This is a rush transcript from "The Five," December 14, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
JESSE WATTERS, HOST: Hello, everybody. I'm Jesse Watters along with Emily Compagno, Juan Williams, Dana Perino, and Greg Gutfeld. It's 5 o'clock in New York City, and this is The Five.
Michael Cohen and President Trump trading accusations about what really happened with hush money payments to two women before the election. In his first interview since being sentenced to three years in federal prison, the president's former personal attorney claims he was following Trump's instructions about the payoffs.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
MICHAEL COHEN, FORMER TRUMP LAWYER: He directed me to make the payments. He directed me to become involved in these matters. You have to remember at what point in time that this matter came about, two weeks or so before the election, post the Billy Bush comments. So, yes, he was very concerned about how this would affect the election.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: To help his campaign?
COHEN: To help him and the campaign.
(END VIDEO CLIP) WATTERS: President Trump is saying Cohen is lying about what actually happened.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: I never directed him to do anything incorrect or wrong and he understands that. Look, he did some bad things unrelated to me. May be related to his other clients. I wasn't his only client. Michael Cohen pled guilty to something that isn't even a crime -- wait a minute. These are campaigns. Nobody, except for me, would be looked at like this. Nobody. What about congress where they have a slush fund and millions and millions of dollars is paid out each year?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: Also breaking today, the special counsel turning over documents to a judge in the Michael Flynn case, the response coming after Flynn's attorney argued that the FBI encourage the former national security advisor to do an interview with agents without agents present. Lawyers, excuse me. Robert Mueller's team claims Flynn should have known it was a crime to lie to the FBI, but the documents say they never warned him beforehand. All right, Emily, let's go back to the first part. The president says, what about congress, they have this big slush fund that they use with taxpayer money to settle sexual misconduct cases. That's never reported anywhere. Are there just felonies galore in congress?
JUAN WILLIAMS, HOST: Wait a minute --
WATTERS: Juan --
(CROSSTALK) WATTERS: Is your name Emily?
(CROSSTALK) WILLIAMS: Have we just moved away from Cohen and all that happened today?
WATTERS: Well, I'm not hijacking.
GREG GUTFELD, HOST: It's only 5:02, Juan.
(CROSSTALK) WILLIAMS: I just think it's what about-ism run rampant --
WATTERS: I take offense to that. Go ahead, Emily.
EMILY COMPAGNO, HOST: Thanks, Emily. So here's what I think about that, there is a bill right now in congress being pushed through by latterly that will take out from the salary expenditures that taxpayers pay towards paying that harassment thing, so that will be change. I do think that it's a little bit of a shell game. I want to point out if I can though that everybody is talking about the specific intent associated with them. I just want to make sure that viewers understand that, yes, that's what separates a civil from a criminal campaign finance violation charge. But, most importantly to me is that Flynn situation. I think it's a hideous abuse of power to treat any of those kinds of conversations casually, and that we can never overestimate the amount of weight that the government brings with it every time they just sit down and ask, hey, how are you?
And so, for then to -- for Comey then to blame it on a disorganized administration, and so I thought I send a couple of guys over, I think is a horrible abuse of power, 100 percent. And regardless what happens with the judge reviewing the Flynn documents, and regardless of what he should have known, there is no way that when someone sits down and says, hey, I have a couple of questions for you but -- oh, if you want, I can grab a warrant and go through the DOJ, but -- or we can just -- if you think that you will not acquiesce to that, it's not the same thing.
WATTERS: Well, Juan does not want to talk about the Flynn case. Juan wants to talk about --
GUTFELD: Wait, to her point --
WATTERS: Go ahead.
GUTFELD: To her point, I actually really hated how Comey told the story. He acted like a celebrity on The Tonight Show --
WATTERS: Do we have that tape?
GUTFELD: I don't know.
WATTERS: Do you want to play some Comey tape about how he sent the agents in? Let's roll it and then react.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP) UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Something -- I probably wouldn't have done or maybe gotten away with in a more organized investigation, more organized administration in the George W. Bush administration, for example, or the Obama administration. So, if the FBI wanted to send agents into the White House itself to interview a senior official, you would work through the White House counsel, they'd be discussions and approvals, and it would be there. And I thought it early enough, let's just send a couple of guys over.
(END VIDEO CLIP) GUTFELD: And so they laughed.
GUTFELD: They laughed. It just felt like he was playing with somebody's life. But it was funny and clever. Hey, you know, they're kind of disorganized. We can send some people over there. That's kind of scummy.
WATTERS: He said, you know, we got away with it.
GUTFELD: And that's why people laugh because they thought, ha, ha, he's a funny dude for that.
WATTERS: All right, Juan, Michael Cohen, let's go back to the topic. Anything you'd like to say about the former president's lawyer talking to ABC?
