Trump, Republicans take victory lap on tax reform

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," December 20, 2017. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Dana Perino along with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Juan Williams, Jason Chaffetz and Greg Gutfeld. It's 5:00 in New York City, we might explain that to you, and this is "The Five."

This is a Fox News alert, a big legislative victory for President Trump and congressional Republicans. Moments ago, the president along with GOP lawmakers gathered at the White House to celebrate the passage of the tax reform bill. This marks the biggest overhaul of the tax code in three decades. Here's the president's reaction.


PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: These are the people right behind me. They worked so long, so hard. It's been an amazing experience. I have to tell you. Hasn't been done in 34 years, but actually really hasn't been done because we broke every record. I guess it's very simple. When you think you haven't heard this expression, but we are making America great again. You haven't heard that, have you? Paul Ryan admits it's a little team. We've just got together and we would work very hard, didn't we? It seems like it was a lot of fun. It's always a lot of fun when you win.


PERINO: Indeed. The chairman of the key congressional committees also had high praise for the president. Here's Orrin Hatch, chairman of the senate finance committee.


SEN. ORRIN HATCH, R-UTAH: We're going to make this the greatest presidency that we've seen not only in generations but maybe ever.


PERINO: The bill now heads to the president for his signature. So let's start with the congressman because you're here, and what do you think of all this? Did you think at the beginning of the year this would happen?

JASON CHAFFETZ, GUEST CO-HOST: No. And not only did they do that but they actually repealed the individual mandate.

PERINO: And they're going to drill in Anwar.

CHAFFETZ: And they're going to drill in Anwar, a place that I've been. By the way, there's not even a tree to hug in Anwar, so this is good public policy it makes the country better. And Orrin Hatch, I think, gave the most heartfelt sentiment. He's talking from his heart. I think you have Paul Ryan, you know, it's a huge compliment. He's spending his entire career trying to pull this off. A lot of praise. A lot of patting people on the back. And I think, next year, when people have more money in their wallet despite duking out that I saw yesterday between you and Jesse. Democrats didn't have a plan. They don't have a solution. And President Trump is delivering by putting more people's money in their own pockets.

JUAN WILLIAMS, CO-HOST: Now, did you say that Democrats don't have a solution.

CHAFFETZ: No, they don't.

WILLIAMS: So as if -- if Republicans, one, have a solution to Obamacare, a better plan.

PERINO: They did.

WILLIAMS: . I think they would have passed it, but they didn't. Secondly, here comes this plan that's being celebrated today, and hats off to President Trump and Republicans because I think this is his single -- Dana says his big legislative accomplishment. I think it's his only legislative compliment. But it comes at a terrific cost and a terrific cost this is. So you guys, today, you're jumping around. Tomorrow you've got your version of Obamacare for all time around your necks according to the polls.

CHAFFETZ: How do you argue.


GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Obamacare is a bad thing.

WILLIAMS: No. I'm just saying remember what happened in the 2010 elections, Greg. Wave elections, Republicans used Obamacare against the Democrat successfully. Anticipate the same thing now with this bill. It's being called, according to the post, the worst level of support for any legislation in three decades. Three decades.

KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Don't forget to hit the poll.


WILLIAMS: I'm just saying that's pretty incredible.

PERINO: But the one thing I think about that, Greg, especially when you're talking about Obamacare -- when you're talking about people are not on employee insurance, you're talking about a pretty narrow slice of the population. This bill is actually -- 80 percent of Americans will be -- actually will see a tax cut. And it's not fundamentally changing the way we actually pay for something.

GUTFELD: It could have been simpler, but that's because in our perfect world we wanted to be as simple as possible. But compared to the previous system it is simpler. It's like you're comparing a coloring book to atlas shrugged. So it broke it down a little bit. But my favorite part about this whole thing, and I'll touch on the individual mandate thing. There're three things about this, you cut corporate taxes and you cut individual taxes, that's one, drilling Anwar, Obamacare mandate. What just happened today is what I always dreamed of. Dropping a bomb on the coffee shop left. I mean, right now, people are overdosing on patchouli, because of this -- you guys don't know what patchouli is?

GUILFOYLE: I just -- it's a very bad smell.

GUTFELD: Yes. But the point is.


GUTFELD: . drilling, destroying Anwar -- I mean, destroying Obamacare.

WILLIAMS: No, you're right, you're right.


GUTFELD: I want to destroy Anwar and Obamacare and taxes all in one day. I mean, it's Santa Claus for a free market free minder.


GUTFELD: The individual mandate, you can't underplay what a big deal this is because he removed -- what he did was he removed something that was coercive, something that punish people and force them to buy something when they shouldn't. And now people are saying oh, my God. Millions are going to lose insurance. No, they're going to choose. They're going to choose not to get insurance. That's American. That's different.

GUILFOYLE: He's right. The president for choice.


GUILFOYLE: So there he is, pro-choice.


GUILFOYLE: Yeah, Juan.

WILLIAMS: Oh, I'll tell you what the choice is, millions of Americans without insurance.

GUTFELD: By choice. They're choosing.

WILLIAMS: No, I'll give you your point.

