This is a rush transcript from "The Five," January 9, 2020. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
NEIL CAVUTO, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: In the meantime, maybe Harry and Meghan can find some work here. We're all over that with the latest jobs report coast to coast coming up 12 noon on Fox News' network. We sort it out. We can help you and Meghan.
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Hi. I'm Greg Gutfeld with Katie Pavlich, Giraldo, Lawrence Jones, and Martha MacCallum. It's THE FIVE. So as the post-game analysis of operation desert burp continues, we realize that for Trump's critics, peace means defeat. I mean, if you listen to the media right now, it's like we killed Lady Di or Elvis.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: When Princess Diana died, for example, there was a huge emotional outpouring. Elvis Presley in our culture, it turns out that this generally was a beloved hero of the Iranian people to the point where -- we got pictures up now, these enormous crowds coming out. There is no American emotion in this case. But there's a hell of a lot of emotion on the other side.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I'm almost impressed by his stupidity. Chris, you've been around. Iran can form a crowd over a sneeze. And they will shout death to America over anything, including when HBO cancelled Sex and the City. And that idea that killing bad guys makes them martyrs, I guess we better not kill any bad guys then. With that logic, we should have stayed out of World War II, left Bin Laden and al-Baghdadi alone, and freed everyone from death row. But in the media's world, Trump is Hitler and a terrorist is Martin Luther King. Yes, a New York Times hack actually compared Soleimani to him.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What you are describing feels like the kind of unified national outpouring that is reserved for a small handful of figures in any country, right? I mean, a beloved president, a civil rights leader Martin Luther King.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: What an ass. But Trump, once again, has driven critics to defend the indefensible. Remember when they bashed Trump for being mean to MS13? Now, he's got The View applauding white racists, because they agree with The View.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You want some good news? This is a timing that I noticed? You remember Richard Spencer? He's basically the organizer of Unite the Right.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: The lunatic.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: The white nationalist group that was marching in Charlottesville and New Orleans for Trump? Not anymore. Here's his quote. He tweeted last night. I deeply regret voting for and promoting Donald Trump in 2016.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh my, gosh.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Wow.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: That's interesting.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: She almost said that's good news and then she caught herself. But as the idiots squawk, Trump rolls on, handing out great ideas like gift baskets.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I spoke to secretary general yesterday and we had a great conversation. He was very -- I think I was actually excited by him. And I actually had a name. NATO, right, and then you have ME, Middle East. You'll call it NATOME. I said what a beautiful name, NATOME. I'm good at names.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: That he is. We don't deserve him. Meanwhile, Mayor Pete tweets that maybe we should share the blame for that downed plane, even though it was Iran who did the shooting. And that guy is running for president. So Trump, once again, foils his critics, not just by being right, but letting them be so wrong. Check out this CNN interview.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: The American government, the American president, made a serious miscalculation. They made a serious mistake by assassinating, by taking this terrorist action against Commander Soleimani. And I'm sure that they regret what they've done.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Does that lady look familiar to you?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You said in the press conference the other day, you said yourself that if there was an attack on this embassy, that you would destroy the hostages. Could you really do that?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes, we mean it.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Could you personally lift up a gun and put it to the head of one of these people and kill them?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes, when I see a gun being lifted up, an American machine gun being lifted up and killing my sisters and brothers in the streets, of course. Oppression and tyranny must be destroyed.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: You know, I'm thinking. Maybe don't get an opinion on America from someone who threatened to kill American hostages. But I guess in that -- got to find one person outside their own newsroom who's mad that Soleimani is dead. And that's hard, because that one person, Soleimani, is dead. So Martha, I want to go to you first about the plane. We are learning that it was probably or likely shot down by Iran. Pete Buttigieg tweeting -- I think we have the tweet that, you know, it is this tit-for-tat between military powers that led to this, essentially spreading the blame.
MARTHA MACCALLUM, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: I mean, the suggestion that there is blame from the United States or from this decision by President Trump for 176 individuals who perished in this plane crash, I think is really a remarkable, remarkable statement on behalf of someone who is running for president of the United States to not understand that this missile, from what we are learning, was sent out by Iranians. It was Russian made. It was aimed in their own effort to retaliate, which they said they wanted to do. But to not go a step further back to talk about the killing of an American contractor, to talk about the overrun or the attempted overrun of a U.S. embassy, sovereign territory in Iraq that was built by the United States. I just think it's an irresponsible statement by a presidential candidate.
