This is a rush transcript from "The Five," October 31, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
JESSE WATTERS, FOX NEWS HOST: Hello, everybody and happy Halloween. I'm Jesse Watters along with Jedediah Bila, Juan Williams, Judge Jeanine Pirro, and Greg Gutfeld. It's 5 o'clock in New York City, and this is "The Five."
In just six days, voters head to the polls to decide who'll control congress and the critical midterm elections. This as President Trump kicks off his final campaign blitz in the key state of Florida, where Bernie Sanders will also be holding a dueling rally. The president confident about Republicans chances on Tuesday.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA: It seems that the campaign is going very well, looks like we're doing very, very well in the senate. A lot of seats that were not really being thought of in terms of victories a year ago now are looking like they could very well be victories. And the house is -- a lot of people. I mean, there are a lot of people. And I think we're going to do well in the house also. But I know we're doing well in the senate and it looks like we're doing OK in the house.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: Trump also issuing a new warning about what will happen if Democrats take the house.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: If the midterms, for some reason, don't do so well for Republicans, I think you're all going to lose a lot of money. I hate to say that. I think you're going to lose a lot of money. People are waiting on their 401K's and everything else. They're waiting to see what happens with the midterms.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: Meanwhile, Democrat Nancy Pelosi already taking a victory lap, predicting her party has the house in the bag.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
REP. NANCY PELOSI, D—CALIF.: Up until Tuesday, I would have said if the election were held today, we would win.
STEPHEN COLBERT, COMEDIAN: What happened today that changed that?
PELOSI: Now I'm saying is we will win.
PELOSI: We will win.
COLBERT: Please don't say that. Do you want to say that on Hillary's fireworks barge? Please don't say that.
PELOSI: We will win. We own the ground. We're not yielding one grain of sand.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: Wow. And yes, she guaranteed victory, the Democrats did in 2016, too. Didn't turn out so well. What do you think about Pelosi's prediction, judge?
JEANINE PIRRO, FOX NEWS HOST: I don't think much of Pelosi. I was struck there. I mean, look, they use Hollywood celebrities all the time. It didn't matter. They were huge celebrities. Hillary thought she was a celebrity. The president went out and campaign for Hillary. And in the end, it didn't matter. Barbra Streisand said she was moving to Canada. Now she's threatening to move to Canada again.
WATTERS: They always say that.
PIRRO: They always say that, but in the end, look, the Republicans care about their money. The president is right. And I think though there's a little trouble in the house.
WATTERS: Well, I mean, it sounded like the president wasn't as confident in the house as he was in the senate, Greg. What do you make about his tone there?
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Well, first, if Streisand moves to Canada, I hear Canada is moving to New Zealand.
GUTFELD: Here's what I think, both sides are doing the same thing right now. They're railing up the base. They're like motivational speakers who tell you the worst possible scenario. Don't do that to me. So, if Trump wins the left says that granny is going to be pushed off a cliff, they're going to take her social security, and the white men are going to put little boys in cages, right? And then -- but if Trump wins the left says, oh, all caravans are welcome and English will be ban in high school. So it's like everybody is doing -- neither reality is actually true. What they're doing is they're creating a broad, based assumption, based on the stereotypes and they're both doing it, so they're both guilty.
WATTERS: It's true. And Trump's tactic could be a little more true than some of the other worse scare tactics like Greg mentioned, the economy, Juan. I mean, you've just had 3.1 percent wage growth this year, highest in a decade, consumer confidence highest since 1998. And someone very smart on Cavuto's show just said this and I'm going to take credit for it.
WATTERS: They say that in 1988 it was the last time consumer confidence was this high, and Bill Clinton's party did very well in those midterm elections. How do you see the economy playing in this year's midterms?
JUAN WILLIAMS, FOX NEWS HOST: I think it's pretty obvious. The Republicans can't run on it, that's why the president has to resort to fear and loathing and make it fright night Halloween early with, I'm sending troops to the border. Oh, there's a caravan approaching. Gangsters, MS- 13, terrorists, oh, disease is approaching the border and I'm sending the troops to stop -- what kind of madness is this? Greg is right. There's a lot of things are being said that just aren't true.
GUTFELD: But I said both sides, Juan. I was being fair.
WILLIAMS: Yeah, but I'm not being fair.
WILLIAMS: I'll tell you why I'm not being fair because there's no analogous action by the Democrats. What you have is President Trump.
GUTFELD: Wait a second, of course there is.
WATTERS: Democrats said there's going to be a civil war and he's Hitler, and he's going to lock up.
WILLIAMS: I don't think Democrats are saying a civil war.
PIRRO: Blood on the streets.
GUTFELD: Blood on the streets. We're taking the social security.
WILLIAMS: I thought people are upset about Trump.
WATTERS: Jedediah, go ahead.
JEDEDIAH BILA, HOST: I mean, Democrats are always talking about health care as the chief issue. Running -- everyone's health care is going to be taken away. So what are we even talking about?
WILLIAMS: Hold on. Wait a minute. Isn't it true that Republicans promise that once they took over, they would repeal and replace.
