Walmart apologizes for 'cocaine Santa' sweater

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Walmart apologizes for 'cocaine Santa' sweater

The holiday sweaters have been taken down from Walmart's website; reaction on 'The Greg Gutfeld Show.'

This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," December 14, 2019. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

Male Speaker: Can I get 900? 900? You got 900? I don't know. All right, coming in at a 1,000. Thousand, last time I'm giving you a 1,000. Thousands and thousands and thousands five hundred? You got a thousand? Thousand five hundred?

Male Speaker: Sold.

Male Speaker: A thousand five hundred. A -- No, you don't get it. That's every time I see him, [mumbling] I have no idea what he's saying.

Greg Gutfeld: No one ever knows what you're saying either.[cheers]Behold the first impeachment ever based on imagination. First, look at this sad bunch. It's like the Last Supper at the counter at Wendy's. When they could find no crime, they steal the plot of minority reports. "Let's stop Trump from doing stuff he hasn't done yet" because the stuff they had on him was garbage. The dossier. I wonder if Kellyanne knows what it means.

[start video clip]

Kellyanne Conway: It's a good time to remind everybody, dossier is just a fancy French term for a load of crap.

[end video clip]

[laughter]

Greg Gutfeld:Got to love her. Still, the media gobbled up this fever dream based on drunken gossip; a sex fantasy designed to get Michael Moore horny. Remember, remember, Putin hired hookers to defile a bed where the Obamas once slept, all in the presence of evil Donald Trump. All that was missing was a sex toy shaped like Mike Huckabee's bass guitar. Still, the media bought it because they wanted to. It's a dilemma for me. The media and the Dems, they're like a person, you know, who's making a disastrous decision, like marrying Charlie Sheen. You want to say, "No, no, no, no, no, don't do that." You realize this person has screwed all of us since day one. So instead, you say, "Media and Democrats, you go for it." Right, Adam?

[start video clip]

Female Speaker: And now, Adam Schiff tries speed dating.

Female Speaker: So where are you from?

Actor as Adam Schiff: How many apples have you eaten? Female

Speaker: You mean like today?

Actor as Adam Schiff: In life.

Female Speaker: I don't know. I don't keep track.

Actor as Adam Schiff: Irresponsible. Have you cheated on your taxes?

Female Speaker: No.

Actor as Adam Schiff: Apple picking?

Female Speaker:[confused sound]

Actor as Adam Schiff: If you were an apple, I wouldn't pick you. Next.

Female Speaker: You know, I've never dated a congressman before.

Actor as Adam Schiff: And you never will. Next.

Female Speaker: What kind of music do you like?

Actor as Adam Schiff: Balloons. I like to blow them up in my basement, slowly let the air out.

Female Speaker: Okay, well, I like the older stuff. Like The Beatles.

Actor as Adam Schiff: Never heard of them. Would you like to hear my favorite song?

Female Speaker: Sure.

Actor as Adam Schiff:[balloon losing air sound] Next.

[end video clip]

Greg Gutfeld: So 17 errors were made in the FISA process, yet we're told there was no bias. But if the errors all went in one direction, how's that unintentional? I mean, maybe I didn't mean to rob that bank, but the 17 mistakes I made along the way, you know, slipping and falling into that ski mask with my hand accidentally landing on that gun and then stumbling blindly into the savings and loan and by pure chance, scribbling, "Give me the money or you're going die. [beep]" on the back of a deposit slip, what are the odds of me making all those mistakes like that in a row? Which is why no one buys this crap. As the impeachment satisfies a craven media, it keeps helping Trump in key battleground states. What does that remind you of? The last election. Remember, it was the media who devoted hours to bashing Trump. The result? He won. And yet the media is doing it again with impeachment, mocking Trump and his defenders while pretending this isn't some sham, and Trump's numbers just go up. It's like the Tory landslide in England. A rebuke of rabid leftism. If our Dems were smart, they take that as a preview of what could happen here. You know, it's like watching your buddy take the drug first. But our Dems aren't that smart, and the media protects their stupidity from its consequences. Not to let the Republicans off the hook, however, they all should have walked out of that hearing, but by staying, they gave the charade some credence, and a charade it was. One Democrat even admits the impeachment vote was delayed because it was too late for a TV audience. So how delusional do you have to be to think the solution for your idiotic farce is to get more people to see your idiotic farce? Right, Adam?