GUTFELD: Yes. I don't think it helped him. Lawrence, what do you make of the War Powers Act that they're voting on?
LAWRENCE JONES, FOX NEWS HOST: Yes, I think it's a complicated matter. But I think there are two camps. Mike Lee is saying look, I went in there yesterday to question the general and the briefers about not the attack but authorization. When do you think you need to come back to Congress to declare war? He agrees with the killing of Soleimani. He believed that the president has power. As a matter of a fact, if you don't believe it, go back to the documents that Congress signed back in 2002, that gave the president the call to make this happen. And he has to notify them before or he has 48 hours to notify Congress then. So that is a wash. We don't even have to debate this. What Mike Lee is saying is that there has been moments where the intelligence community has misled. There has been moments where the military has misled. We just saw reports on Afghanistan. And we need to know all of the raw intelligence before we decide to go to war. And Congress does have the right to do this. But Democrats are using Mike Lee to say the president should've never killed Soleimani, and that's not what he's saying.
KATIE PAVLICH, FOX NEWS HOST: And the resolution, specifically the House is working is really nonbinding. It's more of a statement, than anything, that the president is going to be beholden to. But I want to go back to the media for a minute and Democrats and Pete Buttigieg. They are making this false moral equivalency between the Iranian regime and President Donald Trump, AKA, America and what we are doing to protect Americans in the Middle East. For him to say that we had just as much responsibility for this plane shoot down, as the Iranians did, completely eliminates any kind of responsibility for that. They are hiding the black boxes. They don't want us to find out what happened. And also, it's really interesting to see the media constantly say that the president is a bigot. The president is anti-gay. The president is this. Now, they are openly defending and equating people like Soleimani to someone like Martin Luther King Jr. or Princess Di when they stone women. They hang gays off of cranes and justify it just the other day. They kill innocent protesters in the streets for daring to speak out and not show up to Soleimani's funeral. So they need to pick a side here. You can't just be against this kind of behavior when you think it's coming from President Trump, which it never is, and then turn around and defend something like the Iranian regime.
GUTFELD: Giraldo, we've run out of time.
GERALDO RIVERA, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: You wish. This is a stupid war.
GUTFELD: It's not a war.
RIVERA: And the president's friends have had the guts to tell him. Killing Soleimani at this was a terrible idea, as I said to Martha the other day. A terrible idea, brilliantly executed. Why now, what does America -- why are we -- let me finish. Why are we picking this fight, for what?
RIVERA: We killed General Grant -- they could -- General Patton, General Petraeus. We assassinated him, for what? Why did we do that exactly? Why did we do that?
MACCALLUM: You're really equating him to General Patton.
RIVERA: Listen, I have got news for you. They say he killed 600 Americans. The last time I counted, there were 600,000 Iraqis who had been killed. I'm sick of this war.
GUTFELD: Me too.
RIVERA: -- for false pretences, and now we are picking a fight with the other people, the wrong --
GUTFELD: You are conflating two things. I agree with you about the Iraq war, and I'm hoping that this is a direction --
RIVERA: What about Afghanistan? At what point do we say enough already?
GUTFELD: I agree with you on that. But this is different. This is not about war. You are in a prison of two ideas, war or no war. No, this was an executive action to take out some militia (ph) killing Americans.
RIVERA: We have already retaliated. We -- they -- this started when the militia killed an American contractor, wounded several others. What is -- that's --
MACCALLUM: And the attack on an American embassy.
RIVERA: Wait. You are missing something. You're -- as the media has been doing, you're missing a key thing that happened. They killed the American contractor, wounded the others. We have a massive retaliation against the same militia. In Syria and in Iraq, we killed 25 Iraqis.
RIVERA: They killed the contractor. We killed 25 Iraqis. Then they had the demonstration, the uprising, and the siege of the embassy. This was action, reaction.
MACCALLUM: And we took out the head of the snake of the largest terrorist organization in the world.
GUTFELD: No, you're right. But that's the Middle East right now. You killed somebody bad. A new one comes along. But we killed somebody bad.
