'The Five's' Turkeys of the Year

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," November 27, 2014. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: Hello, everybody. Happy Thanksgiving. I'm Bob Beckel along with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Eric Bolling, Dana Perino, and yes, Greg Gutfeld. It is 5 o'clock in New York City and this is "The Five."

Happy Turkey Day, folks. We got a fun show tonight. Now, I tell you what, in just a moment, we're going to continue our annual tradition here on the Five and we're gonna tell you who our own Turkeys Of The Year are. We got a solid line up. But first, we thought you might enjoy a little Thanksgiving humor from funny man, Jim Gaffigan.


JIM GAFFIGAN: Thanksgiving is intended to be about gratitude. Thank God there is a day for us to focus on being grateful because I'd hate the idea of having to be grateful year-round. There is little complexity to the concept of Thanksgiving holiday. It seems as if very little effort went into the planning. How about at Thanksgiving, we just eat a lot. But Americans do that every day. Well, what if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us? Thanksgiving is all about overeating. Even one of the main dishes is actually called stuffing. Stuffing? What names did they turn down, cram it in, eat until you can't breathe? Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.


BECKEL: This is pretty funny. Eric, he has good point about the stuffing thing. Do you eat a lot on Thanksgiving?


ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: Before we go, Greg is way funnier than that.



BOLLING: Greg's funny. He's great. He's a nice guy.


BECKEL: OK, fine. Greg could do it next year.

GUILFOYLE: We were just giving him a compliment.


BOLLING: I'm thankful for your wit.


GUTFELD: I feel bad for Jim.

BOLLING: I'm thankful for to a point.

BECKEL: You don't eat turkey?

GUTFELD: No, no, I eat turkey. No red meat. So I'll have that.

GUILFOYLE: How interesting.

BOLLING: Yeah, I know.

GUILFOYLE: That's a little weird.

BECKEL: The mashed potato and stuffing, no desserts though.

BECKEL: You don't have desserts on Thanksgiving?

BOLLING: No, no, never.

GUILFOYLE: He drinks his dessert.

BOLLING: That's right.

BECKEL: Well, OK. All right, Dana, what did you remember your favorite Thanksgiving tradition at your house in Colorado?

DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Well, we would often go to Wyoming to the ranch, so I love that because we would have the big dinner. But then I remember we were playing cards, we play crazy 8s and spades I think. I wasn't very good at it, but I watched my uncle beat my dad.

BECKEL: Really?

PERINO: I had fun.

BECKEL: Did you take money from them in.

PERINO: No, we didn't play for money. We don't gamble, Bob.

BECKEL: Let me ask you a question. Were there any arguments at the Thanksgiving table?

PERINO: Not really. There was one Thanksgiving I remember very well. We were this Denver, we were good to go have Thanksgiving there that year, and go to Wyoming for Christmas, and there was a major blizzard. I think it was blizzard of 81 and people in Colorado will remember this. And it shut down everything. And so people on our block in Denver all got together because everyone was bringing a certain thing to their friend's house for their meal. So we ended up with like four cranberries and two turkeys and not the whole meal. But I remember that as being very fun.

BECKEL: Greg, what are your traditions?

GUTFELD: And when we were growing up, we actually had our Thanksgiving dinner in the nude.

GUILFOYLE: Oh really?

GUTFELD: Yes, and we had fajitas in skillets which was quite risky when you're a nudist. But I was always confused by Thanksgiving because of the silverware. Like the idea that you had to always use special silverwares.


GUTFELD: That was my point. It made every other meal seem like it didn't matter because oh, it's special because we have these people that you didn't like showing up and you brought out your best silverware. And also the turkey, which is basically the George Hamilton of meat. It's golden brown on the outside, but bland and dry on the inside.


GUTFELD: You have to smother it in gravy to make it taste good. But I don't know, it looks great, but it's so unsatisfying.




BECKEL: Kimberly, what are your traditions at Thanksgiving?

GUILFOYLE: My traditions, listen, I love food, I love to eat. So mashed potatoes, I could eat those every single day. And I love turkey. But I don't like dry turkey.


PERINO: I like dry turkey.


GUILFOYLE: What? Did don't you like it moist and wet?

BECKEL: Yes, I do, too. I like it moist and wet, but the -- the potato, yeah, I do. But listen, here's the thing. Do you ever get mad at anybody at the table?

GUILFOYLE: Obviously, I would never do that because I put them out. I want to eat all the mashed potatoes. I'm not a big fan of yams or pumpkin pie, but I like apple pies, love cranberries, and that stuffing looks good as long as it is.


BECKEL: My tradition, if I have one, I was at the kids' table.


GUILFOYLE: You still are.

BECKEL: Yeah, still. If they are still around now, I would still be there. And they kept saying oh, this is great, everybody wants to visit with Uncle Bobby because nobody wanted to sit at the adult table.


GUTFELD: I wasn't allowed near the kids' table.

GUILFOYLE: You couldn't fit. It's too high.

GUTFELD: This is the Fox kids table.

GUILFOYLE: That's true. You hadn't figured that out yet? I'm Shepard Smith.