[start video clip]

Female Speaker: And now, Adam Schiff conducts his daily mediation.

Actor as Adam Schiff: So stressed. You need to relax, Adam.

[heavy metal music playing]

Such a sweet symphony of sound.

[end video clip]

Greg Gutfeld: Oh, my God. It's getting weirder and weirder. What does it tell you when the establishment, media, and establishment politicians are all trying to do the same thing? They sense the establishment's under attack, and it is. Who'd have thought, though, that the most radical figure in modern history is a reality TV star with orange hair? Why not let him explain it?

[start video clip]

President Trump: I'm the only politician in history that has actually kept more promises than I made.

[end video clip]

[cheering]

Greg Gutfeld: Wait. Wait. We need to hear that again.

[start video clip]

President Trump: I'm the only politician in history that has actually kept more promises than I made.

[end video clip]

Greg Gutfeld: That makes absolutely no sense. But it's [bleep] brilliant.

[applause]

I mean, it's true. How did he make that true? How was that possible? So the more the critics attack him, the more they prove him right. Andrew Breitbart once said, "Politics is downstream from culture." So this massive irrational reaction to Trump isn't political at all, but cultural. For once, the media, academia, entertainment complex feel threatened. And impeachment is how the emotionally damaged fight back. But it's like the Harlem Globetrotters, every game you know how it's going to unfold. You know the outcome. So we watch Pelosi following the other clowns off a cliff. Engaging in an actual abuse of power, with Democrats vowing that they'll keep impeaching till the very end. It's like that tired cliché about proof of insanity doing the same thing over and over again despite getting the same bad result. We have a better definition. It's called listening to Adam Schiff.

[start video clip]

Female Speaker: And now Adam Schiff tries out his new Amazon Alexa.

Male Speaker: Hey, boss, Merry Christmas. I got you an Alexa.

Actor as Adam Schiff: No, thank you. I'm allergic to chocolate.

Male Speaker: No, no, no. It's a digital assistant. You can ask it anything.

Actor as Adam Schiff:[shakes Alexa]

Male Speaker: No, no, it's not a magic 8 ball. You just talk to it.

Actor as Adam Schiff: I'd like to order a pizza.

Male Speaker: No. Okay. No. Just put it on the desk and speak.

Actor as Adam Schiff: Alexa, please fetch me some milk.

Actress as Alexa: I'm sorry. I can't help with that.

Actor as Adam Schiff: Excuse me, fetch me some hot milk.

Actress as Alexa: Dude, who the [bleep] orders hot milk?

Actor as Adam Schiff: It's all right. I always carry a spare.

Actress as Alexa: What the heck is wrong with you?

Actor as Adam Schiff: It burns, but I like it.

[end video clip]

Greg Gutfeld: Let's welcome tonight's guests. He's so sharp, I use his head to open my fan mail. Washington Times' opinion editor and Fox News contributor Charlie Hurt, so good.[applause]She is so bright; her brain actually glows in the dark and Fox News headlines 24/7 reporter Carley Shimkus.

[applause]

She's fearless and cheerless, but never beer-less, host of Sincerely, Kat on Fox Nation, Kat Timpf.[applause]He still doesn’t know what a ladder is. My massive sidekick and host of Nuff Said on Fox Nation, Tyrus.

[applause]

Charlie, how’s this whole process going for you?

Charlie Hunt: I just can’t wait until -- I love the idea of having a full impeachment hearing on the Senate floor, and bring Donald Trump down to the monster truck rally. It’ll be like pro-wrestling, one of his rallies, combined with -- I mean, it’s going to be epic. And the idea that Democrats are so stupid that they actually think that this isn’t going to be the platform where he excels –

Greg Gutfeld: The best.

Charlie Hunt:-- the best, yeah. But one thing that I think is important to remember -- every -- we’re all talking about the Steele dossier now, and, you know, we’re not the ones who said this was a big deal. They’re the one that said it was a big deal. They’re the ones who -- now that it’s all been exposed –

[applause]-- they’re talking like, oh, we’re the morons because we’re still talking about it. No, you brought it up.

Greg Gutfeld: Exactly.

