This is a rush transcript from "The Five," March 4, 2019. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: President Trump is speaking to the National Association of Attorneys General. We are going to be listening to this. Let's take a listen.
(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: -- has been made. Vice president, thank you very much for being here. You were here last here, and we're here again, Mike. Let me begin by saying our hearts go out to everyone affected by the devastating storms in Alabama, Georgia, and the surrounding states, and especially to the families of those who have tragically lost their lives.
I have spoken with Governor Ivey, and we are working closely with officials throughout the region to get our communities back on their feet. Attorney General Marshall and Attorney General Carr, when you get home, please tell the people of the great states of Alabama and Georgia that America has their backs. We have a call into Brian Kemp and we have let them know and the governor and everybody that we are with you 100 percent. Thank you very much. Hundred percent, we'll be there. Thank you.
I want to thank your National Association president, Louisiana Attorney General Jeff Landry, a friend of mine. We are also very grateful to be joined by our fantastic new attorney general, Bill Barr. Bill, thank you. Today, we join together to reaffirm and strengthen the vital partnership among state, local, and federal law enforcement. Only by working together can we ensure security for every community and deliver justice for every citizen.
I want to take a moment to send a message this afternoon on behalf of everyone in this room to all law enforcement personnel across America. You are loved. You are cherished and respected by the American people more than you will ever know. So true, more than you will ever know. When I took office two years ago, one of my highest priorities was to reduce violent crime. In the two years before my inauguration, violent crime was up substantially, very substantially, and murders had increased by more than 20 percent.
For this reason, my administration resurrected project safe neighborhoods, bringing together citizens groups, sheriffs and police departments to put dangerous offenders behind bars while supporting crime prevention and re- entry programs. Part of the reason we are doing well is that people are getting jobs because the economy may be the strongest it's ever been. All of your states are doing very well. I think we have the strongest economy perhaps ever.
The lowest unemployment rate we've ever had. You could say 51 years or you could say ever, but groups, if you look at African-American, Asian- American, Hispanic-American, the lowest unemployment rate historically ever. So that helps a lot with what you do. We deployed 200 new violent crime prosecutors. We charged a record number of firearms offenders. Last year, we prosecuted the most violent criminals ever, the most ever in our history also.
With your help and leadership, violent crime is now going down for the first time in a long time. Murders in America's largest cities have dropped by seven percent between 2016 and 2017. Last year, we passed historic legislation to combat the devastating opioid and drug crisis. I'm dealing with China right now on a very big trade deal, as you probably ever had heard.
Some of you are a little bit involved, but I can tell you I stood to President Xi that we cannot let fentanyl into our country. Almost 100 percent comes from China. It's devastating, as you know better than I do. It's devastating. He has promised to -- and they are in the process of doing. So, when I take him for his word, make it a criminal act with the highest level, which in China means the death penalty. That should have a massive impact on fentanyl coming into our country from China.
This legislation expands life-saving treatment and authorizes funding for our local law enforcement to help those badly addicted get the treatment they need. Our state attorneys general are launching bold initiatives to fight this epidemic.
In Arkansas, Attorney General Leslie Rutledge, thank you. Thank you, Leslie. Great job you are doing. She has taken on the drug companies, launched a groundbreaking education program, and trained local law enforcement to investigate and prosecute those responsible for the opioid epidemic. So, Leslie, I want to thank you very. Everyone is talking about it. Great job.
But to defeat this deadly epidemic, America's southern border must be urgently and very strongly secured. We fight wars 6,000 miles away. We spend billions and billions of dollars, but we don't control our own border. Drug trafficking and human traffickers exploit our porous border to finance the ruthless operations across our hemisphere. One in three migrant women is sexually assaulted on the very dangerous journey north.
Criminal cartels terrorize innocent people on both sides of the border. Thousands of our citizens are killed by lethal narcotics. Eight-eight thousand people just with certain types of drugs, most of which come through the southern border, 88,000 people die, and that's just a small portion of it.
Hardworking people of every background pay the price for a lack of border control and security. In the last two years, ICE officers made 266,000 arrests of aliens with criminal records, including those charged or convicted of approximately 100,000 assaults. These are new numbers, hard to believe. Thirty thousand sex crimes and 4,000 murders.
Every day, our brave ICE officers are on the front lines protecting our communities. We must always support the heroes of law enforcement, and we all support law enforcement in every way. Sanctuary cities that release known criminal aliens put all Americans at risk. I urge everyone here today to make sure that your states and cities are fully cooperating with the Department of Homeland Security in their life-saving mission.