WILLIAMS: Well, I think one thing is clear, it's not as the president wants to pose it, you know, he said, he said, me versus Cohen, and who you've gonna believe because Cohen has been proven to be a liar and he's going to jail. You've also got the National Inquirer head now saying the same thing. You have the Wall Street Journal saying, in fact, Trump was in the room for many of these discussions. And so it becomes like -- the weight of evidence is on the side of Michael Cohen. And in response to what Greg just said, oh, my gosh, you think about Flynn, he lied to the chief of staff, he lied to the vice president, he lied to the press repeatedly. This is all before the FBI gets involved. He was lying about his contacts with the Russians --
COMPAGNO: I mean, that the whole reason that criminal cases are tossed out because of the chain of evidence being slightly tarnished. We, as a republic, support procedure and process --
WILLIAMS: Sure, but there's no tarnished here. He, in fact, then lied to the FBI and has been pointed out he was head of the national security agency. He was the national security advisor. He was a 32-year veteran of our military. My argument would be, he should be held to a higher state --
WATTERS: Well, you know what he should have done, he never allowed FBI agents to ask you questions without a lawyer present. You know, I've never liked to toot my own horn and steal things --
WATTERS: -- and claim that they're mine. So, this is what I'm going to do, Brooke Sigman who is a producer here, wrote a great piece for foxnews.com. False statement charges abound in Mueller probe in contrast to Hillary Clinton case, and it lays out, I think five people in this Trump orbit have been charged with making false statements. Tons of people lied to the FBI in the Hillary case. One person said that lying his a-s-s off, can you believe I almost --
WATTERS: And they were never prosecuted for making false statements. There's just seems like there's a little bit of a double standards.
GUTFELD: Right now I can hear Shep throw something at the TV.
DANA PERINO, HOST: Well, there's a point to be made there, right? Because the Democrats hate Comey as well, as the Republicans hate Comey, right? But it's interesting for him to go the 90 second why, like, oh, well. We can forgive him -- I'm thinking if I'm an audience with the 90 second why, which for those of you at home, just so you know, on the upper east side of Manhattan -- liberal audience, OK? So you're sitting there and you're thinking they wanted Hillary Clinton to win, they can't believe that this happened, but they blame Comey for that. But they'll go in and pay money to sit and buy his book and listen to his spiel because they actually hates Trump worse than they hate Comey.
WATTERS: Can we all just agree, Juan, that we both hate Comey? And just get it through.
WILLIAMS: I don't think Comey is the topic here.
WATTERS: Well, it was the second topic.
WILLIAMS: You want to talk about Comey, you want to talk about Clinton, you want to talk about people who testified in a case that's been long settled. So, this is what about-ism run wild.
GUTFELD: Here's what I've learned -- look, we know Cohen is a bad guy. He's tainted as potato salad left-out for a week. But, every president almost seems to have some shady friends, and this is why I'm not running for president in 2020.
GUTFELD: I don't want to take any of my shady friends down because the moment that I take over -- let's say, 2024, they're going to start thinking of all of you.
GUTFELD: I'm looking ahead. Everybody gets examined. That's the way politics is, and this is what --
WATTERS: You mean, even Dana who is as clean as the wind-driven snow would get caught up in a special counsel --
GUTFELD: Oh, you don't know the things she's done behind the scenes. I know where the bodies are buried.
PERINO: That's why I've never run for office.
(CROSSTALK) PERINO: Can I just say one thing and that would be -- if you are watching this thing about Michael Cohen, if he's already giving interviews to the media, like he did this morning, that probably means -- and you can check me on this, Emily, that he doesn't have a lot more to say to either the special counsel or to SDMY.
COMPAGNO: I agree. And I was actually going to say to you that maybe a P.R. standpoint would be a different piece of advice as an attorney. But I've been to multiple sentencing and I've never in my life seen a more dramatic or, frankly, pathetic, kind of, exposition of -- woe is me, and this is why I did it, and lamenting before the judge. I have never seen such a lack of personal responsibility.
WILLIAMS: -- or just before the judge?
COMPAGNO: The judge and then going into the ABC interview, which I would have never had advised --
WILLIAMS: Something changed, Emily, which is, I think, that the president, according to Cohen, went after his family. Said, hey, look at his wife, look at his father-in-law, look at where the money is. And I think Cohen then was like, you know what, I was covering for your dirty deeds, but no more, buddy. So I think he's punching back in Trumpian style.
WATTERS: All right, Emily, we've got to go. But, all set. You're hearing this right, Democrats, actually, calling out the media Trump obsession and gender politics. Wait until you hear this next.
PERINO: Top Democrats calling out the media and their own party. Yes, you heard me correctly. First, Nancy Pelosi is urging the press to stop the around-the-clock coverage of President Trump. Watch.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
REP. NANCY PELOSI, D-CALIF.: I wish that the press would spend a lot more time on what we need to do here to meet the needs of the American people instead of morning, noon, and night, allegations against the president. I think you'd have more viewers or readers -- address concerns that people have rather than just this ongoing, ongoing coverage of what's current with the president from one day to the next.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: And outgoing Missouri senator Claire McCaskill is telling Democrats to stop focusing so much on gender politics.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
SEN. CLAIRE McCASKILL, D-MO: I think one of the mistakes that we make as a party is spending too much time talking about the gender thing. You know, we are a party of all kinds of people. And, you know, white men, white working-class men have traditionally been a huge part of our party. We have lost a lot of them. And one of those reasons is we've had a tendency to talk, maybe, too much about gender.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: I'm going to (TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES)
GUTFELD: Well, I would agree. I always feel like identity politics is a divisive thing. Republicans aren't announcing, hey, we're the party of men. Join us. Dems, however, do have some noted voices like Gillibrand saying, you know, we're the party of women. And I do think that even women get put off by the exact thing. I think it's patronizing, patronizing?
