can bench press a semi.

WILLIAMS: From your mother?

GUTFELD: Yes. My mom was incredibly strong. She was a lineman.

All right. This is from Kate, Kate L. This is a great question. Let's start with you, Dana, and go around. "What is your favorite flavor of chips?"

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my goodness.

PERINO: Salt and vinegar.

GUTFELD: Really? Interesting. Wow. That's kind of sour, bitter.

PERINO: Surprise you?

GUTFELD: I guess it does.

GUILFOYLE: It's very British.

GUTFELD: What about you, Juan?

WILLIAMS: That was such an answer. Kind of bitter, huh?


WILLIAMS: Well, I just like regular old salty potato chips, although...

GUILFOYLE: Like Lay's?

WILLIAMS: Yes, Lay's. They're terrific. I didn't want to give them a free ad, but they make great potato chips. Utz aren't bad either. And I would also say that I like Pringles. Old Bay if you're on the...

PERINO: No, no, no.

WILLIAMS: Old Bay on chips is good stuff.

PERINO: That tastes terrible.

GUTFELD: Oh, wow. They're not going to send us anything free.

Jesse, say something good so if somebody sends us something free, because that's why we're doing this.

WATTERS: I like Cape Cod. Plug. Sour cream and onion. I like sour cream and onion.


WATTERS: I think those are the best. It's not even...

GUILFOYLE: How's that for you?

WATTERS: I guess that was a mix.

GUTFELD: You should -- do you know what? Mint-flavored chips would solve that problem. You eat the chips, but they taste like mint, so your breath smells minty fresh.

Kimberly, you eat...

GUILFOYLE: Good thing you're tall so we don't have to get it from you up there.

WATTERS: Yes, I talk right over you.


GUTFELD: Kimberly, chips?

GUILFOYLE: I eat them all. I eat them all. Really do love salt and vinegar chips. That was a strong choice. I love the nacho Doritos.

PERINO: Like Doritos. That's your thing.

GUILFOYLE: Love them. Like the Fritos little chip ones, too. But I'll tell you, if I've got the right sauce and guacamole, I love a nice, clean corn tortilla chip you can scoop with.

WATTERS: Scoop, yes.

GUTFELD: My favorite chip flavor is potato. Honestly, you can't trick me. By having a flavored chip, I know you're not that thing.

PERINO: I like veggie chips.

GUTFELD: You know what I mean? It's like if you're sour cream and onion...

GUILFOYLE: Don't say kale.

GUTFELD: ... I know that you're not really sour cream or onion. You're a chip with the flavoring. Don't try to trick me.


GUTFELD: I'll stick to having a potato. A potato-flavored potato chip, thank you very much.

GUILFOYLE: Well, why don't you just eat a potato, then?

GUTFELD: I have been known to eat potatoes, raw potatoes, sometimes in the bath while weeping quietly.

WILLIAMS: Oh, my God.

GUTFELD: Peggy -- This is amazing. I'm going to go to you, Jesse, first. This from Peggy S.: "If you could be an insect, what would you be?"

WATTERS: Cockroach. They survive nuclear holocaust, right?

WILLIAMS: they do.

GUTFELD: They do, they do.

GUILFOYLE: And they still want to vote (ph), you know?

GUTFELD: What about you, Kimberly? This is a great question. What kind of insect would you be?

GUILFOYLE: What would I be? Black widow?

GUTFELD: Nicely done. Nicely done.

WILLIAMS: Can I leave now?

WATTERS: Sit over here, Juan.

WILLIAMS: Really, I'm running over to Jesse's side.

GUTFELD: We must point out, all of her ex-husbands are still alive.

GUILFOYLE: How many do you have?

GUTFELD: All of your ex-husbands.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, all of mine. I thought you said, "All of our."

PERINO: That's what I thought.

GUILFOYLE: I was like, do we have community property?

GUTFELD: Whatever. You say "your," I say "our."

GUILFOYLE: Thank you for the record correction.

GUTFELD: Potato chip, po-tah-to chip.

WILLIAMS: Isn't it the case that ants have, like, fantastic strength?

GUTFELD: Yes, they can lift 100 times -- or something like that.

WILLIAMS: Well, there you go. That would be good. What about a praying mantis?

GUTFELD: Praying mantis would be great, yes.

WILLIAMS: It's pretty cool.

GUTFELD: What about you?

PERINO: Queen bee.



PERINO: No, really, a ladybug.


GUTFELD: You'd be a great ladybub [SIC] -- bug, or bub. I don't know. I guess I would be a -- I would like to be a snail, because I always like being home.

WATTERS: Is that an insect?

WILLIAMS: I don't think a snail is...

GUTFELD: I've got my home. And I'm very -- and I don't like to move quickly.

GUILFOYLE: By the way, that's perfect. Because remember your whole "Greg's Sudden Turn News"?


GUILFOYLE: That makes sense for you with that.

GUTFELD: It does make sense, Kimberly.

GUILFOYLE: Are you afraid of bugs, though?

GUTFELD: I love bugs.

GUILFOYLE: OK, never mind.

GUTFELD: Anyway, "One More Thing" up next.


WATTERS: It is time now for "One More Thing" -- Dana.

PERINO: Well, Jesse, it's your lucky day. Because your first time having Jasper on the the show. Jasper, America's dog, initially here for "The Five." He joins me for corny jokes about dogs. Are you ready?


PERINO: "Dana's Corny Jokes." Do we have that thing?

GUTFELD: Not anymore.

PERINO: We have nothing. "Dana's Corny Jokes." All right. No. 1.


