Trump: Pope will wish I'm president when ISIS hits Vatican

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," February 18, 2016. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Dana Perino along with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Juan Williams, Eric Bolling and Greg Gutfeld. It's 5 o'clock in New York City and this is "The Five."

Two days away from the GOP primary in South Carolina and Donald Trump is still in the lead. According to a brand new Fox poll out today, Ted Cruz in second, Marco Rubio in third, but we'll see what happen on Saturday. Rubio just got the coveted endorsement from the state's republican Governor Nikki Haley; so that may shape things up there. And nationally, there are some conflicting polls about who is on top, a CBS survey shows Trump ahead, but in NBC/Wall Street Journal poll has Cruz at number one; more on that in a moment -- but first, breaking news today, Trump and the pope exchanging some fiery comments about one another. Here's Pope Francis this morning, taking issue with Trump's views on immigration.


POPE FRANCIS (THROUGH TRANSLATOR): A person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they maybe, and not building bridges is not Christian. This is not in the gospel. This man is not Christian if he said things like that.


PERINO: Trump, quickly responded.


DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: If and when the Vatican is attacked by ISIS, which is everyone knows is ISIS's ultimate trophy, I can promise you that the pope would have only wished and prayed that Donald Trump would have been president, because -- it's true.


TRUMP: It's true. Because this would not have happened for a religious leader to question a person's faith is disgraceful. I'm proud to be a Christian and as president, I will not allow Christianity to be consistently attacked and weakened, unlike what is happening now with our current president. No leader, especially a religious leader, should have the right to question another man's religion or faith.


PERINO: I thought it was a pretty effective response by Trump. Interesting to me that unlike usual, when he is off-the-cuff, he was reading that statement, because he knew that. I think that there -- his team was like -- this is a really important answer. I thought it was actually fairly effective.

ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: I do -- yes. So --

PERINO: But you must be sad.

BOLLING: No, no --

PERINO: The pope.

BOLLING: No, I'm a catholic --

PERINO: You go every day.

BOLLING: I go every single day, except Saturday. I go Monday through Friday here in --

PERINO: Oh, I didn't know that.

BOLLING: Look, the pope is a global spiritual leader. So I didn't love to see him delving into local politics. And that's really what this is; a presidential election in the United States is local politics for the pope. So I'm not loving that. But again, he is the leader. And what he said was this, if -- he said, "If this man says building walls is OK without building bridges -- now, I assume that means without being charitable on top of building the wall, I think that's what he meant. I'm not sure that the pope's message isn't being misinterpreted by a lot of people. I mean, I think you could say -- I think, I personally think you can build a wall and still be charitable, and still build a bridge as well. And maybe, he doesn't really understand the message at this point.

PERINO: A few times, Juan, the pope has commented on politics and that is sort of like -- been like a discordant note, here in America, then they tried to clarify it. Maybe he deserves a little leeway on that. But if the pope had said something like, I'll all for the wall. Then everybody would say, great, I'm glad the one -- that the pope has decided to get involved in American politics. But a pope is a political figure of this, if you go back to John Paul II, of course on the Cold War Front.

JUAN WILLIAMS, CO-HOST: Oh, I think, I think the pope is definitely a political figure. And I think in American politics, Catholicism has been a political issue going back to John F. Kennedy and, you know, Al Smith and all that. So I mean we know how difficult that can be. But I think the fact that he was in Juarez, and that he was on top of a -- basically, on top of the wall, was sending a message. And so that to me, was even bigger than what he had to say. He was sending a message about his stand on immigrants and immigration. He has spoken out of this frequently and so that --

BOLLING: But not necessarily -- he was making a comment on the wall than generally.

WILLIAMS: No. I think he was speaking about how people treat immigrants and how they can be demonized and the rest. And I think that's what he was speaking to in the Trump situation. Let me just quickly say, that in South Carolina, I was taken by polls to show today, Trump is doing very well among the evangelicals. He is winning. He is beating Cruz. He is beating Carson. So it's not as the people of faith somehow think, oh, Trump and his profane statements and his use of bad language, and now the wall and the pope. I don't think this is going to hurt Donald Trump.

PERINO: Well, in fact, Kimberly, I was thinking that actually, the pope weighing in at this point could actually help Trump in the primary, maybe not the general. But it could actually help him in the republican primary.

KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Why do you think that? It's interesting.

PERINO: Well, because it brings up the issue that he has been most aggressive about, which is, he's going to build a wall. And other people want border security, as well.


PERINO: I also questioned again, the like -- the logistics of actually building a wall, and people like, think about it in their brains. But yeah, that's why I think that.


PERINO: What do you think? What you think?

GUILFOYLE: Well, you know, I mean I think that -- I think it's a very good point. There are flipside of that is, when you look at the juxtaposition, you have the pope, you have Donald Trump. It's pretty remarkable that the pope came out and made that kind of statement. You know, as a catholic as well, it is a little bit disconcerting because I don't think in the bible teaches, you should not stand in judgment, you know, of another person to determine whether or not they have a spiritual or Christian nature. So I found it a little bit polarizing, confusing. Not what I, personally, would like to hear the pope say about anybody; Hillary Clinton or anyone else, because I really feel that the pontiff is above the political fray, and should be. Meaning, the head of the church should not step down to make those types of comments. That's what problematic to me.