GUTFELD: Thank you.

WILLIAMS: Those are people -- they're some people who will choose because they don't have the mandate not to have insurance. What is that going to do to the rest of our health care structure? It's going to cause it to implode. You see people in the insurance industry already letting people go.

PERINO: But I read this morning, Kimberly, that this bill, actually, will be good for insurers so.

WILLIAMS: Let's see.

PERINO: That will be a complaint possibly.

GUILFOYLE: And you remember, Dana, back in the day, whenever that was, that you've talked about and we discussed on this show that it would have been such a smart move. And I wonder what the conference thinks of this. To have put this forward ahead of Obamacare repeal and replace because of repealing the mandate and tax reform putting a win on the board for something that they can get some consensus building about, and also effectively, you know, defunding Obamacare with this mandate aspect.

PERINO: One thought because I might add a question to you. I actually think that they -- I think it worked out the way it was supposed to, partly because if you think of the first of the year, the president and some of his aides were always going after establishment Republicans because they weren't doing enough. And it's almost as if they had to get through the failure to figure out then how to work together later on. So I think it actually all worked out. I want to ask you something because the house guys always complain that they passed 400 bills and the senate doesn't do anything. And Juan says, well, this is only a singular legislative accomplishment. But if you're doing three things in one bill all at once, then that's actually several accomplishments. Plus you add the circuit court judges, and the senate really delivered.

CHAFFETZ: Well, and you have Neil Gorsuch sitting on the Supreme Court. And so, the president, actually, got done in 12 months -- not even 12 months, faster than anybody else is doing it. But to answer your question, Republicans did have two shots at reconciliation where they only had to get to the 50 vote threshold. They missed that opportunity, and they could have tackled each of this individually. But nevertheless, now here we are coming on Christmas, a huge victory. And nobody but nobody should have to justify and, quote, pay for, allowing the American people to keep their own money in their own wallet. The fundamental problem that the Democrats is they sold Obamacare on a lie. Keep your doctor. Save $2500. That turned out to not be true. When you tell the American people you're going to get to keep your own money, that's actually what's going to happen. And that will make a fundamental difference.

WILLIAMS: Right. To me, there's so many invitations now that Republicans, even on this day of celebration, are setting themselves up for, I guess, what some people would call a tidal wave election. I think it's going to be 2018, a tsunami. What we see now in the Wall Street Journal poll is that Democrats have an 11-point preference in terms of who controls congress. But the most stunning number out in the Wall Street Journal this morning is now the case that Democrats are seen by the American people as better able to handle the economy than Republicans. That's how damaging this bill is.

GUTFELD: It really has been a bad year for Trump when you think about this tax bill, and you think about the judges, and you think about the new energy policy, and you think about ISIS, deregulation. Imagine what a good year would be. I mean, I don't know if we can handle a good year. If this is a bad year for Trump, a good year, we might all have heart attacks.

GUILFOYLE: Tired of winning.

GUTFELD: This is a consequential phenomenon, his presidency. I mean, I think for the sanity of people like Rosie O'Donnell, before they completely implode and end up being incarcerated against their will. You have to admit that this is an effective consequential phenomenon. It's an effective presidency even if you don't like it. You have to admit because or else you're going to go crazy.

PERINO: I also have to think it's an effective presidency because you have cooperative Republicans on the house and senate side. When you think about Obama's first year, so he had the majorities of Democrats in both the house and senate, and they were able to do his signature achievement which was Obamacare which ended up becoming the albatross around their neck. I don't think tax reform is going to be that way for Republicans.

WILLIAMS: But let me ask you, what do you mean by effective? Do you think this is good?


WILLIAMS: I don't see -- when you say effective, I think the reason -- what drove this was Republicans saying oh, my gosh. I think Lindsey Graham said this explicitly. If we don't have tax reform after the failure of Obamacare repeal, it will be devastating for the party. We will go into 2018 and we will be shellacked. Republicans will say you didn't deliver. That's what drove this in seven weeks. All of sudden, everybody had to get on board, bite your tongue. Don't say it's a bad bill. Don't say we have good ideas. Don't say all the money is going to the rich and the big corporations.

GUILFOYLE: You talked about that yesterday, Dana. This is something that Paul Ryan has been very passionate about. He's always been studying the numbers and wanting to do tax reform, so this something that -- I think one of his life goals to be able to do it.

PERINO: And Kevin Brady, the chairman of ways and means committee, had several hearings for months leading up to this and nobody was paying attention to it. But a lot of these pieces that ended up in the bill like doubling the standard deductions, like there were hearings on that as I recall. No one.

(CROSSTALK) GUTFELD: Democrats -- it's a big win for corporations. Democrats only realize that like colleges, activist groups and NFL teams are made of people. Those things are of people, but corporations must be this kind of like this machine. Nobody gets up in the morning and goes to their office, which happens to be a corporation, which happens to make things, and the more profitable they are, the better things they can make, and they can get cheaper and they can give raises. But they aren't actually people. They're just big monoliths. They aren't human.


GUTFELD: There is no tenure in a corporation, but there's tenure in college.