We all share the same righteous goal: to build a future where every American, both immigrant and U.S.-born, can thrive in safety, dignity, harmony, and peace. Before Christmas, I was proud to sign historic bipartisan criminal justice reform into law, and I want to thank the National Association of Attorneys General for everything you did to help pass this first step act.
And a special thanks to Attorney General Karl Racine. Where is Karl? Karl, Karl, Karl. Hi, Karl. Great job. Thank you very much. You were very helpful. Everyone said Karl. I feel like I know you. That's pretty good.
(LAUGHTER)
TRUMP: Karl really was fantastic, from district of Columbia. Attorney General Josh Stein. Josh, thank you very much. Thank you, Josh, Josh, Josh. Stand up, Josh. Go ahead. Come on.
(LAUGHTER)
TRUMP: That's great. From a great place, from North Carolina. And attorney general, my friend, Ken Paxton from Texas. Thanks, Ken. Thanks. Great job. Together, we are making our community safer, our future brighter, and our people more prosperous than ever before. This is what our state and federal partnership is all about, putting the American dream within reach of all of our citizens, and that's happening more and more. We're very proud of it. Thank you all for your friendship and your partnership and leadership, extraordinary leadership, really.
Thank you all for the incredible service to your states, your citizens, and your nation. You are very special people and doing a very special and important job, and everybody very much appreciates it. I want to leave that list. Great job. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you, everybody. Thank you.
(APPLAUSE)
(END VIDEOTAPE)
PERINO: That's President Trump. He was there at the White House speaking with the National Association of Attorneys General at the White House, talking about his administration's efforts to reduce crime and illegal immigration. Attorneys general, of course, very important public service.
This comes on the day that Chairman Jerry Nadler of the Judiciary Committee on the House side has decided to subpoena -- not subpoena, excuse me, ask for documents from 81 people, entities and agencies, with any possible link to President Trump and just really trying to pick apart his finances and his presidency. This is a lot. It is 81 entities. Marie, is this over the top?
MARIE HARF, GUEST CO-HOST: I don't think so. I think that --
PERINO: Explain yourself.
HARF: I think that Jerry Nadler put together a list of people. There seems to be a purpose behind each of the entities or people. And this is the role of Oversight. You know, I worked --
PERINO: Eighty-one?
HARF: I worked in an administration that had hundreds of thousands of pages of documents requested and subpoenaed from the executive branch.
PERINO: Sure.
HARF: When Republicans were in charge, that's how Oversight works. If there's no problem, they will submit the documents and everything will just continue. But they are looking to answer real questions that have arisen through several years of the administration not telling the truth about everything from ties to Russia to whether Donald Trump paid off Stormy Daniels. We now have proof he did while in office. Part of the problem here is they haven't told the truth about this.
PERINO: If we have those answers now, Jesse, then why drag these people through it again?
JESSE WATTERS, CO-HOST: Because it's political warfare. Steve Bannon said it best at CPAC in 2017. He said, "Do you think the Democrats are going to give up peacefully?" It's going to be street fighting until the day he's out. That's what you're seeing. They are going to use everything in their arsenal. I heard that they actually subpoenaed the chef that makes the taco bowls over at Trump Tower. That's how dirty they're getting. Ivanka is getting subpoenaed?
PERINO: She is not on the list.
WATTERS: OK, Don Jr., can you imagine Don Jr. in a hearing live?
PERINO: Oh, yes, I can.
WATTERS: The broadcast networks are going to take that. It's going to be amazing piece of television. At the end, I don't see how the Democrats look good. It's revenge politics because Hillary lost. The only thing Trump obstructed with Hillary getting into the White House.
I remember when the Republicans had the gavel and they started issuing subpoenas. And you know what Obama officials did? They got censured. They shredded documents. They retired. They lied. They took the fifth. Do you know what the media did? They said, you are overreaching, this is a conspiracy theory. But then when the Democrats have the gavel, they are just as bloodthirsty.
PERINO: We have about less than a minute left. Your thoughts on this, Greg, too much? Does it going to come back to hurt?
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Yes, because you can tell, even lovely Marie is revealing a little bit too much glee in this, and I am always suspect that the glee reveals an over overreach. That you're kind of enjoying it too much and that this will never end. That one investigation will lead to another. All of these actions and investigations are to deaden the pain of 2016. That's what this is about.
They keep trying to find a different drug and none of these drugs are working. First, the drug was collusion. That didn't work. Then you had Covington. That was a drug. Kavanaugh was a drug. Smollett was a drug. The BuzzFeed bombshell, among all the other bombshells, was drug. But bone of these street drugs is taking away the pain of 2016, so they can't stop.