PERINO: Well, that's the first time that he's weigh in on politics, or at least --

GUILFOYLE: You're right --


PERINO: This has been one of your topics for a while about -- el pope's (ph).

GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: I think I was the first to raise the alarm about this activist pope. We all know that he wants the show on MSNBC, he's been working for that, because you know, that's what he likes. He likes to talk about politics and he's talked about politics a lot. Look, you got to compare them to how he reacts to other political situations issues (inaudible). For example, the implosion of Venezuela, which is a socialist utopia, currently, destroying itself. I think his response was to pray for peace. He didn't condemn any other leaders, including leaders that oppressed the protesters. Instead, you know, he said pray for peace. In this case, in an American situation, he is going after a non-violent candidate who has different views than him. In my view, I always have a problem with recasting any issue whether it's economic or it is political, as a religious one. And I know the pope is religious. However, you have to be able to argue your point persuasively without your answer key. Because I may not adhere to your answer key, to your bible or your Koran, it may not be for me. So therefore, you have to argue. If you're going to get into a political argument, you have to be able to argue position (ph) using reason and morality that is not attached to religion. And I include the pope in that. And I think -- look, this is an economic argument. This is about -- he is a very liberal to socialist, activist pope. This is where he was -- this is what he grew up in. He is Sanders. He is the Sanders pope. He's not the Trump pope.

PERINO: . that I thought about today. And the other thing Kimberly --


PERINO: If I could mention, the other reason I think it helps Trump in the general.


PERINO: . it's because if you look at the demographic, Mitt Romney needed to win -- well, George W. Bush won about 45 percent of Latino voters that has gone from -- to like 27 percent, it's something like 19 percent. With Romney it's estimated that whoever the republican nominee needs to win 35 percent of Latino voters, at least 35 percent --


PERINO: It's not 40 percent.


PERINO: So yeah, does this help the democrat and the general election if it is a Trump nominee or anything on immigration? It doesn't matter who the republican nominee is.


PERINO: Immigration will be an issue in the general election.

GUTFELD: This is the problem, though. And -- I'm serious about this. I mean, this is -- the reason why the pope concerned me is that he criticized a system, a free market system that has reduced poverty, increased incomes and increase health all over the world. The more it spreads, the better the world gets. If western civilization and other parts of the world, Eastern Europe had listened to the kind of things that the pope liked, there would be more suffering, not less. He does not like the kinds of economic systems that of help the world.


GUTFELD: That's what concerning. And I think that gets lost when he starts talking about, you know, when he's painting this as a nativist argument.

WILLIAMS: You know what, I love your argument. Because I was ready to fly back at you and say, you know, the pope really is concerned about the poor.


WILLIAMS: The people who have been disadvantage, dispossessed by the larger society. And then you said, but in fact, the pope opposes a system, capitalism that has.

GUILFOYLE: It helps.

WILLIAMS: . eradicated.


WILLIAMS: . so much poverty.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's my point.

WILLIAMS: And I -- but I don't think that's a great point. But I would say, in response, I think he's not anti-catholic. I know you are going to shout at me, but I don't think he's anti-catholic. I think that he's opposed to the excesses of capitalism.


WILLIAMS: And capitalism does have it.

GUTFELD: I would be OK with that.

GUILFOYLE: And instead, that people suffer.

GUTFELD: . if he opposes the excesses of socialism, which he never has. I have seen --

PERINO: Can we switch here? So I think something happened in South Carolina today that was like the opposite of strife. It was actually a moment that you kind of look for a moment like this on a campaign trail that mean something. It just happened today in South Carolina. Watch John Kasich with the young man in South Carolina today.


QUESTION: I wanted to let you know and let everyone else here know, why I'm supporting you and why that support is unwavering. And I don't want to get too emotional, but it's pretty serious, but it has a happy ending. Like over a year ago, a man who was like my second dad, he killed himself. And then a few months later, my parents got a divorce and then a few months later, my dad lost his job. But -- and I was in a really dark place for a long time. I was pretty depressed. But I found hope and I found it in the lord and my friends. And now I've found it in my presidential candidate that I support. And I would really appreciate one of those hugs you've been talking about.



PERINO: So it's John Kasich on the trail in South Carolina. Maybe not doing as well in the polls as he would like, but obviously reaching out and touching certain people.

GUILFOYLE: Touching hearts and minds and having an impact on, you know somebody who has had a very difficult time in life and was able to share. I bet to that made other people feel good. And so OK, there are some people having tough times, and the fact that he really likes Kasich. I hear that Kasich is a very good hugger, too.



GUILFOYLE: Very sweet.

PERINO: A nice moment on the trail. This young man, actually -- at the beginning of that, he said he traveled from the University of Georgia and I apologized to everyone in South Carolina for that, and everybody laughed. You don't get a lot of moments like this on the trail.

BOLLING: And Kasich was bringing that out. And then he said he's going to stay positive. He's been true to that, and that's really sweet. If you -- again, the circus we believe, we both watched the circus, when you see Kasich on the trail, it is not just for the camera, that's behind the scenes. That's the guy he is. I'm big a fan of John Kasich.