WILLIAMS: No, what I'm saying to you is people are corporations. Americans like corporations.


WILLIAMS: But the way that Donald Trump sold this bill was it's going to create jobs, that the corporations, if you give them more money.


WILLIAMS: . are going to invest more.

(CROSSTALK) PERINO: Time will tell.

WILLIAMS: And there's no indication from corporate leaders, and no indication from history given what happened with the Reagan tax cuts that what happens to that money is more money for the shareholders and bigger paychecks.

CHAFFETZ: Who do you think the shareholders are? They're the unions. They're the individuals buying into these things. What are the Democrats going to sell next year? Your taxes were just fine. In fact, they should have been higher.


WILLIAMS: No, they will simply say, congressman, why is it that the corporations get 80 percent of this benefit and you get nothing, buddy.

CHAFFETZ: The rates are going to go on the individual level. They own these 401(k) plans. And the reason the stock market has been zooming all year is because this plan is actually going to happen.

PERINO: Can we get Kimberly the last word?

GUILFOYLE: Most certainly. I think.

GUTFELD: That's it. That's your last word.

(LAUGHTER) GUILFOYLE: And it was excellent. Juan, I think is obviously a little bit of a Debbie downer right now.

WILLIAMS: I think Democrats are going to do great in 2018.

GUILFOYLE: Yeah. Because what, there's the corporate aspect of it, but also there's an individual aspect of it, which, you know what, I'm going to allow you to decide what you want to do with your money. I'm going to give you a little bit more of it to do what you will. Maybe you'll have more educational needs. Maybe you want to try to put a down payment on a house or something, do something for your children.

GUTFELD: What about my yacht, Kimberly.


GUTFELD: That's the stereotype, my yacht and my servants because I'm evil and rich.

PERINO: You have servants?

GUTFELD: No. I'm going to say one more point, it takes a long time for people to get to the point where they consider themselves wealthy. Everybody assumes that's everybody is born wealthy. There're people -- it takes 30 years to get to a point -- where you get to a point where you've been paying all your life, you owe your life, and now you're being demonized.

WILLIAMS: I actually find this interesting because today I was on a Fox television show.

GUTFELD: I hope it wasn't Daily Briefing.



PERINO: It was brilliant.

WILLIAMS: Anyway, the host of this show, you won't believe it.


WILLIAMS: . she goes on and on. It's the media's fault that the American people.

PERINO: I went on and on?


PERINO: I will tell you that Republican communicators need to always remember the first Dana Perino's first rule of dealing with the media is that the media is never going to save you. You have to save yourself. So, they do have a task in front of them. The job doesn't end today in terms of selling tax reform. That's going to be something they will need to continue to do. And I guess that's it. I got the last word.

GUTFELD: You're going on and on.

PERINO: All right, coming up, Nikki Haley puts the U.N. on notice, and gets big praise from the president. See what's that all about, next.


GUTFELD: So the U.N. is considering a resolution concerning President Trump's recent decision to move our embassy in Israel to Jerusalem. Upon hearing this, the Trump administration has decided to cancel the move. I kid.

U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley tweeted this, "At the U.N. we're always asked to do more and give more. So when we make a decision at the will of the American people about where to locate our embassy, we don't expect those we've helped to target us. On Thursday, there'll be a vote criticizing our choice. The U.S. will be taking names. "


GUTFELD: Taking names. You got to love that. It's politics meets "The Godfather." I'm shaking.

So, Haley shows us what American foreign policy looks like with a spine. For so long we've endured a relationship with the U.N. that verges on spousal abuse. No matter what we do -- save lives, help those in need, trying to pull violent countries out of their own deadly chaos -- the U.N. then kicks us in the teeth.

It's nice to see Haley hit first and hard to counter the coming petulant whine, and whine they will. After all, it's our embassy, not theirs. So shut up, you ungrateful brats.

And I hope we do take names and make these double parking dip wads pay. They're always double parking.

So the good news for America, there isn't just a new sheriff in town but a new contagious sentiment, one that mixes no B.S. bluntness with a disgust for what went on in the past. The new boss is definitely not the old boss, and now the U.N. must deal with it, not the other way around.

Amen. Thanks, Greg. You're welcome.

So this is a letter, I think it's Haley's letter to delegations.

PERINO: Do that.

GUTFELD: Yeah, very good. Shall I read the first sentence?

PERINO: Sure, I'll take it.

GUTFELD: OK. As you consider -- this is my favorite sentence. As you consider your vote, I want you to know that the president and the United States takes this vote personally. This is like an action hero memo. Now it's personal.

PERINO: I like to separate the politics from the personal, but she's making a strong case there.


PERINO: I saw somebody, anonymously, say from another country that her letter only served to unite them more.


PERINO: The thing that's interesting is that as soon as President Trump made the announcement that he was going to seek to move the embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem, remember there was going to be this parade of horrible and all this terrible things was going to happen. Pretty much it fizzled. And even if they use it as an excuse to riot or to commit acts of terror and try to blame it on that.


PERINO: But they've been doing that for years.

GUTFELD: It's hard to distinguish one day of rage from all the other ones.