PERINO: Dagen, quick word.
DAGEN MCDOWELL, GUEST CO-HOST: Just a reminder to Democrats that desperation is the world's worst cologne because that's what this smells of. They don't expect anything to come out of the Mueller report, and I've said this for months and months and months.
Their focus is to merely embarrass President Trump and anyone who has ever been close to him or worked for him. They are using The New York Times story that went splat that nobody read last October as a road map. They just want to embarrass him.
PERINO: They are really mad that that story didn't get picked up anywhere else --
GUTFELD: I think I might run for president because I don't have 80 friends. At most, you're going to be able to investigate three people.
PERINO: Jesse would definitely get subpoenaed.
GUTFELD: Oh, no. You will be in jail.
PERINO: I'm not going to get subpoenaed.
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: -- campaign trail and promising real (ph) changes for America and his promise for you, next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
HARF: Bernie Sanders pushing his political agenda at big campaign rallies this weekend. Here he is in Chicago talking about defeating President Trump.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
SEN. BERNIE SANDERS (D), VERMONT: Three years ago, they thought we were kind of crazy and extreme. Not the case anymore. We have begun the political revolution. And now, were going to complete it. We are not only going to defeat Trump, we are going to transform the United States of America.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
HARF: Jesse, I think to a lot of Democrats, it feels like Bernie Sanders got a lot of attention in 2016 because Hillary was the opponent. Do you think he has a chance this time?
WATTERS: No.
HARF: What's your theory on Bernie Sanders?
WATTERS: I know he can't win. He knows he can't win, but he's going to have fun running as a little socialist crusader. He's not going to run a winning campaign. It's just a little revolution. Bernie is a loner. He is not a team player. He is hated by the party bigwigs. Wall Street hates him. Corporate America hates him. He's done nothing in his political career. He's never sponsored any major legislation. He's just doing this as a vanity play.
You don't run something to fundamentally transform America if you love America. If you love something, you don't fundamentally transform it. If I have a puppy, I love the puppy. I don't try to turn the puppy into a cat. I don't teach the puppy how to meow. That's what he's doing with America. He's trying to make America into Cuba. And if he wants to go to Cuba, it's 90 miles south of Key West. It is fine, Bernie. We know what you're going to do. Everybody doesn't like you. You're not going to get the nomination.
HARF: OK. Well, Dana, what's your take on Bernie Sanders?
PERINO: I think his chances of getting the nomination are much more plausible than his path to the presidency. Sorry.
WATTERS: They'll rig it again against him.
PERINO: There are no more super delegates. He won on that point. He also won a lot of the heart and soul of the Democrat Party. You see the crowds he has. I think to dismiss him is out of hand. It's too early to do so. If you have that many people running, it doesn't take -- you can see where he might be able to get a path to the nomination. He just registered today. He was going to be a Democrat for the second time.
HARF: Well, he also registered today, I think, for his next Senate run as an independent. So now he has registered into different parties. But Dagen, it seems like there is that piece of the Democratic Party, and he seems to be beating out Elizabeth Warren in the polling. Some of that is name I.D., but the polling --
MCDOWELL: That's hard right.
HARF: He seems to be taking that lane.
MCDOWELL: I think he has intentionally done a number on many of the other Democratic candidates because he rolled out this Medicare fraud bill and they signed on to it. Who has endorsed it? Kamala Harris, Elizabeth Warren, Kirsten Gillibrand, and Cory Booker. It rips up Medicare as we know it. It outlaws private insurance in this country.
More than 150 million people will get kicked off their employer's insurance based on this plan. They endorsed it. Now, they are trying to run for the Democratic nomination and they've got to defend cuckoo for coco puffs Bernie Sanders plan to basically destroy health insurance in this country. So, good luck with them.
HARF: Greg, bring us home on Bernie. What you think of this second run for the presidency he's taking?
GUTFELD: Well, I think it's important not to focus on the person. I say that about AOC and I say that about Bernie Sanders. You have to focus on the theme, the overall theme, which is socialism. Why is socialism popular among the segment of society? It is because no one is explaining it to them. They are not telling them what it is.
Also capitalism makes it possible to have really destructive ideas because capitalism, we are in the greatest system ever, allow idiots to entertain foolish ideas until they become adults and realize it's really capitalism that works and socialism that's destructive.
I will give advice to Republicans which they will not take. Why don't you co-opt the promises of socialism? So socialism, that did they promise? They promised free health care, free education. A capitalist could figure out how to make things so cheap that they are almost free. When you look at TVs, let's say a 50-inch screen TV 20 years ago, was 10 grand, it's now like 150 bucks. That's capitalism. Capitalism promises to fulfil the actual wishes of socialism, the innovation.