BOLLING: . as a man, not certainly as the guy I want as the next president of the United States.

WILLIAMS: I would say he is the liberal's choice among the republicans.

GUTFELD: But he's been a great governor.

WILLIAMS: Oh he's a terrific governor.


WILLIAMS: . and a great guest on "The Five" I might add.

PERINO: Yes, he is.

WILLIAMS: I think he did very well here. I will say, I'm surprised, Dana, you haven't talked about all the fighting going on among republicans in South Carolina.

PERINO: Well, because I ran out of time.


PERINO: And the Kasich thing just happened and I wanted to add it. So, but you can watch the "O'Reilly factor" tonight because --

BOLLING: Oh, you gonna hit that aren't we?

PERINO: Eric Bolling has --

BOLLING: With you.

PERINO: With Cruz and Rubio.

GUTFELD: I just can't -- I just want to bring up Joe Scarborough and Mika from last night in the Town Hall with Donald Trump. I watched that. And I'm telling you, it was like watching pair of married swingers in a hotel bar, trying to pick up a mark and bring her back to the hotel room.



GUTFELD: I felt so bad with Donald Trump. Donald Trump was like -- they were sitting --


GUTFELD: They were sitting so close to him. And it was -- it was like a Town Hall in a closet, and (inaudible), and Donald Trump was like, yeah. And he was -- who's just --

BOLLING: There was a great second. I was watching it this morning. They re- aired some of it at 8:37 a.m. --


BOLLING: . Eastern Time this morning, they panned the audience.


BOLLING: There was guy who did this --


BOLLING: Swear to God -- asleep, out cold.

PERINO: But you won't be asleep tonight if you watch the O'Reilly Factor, Eric Bolling hosting. I will be on. We're going to talk about Rubio and Cruz.

BOLLING: And that's going to be hot.

PERINO: We're gonna fulfill your wish -- I almost called you John, Juan. All right, ahead, the democratic battle for Nevada. Hillary Clinton is trying to pull some hard strings with Latino voters with her new emotional immigration themed ad. Let's do that next.


GUILFOYLE: Great song. Hillary Clinton knows she needs to pull off a win this weekend in Nevada where she is in a virtual tie with Bernie Sanders. So she just put out an emotional piece to Latino voters there with this new immigration ad.


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: . my parents, they have a letter of deportation. I'm scared for them because they have the deportation. I'm scared they are going to be deported.



CLINTON: I'm going to do everything I can so you don't have to be scared. And you don't have to worry about what happens to your mom, or your dad, or somebody else in your family. I feel really, really strongly, but you're being very brave. And you have to be brave for them too, because they want you to be happy, they want you to be successful, they don't want you to worry too much. Let me do all the worrying. I'll do all the worrying, is that a deal?


GUILFOYLE: Well, it would be understandable for Latinos to be frustrated with the Democratic Party on this issue. President Obama swore that he was going to get this done in his first year in office, and he did not.

So Dana, you really like that little moment of --

PERINO: I just, well --

GUILFOYLE: . warm --

PERINO: What I said was that I thought it was a very smart ad for her. In 2008, she won 64 percent of the minority vote in Nevada. She is at risk now of losing part of that to Bernie Sanders, because he has ignited a base there. One of the things that is different in 2008 to now, is that there is a lot more millennial voters on the table than there were before, because of the just now they're older, so now they're registering to vote. And on the deportation issue, and this is again, it goes back to what I was saying in the A block. And if you're a republican nominee, you have to win a minimum of 35 percent of the Hispanic vote. It is ads like that that you will face in the general election. And I -- so that's why I think -- yeah, she is really smart to try to tap into that because campaigns are about stories and emotion, and I think if you're in Nevada watching that, you would be persuaded if you're a democrat.

GUILFOYLE: All right, what did you think of that ad, Eric?

BOLLING: So -- OK, so the difference between that and the young guy in the A block with Kasich, is that I believe that was just a clip we found. So he stood up a bit.


BOLLING: It wasn't an ad. Now, Hillary Clinton clearly had a moment with this young, a young girl in a campaign event. But then they cut it and made it a political ad. It just seems little -- it just seems a little cheap to me. And I'm not trying to be hypocritical here that it is OK for the republican to do, but not the democrat. If it were spontaneous, we put some -- we saw a clip somewhere, there's any -- do you see what happened with Hillary Clinton.


BOLLING: . and the young Latina girl.

PERINO: Right.

BOLLING: . Latina. That it is different.


PERINO: If it were spontaneous --


WILLIAMS: Are you saying it was staged?

BOLLING: No. no. no, not at all.

WILLIAMS: And it wasn't staged.

BOLLING: I will say that I would agree -- I'll consider them the same way if John Kasich, then in turned, takes what that moment that he had today, and makes it a political ad.

WILLIAMS: Well, I think you're playing a game like politics. You use what you have on the table.


WILLIAMS: And that was on the table. And I think she knocked it out of the park. Someone throws you that (inaudible) ball; swing, buddy, swing. And she knocked that one. She can use some ads. I think Bernie hit one out of the park in Iowa, with that America ad.