CHAFFETZ: Well, it was cold weather that night, so they didn't want to go out and protest that night. Look, if you go to Israel, you actually -- in Tel Aviv, you see the embassy. But then you go to Jerusalem and we have a consulate. And then we have -- they already have a physical facility there. It's a reflection of reality and it's actually been the U.S. policy for decades.


CHAFFETZ: And the candidate in which President Trump is projecting this, and Nikki Haley is communicating this, is something that Americans have felt like for a long, long time. It is not a brand-new position and it is the right reflective position.

PERINO: It reminds me of Jeanne Kirkpatrick. You remember her?

GUTFELD: Yeah. She was great. You know, Juan, when Nikki Haley becomes the first female president in 2024, will you see this as the pivotal moment that pushed her to the forefront?

WILLIAMS: Oh, could be.


WILLIAMS: What we know is the current president likes bully language that you might say is analogous to the mob and the Godfather, I think is what you said.

GUTFELD: I was going to go with Good Fellows -- God Father.

WILLIAMS: Yeah. But I must say it does resonates that kind of language. You know, I'm taking names, I'm counting numbers.

GUTFELD: Dirty Harry.

WILLIAMS: You know what you have here? A U.N. Security Council vote of 14 of 15 countries voted that to say this is wrong.


WILLIAMS: They didn't like it. And then you have Haley saying, hey, what about our friends? People we give money too? Hmm, Britain, France? What about Putin? Even Putin is saying this is not.

PERINO: Even Putin?

WILLIAMS: And you know what, you said, oh, this is American politics. How come President Bush didn't do it? How come President Clinton didn't do it?


GUILFOYLE: We can answer that, but we can't say it on television.

GUTFELD: So basically they voted against the United States, and they got in their car and double parked in front of their escort service.

WILLIAMS: Well, I just think the key here is are we going to, down the road, broker what no one has been able to do but try to bring some peace to the Middle East. That's the goal here. It's not to just show off and do chest thumping.

GUTFELD: The previous goal -- the previous tone has not worked, Kimberly. I like this new tone.

GUILFOYLE: I totally agree. I think it's enough already. And you know what, we're tired of getting ripped off, whether it's that, you know, Paris climate change required. We've got to get rid of that. OK. Now, in terms of these countries that are all always putting their tin cup out for the United States to give them money in billions in aid, I'm with the president of the United States. I'm with Haley. Cut them off.


PERINO: Other diplomatic reasons to give them money. Part of it is stability and other.


GUTFELD: Do we have time to show that Trump tape of him talking exactly what you're saying? Are we out of time? Go, let's do this. This is funny.


TRUMP: I like the message that Nikki sent yesterday at the United Nations. For all of these nations that take our money and then they vote against us at the Security Council or they vote against us potentially at the assembly. They take hundreds of millions of dollars and even billions of dollars and then they vote against us. Well, we're watching those votes. Let them vote against us. We'll save a lot. We don't care. But this isn't like what it used to be where they could vote against you and then you'd pay them hundreds of millions of dollars and nobody knows what they're doing.


GUTFELD: He's like your uncle at thanksgiving. We don't care. They don't do anything for us.

GUILFOYLE: He's a businessman. The point is, there is no incentive for them to try to like go with the United States and show some solidarity and support for something that shouldn't be that difficult for them to wrap their head around. So, instead we keep rewarding bad behavior and complete disrespect with more money. Why do we do that? Why do we do it?

WILLIAMS: You know what, though? Wasn't it just last weekend, Nikki Haley was in trouble with Don Corleone when she said the women should be heard who has something to say about him. But now Nikki's popular with Donald.

GUTFELD: No, that's the way it works. Hot and cold. That's the beauty and the most transparent administration in history. You know when people are in trouble and when people do well. Why would you complain about that? You know what? I'm tired of this segment. Hillary Clinton is not feeling the love this holiday season. The latest bad news for the Democratic loser when we return.


GUILFOYLE: Sorry, not sorry, Hillary, because you've hit an all-time low. According to the latest Gallup poll, more people dislike the failed Democratic presidential nominee than ever before, Juan. The survey says Clinton's favorability in the polls, right, it has plummeted to a new low of 36 percent, while her unfavorable rating is at a new high of 61 percent. Juan, I guess America doesn't want more of Hillary Clinton. She's been all over, essentially, working harder than when she campaigned with her book tour, making comments, giving some of her thoughts, opinions on all the different movements and what's been going on and it hasn't actually benefited her.

WILLIAMS: Oh, is that why she has a best seller?

GUILFOYLE: OK. Well, she might have some more money in the pocket.

GUTFELD: People love a good comedy.

GUILFOYLE: . never had problems putting money in their pockets.

WILLIAMS: Wait a second. Her numbers are better than Donald Trump, and he's the president.

GUTFELD: Well, he got more to risk. She's actually doing nothing and people can't stand her. She actually had to go out every day and piss people off. People actually hate her. All she's doing is showing up on Colbert.

WILLIAMS: I thought he was supposed to defend Trump.