GUTFELD: Who cares? Anyway, you know you're headed down the wrong path when even Pelosi says don't go there. I mean, she's actually in a weird way defending Trump. She's trying to give the media and an idiot intervention because they've been idiot-ized by their distaste for Trump. But I'm wondering why is she doing it now, and it's interesting to me -- I love her coat. Do you think it's because of what Jesse brought up, that she knows a lot of people in D.C. who are guilty of the same thing, and payouts for sexual harassment paid for by us, the taxpayer, do you think that she knows that this is just going to go down a really bad path?
(CROSSTALK) PERINO: Well, I think that she has been saying these type of things, but because she wasn't a leader --
PERINO: -- she had no power, no one listened to her, and now people are actually listening to her.
WATTERS: Yeah, I think she wants to start off on health care and the media wants to start off on scandals --
PERINO: And impeachment.
WATTERS: -- and impeachment. And she's like a terrible TV executive. She's like, hey, guys in the media, don't cover the Trump scandal, cover health care policy. I mean, come on, Nancy. What are you thinking? Of course they're going to do that. I think, you know, they won on health care and she wants it to be covered, probably had Mitch McConnell fix. Mitch is like, you know, we're confirming judges, tax cuts, we're doing this on trade, and you guys are just covering the Trump Tower meeting. Can I get a little credit here? I understand that. And with Claire McCaskill, it's funny. Being a red state Democrats, it's kind of like riding a bull. You're only going to be on for like one term, may be two term.
PERINO: Eight seconds.
WATTERS: And the only reason you got there is either someone died, there's a major scandal, or, like, they nominated --
WATTERS: Like some guy likes to date teenaged girls, like that's the only reason you're there. So just hold on tight. And then when they're gone, they're out of congress, they're out in the Senate, they go, hey, Democrats, there's a whole country out there. And trust me, you can't play the gender card all the time.
GUTFELD: Why aren't you on Special Report?
(LAUGHTER) WATTERS: That's what I asked Brett the other day.
(LAUGHTER) WILLIAMS: You know, pure genius.
WILLIAMS: I mean, I think that was an interesting comment by Pelosi. And I think you guys are right. I think she wants people to cover real issue because I think that's what she wants the Democrats to be on in ahead of the 2020 race, and people won't be able to say it's just about the Democrats' scandal, investigate Trump. But, you know, I was thinking about this -- one thing that strikes me, I just want to mention, quickly, is the end of the Weekly Standard, because here you have a conservative magazine who's actually doing reporting and could be critical of Trump, and they get pushed out of business. They've lose subscribers. Same thing happened to the National Review after they were critical --
PERINO: Well --
WILLIAMS: And so now you get a situation --
PERINO: I don't think that's why.
WILLIAMS: I do.
PERINO: I know why.
WILLIAMS: OK. But here's --
WILLIAMS: Here's my point, that I think that right now in the sort of conservative media bubble, if you are pro-Trump, that's all people want to hear. They just want to affirm, Trump is OK. Everything is -- everything is coming by attacks from the liberal press. That's not what's going on. What do you think is going on?
PERINO: Well, my point was about -- specifically about the Weekly Standard. It's a business decision, I don't think --
WILLIAMS: Yeah, because they were losing subscribers.
PERINO: But that is actually not it.
PERINO: But that's not what we're here to talk about. Emily, when Claire McCaskill is saying we got to do something more, you can't just talk to women in the party, but to the Republicans also need to talk about women. I mean, they've lost women in the 2018 midterm elections and they got some ground to make up.
COMPAGNO: Yes, there was an aggressive messaging by the left in the midterm elections towards women, but I think it would be more significance, right, to be achieved if it wasn't so term specific. Like, that's when you lose everyone. That's when you alienate everyone that's not a woman, right? I went to a diversity event recently, but it was never called that. And the planners said that the whole commitment was for diversity and there's a certain percentage and -- whatever, but it never -- it was just a certain finance event.
GUTFELD: What was it called?
COMPAGNO: The Greg Gutfeld Show. So, the point is that it allowed everyone to just relaxed rather than be confined to some type of, oh, I am this and so I'm going to answer to this call. I respectfully disagree with your point about the conservative bubble because I think there's a significant faction that isn't just a knee-jerk pro-Trump -- that supporters in the conservative bubble. And on the --
WILLIAMS: Well, who would that be?
COMPAGNO: Do you want me to name names?
GUTFELD: Some people here.
WILLIAMS: That's I'm been saying, that's what it looks like. I mean, by the way, on the point that you're making about the woman thing. I think it's a 23-point gender gap in the midterms, right? You looked at what happened, I think there are, like, 30 something freshman Democratic women coming in in the next congress. And the Republicans lost, they went down from, like, 20 to 13.