Charlie Hunt: You made it -- you turned it into the Magna Carta.

Greg Gutfeld: I’m actually let down that there wasn’t a pee tape. I mean, I was told there would be a pee tape. It’s like, you know, when you order something on HBO, and it’s just not that good.

Charlie Hunt: I would like to disassociate myself from the -- [unintelligible][laughter]

Carley Shimkus: The man wants what he wants.

Greg Gutfeld: Yes, exactly. Thank you, Carley, for defending me.

Tyrus:Somebody get him a pee tape.[laughter]

Greg Gutfeld: Carley, how do you think the Dems have conducted themselves in all this?

Carley Shimkus: It’s inevitable that impeachment is going to happen, and the next question is how it’s going to affect his reelection, and I think the answer is that it’s not going to affect him at all. And we were at this place where we were promised this major thing, and it’s not going to happen. As a matter of fact, because of those new polls that were out that show that he is exceeding in the swing states, it could actually do the exact opposite.

Greg Gutfeld: Right, yeah, which is fun. I find, like, a little surprise ending, Kat, to be really, really enjoyable, and I think that’s where this is going. Don’t you think? At least the Dems are going to be surprised, not us.

Kat Timpf: What do I –

Greg Gutfeld:We knew all along.

Kat Timpf: What do I think?

Greg Gutfeld: No, I don’t know what you think.[laughter]

Kat Timpf: I think that Adam Sandler would have been way better than Leonardo Di Caprio was in Titanic.

Greg Gutfeld:Yes.[laughter][applause]

Kat Timpf: That’s what I was thinking about this week.

Greg Gutfeld: Really?

Kat Timpf: Yeah, and every week. Hey, Adam. Yeah. No –

Greg Gutfeld: That’s a lot of energy.

Kat Timpf: No, listen. I had a hard time. I watched, but I couldn’t watch all of it.

Greg Gutfeld: Right.Kat Timpf:Yesterday -- I know I shouldn’t say this, because I work at FOX News, but I did change the channel in my office to watch CSPAN2, where they were doing a vote on a nomination for a fish and wildlife director.[laughter]And I found myself finding that riveting, all the ayes and then the nays. She -- I actually googled it today to find that she was, in fact, nominated.

Greg Gutfeld: Oh, that’s fantastic.

Kat Timpf: And I was like, “Great.” And that’s not interesting TV, right?

Greg Gutfeld: No, it’s not.

Kat Timpf: Right? I watched -- later watched the janitor clean up and all that, you know. You can see all that. I was like, “Doing a great job out there. Love that elbow grease.” And if that is the kind of television that this is -- I feel like it’s my job. I’m supposed to be watching it, and I did watch as much as I could. If it weren’t my job, I would have watched none of it.

Greg Gutfeld: Yeah. You know, it’s funny, the only good part was when they caught those reporters taking pictures of the paperwork on the desks. I -- this is what you -- this is the finger motion you make when you’re taking a picture when you’re old.

Tyrus: Yeah.

Greg Gutfeld: Joe Biden. This is Joe Biden taking a picture. Tyrus, I am 74 years old. This is how you take --[laughter]Oh, something is wrong with me, Tyrus.

Tyrus: I know the impeachment thing is cool, but could you please show us what a picture of Mike Huckabee’s bass looks like?[laughter]

Greg Gutfeld: You -- yeah, you used to play bass guitar every Saturday at 8:00 p.m. on Fox.

Tyrus:Did it match his suit? Is it the same –

Greg Gutfeld: No, [unintelligible] like this, and he just [unintelligible] like this. Remember? That’s my impression of Mike Huckabee playing the bass.

Kat Timpf:It’s no CSPAN2.

Greg Gutfeld:No, it’s not, but it’s close.

Tyrus: You know what –

Greg Gutfeld: It’s P-SPAN.Tyrus:Okay, thank you. I asked for a picture, and I got a monologue.[laughter]You know, I think with the Democrats the problem is who is doing the speaking. I think they need a special guest to come out and do the announcement for impeachment, so they can do it over again. I think Wile E. Coyote would have been phenomenal if he would have come out and said, “Sponsored by Acme” --[laughter]-- “the impeachment of -- I’m sorry, just one second. Just to -- what? The deal with China went in? Canada-Mexico trade is done? Boris Johnson is in? Wow, we” –

Kat Timpf:New fish and wildlife director nominated?