GUTFELD: Let's go. I'm with you. I'm with you. All right, coming up next, Trump heading to a rally tonight with tons of momentum while 2020 Democrats are as divided as ever. That's next.
RIVERA: The battle for 2020 heating up --
RIVERA: -- of THE FIVE. President Trump is making his way to a rally in rally in Toledo, in my adopted home state of Ohio. He's bolstered by the booming economy even as the winds of war we've been talking about blow across the Middle East. The president, about to speak to another packed crowd, reflecting his unified base as his Democratic rivals head for a big divide. This is happening. The president is speaking later tonight. You can watch it right here on Fox News. But earlier today, President Trump defended the killing of the Iranian general with the air strike.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: We caught a total monster. We took him out. And that should have happened a long time ago. We did it because they were looking to blow up our embassy.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
RIVERA: You know, that's kind of a -- the statement not quite clear there, Katie. What he is talking about is that they -- the demonstrators' kind of late siege to the embassy a couple of days before. He is not saying that there is going to be another attack on the embassy. So what do you think we win in Iran's conflict?
PAVLICH: First of all, the fear that we're talking about is not Iran. We are talking about Iraq. And people like Soleimani operating in a sovereign country and violating their sovereignty to carry out terrorist attacks on Iraqis and on American troops. President Trump, it's pretty simple, believes that the life of an American citizen, the American contractor who was killed is worth just as much if not more than someone like Soleimani, who has spent decades and decades planning attacks against Americans. He -- soon as he landed at the airport, he got in the car with another terrorist, Mohandas, who was sentenced to death.
PAVLICH: Let me finish my point -- for the bombing against the American embassy in Kuwait. They've been running around the Middle East causing civil wars all over the country. What the United States gained from this is this. He's taken off the battlefield. He's a very difficult person to replace. And the president is following his own doctrine, which is, take out terrorists wherever they may be. Planning attacks against American, whether it is the head of ISIS, whether it is Soleimani, and we are going to move forward without getting involved in wars --
RIVERA: I thought -- one second. I thought that the president's doctrine was not to get us involved, Martha, in these foreign entanglements.
MACCALLUM: Let me explain the way I see the president's doctrine. I think it is America first, based on what he established in his campaign. He said that that was his priority. He built up our defense capabilities. He wants to protect American interest abroad and national security abroad where American interests are concerned.
MACCALLUM: No, but you seem to be ignoring the fact, and I know there's a debate right now of where the intelligence about these imminent attacks. But are you completely negating the fact that this action was believed to have been or the White House professes that it was taken because there were imminent attacks against American interests.
RIVERA: I have been around a long time.
MACCALLUM: So you don't buy that.
RIVERA: I'm in my 50th year. You tell me what the imminence is for an attack like this.
JONES: Here's the deal. I don't need to.
JONES: He already killed 600 soldiers, 17 percent between --
JONES: I understand that.
JONES: Why did we decide to do a counterterrorism strike? Instead, you're conflating two issues. You are saying that the president has declared war after the president said, look, I don't want a regime change, which the last administration wanted regime change.
JONES: Hold on. Let me finish. He also said that I did this to prevent a war, not to start a war. So the president has been consistent. There is a difference between war and a counterterrorism strike.
RIVERA: Well, let me just say this, Greg Gutfeld.
GUTFELD: Yes, that is my name.
RIVERA: The -- Soleimani was on our side two months ago in fighting ISIS, in fighting Al Qaeda, in fighting Al-Nusra. He was with us to help defeat ISIS, and now --
MACCALLUM: I mean we were to Stalin during World War II, right? There are times when you work with people who have other interests at heart, because at that moment, it works for what you're looking for. But the other thing that you completely, I think, are overlooking in terms of the coverage of this is that there are thousands and hundreds of thousands of people in Iran who think that Soleimani has oppressed them as a people. Women who want to walk up and down the street without covering their faces, 1500 protesters who were slaughtered in the street, their bodies left to rot in the streets. They believe that he was responsible for this crackdown of their desire for freedom. Why don't they count?
RIVERA: What about the funeral of this man. Did you see those crowds, Greg?