BILA: You're saying that's not a scare tactic?
WILLIAMS: That's what Republican -- and Republicans haven't done anything. And only belatedly now is the president saying, oh, if you have pre-existing conditions, I'd consider. He's late to the game.
PIRRO: Late in the game, are you kidding, Juan?
WILLIAMS: Oh, go right ahead.
PIRRO: The economy, consumer confidence.
WILLIAMS: We were talking about health care.
PIRRO: Yeah, but you know what? With health care, he got rid of the individual mandate. Come on.
WILLIAMS: Yeah, in other words, that's why Democrats are running ads and why they're having success by saying to Americans right now that health care system is in jeopardy under Trump.
GUTFELD: So when they use fear tactics, they're telling the truth? But when anyone else -- social security for one, also talking about how evil Trump is, how racist and insane he is. That's fear tactic.
WILLIAMS: That's not a fear tactic.
GUTFELD: There you go.
WILLIAMS: When the truth is told you call it fear tactic on the left.
GUTFELD: I'm just pointing out what you just did.
BILA: Why is he crazy to be talking about securing the border? I mean, that's.
WILLIAMS: Jesse and I have been over this a thousand times.
WILLIAMS: Remember when Obama, remember when other people put in additional security at the border, I'm all for it.
BILA: And the reason the economy.
WILLIAMS: The caravan has nothing to do with border security.
WATTERS: Let's move on. Hollywood is doing whatever it can to get off the vote. Oprah is hitting the campaign trail tomorrow in Georgia to stump for Democratic gubernatorial candidate, Stacey Abrams. Taylor Swift posted that she's voting for Democrat Phil Bredesen in the Tennessee senate race, and is urging fans to not sit this one out. So, Greg, now celebrities getting involved. Oprah, you know, I mean.
GUTFELD: Oprah is different than the Alyssa Milano's, and the Will Ferrell's.
WATTERS: She's an icon.
GUTFELD: Yeah. And she -- you trust what she has to say. I do believe though that the negative impact of a moralizing celebrity of limited intellect -- I'm not talking about Oprah, cancels the positive impact of their famous space. So when you have somebody who is, kind of a newbie, when someone gets into politics as a celebrity, they're stunted. It's like their politics is back where they were when they decided to chase fame. So their politics are that of like a 17-year-old.
WATTERS: Like Taylor Swift.
GUTFELD: Yeah. Because for ten years, ten years, they've been all about themselves, so finally they feel guilty about this and then they go, I'm going to become politically aware. But they're back where they were when they stopped reading.
PIRRO: Yeah. But it's even worse than that, Greg. It's not like just ten years. It's the fact that -- what do they do for a living? They don't think. They memorize the lines that other people write.
GUTFELD: Well, we kind of do that too.
GUTFELD: Everybody has a right to an opinion, but we have to be able to analyze and say where are they in the road to life?
PIRRO: What do they know? What is their experience? What is it based on? I'm famous so therefore, you know, believe me and everybody in my ilk.
WATTERS: Greg writes his own line because he's got piles of notes.
GUTFELD: I didn't even get to my notes.
WILLIAMS: I'm curious about this analysis because a couple weeks ago you guys told me Kanye West, oh, he's great. Oh, he's so smart. Talk about a Halloween surprise.
GUTFELD: That has nothing to do with his stance on Trump.
WILLIAMS: Back when he was 17 and knew nothing. How about Donald Trump? He's a celebrity politician.
BILA: What people was ascending was the right of Kanye West to have an opinion.
GUTFELD: You're attacking him for other reasons, Juan.
WILLIAMS: Kanye West -- oval office using profanity, Jedediah.
WILLIAMS: And Republicans loved it.
WATTERS: I will say no one on this side called Oprah or any of these other Taylor Swift people mentally ill.
WATTERS: No one said a lot of disgusting things about anybody for endorsing anybody.
WILLIAMS: What are you talking about?
WATTERS: Kanye West suffered some of the most horrible rhetoric I've ever seen about anyone on television, besides me, and he didn't deserve it, OK. And that came from your side.
WILLIAMS: Yeah, yeah, the guy has bipolar disorder by his own admission.
WATTERS: Oh, that's mean. You have another disorder it's called Trump derangement syndrome.
WILLIAMS: Oh, no, no.
WATTERS: The birthright citizenship battle rages on as Democratic hypocrisy on this issue is exposed. We'll see it next.
WILLIAMS: President Trump not backing down from the growing battle over birthright citizenship.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: I believe that you can have a simple vote in Congress or it's even possible, in my opinion, this is after meeting with some very talented legal scholars, that you can do it through an executive order. Now, I'd rather do it through congress because that's permanent. If president Obama could get DACA approved, certainly we can do DACA, we can do this by executive order. The Democrats have left immigration in our country get out of control with their horrible, not allowing us to have any votes to get passage.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WILLIAMS: The president and conservatives are pointing out Harry Reid's comments about these very issue from 25 years ago.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
HARRY REID, FORMER SENATOR: If making it easy to be an illegal alien isn't enough, how about offering a reward for being an illegal immigrant? No sane country would do that, right? Guess again. If you break our laws by entering this country without permission to give birth to a child, we reward that child with U.S. citizenship and guarantee a full access to all public and social services this society provides, and that's a lot of services.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WILLIAMS: So, senator -- or former Senator Reid issued a statement today saying he was wrong then and President Trump is wrong now. Judge Jeanine?