PERINO: Juan, I'm not trying to cut you off. We have breaking news that I want to bring to you this Fox News alert, President Trump just tweeting that Mick Mulvaney who is his own B director and the head of the CFPB, will serve as his acting chief of staff, so not a permanent chief of staff. But Mick Mulvaney, who I think -- many of you might have know, he was a congressman from South Carolina. Juan, your thoughts about Mick Mulvaney taking over, just to see them through?
WILLIAMS: Well, I mean, the big news before this, Dana, was that Chris Christie, the former governor of New Jersey, said he was taking himself out. And we've seen a series of people say, no, I'm not going to do it. It's a difficult job. And it looks like the coming two years are going to be turbulent. I think a lot of people moved away. So, Mick Mulvaney is really taking one on for the team.
PERINO: Yeah. Now he has three jobs, Jesse.
WATTERS: Yeah. I mean --
WATTERS: -- being Trump chief of staff, my mother recommended that I not do that. So now, like Christie, I will be taking myself out of consideration --
GUTFELD: Good job, Jesse.
WATTERS: Like I said before, I think it's all about personal chemistry with the president. And it looks like --
PERINO: They have a good relationship.
WATTERS: Has a nice relationship, and he can steer the course in the next -- I don't know how long it's going to take to get a permanent one, maybe two weeks, a month? But I don't think a lot of the peoples' names that were being dandy about, like Chris Christie and David Bossie, were actually in serious consideration.
PERINO: And now the president gets to go into the weekend with a little bit of news. That one -- that story, we're going to take it off the page - -
GUTFELD: Yeah. I guess -- I'm not interested in staffing changes as much as I get, I'm supposed to be. I just see people go in and go out --
PERINO: -- Washington parlor games.
GUTFELD: Exactly. People I won't mention, Santorum, claiming that they're out and then they're not out. But it's just like --
PERINO: Like floating their names?
GUTFELD: Floating their names. I mean -- come on.
COMPAGNO: Just to point out for our viewers that the limit on acting -- on the role of an acting position, there're limits to that. But when the fact that the president appointed him, or nominated him, or whatever, that that's that.
PERINO: And the chief of staff role -- you can be acting for a long time.
COMPAGNO: Exactly. And so that -- it makes it indefinite. So, it could be like --
(CROSSTALK) WATTERS: -- after he found out he was chief of staff.
PERINO: Mick Mulvaney had said that he was not interested in that position. That he liked the job that he has or even consider a cabinet position. But a chief of staff role is -- I think he'd make a good chief of staff, and maybe he'll get in there and decide that it's pretty good. You know, you're the gatekeeper for the president.
WILLIAMS: The most interesting possibility had been Jared Kushner, that if he had brought in Jared, because, remember, what happened was that the previous chief of staff was said to be on the out with Jared and Ivanka. But now, I don't know what Mulvaney's relationship is.
WATTERS: Very smart guy and he's well liked.
PERINO: And also, they're headed into budget season, so it's a good time to have the president's ear. OK. Is Mika Brzezinski's attack on Mike Pompeo, our secretary of state, exposing a double standard? That's next on The Five.
COMPAGNO: This is a Fox News alert, President Trump just announcing that Mick Mulvaney, OMB director, will be the acting White House chief of staff. For more, let's go to White House correspondent Kevin Corke. Kevin?
KEVIN CORKE, CORRESPONDENT: You know, it's always interesting, you never know what's going to happen on a Friday here at the White House. And in particular, when you consider the Michael Cohen story dominating the news cycle, it probably doesn't surprise you that the White House would love to throw just a little meat out there for the base and, perhaps, even a little distraction on this Friday afternoon. So, as you've just pointed out, the president just taking to twitter not terribly long ago to announce that he was going to, at least, on an acting basis, name his director of the office of management and budget, Mick Mulvaney, the acting White House chief of staff, replacing General John Kelly who had served our country with distinction.
The president saying this, Nick has done an outstanding job while in the administration. I look forward to working with him in the new capacity as we continue to make America great again. John will be staying with us until the end of the year. He's a great patriot. And I want to personally thank him for his service. Now, Mick Mulvaney is a guy who we see fairly often here at the White House. He is, obviously, served in a number of capacities for this administration. And now, it appears he will be serving in yet another, at least, on an acting basis as we get more information and perhaps some sound, of course, I'll pass it along. But for now, back to you.
COMPAGNO: Kevin, thank you so much. All right, Mika Brzezinski coming under fire for using a homophobic slur earlier this week while attacking Mike Pompeo for defending the Saudi crown prince in the killing of Jamaal Khashoggi.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
MIKA BRZEZINSKI, MSNBC HOST: I understand that Donald Trump doesn't care. (INAUDIBLE) makes a good point. He doesn't care. But why doesn't Mike Pompeo care right now? Are the pathetic deflections that we just heard when he appeared on Fox & Friends, is that a patriot speaking or a want-to- be dictator's butt boy? Dead serious, I'm asking, are these the words of a patriot?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
COMPAGNO: The MSNBC host is now saying sorry for her offensive remarks. But notice who Mika leaves out of her apology.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BRZEZINSKI: I wanted to address a term that I used on this show on Wednesday that was vulgar. I knew it right away and I tweeted that it was a terrible choice of words and that I was sorry.