GUTFELD: I'm going to get those crowds. I'm going to get those crowds, Giraldo. Now, the fact that those crowds, that's normal for Iran, that always happens. It's part of their culture. When I talked to you about something a little bit different or bigger, you like Donald Trump. And why do you like him, because he's a game-changer. He is a once in a century kind of leader. So the thing is look at what he's done with North Korea, what he's doing with China, what he's doing with Iran. He's a walking game-changer by making decisions that other people don't. He doesn't see this as war. He saw this as a shaking the box, which it did. There may be out of this, being on the brink of war looks exactly like being on the brink of peace. And that's why I think -- why did Iran go out of its way to say we are good. We are good. It's proportionate, because they know --
RIVERA: Is this the new normal then?
JONES: This is not the new normal. The president is not in the middle of a war right now. It was a counterterrorism strike.
PAVLICH: Giraldo, I think we need to point that if the president was -- I think you should take what he says when he spoke at the White House to heart and not imply that he was lying about what he meant when he said I don't want war with Iran. When Iran retaliated for the killing of Soleimani, they shot missiles from Iran into Iraq. We have not shot missiles back into Iraq, which proves again that the president --
RIVERA: There was an attack that was imminent. I said, oh, man, I'm so sorry. He said that. I know it's going to happen now. People are going to say, OK, where's the proof? And he's not going to be able to provide -- and Senator Mike Lee absolutely made my point when he said this briefing --
JONES: That's not what he said.
MACCALLUM: That's not what he said. He said I am with the president on the decision to strike Soleimani. He was very offended at the way the briefers first came in there --
GUTFELD: -- owe any Congress understanding or explanation or --
RIVERA: -- sorry.
RIVERA: Is Nancy Pelosi's impeachment strategy about to implode? Yes, we'll tell you about it next.
MACCALLUM: A lot of news coming from Capitol Hill. You're looking live at the House floor where Congress is getting ready to vote on the war powers resolution to limit President Trump on Iran. It is expected to pass along party lines. But the big story is impeachment and what Nancy Pelosi is going to do. Cracks are beginning to show in the Speaker's strategy. The Speaker has been holding off on sending the articles over to the Senate. But now Pelosi is facing criticism from members of her own party. She is holding firm. Despite the pushback, the Speaker is holding firm. All right, let's --
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
NANCY PELOSI, HOUSE SPEAKER: I will send them over when I'm ready. And that will probably be soon. We want to see what they are willing to do and the manner in which they would do it. But we will not let them say, oh, this is just like Clinton. It's not. Documents -- documentation, witnesses, facts, truth, that's what they are afraid of.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
MACCALLUM: So what are you going to do? Katie, let me get your take on this. Nancy Pelosi, whether or not she's going to send these articles over, the expectation is next week. But she's holding her cards pretty close.
PAVLICH: Well, she seems to be taking this so seriously that she compared sending the articles over to a football game today during her briefing. I think that she knows that this has been a complete and total disaster for Democrats. I would give her credit in saying that she didn't want this to happen back earlier this year when she said that impeachment had to be bipartisan. She got roped into it. She's completely lost control of her caucus, both from the left. And now with people are saying we want you to push their articles over to the Senate, so the Democrats are getting very frustrated with her. Because they feel like she's undermining the institution. So I can't imagine what they thought the strategy was going to be and that Mitchell McConnell would cave to any of their demands from the lower chamber.
MACCALLUM: The narratives get pretty tangled up here. Because I remember interviewing Eric Swalwell, the Congressman from California, and he said we can't wait for a legal decision on John Bolton or we can't push for Mick Mulvaney and try to get the executive privilege removed for these witnesses, because we know that President Trump is going to do this again. And so we can't wait. Then suddenly, it was like they hit the brakes, Giraldo. And now there's all kinds of time in the world for this to fester. Which is it?
RIVERA: I think that this is a lame, pathetic exercise, political exercise. This is a foe (ph) impeachment. They have to get this over. Did they realize that they are distracting the commander-in-chief of the United States on a tacky phone call he made to a Ukrainian president? I mean, I'm willing to concede everything. It was tacky. He should not have said it. It was sloppy. He -- no crime. Get this damn thing over with. It was a mistake to begin with. And to persist in torturing this man and distracting the entire country for nothing -- you know, I like Nancy Pelosi. I hate her politics but I love her spirit. Her -- she's got spunk. But she's made the point. She showed that she's displeased. Get it to the Senate where the Constitution demands the trial be held. Get it over with. It's not going to be -- you know, he's going to be acquitted. And it's been a huge distraction, and I think it's an embarrassment for the Democrats.