BECKEL: Did I tell you about when I got invited to that fancy Thanksgiving dinner?

PERINO: Tell us again.

BECKEL: OK. Excuse me, why are we sitting here four years. I've heard a lot of your stuff, too.


BECKEL: Not much of it, but I remember this woman was way out in the country outside of Washington. Fancy place. Everybody was supposed to bring something. So I brought the drugs.


GUILFOYLE: All right, we've heard this story.

GUTFELD: Bad idea. You are like the uncle at Thanksgiving.


BECKEL: OK. Excuse me.

BOLLING: It's the same story.


BECKEL: Do you know how many times I have to listen about your food every day? Every single day. Is it fried chicken, is it dead chicken?


GUTFELD: This is permit to an actual Thanksgiving dinner.


GUTFELD: After four years, we hate each other. We absolutely hate each other.


GUILFOYLE: Don't throw it.

BECKEL: All right, now, folks, this is the highlight -- well, some of the highlighted shows. This is the third or four years in a row, we have had our Turkey Of The Year. This is a big deal now. I mean, this is a big deal. Eric gives out turkey of the week, right?


BECKEL: Greg -- Eric did.



BECKEL: But turkey for the year. So this is a very big. We gave a lot of thought to it, some serious, some not. But we'll start with turkey man.

BOLLING: So the Turkey Of The Year as opposed to the fool of the week.


BOLLING: Tom Steyer, the billionaire environmentalist, allegedly environmentalist, although a lot of his investments aren't necessarily that environmentally friendly. Anyway, spent $74 million this past election cycle, midterm elections, and the two big races he was concerned about were Colorado and Iowa, lost them both, Cory Gardner and Joni Ernst, both of those in the senate. He lost a few gubernatorial races as well. So Tom Steyer dropped 74 large and didn't did so well and guess what? The environmental lobby, bye-bye. It's over.

BECKEL: I wouldn't count us out yet. All right, Dana, what do you think?


PERINO: Sometimes you wait all year long wondering who the Turkey Of The Year will be, but I think hands down it has to be Jonathan Gruber, the liberal elite professor who claimed that Obamacare which is the law of the land was really the lie of the land. Listen.


JONATHAN GRUBER: And basically, you call it stupid different American voter or whatever, but basically that was really, really critical to get the thing passed.

So America was too stupid.

It's a very clever, you know, exploitation of the lack of economic understanding of the American voter.


PERINO: I actually think that republicans and democrats could agree that he deserves the Turkey Of The Year Award.

BECKEL: I tried to get him, but he got in there first.



BOLLING: I think he's a hero of the year.

BECKEL: I know you do. All right, Greg, who do you have?

GUTFELD: I have a tie. People upset over the shirt that the scientist Matt Taylor wore. He was the guy who put a rocket on a comic, but people were so petty that at the expense of his achievement, condemned him for his poor nerdy fashion sense. And the people that went after him, I tie them with the parents who let their kids do that feminist ad where they swore like crazy. The parents of these kids should be committed to a school for proper parenting before they can ever do anything again.

BECKEL: There you go. All right, Kim.

GUILFOYLE: Well, I picked Al Sharpton who is my runner up to Gruber. So we had to be quicker next year. But Al Sharpton, I mean, really? I hope he's happy with what he has wrought. He spent more time actually paying his taxes instead of race-baiting, the country would be a lot better off.

BECKEL: All right, I was hoping not to have to do this again this year, but in fact it's gotten worse. My Turkeys Of The Year are radical Muslims, Islamists who kill Christians and force them to either convert or they crucified them or bury them alive or do something else that I'm sure they prophet thought was a good idea. Now, come on, I said this a year ago, and I'll say it again. You moderate Muslims have got to stand up. I know you are afraid of these guys, you have good reasons, they cut people's heads off. Well, cut their heads off. And if nothing else, stand up and say this is not what Obama had in mind. All right.

GUILFOYLE: And I wanted to pick Al Baghdadi and I was told it was too dark and serious. What was that? That was like the middle ages.

BECKEL: Well, look at these guys.

PERINO: I'm with you, can I throw inning Al Baghdadi, too?

BECKEL: Sure you can.

BOLLING: Anybody want to throw in a second place person?

PERINO: Second place turkey?

GUTFELD: Oh, come on, there must be somebody.

GUILFOYLE: Yeah, how about that bicyclist that killed a woman at Central Park when he blew through the light. How about that?

GUILFOYLE: Or just anybody in general in Central Park on a bike.

PERINO: Yeah. Look what they did to Bono.


PERINO: A bike and a dog like at the same time?


GUILFOYLE: Yeah, I agree. I'm up for that.

BECKEL: They keep saying you have these pooper-scoopers. You don't ever use those things. You do?


GUILFOYLE: Of course, you think that I don't pick up after my dog?


BECKEL: All right. By the way, did you all notice I got to open the show today? You know why? Because it's Thanksgiving.


PERINO: You are the turkey of the Five.

BECKEL: That's right. Coming up on the Five, he was making $37 million a year in the NFL. So why would former St. Louis Ram Jason Brown give it all up to become a farmer instead? His inspiring story this Thanksgiving next.