WATTERS: And the Republicans try that when they wanted to do that with health care to make these people compete to lower the plans.
GUTFELD: Right.
WATTERS: But the insurance industry and the lobbyists don't want to compete.
GUTFELD: That is right.
WATTERS: That was the problem.
HARF: Every social program -- every social safety net program isn't socialism. And so Democrats will have a challenge when they talk about -- people said social security was socialism when it was proposed. So, I think they have a challenge in trying to beat back some of that --
GUTFELD: Social security, as we know, is our money.
HARF: And Bernie --
WATTERS: We pay into that.
MCDOWELL: And so is Medicare.
GUTFELD: Yeah.
HARF: But people called it socialism. So I think Democrats have to redefine.
MCDOWELL: You got crazy old Uncle Bernie deciding like what doctor you get to go to, what medicine you get. He's going to give you weed for your nausea for chemotherapy but not give you the six-figure cancer drug that might cure you. That is socialism.
GUTFELD: Speaking of weed, could we cover this? He said he smoked marijuana. Right? They asked him that question? OK, here's a quick thought. We need better questions. Finding out whether someone smokes pot or who they slept with, I don't care what you smoke or who you poke. The important thing is have you ever run a business? Have you ever hired anybody?
WATTERS: That's no for Bernie.
GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. Have you ever engaged in a capitalist endeavor? I don't care about anything else. MCDOWELL: His wife ran a little college, didn't she? HARF: Final word on pot from Greg.
(LAUGHTER)
HARF: Hillary Clinton is back, and she is taking another swipe at President Trump. Stay with us.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
MCDOWELL: Hillary Clinton taking a shot at President Trump while speaking in Selma, Alabama this weekend, saying he is causing a "full-fledged crisis" in our democracy. Clinton is also coming up with a new excuse for why she lost in 2016.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
HILLARY CLINTON, FORMER FIRST LADY OF THE UNITED STATES: I was the first person who ran for president without the protection of the Voting Rights Act and I will tell you, it makes a really big difference.
It made a difference in Wisconsin where the best studies that have been done said somewhere between 40,000 and 80,000 people were turned away from the polls because of the color of their skin, because of their age, because of whatever excuse could be made up to stop a fellow American citizen from voting.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
MCDOWELL: Dana, she is running. She is doing --
(LAUGHTER)
PERINO: I don't think she's going to actually run for president, but I also feel like the right needs to pay attention to these arguments about voting rights because one, people like her are going to rely on it to explain why she didn't win. There's never been a thing from Hillary Clinton that said I wish I would have done this. I wish I would've done that. It's always somebody else's fault, which I don't think is the best way to show leadership.
I also have to wonder, what is the crisis? She says we are a country in crisis. Where is it? I know that there are Democrats who are so upset and they think there is crisis. But every time that the president has walked up to a line that might actually get you to a place where you think that's not constitutional, the system kicks in and says, oh, actually, OK, fine. He knows now he can fire the so-and-so.
The last thing I would say is the Clintons are not being sought after for advice this time around. We are entering a post-Clinton era, and it's very difficult. I know she's still popular with a certain part of the party, but I don't think that events like this and speeches especially like that one help them get past the 2016 law so that they can win again in the future.
MCDOWELL: I know plenty of people who voted for President Trump who disagreed with some of his policies who look at that woman and say thank God she is not the president of the United States. The word "crisis," Greg, John Hickenlooper in his tweet this morning used that word as well, our county is in crisis and we need someone who knows how to bring people together and get things done. You don't tell people if you're in a crisis. They know it. There's nothing that's going on in this economy that suggests that.
GUTFELD: Well, OK, so, I hope -- it's not going to happen, that historians will look back at this era of, let's say, 2016 to 2024, and see a profound manipulative hallucination, right? Because you are looking at a period of economic growth. Record low unemployment in women minorities and teens. You're seeing what I would call - for most of the world, peace, we still have issues in the Middle East, but we are seeing peace. We've seen it a demonstrated reduction in threat in North Korea, whether you like it or not. But yet we are told to believe by a segment of society, the media and Democrats combined that this country is under the control of a psychopath.
So, we are a gateway - we are having a historic period of economic growth and low unemployment. People seem to be doing OK. If you turned off all politics, you wouldn't have any idea that we were living a life of hell. So, it's kind of when I said I hope that historians will look back and see this and talk about this thing like they were talking about, I don't know, a period of the tulips, a period of hysteria. Right. But I don't think they will, because historians are part of the same club that historians also believe right now that we're in a period of historical panic. And the thing is, it can't be possible, because if it were possible then there would be war, there would be chaos. But we see it every day. Things you're pretty damn good.