PERINO: "Dana's Corny Joke of the Day."


GUTFELD: Somebody's asleep.

PERINO: OK. Jasper -- no, stay. Stay, stay, stay. What do my dog and my phone have in common?


PERINO: They both have collar I.D.



How does a dog stop a TV show?

He presses "paws."

I like -- Juan always laughs.

WILLIAM: I love her jokes.

GUILFOYLE: I want to get one right.

PERINO: Last one. What do you call a dog that meditates?

WATTERS: Um, namaste.

PERINO: A "where wolf"?

WATTERS: That was a stretch.

PERINO: Where, wolf, like namaste.

GUTFELD: Got it.

PERINO: Got it? OK. Well, that was great. And he's going to -- Jasper will stay for "One More Thing."

WATTERS: Greg Gutfeld, I believe, is next.

GUTFELD: All right. Saturday, 10 p.m., it's a great show. You're going to recognize some of these people. We've got -- I don't know who that is on the left -- oh, Dana Perino, Kimberly Guilfoyle, Kat Timpf, Tyrus. It's going to be great. We're going to talk about lots of crap.

All right.

GUILFOYLE: This will be the highest rated show, Jesse.


GUTFELD: "Greg's Crime Corner"


GUTFELD: Big news. Let's roll the tape, shall we? A potbellied pig that had been on the loose for a while. Amazing, this pig had been -- has now finally been nabbed by police in Virginia.

The pig had become a familiar sight in the Hickory -- Twin Hickory subdivision. Thank you, Sean, for adding that fact. Police caught -- police caught the pig Tuesday morning after it briefly held up traffic.

The pig is likely a pet that escaped. The owner still hasn't come forward. There you go. Swine.



GUILFOYLE: You didn't do Sean's work justice in the way you read that.


WATTERS: Kimberly Guilfoyle.

GUILFOYLE: Thank you so much, Jesse.

WATTERS: You're welcome.

GUILFOYLE: So last night, Dana and I had a pleasure of attending a fantastic event at the Fox News Channel "Women at Fox News Panel and Networking Mixer." It was really fun and super interesting. There's Harris Faulkner. She was the moderator and...

PERINO: Great job.

GUILFOYLE: Unbelievable job. And it was so fascinating. You saw that other picture that had some of women here in our leadership at Fox News. Joanne Ho (ph) is head of digital content development and executive producer. And Marshelly Viewens (ph), who is director of recruitment.

GUTFELD: We showed this picture already.

GUILFOYLE: I know. I'm showing it again, because I'm giving their names, Greg. Nicole Kampa (ph), who's director of human resources in news bureaus. And she is Puerto Rican like myself and had some nice things and important things to say about Puerto Rico, as well.

We had our colleague Shannon Bream there. We heard from our president...

PERINO: It was great.

GUILFOYLE: ... Elizabeth McDonald and Tita (ph) Jackson, as well. We all attended.

PERINO: And lots of young women very excited to be there.

GUILFOYLE: Very inspirational. Look forward to many more.

GUTFELD: I was not invited. Neither was Jesse.

GUILFOYLE: And our very own Nina Pertises (ph) was there, and Megan Albano.

WILLIAMS: Terrific.

GUILFOYLE: That was fabulous. So a lot more where that came from.

PERINO: Yes, a lot more to do

GUTFELD: I think it's sexist. But anyway, go ahead.

PERINO: We'll invite you next time, Greg.

GUILFOYLE: Men were invited and attended. Yes, Brian Jones was there.
And the head of HR was there, Kevin Mulchak (ph). Kevin was included.

WATTERS: Wow. Sounds like a party I was not invited to. So Hillary had a book signing the other day in Brooklyn. I decided I had to go.


WATTERS: What happened?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: My God, I don't know.

WATTERS: I don't think Hillary knows either.

Can I tell you what happened? Trump crushed her.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I disagree with that.

WATTERS: What do you think happened?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I think that sexism caused it.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: The Russians hacked our elections.

WATTERS: They did? Did the Russians tell Hillary not to campaign in Wisconsin?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes, I know, I know, I know. I know.


WATTERS: So a lot of Crooked Hillary fans out there in Brooklyn, buying a lot books, line wrapped around the block. You can see the rest of that on my show, "Watters World."

GUTFELD: You're really tall. Or her fans are small.

WATTERS: Eight o'clock Saturday night. We also have Hef's ex-girlfriend there, and we have Mike Huckabee.

PERINO: Are you trying to compete with us?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You know it's Greg who's going to smoke you Saturday night. He's got me, Dana.

PERINO: Kimberly, Dana. Tyrus.

WATTERS: You won.

WILLIAMS: All right. All right. So a serious note here, a profile in courage moment at the Air Force academy in Colorado yesterday. The head of the Air Force Academy, Lieutenant General Jay Silveria, reacted to racial slurs written outside the dorm rooms of black cadets, which included the use of the "N" word. The lieutenant general gathered every staff member, every cadet at the academy, and delivered this message.


LT. GEN. JAY SILVERIA, HEAD OF AIR FORCE ACADEMY: If you demean someone in any way, then you need to get out. And if you can't treat someone from another race or a different color skin with dignity and respect, then you need to get out. The power of that diversity comes together and makes us that much more powerful.


WILLIAMS: I just thought, given the tone of the discussion in the country about race, the NFL, Charlottesville, wow. You understand why the military does so well.

WATTERS: Never miss an episode of "The Five." We'll see you guys back here Monday. "Special Report" up next.

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