GUTFELD: No, what I'm saying is when you are actually working every day, you're going to tick off half the country. She's not doing anything but waltzing around. Good contrast. Trump just left the end of the year on a high note. This is the end of 2017 with the tax bill. She never leaves. She's a constant low note. She's drifting around. She is like a guy on a plane that stunk up the bathroom. She shouldn't had a burrito in terminal B.

But my point is this: she just -- she has nothing better to do. She is like that old guy who hangs out at the hardware store, who keeps asking for the prices of stuff but never buys anything.

PERINO: Annoying.

GUTFELD: You know what I'm saying? Because she just has nowhere to go.

PERINO: That, like, drives me crazy.

GUTFELD: That's why I quit the hardware store, Dana.

GUILFOYLE: OK, so Greg, what I think you mean, in Greg-speak, is that, because the president is actually trying to do work and make -- have accomplishments, people might take issue with that, especially also, I think, people like Juan and other liberal Democrats might actually be upset that he's doing so well.

WILLIAMS: Oh, yes.

GUILFOYLE: And they're refusing to give him any credit for it whatsoever.

WILLIAMS: The winning is killing me.


GUILFOYLE: But that's the point.

GUTFELD: But also, they've got to -- they have to blame Hillary for Trump winning. It was her entitlement and arrogance that paved the way. So I think there's a...

WILLIAMS: Let me just say to you, my friend.

GUTFELD: What? Yes.

WILLIAMS: Without Hillary as a whipping boy, or should I say whipping girl, what would you do? What would Donald Trump do? Every day he brings her up. "Oh, Hillary was..."

GUTFELD: No, she brings herself up. She was just on "The Daily Show."

WILLIAMS: "Investigate Hillary, go after Hillary." You know what? Let me ask you: Does anybody have a tattoo of you on their arm or leg or whatever?

GUILFOYLE: Probably.

PERINO: Probably.

GUTFELD: Go to -- go to the Fox gym and watch Dobbs do squats.

GUILFOYLE: Eww! I don't even want to know where.

CHAFFETZ: Do you have, like, a vomit bowl?

GUILFOYLE: Yes. It's called "The Five" cup.

CHAFFETZ: Oh, my gosh.

GUILFOYLE: OK. Dana, try to clean that up.

PERINO: Well, I was just going to say, I feel -- I kind of feel bad for her. OK? Because even on the campaign, when they would go to her and talk to her about her likability, she expresses wonder. She doesn't understand why people feel this way about her. She might think it's because she takes tough stances on issues or something. And she did the book. I think she wanted to try to be the first to write history. And she's probably made a lot of money on the book. But the fact that you -- then you're out there, reminding people about your loss and why you lost, I do think that that adds into it.

If you're at a 36 percent approval rating, that means it's not just Republicans disapproving. It's also Democrats, who are frustrated; and they probably do want to move on.

But I have some empathy for her. I mean, I -- I wouldn't want to have to read these polls about myself.

CHAFFETZ: Yes, I felt like that.

PERINO: That's why I avoid the polls.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, but she ran for president. So you know, it's polls every day.

PERINO: If you think of someone like John McCain that lost, and Mitt Romney, both of them had said -- and even Al Gore, right? They didn't write books right away. They let it go. They got off the stage, and their popularity rating went up.

She might not even care about this, actually. Why do I feel bad?

GUTFELD: She didn't run; she stumbled.

GUILFOYLE: Well, she scooted along in the Scooby Van.

CHAFFETZ: But this is also -- I think this poll, you know, also adds a bit of clarity to me, because I think those campaign strategists around her had the right idea. Don't go to Wisconsin. Don't go to Pennsylvania. Don't go to Michigan, because every time you show up, we're going to start losing votes.

GUILFOYLE: Right, right, right.

CHAFFETZ: I think -- look, the cold reality, and it's difficult and it's hard, but if the race were held today, Donald Trump would thump her even more. He would win by a bigger margin.

GUILFOYLE: Thump her.

You know, it's actually probably good news for the Democrats. Because yes, they're going to move on and say, "Look, we can't win with her. So enough already." If her numbers were up a little bit, then there might be some compelling case to give her a chance again, et cetera. But I think the rest of the Democrats that want to run, like the 16 people that want to jump in now, are like, "Yes! Buh-bye."

GUTFELD: They're all going to be women, because there are going to be no Democrats left.


GUILFOYLE: Well, because they're all...

GUTFELD: No Democrats.

WILLIAMS: Wait a second, wait a second.

GUILFOYLE: Because they're all having to resign. That's another segment.

WILLIAMS: Am I an endangered species now?

GUILFOYLE: No, only if you were in Congress.

WILLIAMS: But I must say, Obama's numbers, oh, jeez, like 60 percent approval.

PERINO: Up three-two (ph).


GUILFOYLE: When we return, UFO mania hits not only Greg but the White House press corps. We're going to show you that next.


WILLIAMS: It seems like no one can get enough of the Pentagon's secret UFO program, including our press corps. Check out this moment as White House press secretary Sarah Sanders gets a question about President Trump and aliens.


JORDAN FABIAN, REPORTER, "THE HILL": Sarah, I actually want to ask about UFOs. Several media reports have disclosed...


FABIAN: Sorry. UFOs.