MACCALLUM: Yes. I look ahead to this election year. And you have to wonder if this is something that's going to resonate with people long-term. Are people going to walk in November in the voting booth thinking about, you know, the president was impeached in the House, not Senate? How much does it really matter to the lives of everyday people, do you think?
JONES: Well, the people that I talk to on a daily basis, especially that voting for the president, feel like their vote has been threatened, that they want to take a way a duly elected president. But this was about the election. The Democratic base needed something. They promised healthcare. They didn't get that done. They promised immigration and protecting the DREAMers, right? They didn't get that done. They said they were going to repeal the President's tax bill even though they knew it was going to be vetoed. They didn't get that done. So they needed something for the base. The problem right now here was Nancy Pelosi tried to handle this like this was some type of approach appropriations bill that they -- that the Senate needed her feedback, and they don't. And instead of fighting it out in the court system, because that's how the three branches work, she decided to say Senate, you got to do it now instead of doing it in her own chamber.
MARTHA MACCALLUM, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: Yes. I think one of the missing elements, Greg, that that people have not felt in this is the drama --
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Intelligence?
MACCALLUM: The drama that, you know, existed during the Nixon impeachment.
MACCALLUM: There's no surprise. There's no like -- where is this going? Unless, of course, they get John Bolton.
GUTFELD: No. How do you regain momentum? It's like that you have a high school band and they go home for the summer and one gets a girlfriend, the other guy ends up working out his dad's factory. You can't get the lead singer anymore because he moved away. They can't get the band back together. It's over. And remember the urgency to this?
GUTFELD: Now, it's not so urgent. This is like a drunk who fell off a pier, it's dead in the water.
MACCALLUM: Floating, floating. Coming up --
MACCALLUM: This is not dead in the water. Shockwaves in the U.K. after Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan break with the royal family. The fallout and what comes next for them after this.
KATIE PAVLICH, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Well, Megxit is taking the world by storm after Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan Markel said they are stepping back from their royal duties. They will instead move to North America part- time and become financially independent. Queen Elizabeth was reportedly blindsided by the announcement and Prince Charles and William are furious. So, Martha, I'm going to give you the floor.
MACCALLUM: Well, I don't really know what's going on here. I mean, first of all, financially independent, the Royals work something like 92 days a year, maybe 100 days a year. So if they are going to really try to be financially independent, they might have to actually work closer to what normal people work. That's number one. Secondly, he's sixth in line for the throne. If they just sort of slipped out of the public eye and did their own thing, nobody would ever really notice that they were gone. The Queen said, you know, don't make a public announcement. This is my only request to you. Don't make a big deal out of this. Let's talk about it. Let's work something out. So clearly this is sort of like me -- it's all about me moment for Meghan Markel, it appears, and for Harry. They want to make a big statement. They want it to be dramatic. They want to exit the royal family and, you know, this is stiff upper lip versus, you know, everything is about me Americanisms.
GUTFELD: Clearly you missed the whole story, Martha. Prince Andrew hit on her. Yes. You heard it here. I am the royalty expert. I knew it. By the way --
JONES: That's disgusting man.
GUTFELD: But you know what? You know what kills me? You know England is got to be ticked off because they paid for that fairytale wedding. This is like the groom's parents finding the -- no, who pays for the wedding?
PAVLICH: The bride's parents.
GUTFELD: The bride's parents. Finding the groom in the closet with the maid of honor totally negating the massively expensive --
JONES: Rumors are spreading.
GUTFELD: It's -- no, it's true. They must be angry. And by the way, they're financially sufficient. They're not moving into a studio apartment where you got to keep the stove on so the mice won't freeze.
GERALDO RIVERA, FOX NEWS, CORRESPONDENT-AT-LARGE: I think that they endured a lot though. They -- she was --
GUTFELD: Rough life, Geraldo Marshall
RIVERA: -- racism.
PAVLICH: She's been there for a year.
GUTFELD: Who's being racist to her?
RIVERA: No, but she's really gotten all kinds of negative vibes from many in the tabloid --
GUTFELD: She just doesn't get along with their dad.