WILLIAMS: I think that really pick up for Bernie. This will pick up for Hillary; quarter of the state, Latino. She's bringing in people like Dolores Huerta, who, you know, co-founded the farm workers, we would say like Chavez. She's making a big effort, she's got the union.

PERINO: But she still --

WILLIAMS: What's that?

PERINO: Expect for her -- her leaders have been erased.

WILLIAMS: That's what I was going to say. It was the incredible tension lead is --

GUILFOYLE: Like the magic eraser.

WILLIAMS: Even in a state where she's got the democratic establishment and Harry Reid said he is not playing, but he's playing. So let's ignore that. You see, she's got Harry Reid; she's got the union.


BOLLING: And did she get the union? Did she get the --

WILLIAMS: She got --

PERINO: Not all of them.

WILLIAMS: Not all of that.

PERINO: Not yet.


BOLLING: Yeah, that's a big one.

WILLIAMS: But she's got -- I think the structure of all the unions is behind --

GUILFOYLE: Greg, you specialize in spontaneous video.

GUTFELD: I think this was an effort to humanize her. The software that they have installed, worked. It's humanizing (inaudible) emotion. I'm a nice person software that you can get at Staples, right now. It's the Hillary special. Say what you will about Hillary, and it is getting kind of frightening that Bernie Sanders is closing in on her. Even though we have our problems with Hillary we have to remind ourselves that she didn't live in a shack with periodic electricity and sell -- right pornography for a living. She actually made a living. I don't think he ever got a paycheck until he was mayor.

GUILFOYLE: More than 40.

GUTFELD: Until he was 40. His engine of industry is envy, and a hatred for capitalism. It scares --

PERINO: It's like it slipped that and put it in an ad.

GUTFELD: It scares me that liberal America is putting forth a person who actually thinks what makes America special, or the free market system, is actually a destructive force. I mean, this guy was an agitator all the way to the end --

GUILFOYLE: And by the way, a bad carpenter. Please --

GUTFELD: And a very bad carpenter.

GUILFOYLE: Bad carpenter.

GUTFELD: You know what the pope would have something to say about that.


WILLIAMS: You know what?


WILLIAMS: You know what so interesting to me is -- and that.

GUILFOYLE: Call him up.

WILLIAMS: . your reaction to Bernie, reminds me of listening to lefties talk about Trump. Because they can't believe that Trump --

GUTFELD: He has a mirror.

WILLIAMS: But it's an interesting mirror.

GUTFELD: I think it's a mirror.


GUTFELD: It's a mirror -- that's true.

PERINO: It's like, well, in that Town hall last night where there were reading -- it's like who is this --


PERINO: But it was Mika Brzezinski MSNBC, and she said, "Are they reading along?" So it's like, "Who is this remind you of?" And she reads this whole thing. And Donald Trump says, "Well, me." It's like, oh no, that's Bernie Sanders.

WILLIAMS: Oh my, gosh.

GUTFELD: Do you know -- just add this thing about how their people saying, they're not playing the gender card. This time they're going to Sanders. If Sanders wasn't a left winger, they would play the gender card. If that was James Webb, they would play the gender card. So don't think that they're being noble by rejecting gender warfare. They're only doing it because they found someone more left-wing.

PERINO: It will come back.

GUTFELD: Yeah, it will come back. It will be like the zombie.


GUILFOYLE: I don't understand; no job. No job. Say he's 48 -- and Dana.

GUTFELD: And he --

GUILFOYLE: . and then he was like, what would you do with the food stamp situations? Like --

GUTFELD: What are we doing all our lives? Why do we -- we could be president.


GUTFELD: We took (inaudible) in the basement.

GUILFOYLE: It's not actually encouraging anybody to be, you know, self- starter --

GUTFELD: You don't have to do anything, and you can still be president.


GUILFOYLE: That's the problem.

PERINO: Hillary sure they might cut that for an ad.


GUILFOYLE: Let see. Did you hear?

GUTFELD: Call me Hillary.


Hollywood may be joining the fight against ISIS. Will Apple get on board? Not -- next.


GUTFELD: On Tuesday, Secretary of State John Kerry met with Hollywood studio heads to hatch a plan to counter the ISIS narrative. It's a great idea if I don't say so myself, years ago:


GUTFELD: Imagine if Hollywood channeled this energy into something else, like death cults currently killing thousands; not Twizzlers, but terror. Imagine what Hollywood could do to degrade, mock and marginalize the useless, lurid tools who flock to loser-magnets like ISIS. They could use special effects to scare these mad martyrs crapless.


GUTFELD: So much skinnier then.

I agree with that fellow. Forever Hollywood has pumped out propaganda for president's pet causes from obesity to climate change, while ignoring the real threat to their total existence. And that threat is a suicide cult with a great story. They're hoards of marauders racing across the sand to a sex crazed apocalypse. Meanwhile, our creative minds in Hollywood often side with our critics, portraying our free market system as a greed-driven, power-mad evil. America is the only target left in which blaming the victim is actually cheered.