But please allow me to say this face-to-face. The term is crass, offensive, and I apologize to everyone, especially the LGBTQ community and to my colleagues for using it. It was a mistake. But I just wanted to say, on camera, looking the viewers straight in the eye, I'm really, really sorry.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
ORTAGUS: Greg, I'm going to start with you. I think that is - -
GUTFELD: Why? Go ahead.
ORTAGUS: I think that -- it's such a carelessness. It's an illustration of the carelessness that, to me, permeates the media now. And there's a difference between thoughtful emphasis and all the time that, for example, you put into all the stuff that you say, and you make so many jokes. So walk us through that fine line that, to me, isn't really that fine.
GUTFELD: Well, here's the deal. She apologized, and you should accept every apology. Right? And I say this knowing in my head that if I said that, they would never do the same for me.
So we -- I think on this show, I forgave -- I accept apologies. Joy Behar, Joy Reid, even Kathy Griffin. Sam Seder, do you remember when he got canned from MSNBC? I defended him. He got his job back. You're welcome, Sam.
Anyway, but -- but if I slipped up, you know, I would be gone. So the thing is, we should always be the better persona, and we should always accept the apology.
And I actually believe -- I disagree a little with you. I think that doing live television is kind of a high-wire act, especially when you get emotional. And she's very, very, very emotional about Trump. Right? So Trump has changed a lot of people. And so -- and so they get emotional, and they say things.
And then meanwhile, you have an entire gawker industry, generic term gawker, that are there just waiting for you. Right? These media blogs waiting for you to screw up. And if anybody at Fox News screws up, God help you, because they don't want your apology. They'll come after you. They'll boycott you. They'll do whatever they can.
Meanwhile, all of us here will say, "We accept your apology." Because we're good people.
COMPAGNO: Dana, what is MSNBC's role here, P.R. wise? What's their move?
PERINO: I'm sure as soon as they heard it -- well, maybe I don't know. She says that as soon issue heard it, she knew that it was wrong or she was going to have to make an apology.
And when you're on live TV and you're trying to be -- you're trying to be quick-witted and you reach for a phrase, and then you realize you shouldn't have said it, like, OK, maybe you should have apologized right away. It took, like, 48 hours for them to do it.
I absolutely think the apology is fine, but think about it on the other side. Like, think about somebody like Kevin Hart who --
GUTFELD: The Heisman Trophy winner.
GUTFELD: Fourteen years -- 14-year-old --
PERINO: At least, like, the Heisman Trophy winner doesn't have to get back his prize.
PERINO: Kevin Hart had to basically walk away what would've been a great gig for him, which was hosting the Oscars. And now they can't find a single person that they think is worthy.
GUTFELD: Mika. She could host it.
PERINO: That's a good idea.
COMPAGNO: Jesse, to Greg's point about how the landscape has kind of changed, that basically, Trump has -- Trump has charged people so emotionally, it literally has changed the landscape, potentially, of live TV. What is that?
WATTERS: I wasn't listening to Greg talk. I really -- I tuned him out.
I think basically, what happened here is whenever there's a controversy, I say to myself, if Watters had said that, what would have been the repercussions? And usually, it's a huge double standard. If I had said that, I would have been toast, and there would be no "Watters' World." And it would be a very sad day.
But there's an unequal system of justice in America. Look, Hillary gets treated differently --
WILLIAMS: Oh, boy.
WATTERS: How about some -- Obama gets treated differently. Trump gets treated differently. Even in the court system, rich people get treated differently. Poor people get treated differently.
So when there's a scandal or a comment, you think, oh, Joy Reid got away with it. You know, the woman from CNN, Kaitlan Collins, said some stuff in the past. She got away with it. I think -- who's the guy that hosts the late-night show, Stephen Colbert got away with that vulgar thing he said.
GUTFELD: Or Jim Jeffries. If you look up Jim Jefferies' past, he's got a show on Comedy Central.
WATTERS: Yes, and think about Bill Maher, who's white, said the "N" word on television. And he's fine. And you know who got in more trouble? Ben Sasse, the Republican, for not denouncing him strongly enough in the moment. So it really depends on a few things.
GUTFELD: Look at Roseanne.
WATTERS: Yes, Roseanne, another situation. Who you are, if you' re a member of that PC inner circle club; who you're attacking, if it's a Republican, it's OK; and kind of the language that you use. And there's a big double standard.
COMPAGNO: Juan, do you agree?
WILLIAMS: You know, I have --
WATTERS: Just say yes, Juan.
WILLIAMS: I have a different view here. Because I -- what I think is interesting about this situation with Mike-a [SIC], Jesse, is that --
WILLIAMS: Mika, Mike-a, whatever. As you said, potato, potah-to.
GUTFELD: Are you calling her a potato? She is not -- she is not a starch.
WILLIAMS: It's a good thing I didn't say "tomato."