SANDERS, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: I was going to say, I don't know if that's a coincidence or not. I feel like I already want to pass on this question, given that you've got aliens sitting among you.

FABIAN: Several reports disclosed the existence of a secret Pentagon program that was researching UFOs. Funding ran out for that in 2012. Does the president believe in these incidents of UFOs, and would he be interested in restoring funding for that program?

SANDERS: Somehow that question hasn't come up in our back and forth over the last couple days, but I will check into that and be happy to circle back.


GUILFOYLE: Love her.

WILLIAMS: So in case you didn't get that. So Jordan Fabian, who's the reporter for "The Hill" that was asking the question, as he's asking the question, his Alexa or whatever goes off and says something that's not quite comprehensible. But the idea is, "Hey, what's that?" And of course, that's what Sarah Sanders responded to by saying, "Apparently, there are aliens among us."

But we have a congressman, a former congressman among us. So you musts have some inside dirt. Tell us. Are there aliens?

PERINO: Yes, did you know about the secret program?

CHAFFETZ: I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

WILLIAMS: Don't do that.

GUILFOYLE: Start right here. He's so sweet. Start right here.

WILLIAMS: The minute you said this, now they're going to send me off, into space. Go right ahead.


GUILFOYLE: Going to dissect you and put you on the cover of The Enquirer.

CHAFFETZ: Believe me, you're -- you're already more than halfway there.


CHAFFETZ: Yes. But no, I've never heard of this. But you know, you watch these Air Force videos that are showing up. These are trained Air Force pilots. They're flying things like F-16s, and I don't know what that is in that video.

GUTFELD: I do. You've got a fly in the cockpit. Take a look. They had a fly in the cockpit. He's moving around, but the fly is just kind of, like, staying. It's inside the cockpit. I debunked it.

WILLIAMS: Well, let's look at a piece of tape from the man who's running the secret program, you know, at the Pentagon. Here's what he had to say.


LUIS ELIZONDO, FORMER PENTAGON MILITARY INTELLIGENCE OFFICIAL: These aircraft -- we'll call them aircraft -- are displaying characteristics that are not currently within the U.S. inventory nor in any foreign inventory that we are aware of. My personal belief is that there is very compelling evidence that we -- we may not be alone.


WILLIAMS: Wow, Kimberly. We are not alone.

GUILFOYLE: You know, this has been, I guess, getting a lot of news coverage, with you know, increasing frequency. I'm sure we're going to know fairly soon a lot more, especially with President Trump, because he believes in transparency and putting these things out there. And he's going to have to make a determination if it's going to affect any national security interests and whatnot. But it's something of -- you know, like, people are curious about it. People have always asked about it. I wouldn't be surprised.

WILLIAMS: Kimberly...


WILLIAMS: ... tell us. Are we alone?

GUILFOYLE: Well, I'm a "West World" robot, but not from outer space.


GUTFELD: Tell Kimberly to abort immediately. Abort immediately.

GUILFOYLE: I have to leave now. Fire up my...

WILLIAMS: Dana, what do you think?

PERINO: Well, I think that The New York Times is getting this -- breaking this story over the weekend was quite a coup for them, journalistically. The fact that there's this secret program that -- part of the Defense Intelligence Agency.

I -- I don't know. I don't care about space. I'm sorry to say that. I don't. I know that you should. I don't care. I like space movies. I liked "Pigs in Space," and I liked when they would do that. "Pigs in Space" on the Muppets.

GUILFOYLE: That's not -- that's not real.

PERINO: Yes. I don't really have a curiosity about it. Though I remember, we went to Roswell, New Mexico, sometime during the Bush presidency, and I asked him on the way there, not because the press was asking me, but I asked him, have you ever asked to have the Roswell files brought to the Oval Office so that you could find out what really happened. But he wouldn't tell me. He didn't even tell me.

CHAFFETZ: Do you like "Star Wars"?


CHAFFETZ: Oh, my gosh.

PERINO: Not "Star Trek."

GUTFELD: Not really into...

GUILFOYLE: I prefer "Star Wars" to "Star Trek."

GUTFELD: I am against -- I am against all war, including "Star Wars."

GUILFOYLE: You like "Star Wars."

GUTFELD: You know, they already came. We have to figure this out. OK. Why haven't we heard from aliens? We've talked about this. They already came. Aliens already came and actually created earth. Earth -- the reason why we're here is because of aliens.

We're -- aliens now are simply waiting for our metamorphosis to total artificial intelligence. All the other planets, the reason why you don't see any life out there is that they began like Earth and then metamorphasized into artificial intelligence over I don't know how many years.

We're only in the kind of preliminary stages. We're essentially the caterpillar, and we're waiting to become the butterfly, which is artificial intelligence. Once A.I. on Earth becomes self-aware and eliminates us in human form, we will be welcomed into the fold as A.I., and then we will become equally silent in the universe, the way all the other planets are.

PERINO: Butterflies only live for 24 hours.

GUILFOYLE: A whole lot of crazy over there.

GUTFELD: That was a metaphor. My goodness.