PIRRO: Well, first of all, there are three questions here. Number one, what is the Constitution says? The Constitution says if you're born or naturalized here and subject to the jurisdiction, you're a citizen. So then the question is, have the courts apply this? The courts have only ruled on one case and that involved a guy by the name of Juan Kemp, who was a Chinese legal resident alien. They've had a baby -- the couple had a baby who was born here. The Supreme Court said, 30-years-later, after the 14th Amendment, no problem. They are legal resident aliens, ergo that child can be considered for automatic birthright. The most important thing for people to consider when they talk about birthright citizenship is the context with the words 14th Amendment which ratified in 1868. It was right after the Civil War. It was during the construction period where they wanted to make sure that the slaves were given the ability to be citizens and to vote, all right? So that's the context that it came in. Now, there is no question that no other country in the world grants automatic citizenship.
WILLIAMS: Wait a second, what about Mexico and Canada?
PIRRO: Mexico and Canada, it's not automatic. What you've got to do is you've got have a parent who has been in that country for a period of time, not someone like in Los Angeles where two-thirds of the babies born in county run hospitals are born to illegal immigrants who just got there. That's the difference. So you cannot say that any other country in the world does this. And I think the third most important thing is not just the cost, it cost us billions because as a Supreme Court ruled a few years back any illegal, any child born here who was born here is entitled to education and health care and all that other stuff. So it will cost us billions.
How do we change this? Number one, someone can take a court case up. Number two, congress can pass an act. Or number three, the president can do an executive order. But I think -- and I'm going to end here, the most significant part of this is section five of the 14th Amendment says congress has the power to enforce by appropriate legislation any provisions of this article. So they recognize that in a time when you could not anticipate illegals coming in, where the only issue in context where the slaves. And, by the way, they left out the American Indians, do you know why? Because they have jurisdiction, they're under the jurisdiction of tribal lands.
WILLIAMS: OK. Well it sounded like -- you said a lot.
GUTFELD: I'm glad my notes helped you.
WILLIAMS: Oh, she stole your notes.
PIRRO: No, I didn't.
WILLIAMS: But all you've said, judge, comes down to I think what Paul Ryan says. Jedediah, Paul Ryan said you can't do this unless you change the Constitution and he doesn't see that. And then, today, the president went after Paul Ryan and attack Paul Ryan, told him to shut up.
BILA: I actually -- whether or not you can do it by executive orders is up for debate. I actually would recommend that he not do it by executive order for the same reason that I advocated that -- President Obama not do.
WILLIAMS: That's what Paul Ryan said.
BILA: And the reason also is that even if the policy makes sense then for the time in question, people will automatically demonize you because of the way that you went about it by executive order. So I think.
PIRRO: He's going to do both.
BILA: You have to be able to ask questions about whether -- everybody is demonized all the time for just asking a question. You have to be able to look at a policy and say the way that this was dreamed up does not fit society as it stands now. So should this be a policy that should be happening now? Should it be that someone can come over illegally with the sole intent of wanting to give birth to a baby that then have automatic citizenship and gains access to a bunch of benefits that citizens get here. You have to be able to question that. That doesn't mean you can write executive -- make a change, necessarily, but it does mean that the topic becomes up for debate. And the people who brought that topic up should not automatically be demonized.
WILLIAMS: Nobody is demonizing, but I think.
BILA: It happens all the time. He's already been demonized.
WILLIAMS: But, Jesse, you're the king of what about-ism.
WATTERS: Oh, I've got a good one for this.
WILLIAMS: Yes. Because you've got Harry Reid, 25-years-ago, he said he's changed his mind, but the fact is Harry Reid did, in fact, support doing away with birthright.
WATTERS: The reason he changed his mind is not because he had a change of heart. He changed his mind because the AFL-CIO change their position on illegal immigration because they wanted more Hispanics to come over here so they could pay union dues and fill up those roles. Now, here's somewhat- about-ism, Juan. I do find it funny how liberals believe that illegal aliens crossing the border and having American babies is enshrined in our Constitution, but the right to bear arms isn't enshrined in our Constitution, major hypocrisy there. Excellent job summarizing the legal thing. The only thing I would add is what I said yesterday, the drafter of the 14th Amendment, Jacob Howard, said this should not apply to persons in the United States who are foreigners and aliens. This is a big issue because nearly 10 percent of babies born in this country are from illegal aliens. But, you have to combine this with the law and eliminating the lottery and eliminating the chain migration because right now it's out of control.
WILLIAMS: OK. So, you know, we've had filibusters. Now I turned to Greg Gutfeld.