[laughter]

Tyrus: Yeah, Space program is good. Best economy; jobs.

Greg Gutfeld: Stock market.

Tyrus: Stock market. Let me get my umbrella out, because it literally is the worst -- yesterday was the worst day to drop impeachment. He’s literally going to use that in his introduction. Like, literally, “Reigning and defending two-term; impeached two-article president of the world” –

Greg Gutfeld: Yeah, you’re right.

Tyrus: He’s literally going to be --[applause]

Greg Gutfeld: That’s such a good point.

Tyrus: And then the best part is we don’t have to watch any of this. We can watch with Kat, because Mitch “The Spoiler” McConnell comes out and goes, “No.”[laughter]

Greg Gutfeld: Yes. [unintelligible] Of course, Fox is still going to carry it, which is going to drive me crazy, because I have to sit at the table of The Five and just do nothing, which is kind of what I do anyway.[laughter]All right, we’ve got to move on. Back in a bit with more fun stuff.[applause][commercial break]

Male Speaker: And now, The Greg Gutfeld Show presents the 2020 can’t-didates.[laughter]

Greg Gutfeld: Yeah, he’s standing firm on serving both terms. Advisers to Joe Biden are telling Politico, whatever that is, that if elected Biden would not run for a second term, pointing out that in four years he’d be 123 years old. Ageist, yes. Malarkey joe thinks so. And Joe's all about no malarkey, so he set the record straight.[start video clip]The Press:

Charlie Hunt: Yeah. You know, I don't have a problem with the sweater if it's for kids.[laughter]The problem I have –

Kat Timpf: There's the take. There's the take.

Charlie Hunt: When I see the girls wearing sweaters or T-shirts with cartoon characters on them, I find it very disturbing.

Greg Gutfeld: Me, too.

Charlie Hunt: It's like the infantilization of America, like every time parents get arrested for neglecting their kids –

Kat Timpf: Their kids?

Charlie Hunt:-- during, like, a seven-day meth-bender in a Wal-Mart parking lot –

Greg Gutfeld:Yeah. Yeah.

Charlie Hunt:-- the woman is always wearing a Tweety Bird T-shirt.

Greg Gutfeld: Yeah, it's true.

Charlie Hunt: And it's dirty.

Greg Gutfeld: No, you're right.

Charlie Hunt: And it's grimy. And they look like the super hero people at Times Square –

Greg Gutfeld:Right.

Charlie Hunt:-- that walk around and –

Greg Gutfeld: -- assaulting people.

Charlie Hunt: Right?

Greg Gutfeld: Yeah.

Charlie Hunt: It's okay for children. Adults need to stop wearing cartoon character –

Greg Gutfeld: Yes. Tyrus. I think you agree with him about kids. It's okay to wear the coke sweater, right?[laughter]

Tyrus:You know I like you, but I'm going to tell you as a parent, I strongly disagree with my kids running in the Christmas morning with cocaine sweater on.[laughter]

Charlie Hunt: Fair enough.

Tyrus: I don't think you quite got the scope of the sweater.

Kat Timpf: I'm crying.

Tyrus: The snowman, which is another reference for cocaine, had three lines of cocaine. And he was like, "Let it blow." I don't think you want the children to have that on. I think this is the one sweater that I would prefer that you would have an 18 year old or above wearing. This sweater is literally right up there with someone giving you a pile of dunk in your secret Santa gift.

Kat Timpf: Yes. As we discussed on the podcast, Tyrus and Timpf.

Tyrus: This is bad.

Greg Gutfeld: All right. But, you know, I mean, the fact is, I mean, how do you expect Santa to deliver all those gifts in one night?[laughter]

Kat Timpf: I knew you'd make that joke. I knew.[applause]Don't clap. Drag clap because he's wrong.

Greg Gutfeld: Rudolph had a red nose.

Kat Timpf: He's wrong.

Greg Gutfeld: Clearly everyone had problems. Everyone is saying this joke, "Well, of course" –

Tyrus: And the Grinch is pissed because no one cut him in on it.

Kat Timpf:"Santa" --Yes.

Kat Timpf:"Santa needs" –

Tyrus: The Grinch is upset because he didn't get anything.