RIVERA: I just want to say --
GUTFELD: He left her to (INAUDIBLE)
RIVERA: Let me -- right, he is. This one thing, we'll cook story. Helmand Province, Afghanistan, worst place on Earth. I was right after Harry left. He put himself in harm's way.
GUTFELD: Great guy.
RIVERA: He's really a great guy. They love him. And he's -- you know, he doesn't want to happen to her what happened to his mother.
GUTFELD: It's all on her. It's all on her. She's a palace wrecker.
JONES: Yes, well, I don't like that. That's the deal though.
PAVLICH: Palace wrecker? I like it.
JONES: He decided -- they made the decision together, and she gets the blame because she's the American.
JONES: Right. And that he's in love with her --
GUTFELD: This is anti-Americanism.
JONES: It is.
MACCALLUM: I'm just hoping he doesn't wake up two years from now and go, wait a minute, I left my entire family. I left my whole life behind, and I hope -- I hope it's not a mistake.
JONES: Well, I think it's a perfect Romeo and Juliet story. I like it.
GUTFELD: I won't even -- I won't even give like pork chops for my wife.
PAVLICH: Martha, isn't -- there are --
RIVERA: I believe that. I believe you.
PAVLICH: That's beautiful.
JONES: That's because you're the Grinch that Stole Christmas.
PAVLICH: Marth, but I mean, she knew what she was getting into.
MACCALLUM: I mean, how hard could it possibly be? They don't have a ton of responsibility. He's sixth in line.
GUTFELD: Can you imagine how clean their toilets are? Everything is perfect.
MACCALLUM: It's just -- you know, just hang back, you know, live your own life, get out of the limelight. It's not going to -- does anyone ever go wait, hey, where's Prince Edward? How come we never hear from him. He's Charles's brother, OK. We never hear from him. They drop back. They do their own thing. They do their charitable events, but they live their own life. It's absolutely possible for these two to do the same and they obviously want to make a big stink and make a big drama.
GUTFELD: Think about all the girls that wanted to be her that had been dating Prince Harry who wanted that life who knew that life and she's throwing it away.
JONES: It doesn't matter. He wanted her and they split her time though. They're grown adults.
GUTFELD: You are a hopeless romantic, Lawrence.
JONES: Give them the money back. Give the Queen the money back. I do you think they should have notified her.
PAVLICH: You know, what's really -- you know that it's really serious though because Madame Tussauds who does the wedding --
PAVLICH: -- the royal family and celebrities. They have moved Megan Markel and Harry away from the picture.
GUTFELD: Is that what you want?
PAVLICH: They were fighting back.
RIVERA: What's amazing is how the American public adores these people generally and this couple specifically.
PAVLICH: Not anymore.
RIVERA: They are enormously -- why? I mean, I don't agree with it, Katie I think that people love her and they love the fragility of her. She's the first one to show humanity --
PAVLICH: It's the 21st century.
RIVERA: She's just like Princess Diana, Harry's mother.
RIVERA: And she really is.
JONES: And she's someone that could not be controlled, right?
RIVERA: Right. And I wanted to have a wife --
PAVLICH: But then, why would you move -- why would you marry a royal family?
GUTFELD: Let's adopt them. Why don't we adopt them as our own royal family?
RIVERA: Maybe she fell in love with the guy.
JONES: Yes. They can -- they can set up the relationship the way they want to set it up. And I think if he's onboard -- and we keep phrasing that it's just her. He's in agreement with this.
GUTFELD: But now he's in a fight -- he's in a fight with his brother. And I see what she's done. She is a palace breaker.
RIVERA: The Black guy and the Puerto Rican the defending the royal family.
GUTFELD: How did that happened?
PAVLICH: Moving on to more important news. We do have some breaking news. You're looking live at Capitol Hill where the House is voting on the War Powers Resolution to limit President Trump on Iran. And coming up next, the "FASTEST SEVEN."
JONES: Welcome back. Time for the "FASTEST SEVEN." First up, an expert is in an online etiquette out with some new rules of the road for our tech- addicted world. Here's just a couple. Never put a period at the end of a text message, reconsider replying all, moderate your use of emojis and exclamation points, and finally, never ever leave a voicemail because it's rude. Katie, I'll go straight to you.
PAVLICH: Think this person is wrong.
JONES: I don't answer the phone unless people use a voicemail if I don't know the number. So I think people should always use it.