So this could help and maybe other companies like, maybe Apple, could join the fight. Consider the contrary narrative we could supply. Is ISIS a real fighting force? Or are they more like these guys?




GUTFELD: And what of those 72 virgins you were promised? Who might they be?




GUTFELD: They are sexy.


GUTFELD: And they keep you warm at night. Now this could work. This idea could work. But there is one problem: How do we know about this plan? Kerry tweeted it. Yes, he tweeted to the world about our plan to fight ISIS. What in God's name is he thinking? Isn't the whole point of propaganda to make the enemy think that it's real and not manufactured? Well done, John Kerry. Announce our intentions then wonder why our enemy is always one step ahead. Who does this remind you of?




GUTFELD: Anyway.


PERINO: Anyway.

GUTFELD: Anyway -- all right Dana --

GUILFOYLE: All the sheep --

GUTFELD: All the sheep. All the sheep in heaven wouldn't make me join ISIS.



GUTFELD: That should be a country music song. All the sheep in ISIS.

GUILFOYLE: Terrible.

GUTFELD: Anyway -- OK.


PERINO: Do not make join ISIS.

GUTFELD: . ISIS. There you go. That's the song. Larry Gatlin, start singing it.

Dana, John Kerry has to tweet this wide to make himself look important.

PERINO: Because he's getting to meet with Hollywood.

GUTFELD: Yes. That's what it was about.

PERINO: There's an entire office at the CIA and the Defense Department that is, like, set up to work with Hollywood, especially like on historic films. They make sure that the uniforms are correct, things like that. I think this is a great idea. I agree with you and yourself from several years ago.

GUTFELD: Yes. My doppelganger.

PERINO: I hope they make -- I hope they make my video of the underwear bomber blowing his ding-ding off.


GUILFOYLE: Wait, what's wrong with that end of the table? Honestly. I don't know what's happening.

GUTFELD: That's good to know.

GUILFOYLE: Ding-dong?

GUTFELD: Terrorists -- terrorists have to know that that's what's going to happen to them. They'll be castrated.

GUILFOYLE: The ding-dong.


GUILFOYLE: OK. Rough, rough talk.

GUTFELD: What do you think of this?

GUILFOYLE: Listen, this is no surprise for me. It is like a flood of ketchup in the brain. Like, quit it. You're not thinking. Why are you telling them everything we're doing? Like, stand down on your Twitter account. OK? You guys like to do that a lot. Right?

This is -- I'm so frustrated, because that's making America weaker, not stronger. Why do you have to tell the bad guys what you're going to do next? You must not be serious about having an effective outcome if you're doing that.

GUTFELD: Eric, it's because he was showing -- he was showing off.


BOLLING: They don't know what they're doing. Hashtag diplomacy, meet with Hollywood producers to have, I guess, the narrative change about ISIS.

By the way, are any one of them going to make an ISIS -- a negative ISIS movie, and would anyone go see that movie? I'm not really sure that's hugely...

GUILFOYLE: Only "South Park" will do it.

BOLLING: James Taylor singing, "You've Got a Friend in Paris." I mean, what are they doing? Why don't you kill them? How about just killing ISIS? Aptly point out, that would be better strategy than these ridiculous things.

GUTFELD: Yes. I'm for propaganda. I think we need more -- we have propaganda on global warming, so we should have propaganda against ISIS. I just don't want to tell them, Juan, that we're doing it.

GUILFOYLE: Well, you let them know about the sheep.

WILLIAMS: I think the issue is are we doing it? I want to do it. I want the Hollywood people to get involved and understand that it is not somebody using you for that propaganda. This is about our best interests and our safety as Americans and get in the fight. We want that talent. We want that imagination and energy. Richard Stengel, who used to be the editor at Times, is at the State Department doing this kind of thing. Dana referred to what the CIA does. They do it, too. They've got to understand social media is a front in this war. You can't denigrate it and think it's just - - oh, it's a nice thing to do.

I don't think it's about...


WILLIAMS: Everybody knows. I think we need to do more of it. We need to take it serious.

PERINO: They do it all the time, and they actually use real footage. Like when they behead a young man, because he's gay.

BOLLING: Don't we do this, though?

WILLIAMS: No, we don't do enough of it.


BOLLING: Look what happens when you do. You have the Chris Kyle movie. Then you have the "13 Hours" movie. And they get panned by various critics.

WILLIAMS: No, no. That's because they get politicized by the right.

GUILFOYLE: Act of valor.

WILLIAMS: You know what? Let's cut down on the smoking or the kind of, you know, R-rated, X-rated -- they can do it and they can put this message into very popular movies.

GUILFOYLE: I think they should just use special effects to show ISIS being completely humiliated.

WILLIAMS: That's good.

GUILFOYLE: Create fictional stuff and play it off as fact.

PERINO: They hate the weaklings.

GUILFOYLE: Or just have, like, gods come down and saying, "What you're doing is bad, ISIS." I don't know.

BOLLING: A comedy?

PERINO: Satire. They don't do satire very well.


GUTFELD: There's a movie called "Four Lions," which Borat -- what's his face, Sacha Baron Cohen -- had, I think, was involved in.