Kat Timpf:"Santa needs to do cocaine because he's on the sleigh all night delivering gifts." Put that photo back up there. Put it up. Put it up. Somebody, please, please. Does it look like he's on his sleigh to you? Anyone? He is at home.

Carley Shimkus: It looks like –

Kat Timpf: He's at home.

Carley Shimkus:

It looks like he's on his couch.

Tyrus: That's his coffee table.

Kat Timpf: He's alone. He's alone. He doesn't even have any friends over. He's in late stage drug addiction. Okay? I'm very concerned for Santa.

Greg Gutfeld: I wouldn't know that.

Kat Timpf: You know what? And you know what else?

Greg Gutfeld: What?

Kat Timpf: It's also -- not only is it dangerous and it's sad. It also doesn't sound very fun.

Greg Gutfeld: Well, I'll tell you what –

Kat Timpf: Who wants to rip a bunch of --[cross talk]

Greg Gutfeld: Fun is in the nose of the beholder.

Tyrus: Not to mention, looking at again, it's also evil because as little hands aren't long enough to get to the coke.

Kat Timpf: Well, of course. He's a very sick man.

Tyrus: He's up here. He can't get to the –

Greg Gutfeld: You know what you don't see? The Gingerbread Man totally passed out on the floor, and Santa is eating his arm. Half of his arm is -- no. Stoned Santa would eat the Gingerbread Man. You know what this is? You know what this is the lesson of? This is where hipster irony fails to understand the world. Like hipster irony goes, "Hey, dude, that's a cool sweater." And he shows up at the Christmas party where the kids are, and they go –

Kat Timpf: Well, Charlie says it's for kids.

Greg Gutfeld: You know that hipster -- sort of -- isn't this funny? And then the parents' kids; go -- my kid, Billy, is wondering why Santa's in front of these white lines. Hipsters never think about that, which is why they should be arrested.

Kat Timpf: All of them.

Greg Gutfeld: And killed.

Kat Timpf:[laughs]

Greg Gutfeld: I joke. Do I? I do. Really? I don't know. My favorite story's next.[commercial break]

Greg Gutfeld: Your Fitbit is a Finkbit. You know that wearable computing band that’s designed to track physical activity? Get rid of it. NFL network reporter Jane Slater shared this story on Twitter, so obviously it’s real. “An ex-boyfriend got me a Fitbit for Christmas. I loved it. We synced up, motivated each other. Didn’t hate it until he was accounted -- unaccounted for at 4:00 a.m., and his physical activity levels were spiking.”[laughter]Could have been watching porn. Now, if Fitbit were smart, they’d make an ad campaign out of that. “Fitbit keeps track of your steps, and it keeps track of him.” As for me, I'll give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he was doing this at 4:00 a.m.

[begin video clip]

Male Speaker: Flamingo.

[end video clip]

[laughter]

Greg Gutfeld: You know, in some cultures that is considered cheating -- really weird cultures. He could have been running at night, Charlie, from bed to bed.

Charlie Hunt: Yeah. You know, technology ruins everything.

[laughter]

Greg Gutfeld: Does it? Charlie Hunt: It does. And it’s fine –

Kat Timpf: So, you’re team -- on the cheater’s side and coke sweaters for kids.[laughter]

Charlie Hunt: I mean, we have these droids all around us, around our wrists and our -- these -- the phones. They’re -- and they’re all spying on us. They’re all telling -- reporting back to somebody what we’re doing, where we’re –

Greg Gutfeld: What’s the bad part?

Charlie Hunt:It’s all bad.

Greg Gutfeld: Oh, I love it.

Charlie Hunt: It’s all terrible.

Greg Gutfeld:I love being watched, Charlie. Why do you think I sleep in the park?[laughter]

Charlie Hunt: I don’t -- I really don’t want to know what you do in the park, you and Mike Huckabee’s –

Greg Gutfeld: Bass guitar.[laughter]

Charlie Hunt: I can only imagine.

Greg Gutfeld: I haven’t even learned a song, and it doesn’t matter.

Charlie Hunt: I bet -- have you ever worn a superhero outfit in Times Square?

Greg Gutfeld: You know what –

Charlie Hunt: You can make some good money.