HARF: Not to everyone. Everyone doesn't feel that way.
GUTFELD: OK. Jussie Smollett.
HARF: No.
GUTFELD: I know things are bad for him.
HARF: But you are discounting the fact that many people, myself included. No, no.
GUTFELD: I know what you mean.
HARF: Crazy person, right. I feel like we are in a crisis moment. Thank you, Jesse. I hope that I've got picked up by the camera. In a crisis moment where our institutions are being tested in ways, we haven't seen in many, many years. They've held--
GUTFELD: Tested.
WATTERS: Tested institutions, whoa.
HARF: OK. When you're the one on the receiving end of not having protections anymore in this country, because of our institutional breakdown, you will then--
WATTERS: Who doesn't have protections because of an institutional breakdown?
HARF: The fact right now is that voting rights around the country are being curtailed--
GUTFELD: You mean getting rid of the Electoral College.
WATTERS: The Democrats just won 40 seats in the House in the midterms. Who is stopping Democrats from winning?
HARF: There have been court cases in places like North Carolina that have ruled the Republican Party put in place an unconstitutional voting system without - and Democrats.
PERINO: Let me put something about Hillary Clinton.
HARF: That means a problem. This isn't hysteria.
WATTERS: Well, if it's a crisis then the National Emergency Act is legit then, right. Trump declared and it's good.
GUTFELD: Remember the humanitarian crisis of the caravans and that went away.
WATTERS: That's right.
GUTFELD: I don't know what its rights is.
PERINO: Can I mention one thing before you tease? I think one of the most recent Fox polls and this is borne out in another places. If you ask people, what's your number one concern right now, because the economy is good though I guess it's pretty good. But their number two issue is polarization in the country. And I think what you see from the other side of like on the Democrat side is that this polarization issue is the crisis. They think that's a crisis, but when they're in power that's not the crisis.
WATTERS: Yes, a crisis is when the Democrats don't have power.
PERINO: Right.
HARF: That's not true. You're discounting the feelings of millions of Americans.
PERINO: You know what--
HARF: Yes, exactly.
PERINO: Hillary Clinton needs to own why she lost--
HARF: But help the Democrats if she did.
PERINO: The main reason--
HARF: I agree.
PERINO: Criminal justice reform under President Trump. Your husband's crime bill in 94 where you referred to kids in gangs as super predators. Now you want to know why you lost. Sorry. President Trump calling out colleges that banned free speech. What he plans to do? Next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
PERINO: What is this?
WATTERS: President Trump blasting colleges for banning free speech on campus and he's now vowing to stop it.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENT, THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA: Today, I'm proud to announce that I will be very soon signing an executive order requiring colleges and universities to support free speech. If they want federal research, if they want our dollars and we give it to them by the billions, they've got to allow people like Hayden and many other great young people and old people to speak. If they don't, it will be very costly.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: This comes after UC Berkeley police arrested a suspect Friday who allegedly assaulted a conservative activist on campus last month. Allegedly, because he hasn't been convicted. We all saw it on the tape. Turning Points USA said this, great organization, Greg.
GUTFELD: Oh. Yes. I have nothing to do with them. You know they never had me speak there.
WATTERS: I know. They said, they get called racist every day when they try to hand out pamphlets. They have universities denying their charters.
GUTFELD: Yes.
WATTERS: Speakers can't speak. They get shut down all the time. People are threatened with violence is a real concern.
GUTFELD: This is actually something that a - the traditional old school liberals should get behind despite it being Trump. It's a - aside from it being a smart move, a shrewd move on Trump's part, because arguing against this idea.
WATTERS: Shrewd.
GUTFELD: Makes you look kind of silly saying that - you can say that it's unnecessary, like you don't have to do this. It makes you seem that your kind of behind the times on what's going on in the campus, because some of the strongest critics of what's going on campus are liberal professors.
PERINO: Yes.
GUTFELD: Right. It's the liberal professors that are not toeing the line in the social justice warrior context that are getting them in trouble. So, what he's actually doing is protecting everybody. And I would add to this - people have to talk to - there needs to be a way to address this on campus without it coming to blows. Right. And there is one question that I always say to somebody who is very liberal. Aren't you curious as to why everybody agrees with you and wouldn't you be interested in talking to someone who doesn't? Like aren't you curious that that one person who is not joining you. Why is he not joining you? Don't you want to talk to that person? Isn't that interesting to you then rather have everybody agree with you. You're supposed to be a rebel.