PERINO: And then were the two guys that did the -- they were here in America. They were Iranian, but they were working for, basically, Voice of America, and they were doing a satire against Iran. And they -- they actually -- they modeled it after "The Daily Show," and they were very successful. And I don't think they're on the air anymore.

WILLIAMS: We need more of them.

GUTFELD: We've got to move on. All right. A lot of people want to know why President Obama is skipping Justice Scalia's funeral on Saturday. The White House defended the decision again today, and you're going to hear about that, next.


WILLIAMS: The White House says President Obama will not attend Justice Anthony Scalia's funeral on Saturday. Vice President Biden will go. Instead, the president will pay his respects Friday at the Supreme Court, where Scalia's body will lie in repose. Here's Josh Earnest explaining why.


JOSH EARNEST, WHITE HOUSE SPOKESMAN: Obviously when the vice president travels someplace, his security footprint is at least a little bit lighter. We believe we have settled on an appropriate and respectful arrangement.

There's so much rancor and politics and partisanship that we allow ourselves to get drawn into different corners to the extent some people want to use the funeral of a Supreme Court justice as some sort of political cudgel.


WILLIAMS: Meanwhile, today the president stirred up some controversy, meeting with some members of the Black Lives Matter movement at the White House. There are also lots of mixed feelings about his planned trip to communist Cuba next month, the first by a sitting U.S. president in nearly 90 years.

Eric, what do you think?

BOLLING: The security footprint is the reason why President Obama won't go...

WILLIAMS: That's pretty laughable.

BOLLING: ... won't go to Justice Scalia's funeral?

The man just...


BOLLING: ... served the country honorably for 30 years. And President Obama has decided his security footprint would be too big so he's sending Joe Biden. That's laughable. There is a security footprint for Josh Earnest, I'm thinking, somewhere. We won't go there. Awful, terrible.

Just look, how long could it possibly take? Two or three hours of his day? I mean, he spent five hours on the golf course minutes after announcing the beheading of an American a summer and a half ago. Remember that?

WILLIAMS: Look, wait a second. Wait a second.

BOLLING: His P.R. piece (ph) are really messing up.

WILLIAMS: He's going Friday, right?

BOLLING: How is the security foot print Friday?

WILLIAMS: It's different. It's the Supreme Court where he's lying, you know.

But let me just say, Dana, I think it's interesting that you see somebody like Scalia, and he's going to be tremendously honored. But somehow it becomes the political event all of a sudden.

PERINO: OK, but it was just last week that President Obama went to Springfield, Illinois, and the month before had the State of the Union address where he says, "I wish that I had been able to do more to bridge partisan divides." Those were his words. A week later, they make a very calculated decision not to go. I wouldn't wanted -- I would not have wanted to be Josh Earnest and having to defend that. But sometimes, that's what you have to do.

WILLIAMS: You thought it was a political decision not to go.

PERINO: I don't know what else it could be. It doesn't matter. Let's say that it's not. It's what it looks like.

WILLIAMS: All right.

PERINO: And then they've allowed it to be. And also he's the one who said he wanted to bridge partisan divides. This was a lay-up.

GUILFOYLE: He is the divider in chief. This is shameful behavior.

WILLIAMS: I was going to ask you about this, just this divider in chief on another issue that's close to your heart, which is the president meeting with some of the leadership of Black Lives Matter.

By the way, one of the leaders said she wouldn't go. She thought the meeting was a sham. She describes herself as radical. But what did you think?

GUILFOYLE: OK. Too good for it. Fine, whatever. We've made some noise about that. I mean, are you kidding me? Why doesn't he go meet with the families of the slain officers? That lost their lives. You know, it's a lot of picking and choosing that is really poking the cage at racial divide in this country.

He could do a lot by showing that he is someone that is not partisan. By showing that he is someone that says all lives matter, including the men and women in blue that put it on the line every day and sadly have bled out in streets across this country, a number of them over the past -- it's very disturbing to me.

WILLIAMS: So Greg, what interested me about this White House meeting was the generational divide. Here are some of the young people from Black Lives Matter saying, "You know what? I'm not shaking hands with the president. I want revolution in the country and the like."

And then you have the president bringing in John Lewis and these other older kind of civil rights heroes, thinking, "Wait, you should want to meet these people."

GUTFELD: It's like, even if you disagree with him, he's the president of the United States. It's disrespectful.

But I've got to -- in the greater scheme of things, President Obama has senioritis. He just doesn't care. He might T.P. the White House or he might egg the Lincoln Memorial. I don't know what he's going to do.

And the interesting thing about him going to Cuba, the only thing President Obama doesn't like about Cuba is Gitmo. Everything else is great. If he - - he should -- when he goes to Cuba after their 40 years of basically destroying their population, leaving them poor, destitute, maybe he should swing by Venezuela and see socialism at its -- at its pure awfulness. So he gets a fair-and-balanced approach.

WILLIAMS: A lot of kids play doctor. One Florida teen was just arrested for it, accused of treating patients without a license. He walked out on his first TV interview since his arrest. We're going to show it to you next in "The Fastest Seven."


BOLLING: Welcome back. Time for...