CHAFFETZ: No, it's like that show "Men in Black," which I love. I mean, it's the only way you can explain Cher and Rosie O'Donnell. The only way to explain it.

GUILFOYLE: Now they're going to get after you. Check your Twitter.

CHAFFETZ: Oh, they've already been after me for a long time. Long time.

WILLIAMS: Coming up, this is going to be fun. The top phrases in Marist poll's most annoying words of 2017. And does not include "guess what," sorry, Gregory. We'll reveal the list and have some fun, next.



CHAFFETZ: I actually really like that song. But "fake news"? "Whatever"? If those words annoy you, you're not alone. Those with the two top phrases in the Marist poll's most annoying words of 2017. Other agitators on the list include "no offense, but" in third place, followed by "literally." And "you know what I mean" founds out the top five.

Now, my wife has her own special words when I say "I've got it." Especially with that little "enh." She hates -- she hates when I say that.

GUILFOYLE: It's your tone. It's your tone.

CHAFFETZ: That's exactly right. I've been married for about 26 years. I'm just now, I think, figuring out that tone matters as much as everything.

GUILFOYLE: It's how you said it.

CHAFFETZ: That's what she says.

GUILFOYLE: I know. You've got to put a little sugar on it.

CHAFFETZ: I'm going to work on the sugar. So what words annoy you?

GUILFOYLE: All right. We'll start with "guess what"?

WILLIAMS: Oh, Trump. Guess what? Oh.

GUILFOYLE: Guess what? Or "you people." What else do you say here?

WILLIAMS: Check it out.

GUILFOYLE: "Check it out." Or "I can't believe what I'm hearing." At this table. "This table."

GUTFELD: "This table." You're always attacking the table, Juan.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, but I agree with him. I thought we were getting a new table, but...

WILLIAMS: It's a little like Vegas with the table. You know? The game is rigged.

GUILFOYLE: I said I couldn't get my legs under it, so they just raised it up.

CHAFFETZ: What bothers you. What words bother you the most?

WILLIAMS: You know what's interesting, it's nothing on this list. Because what bothers me is when people say "like." They keep saying, "like, like, like." I mean, why don't you just speak?

GUILFOYLE: A Valley girl.

WILLIAMS: Just tell me what's on your mind. But I must say, "fake news" is becoming tiresome to me. I was interested. I thought the most curious one was "no offense but."

PERINO: I hate that.

WILLIAMS: Because that means people really are, like, being evasive. They're not saying what's on their mind.

CHAFFETZ: Yes. Right, right.

PERINO: I don't like "no offense but." I don't like compliments that have to come with some sort of caveat. So, like, I never agree with you, but I really liked what you had to say, whatever. They're always having to protect themselves from it. I don't like that.

CHAFFETZ: I hate it when they -- they talk about "mainstream media." Like, mainstream media? How -- that is the most overused phrase.

PERINO: Oh, boy. Now you're going to be in real trouble.

CHAFFETZ: Oh, no. I already got there earlier. That was, I think, the A- block.

PERINO: This is the word-meister here.

GUTFELD: I can't tell you how tired I am of hearing people saying, "Please, please, let me out." It's like you don't know how much padding I put into those walls, and it's just nonstop.

WILLIAMS: Oh, my goodness.

GUTFELD: "Please, please. I swear I won't tell the police." It's like, just enough already. Enough."

PERINO: Yes. I'll let you out when it's time.

GUTFELD: I'll let you out when the time comes.

GUILFOYLE: Is that a female or a male voice?

GUTFELD: I don't...

GUILFOYLE: I'm just saying.

GUTFELD: I don't hear gender. By the way -- by the way, I think Hemmer is going to be out for a few days.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God.

WILLIAMS: Well, Lou Dobbs, I don't know.

GUTFELD: Going to be a holiday Hemmer.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh. Please.


PERINO: Well done, Jason.

CHAFFETZ: Thank you.

GUILFOYLE: And there goes your reputation. This tape...

PERINO: Aren't you glad you came to do "The Five."

GUTFELD: This show is very problematic at the end of -- at the end of the day.

CHAFFETZ: Yes. Not to self: don't let Greg go last.

PERINO: Literally.

CHAFFETZ: All right. "One More Thing" is up next. Stay with us.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God.


PERINO: It's time now for "One More Thing." I'm going to go first. We had a fun little get-together last night of "The Five." Not everybody could make it. Greg was working. Kimberly stopped by. But she had to work, too. And the crew was working. But the ones that came, it was really fun.

Let's see. There's Jesse. We have a boomerang. There's Kimberly. We caught her in her coat before she left, because she had to host for Hannity. Are you hosting "Hannity" tonight, too?

GUILFOYLE: I am not.

PERINO: OK. So you might see her out on the town tonight then.

Then we had a group shot. We already went to the group shot. And there's Jesse and Juan. Naughty and nice.

It was very fun, and we thanked all the producers and everyone that works behind the scenes for making the show what it is.

GUILFOYLE: And the crew. Everybody, thank you.

PERINO: We don't really do much around here, obviously.

GUILFOYLE: We have limited talents.

PERINO: This is true.

GUILFOYLE: So it's really all about them.