GUTFELD: Well -- OK, I'll summarize in human terms, OK, 290,000 births from this kind of -- I don't know what you'd call it, but it's a dramatic leap over the past decade. And the reason is word travels fast when there is a loophole. This is true in every part of life. When in high school when you heard that some parents went away, everybody knew that's where you went to party, right?
GUTFELD: So when people know that you can get free alcohol at somebody's house, you go. I don't blame -- what I'm saying is, I don't blame people for seeking out a loophole. I blame the people who don't fix the system once they know the loophole is there. And I think Donald Trump understands how people see unfairness in this because he's always about reciprocity and fairness. And you get angry. The most fundamental human anger is when somebody cuts in front of you. The thing that drives me crazy, when you try to get from the airport to the rental car agency and you get on the tram and the last person on gets to be the first person in line at the rental car agency. I don't think I ever get as mad as I get at that point. When I go, I've been waiting here for 20 minutes and this guy -- then all of a sudden, he's first in line. That's bogus. And I think that Trump understands that emotion and it's very real, very human.
WATTERS: That reminds me. I just have to confess something. I cut a hundred people in the TSA line the other day. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I was going to miss a flight.
WILLIAMS: I think we didn't discuss the fact that, of course, this issue comes up now, few days before the midterms, because Donald Trump.
GUTFELD: Who started the caravan, Juan? Your side.
WILLIAMS: Up next, Ben & Jerry, yeah, the ice cream guys joining the resistance by serving up a new flavor of ice cream, anti-Trump ice cream. That's next on The Five.
GUTFELD: Ben & Jerry's has a new ice cream flavor dedicated to the resistance, and like the resistance, it contains nuts. I know it's too easy. But here's another example of how the left injects politics into everything. Remember when politics stayed in its ugly little lane? Now it's all over the place. It's in sports. It's in movies, your desert. That's what happens when you decide that the personal is now political. You can't escape it. Look at the label. Maybe it's me, but I prefer not to be glared at while eating ice cream. I get that at home without the curtain. But thanks to the left, keeping politics out of regular life is seen as complicit to evil. If you don't join our mad crusade, you're the problem too.
Now, I bet this stuff tastes good but who cares. The company says that by purchasing this glop, you will be supporting, quote, groups who are fighting President Trump's regressive agenda. But they should add while also adding to your deadly obesity because isn't that what Ben & Jerry's does? They speak calories to power. According to the NIH, obesity -- being overweight leads to 300,000 deaths per year in the U.S. That's second only to smoking. The math is simple. If obesity kills that many people a year and ice cream makes you obese, how large a role does Ben & Jerry's play in this? Aren't they part of the problem? They're like overweight Marlboro man. Maybe that's why they play up the activism. They want you to think their heart is in the right place as they're busy clogging yours.
All right, judge, this doesn't make me want to eat ice cream. I like it to be fun.
PIRRO: OK, I have to confess.
PIRRO: I love Cherry Garcia. And you know what I did, I went from the ice cream to the Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia yogurt.
GUTFELD: Right. Really?
PIRRO: Here's something for you. I'm never eating it again.
PIRRO: Why would they alienate me? Why go out of you way to alienate people who are giving you money? Maybe you don't need my money. Good, I'll go to Haagen-Dazs.
GUTFELD: There you go, Haagen-Dazs.
BILA: That's interesting though because I always think that too. Why would you marginalize half the country? But people say this polarization of products really works.
BILA: Yeah. They've been -- Ben & Jerry's has been so political for so long. They endorsed Bernie Sanders. They endorsed same-sex marriage in Vermont with a special ice cream flavor.
BILA: Right. So if it wasn't financially working for them.
BILA: You do know your ice cream.
PIRRO: I love ice cream.
BILA: I feel like they would know that if it wasn't working. And people say that this works.
GUTFELD: I don't think people pay attention. I mean, one of these groups has Linda Sarsour involved who was just a notorious anti-Semitic.
GUTFELD: -- said awful things about people.
WATTERS: Yeah, they're like the Nike of ice cream. They've alienated half their customer base. In order to make this segment fun, I've created my own ice cream flavors. These are anti-liberal flavors.
WATTERS: Are you ready?
WATTERS: Abolish ICE-cream.
WATTERS: Strzok chocolate, Peter Strzok. Mooch tracks, you know, Scaramucci. It took Juan awhile.
WILLIAMS: I don't think Scaramucci is going to appreciate that.
WATTERS: Well, this one for you.
WATTERS: Never mind. Nougat Gingrich. Ready? It gets better.
WATTERS: Second Amend-mint.
WATTERS: Make America grape again.
GUTFELD: Very good.
WATTERS: I've got more. Two more.
GUTFELD: All right, two more.
WATTERS: Crooked and cream.
WATTERS: Last one. Fondue junior, like Don Jr.
GUTFELD: How about -- how about Caravan-illa?
GUTFELD: Or how about this, Raisin -- How about this? Raisin Awareness?
WATTERS: I like it.