GRAPHIC: The Fastest 7


WILLIAMS: ... "The Fastest Six Minutes, 15 Seconds on Television." Three humorous stories, seven hasty minutes, one honest host.

First up, ready to get creeped out? Really creeped out? The 18-year-old kid posing as a Dr. Malachi Love-Robinson -- and no, I'm not kidding about his name. Busted twice for impersonating a doc. Our little love doctor pretended to be...

GUILFOYLE: Of course.

BOLLING: ... a gynecologist.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Are you a doctor of anything? Anything at all?

MALACHI LOVE-ROBINSON, ARRESTED FOR IMPERSONATING DOCTOR: I do currently hold a Ph.D.? In what, I don't feel comfortable disclosing because that is not the issue here.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Are you a fraud? Because it seem like everything you're saying to me is either evasive or an outright lie.

LOVE-ROBINSON: I don't appreciate your tone. I don't appreciate the way you're portraying this interview to actually be. I'm sorry. I'm going to have to cut this interview short.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And in fact he did, walking out the door.


BOLLING: That's the first time I saw that.

GUTFELD: First, I was going to say that, OK, this is awful. Because he was seeing patients. The patient had problems. He couldn't diagnose them. He should go away -- he should go away for a long time. He's putting lives in danger. But I'm beginning to think this might be a prank. Because he seems like, could be this a total put-on?

How did he do it twice?

WILLIAMS: How did he get an office?

GUTFELD: That's what I'm saying.

WILLIAMS: And how would you show up and think this guy who looks like a child is a doctor?

PERINO: What if he was treating an 86-year-old woman?

GUTFELD: He was preying on patients that probably -- I don't know.

WILLIAMS: I'll tell you what. If that was my family, they would shoot him.

GUILFOYLE: No. He's obviously a sociopath. He has so many DSM 5, like, you know, those classifications. He should go away forever. BOLLING: G-Swiz (ph) and Yeezus feud hitting the boiling point. Kanye melted down backstage during a "SNL" live rehearsals last weekend. It's epic. Listen in.


KANYE WEST, POP STAR: They took my (EXPLETIVE DELETED) stage off of "SNL" without asking me. Now I'm bummed. That and Taylor Swift, fake (EXPLETIVE DELETED). Now I ain't going to do this. We're breaking the mother (EXPLETIVE DELETED) Internet. I went through six years of this (EXPLETIVE DELETED). Don't (EXPLETIVE DELETED) with me! By 50 percent, dead or alive, by 50 percent for the next thousand years. Stanley Kubrick, Ye.


BOLLING: Stanley Kubrick, have we had enough of Kanye West? By the way, did you hear what, he's $50 million in the hole, but he wants a billion dollars from Mark Zuckerberg?

GUILFOYLE: OK. Well, but he's married to a Kardashian. I think he's going -- you know, he's going to be OK. They have everything. They have Kardashian, like, tanning cream, bronzer glow. Sounds pretty good. He's not going to have to worry about money. But I thought he was so bomber and so successful.

BOLLING: Fifty-three large in the hole.

WILLIAMS: Do you know what struck me about this? Sometimes I just meet people, and I think, wow, that person is crazy. He said that he has more than influence than Pablo Picasso, Stanley Kubrick, and there was someone else that he said. I mean, it's unbelievable.

BOLLING: That's why he wanted the billion dollars. He claims to be the most talented artist on the planet.

PERINO: I also think that don't mess with Taylor Swift. This is, like, America's sweetheart. What are they -- what is he doing? He already had to apologize to her once, and now we realize that that was fake, too.

BOLLING: Is his time, 15 minutes up?

GUTFELD: This was revenge. He just got swiftboated.

You know, at one point, though, is we all have to be careful. Every single one of us has thrown a hissy fit and somebody didn't record it.

BOLLING: I don't no. That's -- that's not true. Anyway.

All right. It's political season. Like I said, that means they're all recorded.

GUTFELD: There have been a few.

BOLLING: Late-night hosts are rocking the candidate comedy last night. Jimmy Fallon tapping out and none other than the king of campaign comedy tapped in.


JAY LENO, COMEDIAN: I got my first robo call this week. It said, "Hi, this is Bill Clinton. Can Hillary count on you?" Count on me? She can't even count on Bill.

Hillary says she has been tested. I hope so. You never know what Bill might bring home.

After the big win in New Hampshire, they say Hillary's team is trying to dig up dirt on Bernie Sanders. You know what you call someone who digs up dirt on Bernie Sanders? An archaeologist.


BOLLING: Dana, he made a career out of that with Bill Clinton back in the day.

PERINO: I think on the Clinton jokes, I can imagine that the Clinton team is thinking, this is not helpful. But it is definitely not going away.

BOLLING: You've got to love us some Jay.

GUILFOYLE: Love, love Jay Leno. I was always a huge fan of his. I miss him dearly. I liked watching his show.

GUTFELD: But it just shows you, he can't retire. It's like he hasn't gone away. He keeps coming back. He's got...

GUILFOYLE: Do you like his jokes?

GUTFELD: No, I'm saying, he's got a billion dollars in cars. He's got to go out. He's got to do -- You've got to go out and have some fun.