PERINO: Welcome back to the Five Thanksgiving special. It's a story that makes you think.


GUILFOYLE: Keep going.

BECKEL: Keep rolling this thing.

PERINO: OK. About life's priorities, former NFL star Jason Brown had a $37 million contract.



PERINO: Instead of going to play for another team, he chose to give up football all together to spend life on a different kind of field, on a farm in North Carolina. Brown now harvests food for the hungry and was featured recently on a Sunday morning show.



JASON BROWN, FORMER NFL PLAYER: My agent told me you're making the biggest mistake of your life. And I looked right back at him and I said no, I'm not. No, I'm not.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How did you learn even to do what you're doing?

BROWN: Get on the internet. Watch YouTube videos.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: So you learn to farm from YouTube?

BROWN: Yeah.


PERINO: Brown says he's never felt more successful and grateful.


BROWN: Not in man's standards, but in God's eyes.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: But God cares about the NFL. I see people praying to him on the field all the time.

BROWN: Yeah, yeah, there are a lot of people praying out there, but when I think about life of greatness, I think about a life of service, which leads us here, which leads to fear, yes.


PERINO: I think this is a remarkable story. Because he is only 28 years old and he makes this decision to change his life completely. He could have continued playing football. He was not injured as I understand. He had an option to keep going. But will is what he chose instead with his wife who is a dentist and their four children.

BECKEL: Yeah, it's remarkable. And he comes from Henderson, North Carolina, which a very poor minority area. So he grew up in and around poverty all the time and I'm sure that had an impact on him. And I think the idea the guy said talk about God on the NFL field, yeah, but he's talking about service and he's talking about feeding the poor.

PERINO: He had options with not just one, San Francisco, Carolina, and Baltimore, all contacted him to re-sign him, but he chose to take this path and it seems like he's happy and fulfilled. I think it's an incredible message and I hope people are listening in the NFL.

GUILFOYLE: And he was not a farmer. He watched YouTube videos in order to find out. First year, they planted cumbers and sweet potatoes. They will double their yield next year. Pretty remarkable, Eric, to just leave -- to walk away from an NFL career.

BOLLING: So, we get this rundown in the morning and it says here's what the show is going to be all about and one of the blocks was NFL player gives up lucrative $37 million contract to become a farmer. And you go, oh, yeah, right. You know, some injury or something bad was happening in the NFL, and you find out that he has a solid heart. His heart is in the right place. What he is doing, you know, he's doing it for all the right reasons.

GUILFOYLE: What a great guy.


BOLLING: Handshake to that guy right there for sounding great.

BECKEL: He should have sat down with Greg. Greg, what was the biggest thing you grew?


BECKEL: Besides marijuana?

GUTFELD: Did you honestly these kids are overjoyed about this?

PERINO: They are under four.


GUTFELD: When they are seven, my dad could have been a football player, but anyway, it was nice thing. It was a beautiful thing. And what's amazing is that he proves you can learn anything from YouTube.


GUTFELD: If you can learn to farm from YouTube, imagine what else you can learn? You don't have to go to college anymore. He just told us college is unnecessary. Go on YouTube. You can learn anything.

PERINO: What would you want to learn?


GUTFELD: Oh, maybe acrobatics.

PERINO: Don't hurt yourself. Don't pull anything.


BECKEL: You could be a jockey. You could learn to be that.

PERINO: What do you think, Kimberly, when Jason Brown was a child, what do you think as a mother or father they planted in him the seed so that he knew himself well enough to say I've made the money that I need in order to go and fulfill my dream?

GUILFOYLE: Yeah, you can tell it's such a good point because when I see a man like that, your mother must have been an incredible woman, and his parents, mom and his dad to raise with love and compassion. It's true, Greg.

GUTFELD: No, I'm trying to imagine. Let's say.

GUILFOYLE: Best parts of you came from your mom.

GUTFELD: Let's say you're the wife and your husband says Kimberly, I don't want to be governor of New York anymore. I want to be a farmer.

PERINO: And you had $20 million in the bank?

GUTFELD: Did he already have $20 million?

PERINO: Yeah, he already had them.


BECKEL: Green acres with that woman.

GUILFOYLE: I say fantastic. You can run the house and pick up the dry cleaning.

PERINO: Another thing, Bob, and I don't know if you saw this story, but he and his wife.


PERINO: She's a dentist, they had three children and then they had a fourth and there was a midwife was on the way to the farm and they actually ended up having to deliver the baby on their own. And they named him Trey after Brown's older brother killed in military action in Afghanistan.

BECKEL: You know, Henderson and that all area, they call it the black hole of North Carolina and very, very religious, very faith oriented, very close to the community. My guess is that he learned scriptures at an early age and part of that was about feeding the poor and you know reaching out and Christ's message about looking out for one another. So it makes sense to me. I'm sure his parents had a lot of influence on him


BECKEL: And his preacher, a lot more than he would get from a bunch of assistant coaches who are dumb.


PERINO: Obviously, his coaches did well, too.

GUILFOYLE: And there might be a reality show made out of this actually.

PERINO: Really?