WILLIAMS: That's the way they should have gone. I like that one.
GUTFELD: Raisin Awareness.
WATTERS: It just took me an hour. You came up with two like that.
GUTFELD: Juan -- Juan, are you going to go buy this ice cream? Because I know you have a sweet tooth.
WILLIAMS: I love it, but I don't know what the flavor's like. So we'll see.
GUTFELD: It's Pecans. It's pecan.
PIRRO: You'll love pecans. They're delicious.
GUTFELD: How do you pronounce "pecan"?
GUTFELD: Then it doesn't work. It's Pecan Resist, like "we can resist." Instead, if it's "Pe-cahn Resist," it makes no s
WILLIAMS: I've got a question for you about the monologue. Was that a spoof?
WILLIAMS: When you're saying about, "Oh -- leading people to obesity"?
GUTFELD: No, 300,000 people die a year from obesity. And ice cream --
WILLIAMS: So what are you going to say -- what are you going to say to Papa John's? He's a right-wing nut. He's selling obesity.
GUTFELD: Well, you know what? When he starts putting it in his product, I'll say something.
WILLIAMS: He does. He says horrible things.
GUTFELD: I don't know anything on his packaging that -- by the way, I don't eat Papa John's. I don't eat pizza. I don't eat any pizza. There are certain dietary issues that we can't get into here.
PIRRO: Do you eat ice cream?
GUTFELD: Not any more. Not now. Not since this happened. I iced to have ice cream for breakfast.
PIRRO: And I have pizza for breakfast.
WILLIAMS: I think, though, judge, because you are a fan of Ben & Jerry's, I think you should get a vat of Chubby Hubby for your friend there, Donald Trump. Chubby Hubby.
PIRRO: Yes, that's mean. That is mean. And you know what? Donald Trump is going to be dancing on election night.
WILLIAMS: Which election? I think he was. I think that's already happened.
GUTFELD: This really is their penance, right? Because they know that they're contributing to the death of people. Right? They know they're contributing to the death of people from obesity.
WILLIAMS: I thought you were joking.
GUTFELD: It's obviously A plus B plus C.
WILLIAMS: Ice cream contributes to the death of people?
PIRRO: Of course. It's a conspiracy theory.
WATTERS: You were the one that said tax cuts were going to make people die.
WILLIAMS: I forgot that. What did I say? What did I say?
WATTERS: You and Nancy.
GUTFELD: Is there anybody in my ear these days, or you guys take the day off? I just haven't heard anybody.
A liberal comedian is calling out the media for how they cover Trump. That's ahead.
PIRRO: We know President Trump President Trump isn't afraid of calling out fake news, but what's refreshing is when you hear someone like liberal comedian Jon Stewart criticize the media for how they cover the president. Watch this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JON STEWART, COMEDIAN: I think the journalists have taken it personally. They're personally wounded and offended by this man. He baits them, and they dive in. And what he's done well, I thought, is appeal to their own narcissism, to their own ego. Because what he says is these are -- and the journalists stand up and say, "We are noble. We are honorable. How dare you, sir?" And they take it personally. And now he's changed the conversation.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PIRRO: So, Juan, you put your head up first.
WILLIAMS: I did?
PIRRO: So what do you -- what do you think of the fact that the -- Jon Stewart is saying that the media, they feel so aggrieved by Donald Trump winning the presidency that they feel that, you know, they have the right to attack. And Stewart is saying, "But wait a minute. This is how you're making your money."
WILLIAMS: Wow, that was an interesting interpretation that you had, because I heard something different. I heard him say that, in fact, the press reacts to Donald Trump personally.
WILLIAMS: That they take it as an insult to their profession.
WILLIAMS: And there are many journalists who feel it's a priesthood, and they are all about facts and the truth. Donald Trump is like, "Great. If you want to engage on that level, I'll go at you, because I'll be anti- media, 'enemy of the people,' and my base will react, like all the elite media and the elites in Hollywood."
So but I think, by the way, Jon Stewart is onto something. And I've heard this from others, including Chris Wallace, who say, "You know what? You've got to back away. Maybe you shouldn't engage Trump, because it just feeds the fire.
PIRRO: Jesse, do you think the fact that Donald Trump is fighting with the media, because he believes that a lot of it is fake news, that what he's don't is he's given himself the opportunity to kind of almost avoid talking about things, because now it's about a fight. It's about, like, road -- when something happens on the road, everybody is rubbernecking. They'd rather watch the fight. And as if Donald Trump doesn't get enough air time, just by virtue of being Donald Trump, they continue to fight with him, so it's all about Trump.
WATTERS: Great point. And the country loves watching people battle, and they love watching the media take it on the chin. Because the media is not very well-liked in this country, and when they whine and complain, the rest of the hardworking Americans that work with their hands and take care of their kids and have tough jobs and don't love their jobs like the media do, they look at these people in the front row with Sarah Sanders whining and complaining and preening, and they think, "Are you serious? Am I supposed to feel sorry for you? Absolutely not."