But I think what's interesting here is that you have people on the left who are upset with her. And I think that's why, to your point, the apology didn't go to Mike Pompeo.
WILLIAMS: It went to the LGBT community or whatever, because they're the ones that said, "Hey" -- and you even heard this from President Trump's ambassador to Germany, our former colleague, who said that when you sexualize gay sex, it's offensive. It demeans them. And I think that's who was upset, and I think that's why she had to do that. Because the advertisers and the network are sensitive to that community. That's their community. That's their -- that's their viewers.
WILLIAMS: We saw this recently. A young black man made a speech about Israel in which he used this thing about, you know, sea to shore or whatever, and they said, "Hey, we can't have you here anymore."
People do get punished. But, you know, to me, this is, like, impulsive language, rude language. To me, it's not good. I think it coarsens the whole notion of how we have exchanges.
But I must say, boy, do we know what -- where this is all coming from? A guy named Donald Trump.
ORTAGUS: On that note, all right, all right, all right.
WATTERS: -- Trump, yes.
ORTAGUS: It's the season for gift giving. Two new studies to help my fellow "Fivers" get ready for the Christmas shopping rush, ahead.
(MUSIC: "JOY TO THE WORLD")
WILLIAMS: Jesse's feeling this.
With only 11 days until Christmas, the stress of finding the perfect gift for everyone on your list likely kicking in right about now. But you may want to give some extra thought to the gift ideas before going out shopping this weekend. A new study says most people have already forgotten about the presents they received last year. While another survey says a majority of people have received gifts they don't want and will never use.
Jesse, what did you get from your mom and dad last year?
PERINO: I think a better question is what did you get from me?
WILLIAMS: From you? What did they get from you?
PERINO: Something he wanted but has never used.
WATTERS: You got me the Michael Jackson zipper jacket.
PERINO: That's exactly right.
WATTERS: Red leather.
WILLIAMS: But I haven't seen you in it.
ORTAGUS: That's so nice of you.
PERINO: That's exactly what he wanted but never used.
WATTERS: Yes, well, Juan, we don't hang out usually off set.
WATTERS: So maybe you would.
WILLIAMS: You would? You'd wear it?
WATTERS: No. On special occasions.
Listen, I prefer cash for Christmas for tax purposes. It's nice and clean. I also don't like sweaters. And here's why.
WATTERS: You don't need sweaters in this world anymore. If you think about it, everything has heat. All -- indoor heating exists in the 21st century. It's not, like the last century where you had to, like, layer, you know? If it's cold outside, you put a parka on. I mean, sweaters are so last century.
So and then for the gift giving, here's what I like to do for gift giving. I listen to people. I pay attention all year. I'm very attention. I'm not self-centered. Something that, like, they say, I remember.
And so then, if I don't remember, I get them steakhouse gift cards. And here's why. There's a strategy. When they go out to the steakhouse, I try to arrange it so I'm with them and then right before I go, "Hey, don't you have that gift card?" And they lay it down. I have to pay less.
ORTAGUS: Ugh. You're such a -- just hideous.
WILLIAMS: So Emily, have you thought about what to get me?
ORTAGUS: Oh. Oh.
WILLIAMS: Because the Porsche dealer closes early on Friday.
ORTAGUS: I'll make a call.
OK, you guys, so as you can probably predict, I am obsessed with Christmas gifts. I pride myself on being a really good gift giver, so throughout the year, I get thing. For example, I got my mom's Christmas gift this summer, when we were someplace where there was a certain nativity set that was really cool and interesting and unique. And I got it for her, and I wrapped it. So literally, I had a Christmas wrapping gift wrapped in my laundry room in July. And that way --
WATTERS: Is your mom watching?
PERINO: You wrapped it in July?
ORTAGUS: Yes, I did, because it's really satisfying to wrap.
WATTERS: Did you just ruin it?
ORTAGUS: No, I don't think she's watching. Whatever.
The point is, that -- that way the gifts are meaningful, and they last longer, and people won't forget because I'm not like, "Oh, dang, it's Thursday, and I have to run out and get something."
WATTERS: Steakhouse gift card! Always a crowd pleaser.
WILLIAMS: So Dana, I think I heard you say that you sent signals and hints to Peter.
PERINO: Oh, yes.
WILLIAMS: But at the same time, you also said that you and Peter have a deal. No gifts.
PERINO: We had a no gift pact this year, because we have a big trip that we're going on. But then I sent him a link to this backpack purse I wanted, but I sent it in a color that I decided I didn't want anymore and now I didn't know how to tell them. And so I wrote the gift pact rule, and I then might have gotten this other bag. And he sent me a note that said, "What bag are you talking about?"
So then maybe I didn't actually break the pact. Anyway, I stress a little bit, but I try to do this. This year, when I went to Spain, I bought a few things. But I still get a little stressed about -- and I'm having a capitalism hangover.
PERINO: A lot.
WATTERS: Capitalism hangover. I think Bernie Sanders has that, too.
WILLIAMS: So Greg, you know, on the other hand, for all the stuff, I think the important part is being remembered, like somebody thought of you at Christmas time.