GUTFELD: Farming is a lost art. A lot of people don't know how to farm. You were a farm girl.


GUTFELD: It's kind of nice to see somebody going back to doing something that a lot of people.

PERINO: And using YouTube videos to figure it out.

GUILFOYLE: I think it's so important. How refreshing. A man that knows how to use his hands, work with his hands.

BECKEL: I know how to use my hands.

PERINO: All right, next on the five, one American hero we're so very thankful for this Thanksgiving. Stay tuned.


SHANNON BREAM: Live from America's news headquarters in Washington, I'm Shannon Bream. Violence flaring today in Kabul, Afghanistan. Taliban fighters have targeted an upscale district of the capital city. Witnesses describe multiple explosions and bursts of gunfire in an area containing numerous agencies and companies along with senior government Afghan officials.

Supreme Court justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is expected back at work on Monday. The 81-year-old was released from the hospital today after undergoing a heart procedure to have a stent placed in her right coronary artery. The incident has revived talk about just how long Ginsburg will stay on the bench and whether President Obama will have a chance to nominate a similar liberal replacement. Ginsburg says no plans to retire.

And thousands spent their morning at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade in New York. Some of the giant new balloons on hand including Thomas the Tank Engine. That's it. More news coming up at the top of the hour.


GUILFOYLE: On this Thanksgiving, we'd like to give a big thank you to all the men and women fighting for our country along with our veterans. Thank you for your service and for your sacrifice. We got a chance recently to thank one of those heroes in person, the man who killed Osama Bin Laden.



BOLLING: My question is this, we see ISIS and the beheadings, we're seeing what they're doing on camera. We've never seen the picture of Osama Bin Laden dead. Should we?

O'NEILL: No. I don't think we should because it would bring unnecessary anger. Even though they're already pretty angry at us, it's kind of poking the bear. I'm able to say that he was shot and killed. I assure you he is. And sometimes, some of the American people, they need to know justice was served. They didn't just need to see what it looks like sometimes.

BOLLING: Even though we're seeing ISIS beheading our people? I kind of like to see that.

O'NEILL: There are parts of me that thought we should have done different things with him, done different things with the picture, but I think the right thing to do is what we're doing right now.

BECKEL: Do you think they buried (inaudible)?

O'NEILL: Oh, I do.

BECKEL: Were you there?

O'NEILL: No, I was not.


GUTFELD: It's an area 51, Bob.

BECKEL: It is.


BECKEL: Seriously, there are a lot of questions about that. There really is.

GUTFELD: There is no question, bob.

BECKEL: Yes, there is.

GUTFELD: He's dead.


BECKEL: That's right. That's important.

BOLLING: Congratulations. KG.

GUILFOYLE: Bob has some conspiracy theory. I actually wanted to talk to you about the intelligence gathering. In the special, you pointed out there was a large cache of information that you wanted to be able to retrieve, remove from the scene. Was there anything that you considered to be the most significant and in fact, was there a personal journal of Osama Bin Laden that was recovered?

O'NEILL: I didn't see the journal. (Inaudible). There would have been good stuff. I know some of the stuff we found there directly related to targeting of other al-Qaeda operatives. Anytime we can do that, that was good. I know it was treasure trove that we found there. I wish we could have had more time there. It would have been nice to get everything out of there because I think we would have done a lot more damage to al-Qaeda than we already did, even though we did quite a bit of damage to them that night.

GUILFOYLE: So there was actionable intelligence?

O'NEILL: Oh, definitely. We got as much as we could out there, but if we had 24 more hours with our allies, the Pakistanis, it could have been better.

GUILFOYLE: Yeah, I have two questions. For the purpose of future generosity, what is your favorite drink? Because I assume wherever you go, you'll never going to pay for another one. And number two, do you sometimes stand in the mirror when no one is around and whisper I shot OBL?

O'NEILL: No, my favorite drink is (inaudible) and sometimes I stand in the mirror I know Bob Beckel.


GUTFELD: Don't worry, Bob. Not in the face.


PERINO: I have a question. We're both from small town America.


PERINO: And a lot of media coverage about al sorts of -- mainstream media coverage usually takes place in New York, Washington, D.C., and Los Angeles. And the rest of America kind of gets ignored. Curious what sort of reception or feedback you received from Butte, Montana where you grew up.

O'NEILL: Well, they were -- Butte, Montana, is a great town. They actually -- I think you were playing a song from one of my friends from Butte, Montana. "Rust and Red" by Tim Montana. Great song, great guy.

PERINO: Great plug.

O'NEILL: Thank you so much. I thought I could sneak that one past you.

PERINO: Very smooth.

O'NEILL: No. They were concerned at first, because they're not used to being a part of it, and their first concern is how about the safety? And I had an article written for the hometown paper, and I just let them know that, I mean, there's always a concern. There are more spectacular targets in the country than Butte, Montana. But it's time to be vigilant and realize, you know, that there is a threat somewhere. It's not necessarily as big as they think, but that is where they live and they're concerned.

BOLLING: So UBL, was it your first?

O'NEILL: No, and he wasn't my last.

BOLLING: So -- I'm glad you said that. If there were another target, who would be the next UBL that we would need Robert O'Neill to take...?