And now, what's happened is Donald Trump has won the war against the media. Right now, only 13 percent of the American people believe the media covers both sides accurately. Right now, 33 percent think fake news is the enemy of the American people. And in the last poll, CNN was ranked dead last as the least trusted name in news. So right now, Trump is winning the war on the media, and the media doesn't even realize it.
PIRRO: All right. But network coverage is now more -- so hostile to Republicans. It's something like 88 percent negative on Republicans. So is this -- are they reacting so negatively that they're taking it out on every Republican in the country?
GUTFELD: I don't think that's much different. They would have done the same to Mitt Romney, John McCain, George Bush, you name it. They don't like Republicans. They're about 80 to 90 percent Democrats.
Stewart is right, though. If you want the media to focus on you, the easiest thing you could do is mention them. They're notoriously self-obsessed and thin-skinned. You've got to look at, like, Cuomo's Instagram. Oh, my God. You could be summarized in two words: love me.
But I like -- I am guilty. I love poking the media, because it's like a self-driving car. All you've got to do is press the button and get in the back seat. Get in the back seat, and their insecurities do all the work.
Right now, CNN is just ripping Fox News, because they see Fox News as a proxy for America. They can't stop.
But what's worse than fake news, I always believe, is the fink news. Do you know what the fink news is?
GUTFELD: Those are commentators and web sites whose sole job is to watch you work for a living, and then they wait for you to say something that they can misinterpret, right, and then they use that to hurt you. They'll put that up on their site.
It's the lowest job in media, and if you have that job, quit.
PIRRO: Well, how do you spell that?
GUTFELD: How do you spell what? Fink? F-I-N-K.
PIRRO: OK, so what do you think of the finks? Jedediah.
BILA: You know, I think the media is not used to being challenged by a Republican politician, and it shows. And they're used to, you know, President Bush took the high road on this a lot of times. He didn't pick on them when they were picking on him. They're not used to it.
I do think Trump has to walk a fine line here, though, and I think he is talking about fake news when he talks about the enemy of the people. But he needs to make sure he clarifies that do a good job, are fair.
But those that are completely, totally biased all the time cannot handle that someone is willing to say, "You are completely and totally biased all the time." And that's where the pushback is happening.
WATTERS: And Greg said that the -- CNN's attacking Fox because we're a proxy for America. Trump is attacking the media, because they're a proxy for the Democratic Party. And no other Republican politician has done that before.
And Juan was saying, "Oh, you know, the media is so obsessed with facts." There's a litany of things they've gotten wrong under this president, and it's not based on -- it's not based on, you know, errors and mistakes; they're rushing. It's not sloppy. It's driven by hate. And when you hate, you make mistakes.
WILLIAMS: Oh, yes, so the caravan, oh, those are terrible people coming towards us. Those are invaders.
WATTERS: But they said it was all women and children, Juan. It's actually all young men.
WILLIAMS: You know what? This is so ridiculous.
PIRRO: You know what, Juan? You keep -- you keep referring to the caravan.
WILLIAMS: No, how about --
PIRRO: Are you ready to stand up and say every one of them is going to be nice?
WILLIAMS: No, but that's not the issue.
PIRRO: Well, that is the issue.
WILLIAMS: This is a fake issue, created by a politician who --
GUTFELD: -- by liberal activists. It was ginned up by liberal activists.
WILLIAMS: Oh, ginned up. Oh, stop.
GUTFELD: And it blew up in their face. Just like the Kavanaugh hearings blew up in their face.
WILLIAMS: You know what almost blew up in our face? The bombs that were created by a guy who was a big --
WATTERS: The caravan, let's send to Juan's house. Juan's going to take them all in. Right, Juan? You have a big place, right?
WILLIAMS: Yes, yes, yes. There you go. Democracy.
WATTERS: There you go.
PIRRO: All right, good.
All right. It's time for some fun and, of course, lots of candy but no ice cream. We're celebrating Halloween, next on "The Five."
(COMMERCIAL BREAK) BILA: Trick or treat, everyone. We are celebrating. I don't know what's going on around here. I don't even want to ask.
PIRRO: It's Halloween.
BILA: We are celebrating Halloween with a ton of candy and a bunch of fun stories.
So first up, there's a nationwide push to permanently move Halloween from October 31 to the last Saturday of the month. Thousands have signed a petition urging the White House to shift the annual holiday to the weekend so it's safer and more stress-free.
What do you think about that, Judge, moving it? I don't know. I have mixed emotions.
PIRRO: I grew up in upstate New York. OK? It's really cold up there. In Elmira, New York, if any of you have ever heard of it. My mom is still there. Hi, Mom. So we -- I always had to wear a winter coat over my costume, because it snowed most of the time. I think they ought to move it to July.
PIRRO: That's big. That's going to be a big shift.
WATTERS: You can't wear a mask in July.
I know if Trump ends up switching the Halloween, the liberals are going to go nuts, because Trump did it. So I don't think it's going to get them any credit.
Plus, I like the idea. So if a Halloween falls on a weeknight, like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, people still celebrate and go nuts on the Saturday preceding it. So then you get two Halloweens, kind of, if you're down.