GUTFELD: Please, don't think of me.
All right. Let me get through this. There -- there's so much redundancy in this process. I'll give you three examples.
The wrapping of the gifts. You buy paper, and you carefully fold and tape them. And then what do you do? You rip them off, tear it off, and throw it away. OK, that's redundant.
Two, you spend all year trying to lose the last 10 pounds from the previous holiday. And then right around November you lost the 10 pounds. And then by January, you got the 10 pounds back, because you ate like a pig.
Third thing, you save -- maybe you save a few thousand dollars over the year, right, to try to do good. And then you've all these presents you've got to buy. And you've got to travel. You've got to visit people across the country. You've got to pay for all this food. All of a sudden, the money, the savings that you had, a couple thousand, out the window!
So if you skipped Christmas, if we did Christmas every other year, or once every four years, the way the Olympics used to be, when the Olympics interesting, every fourth year a Christmas, right, you will be fitter, you will be wealthier, and the environment will be better, and everyone will be happy.
WATTERS: Bah humbug!
GUTFELD: No that's not -- America agrees with me! "We agree with you, Greg."
ORTAGUS: Hey, merry Christmas, Greg.
WILLIAMS: Yes, merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Mr. Grinch.
Anyway, don't you go away, because "Fan Mail Friday" up next with our own grinch, Greg.
GUTFELD: Do you know what that is?
GUTFELD: Holiday lobby concierge music.
WATTERS: I love it.
GUTFELD: Isn't that great? That's what you hear when you're checking in or checking out.
GUTFELD: Or just checking.
PERINO: Checking it out.
GUTFELD: Yes. All right, first "Fan Mail Friday" question from Sharon. "If you are invited to someone's house for dinner, what do you bring?" Emily.
GUTFELD: Wine? What kind of wine?
GUTFELD: Red, OK. Fair enough. Juan.
WILLIAMS: Ice cream.
GUTFELD: Ice cream? Interesting.
WILLIAMS: A lot of people don't have ice cream.
GUTFELD: That's crazy.
PERINO: He brings his own ice cream!
GUTFELD: He brings his own ice cream.
WILLIAMS: Well, it's for them. But I eat it.
GUTFELD: Jesse, what do you bring? We know it's not sweaters.
WATTERS: No, no. I bring wine, but I try to bring regifted wine. I don't like to go out and bring new wine. I bring wine that I already have at my house.
ORTAGUS: For God's sake. Of course.
GUTFELD: You are amazing. Everything is about like how to -- you're a shortcutter. That's what you are. You're always finding shortcuts.
WATTERS: How do you think I got here?
PERINO: I have to say wine, too, because I'm not a good cook.
PERINO: Sometimes, I bring chocolates.
GUTFELD: This is a really stupid question. See, I don't bring anything, but I take something home.
WATTERS: There you go.
GUTFELD: Medicine cabinets. People don't know.
PERINO: Greg, that's a terrible --
ORTAGUS: -- nobody to invite you over.
GUTFELD: I steal their Zyquil.
PERINO: "We're not listening, Dana."
GUTFELD: Jude P. asks, "Do you have any odd daily routines that must be done or your day will be off?" Jesse.
WATTERS: Take my medication. Every morning.
ORTAGUS: It's good for you.
WILLIAMS: The one you stole from dinner the night before.
GUTFELD: Exactly. Dana.
PERINO: I -- no, I'm not superstitious in any way. No.
GUTFELD: But there's no -- so like, you --
PERINO: I mean, I brush my teeth.
GUTFELD: Thank God for that. Yes, my day would be off if you didn't brush her teeth.
WILLIAMS: Well, I pray, but I read the papers in the morning.
PERINO: If I don't read the papers, the whole thing is off. That's true.
GUTFELD: There you go. There you go.
PERINO: I feel like I've forgotten to do something all day.
ORTAGUS: Yes. I mean, I'm the same. I have definitely, like, a routine, but I'm not -- it's not like I have to turn around three times in the lobby before I can leave or I'm, like, plagued the rest of the day.
GUTFELD: Yes. I say put on pants. The last time I forgot, the subway ride was unpleasant.
GUTFELD: Should I ask a question? Sure. "What is your least favorite thing to do that you can't pay someone else to do?" Juan.
WILLIAMS: I would guess -- you know. Nobody mops the floors, unless, you know -- but I have to sometimes if there's a mess.
GUTFELD: When you spill your ice cream.
WILLIAMS: That's right.
PERINO: The least favorite thing to do.
GUTFELD: Yes. But you can't pay someone else. I can think of, like, seven.
PERINO: I can't think of any.
GUTFELD: But I can't say them.
WATTERS: I mean, I've reached that stage of my life where I can afford to pay anybody pretty much anything.
WILLIAMS: Come on, man! Come on.
ORTAGUS: I bet the producers are --
GUTFELD: The producers are screaming.
WILLIAMS: Stop it, stop it.
GUTFELD: And they're screaming, and we can all hear it in our ears.
ORTAGUS: I feel like you're showing your true colors to America right now.
PERINO: It's Friday.
PERINO: True-color Friday.