O'NEILL: Well, it wouldn't be me now.


O'NEILL: It would be the great warriors that are out there now.

BOLLING: Baghdadi?

O'NEILL: Probably Baghdadi from ISIS. When we put boots on the ground, I'm sure they'll send some of those guys after him, as well.

BOLLING: Anyone else?

O'NEILL: Ayman al-Zawahiri is the head of al Qaeda, but al Qaeda pretty much has turned into ISIS. I mean, it doesn't matter what they call it, you know. It's -- but yes, Baghdadi would be a good one. I personally would like to get the guy that's cutting guys all the heads off.

GUILFOYLE: Jihadi John?

O'NEILL: Yes. I guarantee he's not as tough when someone's hands are tied behind their back.


BECKEL: Just what you said about al Qaeda, it isn't -- my theory about this is these groups have established, like, a franchise, like a McDonald's franchise, getting that name. But the original al Qaeda no longer exists, is worth a damn, is it?

O'NEILL: I don't think so. I think they just put their name on it, wherever they are, because they're spread all over the place. Northern Africa, inside Yemen.

PERINO: Oh, no. You just agreed with Bob, and now we're going to have to...

BECKEL: See, I told you. I've been telling you this for a year and a half.

PERINO: We will never live it down.

BECKEL: No, no. Nobody will believe me. But see, there you go, right from the source.

GUILFOYLE: Yes. Well, I actually want to talk about your parents. You know, I had the opportunity to meet your father a few years ago, really great guy.

O'NEILL: He's been bragging about that forever. He says that dads get hugs.

PERINO: That's what I called him.

O'NEILL: I can't watch "The Five" without him reminding me.

BECKEL: Who's your father?

GUILFOYLE: He was here, Bob.

O'NEILL: We came in with some other SEALs. And you asked, like, five SEALS, "Are any of you guys liberals?"

BOLLING: That sounded like (ph).


BECKEL: Well, that isn't what I thought about the SEAL when I first heard about it.

GUILFOYLE: But your father, what an incredible guy. Honestly, besides yourself, the star in the special, just the human emotion, the way he spoke about you, the scene where he was in the Wal-Mart parking lot talking to you on the phone. How it has been now for your parents, because with this being public, how do they feel about the level of safety for you?

O'NEILL: Well, they're concerned. They're concerned more about me than they are of themselves. We've taken precautions for everybody, and I'm worried about them, too. Yes, they're concerned, but they're proud, obviously, and my father's proud. And I was impressed with him because I think in the special he said "catatonic" and "apoplectic" in the same sentence.

GUILFOYLE: Perfectly, I might add.

PERINO: Were you describing Bob?


BECKEL: I couldn't do that if I practiced.

O'NEILL: Yes, I know.

GUTFELD: OK, technically, you don't have to do anything for the rest of your life, because you've done something so great and wonderful for this country. Do you know what you want to do? Do you have plans about where to go -- when you've done something this great, what do you do next?

O'NEILL: Well, one of the -- after I killed Usama bin Laden, I got out of the Navy at about 16 and a half years, I was honorably discharged, and that was difficult because there's nothing really there for you. There's no pension. What I did since then, the last two years, was colleagues and mine -- colleagues of mine started a foundation called YourGratefulNation.org, and we help vets with the transition period with grants and help with posttraumatic stress, traumatic brain injury and the rest (ph). Actually looking them to find other employment, other than carrying a gun. A lot of them don't want to carry guns anymore.



PERINO: OK. My last question is, in the documentary, you talk about on the chopper, you were counting 1 to 1,000 and a thousand back down...


PERINO: But you remembered a quote from George W. Bush, from our president.

O'NEILL: I did, I did.

PERINO: Just curious, like, are those quotes that you had memorized? Were they somewhere in your brain? Or did it all of a sudden come to...

O'NEILL: No. I heard it a lot, and I really liked it but I didn't have it written down anywhere. And it just came to me, and I was pretty sure I checked it and got it right. I mean, I was pretty sure I got it right, but when I got back home, I looked it up and I was spot on. Then I thought this would make a nice tattoo, also. So we did that.

GUILFOYLE: Very nice.

BOLLING: We have to leave it there, Rob. It's great talking to you. Thank you for everything you've done sir.

GUILFOYLE: What a pleasure. What an honor.

O'NEILL: It's an honor.


GUILFOYLE: It was an honor to have Rob here with us and a special thanks to all team -- SEAL Team 6, who took part in that remarkable mission.

Now coming up, is there anything we shouldn't be thankful for this Thanksgiving? Greg has got some ideas. That's coming up next.


GUTFELD: At Thanksgiving we usually ponder what we're thankful for, but that's not my thing. I think it might be better to talk about what we aren't thankful for. I'll make it fast.

I'm not thankful for adults who chew gum loudly. You're not a cow. You're a human being. If I want to see the inside of your mouth, I'll go spelunking.


GUTFELD: The word "like." What was life like before we started inserting "like" between words. For every "like" used in a sentence, subtract 20 I.Q. points.