BILA: But what if you're a parent who works during the week, and you can't take your kids out for trick-or-treating? I think they're doing it for the parents just as much. Because if it's on Saturday, you have the whole day to yourself. You can make a day of it. You're not so stressed out. Coming home from work, rushing around, trying to get the kids ready.
WILLIAMS: It's a good idea.
BILA: You think so?
WILLIAMS: You know, I mean, to me it's just kind of an invented thing when we do it. So do it at a convenient time.
But I must say, I think that for the kids, the kids like the idea that they go out, and you know, that it's unpredictable. That it's all of a sudden time to go. I've got to get out of here. That's pretty much fun for kids.
BILA: You know, Greg, a study recently --
GUTFELD: A study, eh?
BILA: -- showed 86 percent of parents steal their kids' Halloween candy. This seems to me like something that you might be guilty of.
GUTFELD: No, no, no. But No. 1, I think Halloween is nothing more than Christmas for Satanists. Let's be obvious about this, all right?
PIRRO: To ruin Halloween.
GUTFELD: It's a bunch of pagan rituals by godless heathens.
This, by the way, is the longest Halloween ever.
WATTERS: Aren't you a godless heathen?
GUTFELD: This is the longest Halloween ever, OK?
GUTFELD: Because it's on Wednesday. I've had -- I've had to endure holiday parties on Friday, Saturday. For some reason, it skipped on Sunday. And then last night and now tonight. It's as though we keep repeating the same stupid, lame segments.
I mean, how many times I were going to talk about Halloween and stupid candy? I'm tired of it.
PIRRO: Wait a minute. I love it. I mean, when I had kids, I was working. It was a nightmare. Day out of school.
GUTFELD: It's a pagan holiday for Satanists.
PIRRO: Yes, but then what you do is you raid their pumpkin, and you take the Junior Mints.
BILA: Right. Take all the good candy.
GUTFELD: And what's with mutilating these gourds? These are like -- what have these pumpkins done to you? Mutilating a gourd. That's what we're doing to these pumpkins. Where are the vegetable rights e?
PIRRO: -- talking about the political segment.
BILA: I'm going to buy you a "Get Off My Lawn" T-shirt, and that's what you can wear next time.
GUTFELD: I'll get off your lawn. Because they'll be on my lawn.
WILLIAMS: You're upset about everything. For a second, I thought you were going to blame the Democrats for Halloween.
PIRRO: I know. It's coming.
GUTFELD: Well, you know what? You guys do wear a lot of costumes. You pretend to be compassionate, and you pretend to be smart. You pretend to be interested in the economy. Everything's a lie.
BILA: Somebody -- somebody at the table is having a cranky day. I can't imagine who that is, Gregory.
WILLIAMS: It's not -- it's not a one-time event.
BILA: There's a cool story, though, guys, that caught my attention. Because sometimes, you know, you get the Halloween candy and you don't like the candy you get. Some people gave raisins to me one year. I will never forget you. I remember who you are. But now Reese's came out with these vending machines where you can go in and you can trade your candy for better candy.
GUTFELD: It's a great idea.
BILA: I think that's amazing. Why can't I think of these things?
Jesse, I feel like you'd be game to go do that.
WATTERS: That's a good idea. I just don't know how it works. I mean, I would just throw, like, a rock in there.
GUTFELD: It doesn't have to work. It's genius.
BILA: Can you throw all your apples?
PIRRO: No, I think you put anything in and they give you Reese's. So everybody go down. Where is this? What's the address?
BILA: It's in Manhattan.
WILLIAMS: What's the address?
BILA: I don't have the address. Do you guys have the address?
WILLIAMS: Are you really going?
PIRRO: No, I'm doing a segment tonight. I'm on the air. Because I'm going to eat this for dinner.
WILLIAMS: That's what you have for dinner?
BILA: What's the worst Halloween -- did you ever go trick-or-treating and get something terrible? Like fruit.
PIRRO: Money. Money.
BILA: Not that fruit's not good. But money? Money is good, though.
WATTERS: That's for UNICEF, though. That goes to the kids.
PIRRO: I know, but they gave it to me.
WATTERS: You're supposed to give it to the kids.
GUTFELD: All right, OK, when somebody gives you money, that means they're generally drunks who didn't realize it was Halloween. So they're coming up to the door, they open the door and there's this little creatures dressed up. And they're going, "What the hell is this?" And they're saying this stuff, and they just go into their pocket and they throw money at them, thinking that's enough. And they slam the door. That was my neighborhood. That was me, actually.
WILLIAMS: You know what I think, though? By about 9 p.m., Greg Gutfeld is probably not answering the door.
GUTFELD: No way. Not at all.
WATTERS: Unless it's Seamless.
GUTFELD: Unless it's -- unless it's Seamless.
WATTERS: The ribs!
GUTFELD: Yes, delivering my ribs.
WILLIAMS: You know, and he's got a little gun sticking out the window. "Hey, you kids get --"
GUTFELD: Not in New York, unfortunately.