HARF: That's what I called out last 40 minutes, it's me, right.
WATTERS: This is good for you. Marie.
HARF: I'm living that theory.
WATTERS: So, true. Greg made a point though. This is a shrewd move by the President in a way that he's made free speech a wedge issue.
GUTFELD: It's a wedgie.
HARF: This is catnip for his base, because this is something--
WATTERS: How so?
HARF: I was going to say in my next comment.
GUTFELD: No, but I mean it shouldn't be catnip for all of us?
HARF: We'll be here. Free speech is already protected under the Constitution at all of these universities.
GUTFELD: But it's not in the universities.
HARF: It is actually.
GUTFELD: They're shutting down speeches.
HARF: OK, but it's protected their constitutionally. So, if people are not going with the constitution, there is already a legal remedy.
WATTERS: Yes, but it costs thousands and thousands of dollars for these conservative groups to then fight this speech ban.
PERINO: You know how we fight it. There are families going deep into debt to pay a quarter of a million dollars to send their kids to these schools to be lectured about which pronouns to use and they graduate after four years and can't get a damn job. You have women wildly underrepresented in technology. Oh. And let me tell you about the pronouns you need to use, but we're not going to educate you, so you can get - go out and work in the tech sector. That's how you push back. You don't send your kids to these stupid universities.
WATTERS: And can we see the video of the President hugging the American flag at CPAC. Can we just loop that?
HARF: So gross.
WATTERS: I'm going to have that on loop on Saturday night at 8 o'clock.
HARF: That's offensive.
WATTERS: From 8 to 9.
GUTFELD: Offensive to you.
HARF: Yes. Actually, I don't think that you should touch the flag like that.
WATTERS: Oh. Wow.
HARF: But my bigger point very quickly was, this executive order could open itself up to being applied in many ways that are actually unconstitutional like how do you judge whether someone is protecting free speech.
WATTERS: OK. Sue the President for protecting free speech.
HARF: Do you have quote for how many professors.
WATTERS: Not a very political move.
HARF: Do you have a quota for how many professors need to be conservative and how many need to be liberal?
WATTERS: No, but universities have tons of quotas.
HARF: How do you enforce it?
WATTERS: And conservatives are usually not all that.
HARF: How do you enforce it?
WATTERS: Let's get Dana.
PERINO: A couple of things. First of all, I truly believe we have to get away from this idea that people have recently been espousing that speech equals violence. Speech is not violence that's why our founding fathers were so smart. The First Amendment is freedom of speech.
Number two, I usually don't believe in government involvement. I don't like to have government involvement in things, but there is federal money at stake. And if you think about military recruiters who were kicked off of campuses all across the country during the Vietnam War, they had to fight their way back.
GUTFELD: True.
PERINO: In order to like to be on there. But I also think this, if I was a college administrator, I would take the President up on this, because it is your way out of a terrible situation. That way you can say, look, we won't have any federal money, if we can do this, but we have to enforce.
WATTERS: Yes, but you have to have Greg Gutfeld speak on campus.
GUTFELD: Yes, you have to, where everyone is going to see you.
HARF: For free.
GUTFELD: No, not for free.
WATTERS: Not for free.
GUTFELD: Not for free.
HARF: Free speech.
WATTERS: And you should see this guy is writer.
GUTFELD: My speaker's bureau will handle everything. And yes, only brown M&M's.
WATTERS: OK. Greg's got a crazy monologue on vegans. Well, you see this next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: All right. We at THE FIVE love a good cooking segment. It's the dinner hour after all. And who doesn't love a delicious mouthwatering steak like this one. Watch it being lovingly prepared by a 3D printer. Yes, the chef is basically a fax machine with a nozzle. Worse, it's a vegan steak not made from vegans, the ink from its cartridge is made from rice, peas and seaweed. Yes, seaweed, scrimp delicious. I don't know if that's a word. Well, take a look at that.
Who needs a cow when you can have a beefy ribeye made by the same thing that prints your expense reports? The fake meat comes from a company in Spain takes 10 minutes to print, two minutes to cook, one minute to vomit. That sounds like the name of a cool movie, one minute to vomit, but it's better for the environment.
And as you know that takes priority over real joy. Great taste or human need. The makers claim that this thing not only looks like steak, but has the same nutritional value and consistency meaning they're lying. If that looks like steak, I look like Brad Pitt. If that looks like steak, I've got a pair of old flip flops that looked like steak too.