PERINO: He works.

GUTFELD: I know.

BOLLING: Did you like the skit?

GUILFOYLE: The boy wonder with the unicorn.

BOLLING: Fallon pretending to hurt his ankle. He said, "OK, help me out, brother."

WILLIAMS: He told jokes -- he told jokes beyond Hillary Clinton just so that "The Five" audience realizes.

GUTFELD: No. No, Juan.

GUILFOYLE: Stop, Juan.

WILLIAMS: I know, never, ever tell jokes.

I loved that joke about Hillary Clinton. I thought that was a truly funny joke.

BOLLING: Yes, you never know what he's going to bring.

WILLIAMS: Exactly.

GUILFOYLE: Thanks, Juan.

GUTFELD: Very good.

BOLLING: Guess what? "One More Thing" is up next.


PERINO: It's time now for "One More Thing," and it's time for this.


GRAPHIC: Dana's Corny Joke of the Day.


PERINO: I know. It's the worst voice-over ever. Are you ready?


PERINO: All right. How does Moses drink tea? He brews it. Hebrews.


BOLLING: Hebrews.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, yes. He brews. Jalapeno business. All right.

PERINO: OK. The second one. They told me I had Type A blood, but it was a Type O.

GUTFELD: Nice. Where do you get these?

PERINO: OK, ready? Third one.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh.

PERINO: What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? And O'Reilly is not the answer.


GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh! What's wrong with you?

PERINO: He's on vacation this week. OK.

GUTFELD: That was not a corny joke.

GUILFOYLE: Mean. Mean girl! Mean girl!

GUTFELD: That was a brutal joke. Oh, my goodness, Dana.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh. That joke was better.

PERINO: What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?

GUILFOYLE: What's wrong with you?


GUILFOYLE: We're out of this. Stand alone.

BOLLING: A thesaurus?

PERINO: A thesaurus.


PERINO: I really did just make that up on the fly.

GUILFOYLE: Dana's "O'Reilly" appearance, canceled.

GUTFELD: I think he has TV wherever he is.

GUILFOYLE: And producers.

PERINO: I think he would laugh at that. I mean, he has a great sense of humor.

GUTFELD: Of course he will. Yes.

PERINO: Greg, you're next.

GUTFELD: OK. This is something new.


GUTFELD: Greg's Baby News.


GUTFELD: Because you know -- I love me -- I love me some babies.

Congrats to "Five" fans Sean and Crystal Webb. They spawned this child named Acton. I think that's a nasal decongestant. Anyway, congrats to them, also to their family. They're big fans of FOX. He was born -- actually, there's Dana and me with the family there when we were speaking.

GUILFOYLE: I can't see you guys.

GUTFELD: He was born on February 15. He missed Valentine's Day by one day, which means it's terrible. Because if you were born on Valentine's Day, you'd get combined gifts.

BOLLING: It's just a random fan?


PERINO: No, no, no. He's a good friend.

GUTFELD: His uncle -- Uncle Eric is my...

PERINO: Kimberly, you get to go next.

GUILFOYLE: So my producer, Sean, who's a sweetheart -- I love you, Sean -- found this, and he called me today and said, "Kimberly, it's Throwback Thursday. And I found, you know, some footage of you in a film."

And I was like, "What film?"

So way back in 2004 I got to show off my acting chops in a movie called "Happily Even After." And it appeared in the Tribeca Film Festival. I starred with Maria Temple Black, Jason...

GUTFELD: We don't care who they are.

GUILFOYLE: And Ed Asner. Take a look.


GUILFOYLE: Check your finger (ph)?

Your honor, this was clearly a misunderstanding.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Mr. Singer? You've seen my courtroom before.

GUILFOYLE: Your honor, if I may suggest, this is a minor offense and propose community service, a year's probation.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Community service violates my personal freedom.


PERINO: That's cute.

GUILFOYLE: I know. He's so cute. He was very nervous. He kept putting on this, like, purple Chapstick.

PERINO: No. You're cute.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, thank you.

GUTFELD: Now it's Eric, right?

PERINO: Eric, you're next.

BOLLING: All right. If you care about the country, if you care about 2016, here's why you have to keep on it FOX right now. At 6 p.m., Bret's going to release some new FOX News polling numbers. Bret is going to follow that up.

I'll host "O'Reilly" tonight with Perino on maybe her last -- I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

GUTFELD: On her last day.

BOLLING: Kate Pierson and Colonel Peters. Nine p.m., check this out. Megyn is going to sit down with Marco Rubio and Ben Carson. That's at 9. And at 10 p.m., Donald Trump and John Kasich. Guys, that is TV you just don't want to miss.

GUILFOYLE: Juan was robbed.

PERINO: We're sorry. We'll give him extra time tomorrow. That's it for us.

GUILFOYLE: Juan lives matter!

PERINO: "Special Report."

GUTFELD: Typical! Typical!

Content and Programming Copyright 2016 Fox News Network, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Copyright 2016 Roll Call, Inc. All materials herein are protected by United States copyright law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast without the prior written permission of Roll Call. You may not alter or remove any trademark, copyright or other notice from copies of the content.