Adult men collecting action figures. Instead throw the dolls out. They are dolls. And buy something useful, like a shot gun.

Big government. Every time it grows we see how much it blows.

Nudists, you're rarely attractive.

Treating a celebrity's butt like an achievement. Really, a firm bicep is more useful than a butt the size of a bean bag chair.

Scold to demand apologies for everything. Look, the world is bad enough without your incessant whining over sexist T-shirts or improper gender pronouns. As long as people are being raped and killed around the world, shut up about your precious feelings.

Turkey jerky. Imagine how a cow feels knowing that you're choosing that dry ugly bird over him.

And finally, I'm not thankful for people like me. Having an opinion on everything doesn't mean that my opinion is indeed necessary, and sometimes it's just better if I shut up.

Let's go away around the table.

PERINO: On that note.

GUTFELD: On that note. Well, let's start with you, because you -- a lot of people annoy you, mainly on planes.

PERINO: Yes. Since you've given us permission to complain...


PERINO: ... I'm going to complain about a couple things. This happened to me earlier this year. I was on a plane, small one. Just like two seats on one side, one on the other. And this woman got on with a bag full of sunflower seeds. OK? And she ate the sunflower seeds one by one, cracking them open.

GUTFELD: I know.

PERINO: That was horrible.

GUILFOYLE: You really don't like that.

PERINO: I didn't like her. I don't like it when -- it's usually men that have these caffeine leg shapes on a plane.


PERINO: So you're reading your book, you're trying to read, and all you can see out of the corner of your eye is this leg that's popping up and down. It drives me insane.

GUTFELD: That might not be caffeine shakes.

PERINO: I think it is.

GUILFOYLE: Restless leg syndrome.

PERINO: I think that it's -- no, I don't think so.

Also men who play video games the entire time on a flight really bug me. I think that's, like, the downfall of America. Most women you see, they're reading. They're not playing little games on their phones.

GUTFELD: All right.

PERINO: I could go on.

GUILFOYLE: I think you only have eyes for Peter on a plane.

PERINO: When the TSA line is closed.

GUTFELD: Oh, that angers me, too.

Eric, what do you think?

BOLLING: So the one pet peeve is bad tipping, and here's why it matters. If you go out to dinner with a couple or another couple...

PERINO: Oh, yes.

BOLLING: ... and then you split a bill, and then you want to put a tip in and someone else puts the tip. And it's like, you look at it and you go, no, no. You have to tip your waiters and waitresses well.

PERINO: Generously.

BOLLING: Look them in the eye when they're serving you.


BOLLING: So when you're putting the tip down, you'll be much more generous. You need to continue to do that. I hate bad tippers.

And I also hate when we get, like, preempted on this show when there's big news.

BECKEL: Yes, we can handle it.

BOLLING: We can handle it. Right, Bob?

BECKEL: Absolutely.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, yes. Remember the time Bob was sleeping through it?

BECKEL: That was because you were talking too much.


BECKEL: Listen, I'll tell you what -- I'll tell you what my pet peeves are. One, if you guys would please stop saying "the mainstream media doesn't -- never got right" -- it's always the mainstream media. Or "if it was George Bush, they wouldn't say that."

GUILFOYLE: Or liberal professor.

BECKEL: Well, liberal professor, I've given up on that one, Greg.

And then the other thing that really does get to me is I don't go to movie theaters very often, because the teenagers that go to them, A, smell; B, they wear hats that are too big and twisted sideways, they're loud. And the girls all look like they just got off the -- never mind. I'll get in trouble if I say that word, but they do. That's why I don't go to movie theaters. Don't allow those punks in. It's terrible. They ruin the environment for everybody else. So there you go.

Oh, yes. And right-wing Republicans are always up there on my list.

GUTFELD: Yes, but you're right. In movie theaters, there has -- it used to be people would go and treat it with some mild sophistication.

BECKEL: Yes, right. Right.

GUTFELD: Now it's, like, worse than if they watched it at home.

BECKEL: Exactly. It's terrible.

PERINO: It's driven me indoors.

GUTFELD: Yes, it does. I don't go to movies anymore.

GUILFOYLE: All right. I have a whole list of things. I hope we have considerable time.

So what bugs me is, in the dating world, men who are constantly asking you if they look OK or if they're dressed OK. And all they ever do is wear the color blue every single time, so how does it look any different? Bob.

BECKEL: Who are you talking about?

PERINO: Who in particular?

BECKEL: And who has the action figures, whole collections in glass cases with, like, plastic covering. Original.

PERINO: This actually happened.

GUILFOYLE: Happened to me. Same guy that bought me a pair of used boots out of the back of his neighbor's car. That was weird. Don't like that either.


GUILFOYLE: And then I think that I don't like when guys ask you to go for a -- "Let's go get a drink." Like, oh, really, like going out with me is going to be bad? Drinks with dinner. Don't I look hungry?

PERINO: Yes. You should be fed.

BECKEL: Drinks and dinner and...

GUILFOYLE: That's like -- you know what I'm -- like, why wouldn't you just offer to make it a nice evening?