Greg Gutfeld:-- you wouldn’t know. You wouldn’t know, because I also wear the mask.

Tyrus, save me from this weird person named Charlie Hurt.

Tyrus: I actually need to save you. So, you’re 100 percent sure that’s an accurate story?

Greg Gutfeld: I don’t believe it. I don’t think it’s true.

Tyrus: You don’t believe it?

Greg Gutfeld: No, I don't believe it. I think it’s –

Tyrus: Are we sure –

Greg Gutfeld: Okay, you know what this story reminds me of? Do you know the stories on Twitter where the political person or the celebrity talks about how precocious their child is? “Oh, little Billy said, ‘Mommy, why do we have’”

--

Tyrus: Okay, Greg, I need you to be a little –

Greg Gutfeld:-- “’nuclear arms, and why is evil Donald Trump in the office?’ And my son is only six months old, and he said that.”

Carley Shimkus:[unintelligible][laughter]

Greg Gutfeld: I don't believe that. I don’t believe that.

Tyrus: Well, are you sure?

Greg Gutfeld: Why?

Tyrus: Because I’m wearing a Fitbit, Greg. I need to know.[laughter][applause]

Tyrus: Right.

Greg Gutfeld: You know what? The only solution is to have sex all day, so it never changes. “Wow, he’s always exercising.”

Tyrus: Yeah, I’m just going to take mine off till we verify this --[laughter]-- because –

Greg Gutfeld: Yeah.

Tyrus:-- damn. You know what I mean?

Greg Gutfeld: I could fit that around my waist.[laughter]

Tyrus: You want -- oh, great. Yeah, wear my Fitbit for a day.

Greg Gutfeld: They’d be like, “Oh, did he die?”

Tyrus: Your heart rate would be 170.

Greg Gutfeld:“Did he die? I think he’s dead.” Kat, is this story real?

Kat Timpf: Okay, so what makes me think -- I don’t know, she sort of suggested that the guy admitted it, and that’s where I have questions, because all the cheaters I have experience with, they literally never admit it.

Greg Gutfeld:[laughs] Yes.

Tyrus: No, die till the end.

Kat Timpf: The guy would be like, “Oh, babe, I was just up thinking about how much I love you, and it was, like, so much -- overwhelming, I had to get up and do some jumping jacks to calm down at 4:00 in the morning.” I have -- like, when I’ve caught guys cheating, they have lied even when they were so clearly caught. This one guy -- literally, he was tagged in photos that another girl posted, and they were all posed all couple-y. And just in case there was any confusion, the caption said, “My boyfriend. Love you, babe.” So, when I called him out on it, he said to me, “I thought you might get the wrong idea about that.”[laughter] And I was like, “Huh?” He goes, “Yeah. Well, Heather thinks she’s my girlfriend, and she’s really crazy, so I don't want to tell her. So, I just let her -- I just take pictures with her and let her post them and let her think she’s my girlfriend.”

Tyrus: Like, literally, I toss and turn a lot at 4:00 in the morning. I have nightmares and stuff. Like, I toss and turn all the time with this.

Greg Gutfeld: Carley –

Kat Timpf: Well, Heather was his girlfriend, by the way, [unintelligible]

Greg Gutfeld: So, there was a happy ending –

Kat Timpf: Yeah.

Greg Gutfeld:-- literally.

Kat Timpf: You know, they’re not together anymore.

Carley Shimkus: Oh, gee [laughs] I agree with Charlie that this is such a Big Brother tech story, but that doesn’t bother me personally because my life is truly so boring that if any tech employee were to monitor me, they’d be like, “This girl goes to bed at 6:00 p.m. every single night,” maybe 6:30 p.m. to catch, like, the first roundtable discussion on Special Report, and then I’m out.

Greg Gutfeld: You know, there’s one answer. Just don't wear a Fitbit.

Charlie Hunt: Amen.

Tyrus: That’s what I was asking you.

Greg Gutfeld: Put it on a mannequin. Take it off; put it on a mannequin, or a female-quin. All right, don’t go anywhere. Be right back.

[commercial break]

Greg Gutfeld: We are out of time. Thanks to Charlie Hurt, Carley Shimkus, Kat Timpf, Tyrus, our studio audience. I’m Greg Gutfeld. I love you, America.

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