BILA: Oh, God. This segment has derailed.
GUTFELD: So hard to get a permit these days.
PIRRO: No, it isn't. It depends on who you are.
BILA: "One More Thing" is coming up next.
WATTERS: Time now for "One More Thing." Mr. Gutfeld.
GUTFELD: All right. My podcast is up. You go to foxnewspodcast.com, I have a great interview with Robert Wright. He's an excellent writer. We talk about tribalism. We talk about heated rhetoric and its effect, potential effect on harmful deeds.
Now, check it out, you'll like it. Go to --
GRAPHIC: Greg's Halloween Treat News
GUTFELD: "Greg's Halloween Treat News." I've got some footage of Hollywood of Alec Baldwin. He actually dressed up for Halloween as a hippo, and I think we have tape of him munching on a Halloween treat.
Look at this. This is amazing. Check this out.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
(HIPPO BITING JACK-O-LANTERN)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: You know what? You might be right. That the Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Gardens.
WATTERS: It's an honest mistake.
GUTFELD: Isn't that amazing? Look at that. Eating that entire pumpkin. Hippos are just the most awesome beasts. They seem like they want to be left alone. If I were an animal, I'd be a hippo.
BILA: You'd be a hippo.
WATTERS: He was good in "30 Rock," though.
GUTFELD: He was.
WATTERS: All right. Juan.
WILLIAMS: So today it was just a gorgeous, beautiful day in Boston, and all the more because it was beautiful due to the Red Sox celebrating the World Series championship.
The team, in true Boston style, rode duck boats from Fenway Park all the way to city hall. It was the Red Sox's fourth championship, Jesse, fourth championship in the last 15 years. And get this: Boston teams have won 11 championships in the last 17 years.
You know what got my attention? There were anti-Yankees chants as the Boston fans celebrated. That rivalry, apparently, more important to Red Sox fans than beating the Dodgers.
GUTFELD: Jesse, you know that -- Juan, they're heading to the border.
WILLIAMS: Oh, my God. It's a caravan.
GUTFELD: It's the caravan.
WILLIAMS: Anyway, I've got to tell you, I'm still dreaming about my Nationals. Still hoping they can win one day.
GUTFELD: Keep dreaming. Keep dreaming.
BILA: One day. One day.
WATTERS: Well, the Eagles beat --
GUTFELD: You're a nationalist. I didn't know that.
WILLIAMS: That's right. There we go.
WATTERS: That's right.
OK, so my tailor is the man. His name's Giacomo. He makes me these great suits. Go check out Book a Tailor. He is the best. Check out what he does from the inside. Look at that.
WATTERS: Exclusively tailored for "Watters World." Are we missing an apostrophe? Do I have to send this back? Come on, Giacomo! Get that right. Punctuation!
And also, Watters on Martha's show tonight, "Wednesdays with Watters." We'll be talking about Oprah. We'll be talking about Kanye and Halloween. Don't miss it.
PIRRO: All right, every year in this country, abused women suffering from domestic violence end up leaving their homes to take -- to find shelter, and they take their children with them.
Timing is not something over which they have any control. They mostly leave with nothing, and when you think about the time of year, you have little kids who want to have some sense of normalcy in their lives.
So in New York, My Sister's Place, which is a shelter, takes in nearly 15,000 women and children every year who seek refuge from violence. I've been on that board for 30 years. They worked to end violence in intimate relationships and combat the effects as it relates to children.
The next time you go to buy a Halloween costume, buy two. Help a child who's not at home anymore. Send it to your local shelter for battered women and now visit MSPNY.org to learn how you can donate.
WILLIAMS: What a great "One More Thing."
WATTERS: Very nice. All right. Jedediah.
BILA: In the spirit of Halloween, I have the "Pets of The Five," Halloween edition. That is my dog, Emma, when she was a patriot. She was also a biker girl at one point, and yes, that's right, a bee.
We also have some other pictures. Dana isn't here, but you know Spike from "The Daily Briefing." He's dressed as a pirate -- oh, these are not in order, I'm sorry. That's Deb's dog, Nick, as a World Series champion Boston Red Sox champion player.
We have Mike Remarco's fearless dog Lola chilling next to a skeleton. That's pretty cool. That's braver than you were in the haunted house the other day, Jesse.
WATTERS: That's true.
BILA: And here we go, Spike from "The Daily Briefing" dressed as a pirate. Honestly, it's so cute when you dress your animals up.
GUTFELD: They just love it, don't they?
BILA: They love it, though.
WATTERS: I am over the dog thing. What about you?
GUTFELD: I am over the dog thing and the Halloween thing.
BILA: Wow, he is just a bundle of joy today.
WATTERS: We definitely need to hurry up for you about Halloween.
All right, don't knock on Greg's door unless you're delivering ribs.
WILLIAMS: The Grinch. Yes, the Grinch.
WATTERS: Set your DVRs. Never miss an episode of "The Five." "Special Report" is up next with Bret.
GUTFELD: So true.
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