GUTFELD: That is a New York thing. Because there's so much competition, guys feel like they don't have to do anything. There are more women that are available in New York, so they go, like, "You know what? I'll just take you for a drink and if it doesn't work out, you know, I'll split."

BECKEL: But if it works out, they ask you out to dinner. Right? And if dinner works out, then they'll ask you to do other stuff.

GUILFOYLE: That was not the point of my thing.

GUTFELD: First date should be dinner, right?

GUILFOYLE: And also they leave you out freezing in the cold with no ride home.

PERINO: That happened?

BOLLING: Wouldn't you rather -- Kimberly, wouldn't you rather...

GUILFOYLE: I've seen these things happen.

BOLLING: Would you rather just have a drink with the guy first and see if you even like the guy...

GUILFOYLE: Not if you know him already.

BOLLING: ... before you agree to a three-hour window of a dinner? I mean, a drink can be 20 minutes.

GUILFOYLE: You can always escape.

BECKEL: You know what drives me nuts?

GUILFOYLE: Because breaking news changes everything. "Got to go. Breaking news."

BECKEL: The few times I've gone out with women more than once in six months is that they never forget. You notice that? They never -- here is my piece of advice to anybody back home. If, for some chance, you're not being faithful, don't ever admit it. Don't ever admit it ever. It will cost you for the rest of your life.

GUILFOYLE: Also, and men who take so long to get ready. BECKEL: What? Coming from you? Are you kidding? Do you know how long it takes to get behind you in the makeup line? Come on.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, please. You get there 30 seconds after I get there, like, "Ooh." It's, like, crazy.

PERINO: I think you two are so cute.

BECKEL: Seriously, you've got to have -- now that we have a chance to talk about -- can you just talk about...

GUILFOYLE: You did offer me dinner. Remember that?

BECKEL: Yes, but can you please get in a little earlier to get your makeup?

GUILFOYLE: Hey, I get there at 1:30. You just want to come when I'm there and Dana, and you want to talk her ear off.

BECKEL: No, it's always -- and then you always start and it's like a production.

BOLLING: Here's your problem. You can't beat Bob.

BECKEL: No, no, no. She's...


BOLLING: You need to get rid of your Walter Mondale action figure collection.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh.

BECKEL: That was fun. Can we get back to length of time?

GUILFOYLE: And dudes (ph) whose pants fall down in the airport.

BECKEL: Can we put a timer on your stuff?

GUILFOYLE: Your assigned time, Bob, is 4 p.m.

BECKEL: OK, fine. Oh, that's my assigned time? Yes, ma'am.

GUILFOYLE: We just decided.

BECKEL: Up next...

GUILFOYLE: This isn't even your block.

GUTFELD: Did you want to read this?

BECKEL: No, you go ahead and read it.

GUTFELD: All right. Up next, our bets on the big football games tonight. Stay tuned.



BOLLING: Thanksgiving is about food, family and of course, don't forget football. So we want to place our bets now on some of the big games tonight.

The 49ers are up against the Seahawks. And on the college side, TCU against Texas.

Now, Bob, I'll go to you first because you're really into these games. Which one do you like? Who do you like? Let's start with Seattle at San Fran.

BECKEL: I like Seattle. San Francisco is favored, I think, by one, but I like Seattle. And I love TCU, because TCU is the college of the year. I mean, there's always one that comes from nowhere. This was a school that not too long ago was on -- remember, they were all on probation? They were terrible. And now they're ranked No. 2 in the country. So I'll say TCU over the Longhorns.

BOLLING: Well, either five or six is the ranking. But that's OK. Nine to one, nonetheless.

Let me guess, San Fran?

GUILFOYLE: All the way. Come on. How could you not pick them? Fantastic team. And it's got to be the forty-ninth Super Bowl, so the 49ers got to be in it and...

BECKEL: It's going to be what?


BECKEL: You ain't going to see a 49ers Super Bowl for another 15 years.

GUILFOYLE: What is wrong with you? What are you talking about?

BECKEL: It's falling apart, that team. It's falling apart.

GUILFOYLE: What are you talking about?

BECKEL: Watch tonight, you'll see.

GUILFOYLE: Are you, like, watching the same games I'm watching?

BECKEL: I'm watching, yes. And I'm telling you, you don't...

GUILFOYLE: I can't wait for Bob to be humiliated and the Niners are in the Super Bowl.

BECKEL: OK, fine.

BOLLING: Seattle is playing a little better football than San Francisco.

GUILFOYLE: He loves it.

BOLLING: Greg, either one of these?

GUTFELD: Can I make a comment instead on why I've lost interest in football...


GUTFELD: ... as opposed to baseball and other sports? It's like how great pizza once was. Like I really liked basic cheese pizza, but then people started adding things like pineapple and barbecue chicken and then now the put Fritos. They're putting Fritos on the chicken. I feel it's the same thing with professional football. They've added so much glitz and glamour, and noise and graphics. Like there was robot guys. I just, like, feel like I'm watching something that is not a sport any more but just some weird onslaught of imagery that's rotting my brain.


BECKEL: Right. Exactly right.

GUILFOYLE: You're just getting cranky. You need to drink more.