GUTFELD: If I could get around brushing my teeth, I would.
WILLIAMS: You would pay somebody --
GUTFELD: I would pay somebody to brush my teeth. Yes.
WILLIAMS: That would be awful.
GUTFELD: Then I'd look forward to it.
PERINO: I know, I know. I wish I could pay somebody to do my cardio. I hate cardio.
GUTFELD: Yes. Do your exercises. You've got to do that. So you couldn't think of one, Emily?
ORTAGUS: I don't know. Work. Work stuff. You know what I mean? When you're, "Oh, I have so much to do."
PERINO: I feel like you love work.
ORTAGUS: I kind of love everything.
GUTFELD: You love everything.
WATTERS: Who's the king of England again? Prince George or whatever his name is? Who's the old guy? Anyway --
GUTFELD: Prince Charles?
WATTERS: Prince Charles. So Prince Charles --
PERINO: Charles. Charles. He's not a king!
WATTERS: Prince Charles gets someone else, like, one of his butlers --
WATTERS: -- to squeeze that little thing of toothpaste onto his toothbrush.
GUTFELD: I read it! I read it!
PERINO: I don't think that's true.
WATTERS: I read it! Everything you see in the news is true!
GUTFELD: "One More Thing" is next.
WILLIAMS: Are you OK?
WATTERS: No. Let me take my meds.
GUTFELD: Thank God for the music.
WATTERS: Time now for "One More Thing."
Yesterday I had a hair-off with my producer, Mike Lemarca (ph). The results are in! Here they are.
I smoked Lemarca (ph) by about 40 points.
ORTAGUS: No way.
WATTERS: It wasn't even close. The people have spoken.
And Lemarca (ph) has released a statement. Are you ready? "I should have smiled in my photo or used a better picture, and I should have campaigned harder in Michigan and Wisconsin."
Congratulations, Lemarca (ph). Better luck next time. Thank you very much.
Also, "Watters' World," 8 p.m. Saturday. We have Lara Trump and Kellyanne Conway, fair and balanced. We also have a body language expert to break down the Trump-Pelosi-Pence-Schumer.
GUTFELD: You've got to have her focus on Pence solely.
WATTERS: We did. We do.
WILLIAMS: Ask her about George. That would be interesting.
Anyway, so this is my week for Christmas miracles. And here's a living miracle. Take a look at Tom Pisano. He turned 105 this week, and he's still bowling twice a week in a league outside of Rochester.
WILLIAMS: He says bowling is his way of getting exercise and all that practice paying off, averaging 135 points a game.
But even though he's been bowling for 90 years, still looking to improve his scores to impress his wife. She's over 100 years old, too. What a merry Christmas to her. Happy Christmas. Merry Christmas, Tom.
By the way, happy birthday shout-outs to my family: to Raffi, who's 30, and my wife Delisa. I'll keep her age to myself.
WATTERS: All right. Happy birthday. Dana.
PERINO: OK. Everything you waited for. On FOXNews.com, if you go to FOXNews.com, you can find my top 10 favorite Jasper photos of 2018 and, because I love you all so much -- I know you wanted this -- the annual Jasper calendar has just come out.
PERINO: Emily, I know you'll keep yours. These guys will probably sell theirs on eBay. Look at Greg.
COMPAGNO: Oh, I love these. I give one of my dog to my family, too.
WATTERS: These are great.
PERINO: Thank you.
WILLIAMS: Yes, they are.
GUTFELD (singing): Animals are great.
You know what? I can't even do an "Animals are Great" today, because we don't -- Oh, I can? OK, first, "The Greg Gutfeld Show," it's awesome tonight.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD (singing): Animals are great! Animals are great! Animals are great!
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: My show tomorrow 10 p.m. Heather Zumarraga, there you go. Kris Fried, Kat Timpf, Tyrus. Watch the show.
Let's go to the video quickly. A dog steals something. You guys. There it is. See, they've got video of a dog stealing an actual package. I am - - you know, I don't know if this -- I don't know if this fits the "Animals are Great."
PERINO: Animals are really smart.
GUTFELD: Yes, animals are really smart. He's a thief. Animals can be -- can be illegal.
WATTERS (singing): Animals are thieves.
GUTFELD: All right. I'm going to shut up now. Emily, go.
ORTAGUS: You guys know I love cars. This weekend, I had the opportunity to participate in a race. It was really the weekend of my dreams. And most importantly, it was on behalf of the United States Veterans Corps, a Special Ops charity.
So I raced on behalf of a fallen SEAL.
ORTAGUS: I got to meet his Gold Star family, which was just absolutely amazing. It was really an incredible experience.
Past the speed of sound.
So watch me on "FOX & Friends" tomorrow where you can learn more about it, go to my Twitter. Learn more about it. And go to MYUSVC.com for more information so you can support this really amazing race.
WATTERS: All right.
PERINO: Congratulations. That's really cool.
WATTERS: Seems like Hemmer and Hegseth don't really do much on that show. They show up on the weekends.
ORTAGUS: I carry the weight.
WATTERS: "Special Report" with Bret Baier up now.
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