It's a lie, a lie meant to help the planet. It's like how they lie about other failed promises. Solar power, windmills, socialism, things that we are told would work, but can only exist as long as they leech off actual good stuff. I have a better idea. Instead of 3D printing a steak, 3D prints a cow and then kill it and make steaks from it. I'm really wasting my talents here.
All right, I'm going to say that even though I made fun of it I'm actually Dana for this idea, because I like the idea of making your own food. It's almost like cooking.
PERINO: If you're a prepper.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: This is like you don't want this in your basement along with all that other food.
GUTFELD: Oh. You should see my basement, Dana.
PERINO: I've heard about your basement.
HARF: This is like the Easy Bake Oven come to life.
GUTFELD: It is.
HARF: Right, like you did all this stuff as a kid when you're at home although I think I didn't get one as a kid or I did, it was a late model.
GUTFELD: It Was just a light bulb in a box.
HARF: Yes.
GUTFELD: Easy Bake was a light bulb in a box.
PERINO: It's a microwave.
GUTFELD: Yes.
HARF: This is a great invention, probably the best kitchen invention since the microwave and I include the insta pot.
GUTFELD: Insta pot. All right, Jesse.
WATTERS: Can you make queso with the 3D printer.
PERINO: They're working on it.
GUTFELD: Imagine what that would look like. Spray it out like that.
PERINO: Better than mine.
GUTFELD: Projectile.
WATTERS: I know printers and this thing is going to jam right before.
GUTFELD: I've got to get an IT guy to come. You've got to have a guy come by.
WATTERS: Yes. And if it's like this company, it'll take three days for the IT guy to fix it.
GUTFELD: Yes.
WATTERS: Listen, I don't get it if you don't like steak, why eat fake steak. it's like non-alcoholic beer. What's the point?
GUTFELD: Well, the point is - let me - let's go to the vegetarian. It's about factory farming and cruelty to the animals. She's a vegan.
DAGEN MCDOWELL, CO-HOST: That's one of the reasons it's not supposed to taste like steak.
WATTERS: Does it look like steak?
MCDOWELL: Well, it supposed to have the same - good vegan food has the same toothiness and the bite of something that would--
GUTFELD: Project it with fake blood, don't they?
WATTERS: So, you're trying to imitate it.
HARF: Wait, I didn't know this, and you gave me a restaurant recommendation earlier.
MCDOWELL: Yes. Here's what gets - no, you're not shaming vegan.
GUTFELD: No, I'm not.
MCDOWELL: But there is a lot of vegan shaming.
WATTERS: He would never do that.
MCDOWELL: And when I sat down and break bread with you, if you order Lamb, I'm not going to show you a photo of my fluffy little white dog--
GUTFELD: I don't like lamb.
MCDOWELL: It's like you're eating my dog.
GUTFELD: You assume that I like lamb, I don't.
MCDOWELL: OK.
GUTFELD: They're too cute.
MCDOWELL: But I don't shame people who eat meat. But I don't understand why eating that--
WATTERS: You're the only person with that accent. That's a vegan.
MCDOWELL: Why is being a vegan are source of - why is it a sign of weakness that I choose not to eat.
GUTFELD: Because it's fun. And by the way, I don't see it as a sign of weakness.
MCDOWELL: I think it's strength.
GUTFELD: I see it as a challenge. I've thought about doing it, but then I'd stop thinking about it. Marie< I want--
HARF: You can give up meat for lent. Greg, you could try giving up meat for lent.
WATTERS: You have to believe in lent first.
HARF: OK. That's a good point.
GUTFELD: Now, I'm going to get letters.
HARF: It's just a suggestion for tomorrow. But you do think that the 3D printing is cool because it looks like this, see I'm doing my best what impersonation. Judy Jetson.
GUTFELD: Exactly. No, it's amazing--
PERINO: That's Judy Jetson.
HARF: How do they make the stuff that goes in it. That's what seems gross.
GUTFELD: I think in the future you would buy cartridges, let's say you needed a cartridge for pizza, a cartridge for pasta. That's how you do it.
HARF: There is something about the art of cooking.
GUTFELD: That's what's going to happen is when we have automated cooking, people are going to want to have the organic which is human.
PERINO: No, I could be sitting right here, and I can order like can you please make me a steak, and have it printed out by the time I get home in 6:25. Thank you.
MCDOWELL: No, it doesn't mean that--
GUTFELD: That's your husband. You just texted Peter.
MCDOWELL: You act like you've never eaten a hot dog.
HARF: I had one--
MCDOWELL: Have you seen one being made, it would gag a magnet.
GUTFELD: All right.
HARF: The Amtrak hot dogs are Huber national.