PERINO: Clearly. And thank you and merry Christmas -- Juan.

WILLIAMS: So what's Christmas without a twinkle in a child's eye? Well, not much if your child and the family cannot afford Christmas cheer in the form of a gift.

Well, one New Jersey schoolteacher set out on a mission to change that. Jennifer Olawski, a teacher at Community Charter School in Paterson, New Jersey, raised nearly $5,000 to buy each one of the 500 students at her school a gift, a Christmas gift.


WILLIAMS: Olawski was inspired last year. One student told her she wasn't expecting to get anything for Christmas. So Ms. Olawski did the job, and she's already started a fund-raising drive for next year through GoFundMe. So all of you, go out there and go Ms. Olawski. You have the Christmas spirit.

PERINO: So many teachers go over and beyond. And they're amazing.

GUILFOYLE: And also, we should thank hair and makeup, too, who I mean, honestly, this is, like, an optical illusion they create here. You should see us in real life.

PERINO: Indeed.

GUTFELD: Speak for yourself. I look like this when I get up in the morning.

GUILFOYLE: Anthony, Michelle, Jo-Jo.

GUTFELD: They have to make me ugly for this show.

GUILFOYLE: Yes. That's not hard to do.

GUTFELD: Because I am so good-looking...

CHAFFETZ: They do a very, very good job.

GUTFELD: ... I intimidate the talent.

CHAFFETZ: They really are.

GUTFELD: I'm wearing a fat suit right now.


PERINO: You know what you have to do with that? You have to buy an extra, extra large.


GUILFOYLE: Can I show this really quick? So a woman got engaged and she texted. Have you ever done this, Greg? You text something to someone, it's the wrong number, about getting engaged. It went to Sarah Michelle Gellar.


GUILFOYLE: She put it on her Facebook page. And this was Charlyn Willis. Isn't that adorable? Have you done that, Greg? You text...

GUTFELD: No, I don't do anything bad.


GUTFELD: I'm as pure as the driven snow.

PERINO: You get to go next, though.

GUTFELD: All right. So I have to go to a speech in Palm Beach, West Palm Beach tomorrow.


GUTFELD: So you're not going to see me until, like, I don't know when.

PERINO: January 2?

GUTFELD: January 2, I think. But I still have a "G.G. Show" this Saturday at 10 p.m. with Terry Schappert and Rob Long.

And the following week, I've got a New Year's Eve show at 10 p.m. Saturday with Dave Rubin, and I can't remember the other person that was there, but it was a good person.

PERINO: Great.

GUTFELD: All right. Let's do one of these.


GUTFELD: I hate these people!


GUTFELD: I need a favor for you people that are traveling tomorrow. I' m flying out of Newark, going to Florida. Wear some clothes. I don't need to see what your butt looks like or your thighs. I want you to wear some pants. And I don't want tank tops. I don't want tank tops. A tattoo might've been good 20 years ago, but now you're getting up in the years. That tattoo does not look good. I don't want to sit behind you and stare at some weird dolphin crawling up your neck. All right? So why don't you wear a sweater, wear some pants.

PERINO: Like, the good news is, it's winter so people will probably be wearing more.

GUTFELD: I'm flying to Florida. You know what? And it's just like people are not dress -- people are dressing like they're going to slumber parties. You're on a plane.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, except you're the only one. You can wear your shorty robe, and it's just no problem.

GUTFELD: People demand that I wear my shorty robe.

PERINO: His shorty robe reaches to his ankles.

GUILFOYLE: He has a zebra shorty robe.

WILLIAMS: Do you think you're getting cranky?

GUILFOYLE: Yes, he's super cranky.

GUTFELD: I don't like flying, and I don't like flying around people who aren't dressed properly.

WILLIAMS: But what if I had on a Santa hat or an ugly Christmas sweater?

PERINO: No, I would even -- no, I would veto that.

GUTFELD: I would like -- I would scream "terror." I would have you thrown off the plane.

PERINO: All right, Congressman. Knock us out of the park.

CHAFFETZ: All right. You all -- you all are hazing the rookie here, because going after Greg is a -- this is a very, very sweet story. And bullying is very real for a lot of young people. And this young lady out of Plano, Texas, Eva Leck (ph), since she was in third grade, had been asking for one thing that probably most people don't ask for at their birthdays. She wanted braces. And over the weekend, her family delivered. Watch this.


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You are set up with your appointment.



CHAFFETZ: Very -- that is a heartwarming thing. She just wanted braces. I was a headgear man myself.

GUTFELD: You were?

CHAFFETZ: Look at that picture.


WILLIAMS: Look at you.

CHAFFETZ: Look at -- wearing braces back in the day.

CHAFFETZ: Braces took care of all my troubles.

GUILFOYLE: So cute. That's very nice.

PERINO: Congratulations to that young lady. All right, set your DVRs. Never miss an episode of "The Five." "Special Report" is up next.

Bret, can you help us?

GUILFOYLE: And did he wear braces?

PERINO: Calgon, take it away.


GUILFOYLE: Did you wear braces? You have nice teeth.

BAIER: I had braces. I did, indeed. Thanks, Dana.

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