BECKEL: No, exactly. He's exactly right. Who's that babe (ph) playing in the Super Bowl?

GUILFOYLE: And I'm going for Texas in the college match-up, 38-35.

BOLLING: Can we get Dana in? Can we get Dana in?

BECKEL: Oh, yes. Dana's got the leading -- the leading ticket (ph).


BOLLING: ... or TCU Horned Frogs at Texas?

PERINO: Well, I have -- you know, I have the mascot theory of choosing who's going to win. And I hold the record here with predictions.

All right. So the thing is, 49ers, I have a pick, but you have to be really fast in order to catch a Seahawk. Seahawks have claws, and they can poop on your head, so I want to say Seahawks by a feather.

And then I just learned something about the TCU Horned Frogs versus the Texas Longhorns. I didn't know this thing that Greg said -- I don't know if this is really true.

GUTFELD: What? Say it.

PERINO: But if you licked a toad, you would have hallucinations.


PERINO: Is that really true?


GUTFELD: Toad licking. Toad licking.

PERINO: OK. So I'm going to go -- I'm going to go with TCU, because I think that is an amazing magic trick that they have.

BOLLING: Very good. I'm going to agree with you on the TCU, for not the same reason.

GUILFOYLE: I think I would lick the toad.

BOLLING: It's a 9-to-1 team. By the way, Seattle and San Francisco both 7-4 teams. But Arizona, 9 and 2. Either one of these teams has to win this game. So I'll go with the home team, San Francisco, on this.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, baby!

BOLLING: "One More Thing" up next.


BECKEL: That's the last time I'll say this here (ph). It's time for "One More Thing." Kimberly.

GUILFOYLE: OK. So Thanksgiving, a lot of people think about going shopping during that. Don't go shopping on Thanksgiving day. There's plenty of time to stimulate the economy the rest of the weekend or you can go online. Spend time being thankful, being grateful for your family. Spend it with your loved ones like I'm going to do, eating a tremendous amount of food. And even if you disagree -- that's me in my Niners jersey and Ro Digs in his Giants one, it's a time to come together, in spite of the fact that we like different sports teams.

GUILFOYLE: There you go. Well, Greg, in that mood, go ahead. What's yours?

GUTFELD: What is this today?

Time for...


GUTFELD: Greg's Secrets to Happiness.


GUTFELD: Hey, you know, as you sit down for Thanksgiving -- you can take that down now -- remember not just with booze, but to pace yourself like this little fellow.





GUTFELD: When you sit down, you have to make sure that, just because you have all this great food in front of you, that you need to eat it all at once. The best thing you can do is small portions. And to kind of like pass it around, stop, have some conversation, and -- but if you eat it too quickly, within 10 or 15 minutes, you will feel full, and you'll want to unbutton your pants. And you'll want to lie down on the sofa...

GUILFOYLE: That's what Bob does.

GUTFELD: ... and not be social. In this case, this little guy -- these little guys have the right idea. Look at their little hats.

GUILFOYLE: This is the cutest thing I've ever seen. It's also very weird.

BECKEL: Eric. Eric.


GUILFOYLE: Eric can't. He doesn't understand what happened.

BOLLING: No, that was good.

OK. So five things I'm thankful for. I'll start with that. First, family. Take a look at that little picture they put up there. That is wife and son in -- I believe that's Utah, it looks like. Or Vegas, one or the other, outside there.

The other one, "The Five." The family, "The Five," and also the producers. They want to be sure I put that in there.

Football. Also love the football games we talked about a little bit earlier. And then favorite TV shows, "Homeland" and "Walking Dead." Favorite TV shows.

And last but not least, you guys, the fans have been just amazing to us. You put us right at or near the top of all of the expectations of the ratings. You guys are awesome. We appreciate.

GUILFOYLE: We love it.


PERINO: OK. Many of you probably watched the Macy's day parade. It's a tradition here. Look at some of these pictures from the A.P. These are vintage balloons from the early days of the parade. You have the dachshund. You have Mickey Mouse. That was original. They had all these great photographs. Comic, fireman, you have -- Kilmeade (ph).

And this is -- Bob was actually there covering the first Macy's day parade.

BECKEL: I was.

BOLLING: Lou Dobbs.

PERINO: And I disagree, Kimberly, a little bit. You could go shopping this weekend. In fact, Macy's at Herald Square in New York City, they're going to be open. And Tina and Terry Lundgren (ph), who are my friends, and Terry Lundgren's the CEO, they're going to stay the night there at Macy's with all the employees.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my goodness. Well, that might be nice.


BECKEL: OK. Let me -- let me wrap this thing up.

In 2012, over 10,000 people lost their lives driving drunk. In 2012, a million, 300,000 drivers were arrested for driving under the influence. Last Thanksgiving, 416 people died on the road on Thanksgiving weekend. Please, please, please. This stuff is serious. It will kill you. You can get somebody to drive.

Content and Programming Copyright 2014 Fox News Network, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Copyright 2014 CQ-Roll Call, Inc. All materials herein are protected by United States copyright law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast without the prior written permission of CQ-Roll Call. You may not alter or remove any trademark, copyright or other notice from copies of the content.