GUTFELD: They are delicious. They're long and I like the Slender hot dogs, a hot dog that's too big for the bun.
WATTERS: I mean like hot dogs are great.
GUTFELD: Fat kids, skinny kids. One More Thing is up next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
PERINO: It's time now for One More Thing. Jesse.
WATTERS: We uncork this new little ditty on Waters world Instagram, it's called Backstage conversations where my intern/assistant Johnny Cupcakes asks guests like Diamond & Silk you know questions that I pose them, one of the questions was, people always get Diamond & Silk's name wrong. What are some funny examples, here they are?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Diamond and salt. Fabric and silk.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Diamond and real.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Diamond and real. Diamond and sand. Sometimes we have to do, I'll find it.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: That's right.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: It's Diamond & Silk.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: OK. Diamond & Silk, not Diamond & Sand, everybody.
MCDOWELL: Got it.
WATTERS: Even my parents get that wrong. Also, I'm hosting Laura Ingraham's show tonight at 10 PM Eastern. That's me, Jesse Watters.
PERINO: Greg.
GUTFELD: All right. I had a great weekend in Florida. I was in Tampa and in West Palm Beach. I was at Tom Shillue doing the Gutfeld monologues. Sold out, we had a lot of fun, great fans. That's Tampa I believe. And some of the shots from this show which I think you'll find interesting. There is me talking about ...
PERINO: Oh. Boy. Talking about me.
GUTFELD: About Dana Perino. This is a great show because I put up pictures of people and talk about - behind their back.
WATTERS: I love it. Can I get a cut of this?
PERINO: Wait, you're going on the road talking about THE FIVE without us.
GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.
PERINO: And making money.
GUTFELD: Check this out.
PERINO: Jesse.
WATTERS: I don't know, I have to call my lawyer.
GUTFELD: Animals are great.
PERINO: Oh. My God.
GUTFELD: And they're dressed in love. Why we aren't copy writing this. I have no idea.
PERINO: I've got stuff yesterday on the beach with Jasper and they wanted to take a picture--
GUTFELD: Shouting animals are great.
PERINO: Animals are great, yes.
GUTFELD: So, these are the rest of the dates. D.C., Detroit that'll be April 6th, April 7th in Tulsa Dallas Midland. Go to ggutfeld.com.
PERINO: Midland is going to be fun. People are going to go crazy for that. So, here's mine. Over the last week and a half, somehow there was a conservative dog March Madness bracket--
GUTFELD: You are still mad.
PERINO: On it and Jasper was on and then there's all these other dogs on. Well, we got to the final round, Jasper and against Jonah Goldberg's two dogs Zoe and Pippa. Now note, two dogs against one dog Jasper. Jasper came in second, came in second and we're dealing with that now by fan photoshop.
WATTERS: How are you dealing with it.
PERINO: Well, I'm going to go home and have a talk with him about doing a little better.
GUTFELD: Take him to the pound.
PERINO: Photoshop showing how he was doing American flag repair service and he would have campaigned harder, if he could. Anyway.
WATTERS: How come rookie was--
PERINO: Tomorrow, there is going to be - we're going to take it to hit the hearing as well. We're going to have to find out what really happened in this investigation. Also be sure to tune in tomorrow to the daily briefing at 2 PM. I have an interview here at Fox News with Andy Parker. He is the father of Alison Parker, who was tragically killed on live television, news reporter of course down in Virginia and he's written a book that comes out tomorrow.
HARF: Wow.
PERINO: All right, Marie.
HARF: So, another good news story I should say tonight about these two young sisters who were reported missing on Friday night in Northern California. They were found safe and sound in a wooded area by their home on Sunday. Eight-year-old Leah and five-year-old Carolina were discovered by two fire fighters who were able to follow their tracks. You can see some of the video here from when they were discovered. They're dehydrated and cold but were in good spirits.
Wilderness survival training apparently that they learned at their 4H club helped them survived uninjured, a good news story. Often these stories do not end well. This is a happy ending.
PERINO: And everybody if you - you should join 4H. This is really good stuff. Dagen.
MCDOWELL: It is. Air force Thunderbird fly over Las Vegas Motor Speedway. Watch. Thank you, Jeff Glock. He is a racing reporter, Jeff Gock. He posted this on Twitter. it gets me every time the Thunderbird are based out of Nellis Air Force Base in Nevada. I also want to point out Air Force Major Stephen Del Bagno, he died in a crash last year. He'll be honored in a fly over for "Captain Marvel."
PERINO: All right. Set your DVRs. Never miss an episode of "The Five." "Special Report" is up next.
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