PAVLICH: Right. So you can follow up with an e-mail and say I called you. You can have the number in your phone if there's so much spam going on. But I prefer to text in the same way that you write. Because if you try to text with shortened versions, or write you as the letter U, instead of spelling it out and using correct punctuation, and you're a writer, it translates into your writing. So I am against all of these rules that they put out. I think that they're wrong.
RIVERA: Wasn't it Mark Twain who said never use an exclamation point. It's like laughing at your own joke. And I never listened to voice messages and my phone is not set up for voicemail. Because, you know, when you get divorced, as many times as I have, your ex will call you and you can't -- you can't fast forward the voice message if it go off for 10 minutes. And so, no, I don't have voicemails.
PAVLICH: Is that 10 minutes of screaming?
JONES: Martha --
RIVERA: They're not screaming. They all love me. But that's not --
GUTFELD: They love the paychecks.
JONES: Martha, you get a lot of e-mails. Do you reply all?
MACCALLUM: I'm very -- I try to be very careful about reply all. I think you also have to be careful about reply all on text messages because you can get sort of an invented group because you're all you know, talking about one thing and then, you know, sometimes my husband will hit reply all and my kids will be on it and he'll be like, I told him he wasn't allowed to go to that, you know. And I'm like, he's on here.
PAVLICH: Just so you see this?
MACCALLUM: So you have to be careful with that. Also, voicemails are tricky because I feel like if someone says oh, I left you a voicemail, you kind of feel like, really? You know, like did you send me a text message and let me know that I should listen to my voicemail? I have one friend though who sends me these long loving hilarious voicemails, my friend Sarah, because I know if I don't say that she's going to be like, I send you voicemails all the time. But I love her voicemail, so don't stop.
JONES: What about you, Greg?
GUTFELD: The only voicemails I get are from Asia. I'm not kidding. And you know -- and people know this. It's like every -- the only people that call me on my phone are from Asia or from Marriott Rewards or my car insurance is up. I don't have car insurance.
RIVERA: Is Asia, the sex tours.
GUTFELD: Jesus, Geraldo.
JONES: Next up there are a lot of benefits for having a beard. 75 percent of men say having some facial hair helps them feel more confident. I look like a kid when I don't have facial hair so that's why I keep it. What about you, Geraldo?
PAVLICH: So long as it keeps you more confident.
RIVERA: My beard comes in white that's why I don't have it. I shave it the day -- I can't. I just chop it off.
JONES: So, does your husband have a beard?
PAVLICH: He does not. I'm not opposed to beards as long as you keep them clean.
PAVLICH: Because I read a story and a study about how men's beards are dirtier than dogs.
JONES: No. I'm not sure they do.
PAVLICH: It harbors bacteria.
JONES: No, not true for me. I washed it every single day. Martha, what about you?
MACCALLUM: All boys who go to college, they like to grow beards, but they don't understand what you understand, which is what I've been trying to explain --
MACCALLUM: That you -- that you have to like trim it.
JONES: That's right.
MACCALLUM: You have to take care of it.
JONES: Moisturize it.
MACCALLUM: They think like the scruffy thing is cool, but you know, I am not convinced, love them as much as I do.
GUTFELD: I think beards are great for award shows, especially if your mother is still alive. But it's also sexist because women -- you know, men can cover up a weak chin with a beard, but women can't do that unless you're in the carnival. We have come a long way, but we still haven't come long enough for women to have beards at the office.
JONES: All right. Find a way to -- would this be a new office trend? The San Francisco 49ers have the NFL's first emotional support. The French Bulldog named Zoe helps the team deal with stress, depression, and anxiety.
RIVERA: Well, they're 13 and three, I don't care what they doing. They're doing it right.
PAVLICH: They're doing something right.
JONES: Yes, but I don't know. I think this is a little sensitive.
GUTFELD: I hate this. I must tell -- I got to tell you. Number one, this idea of therapy dogs is being abused and abused and abused --
GUTFELD: And also, we -- if NFL players need therapy dogs on the sidelines, then our country is lost. We are losing the ability to allow people to overcome challenges on their own. We're coddling our kids, we're saying, oh my God, your feelings, your feelings. Here's this puppy. That doesn't make anybody's lives better, including the puppy. The puppy doesn't want to hear about your problems.
MACCALLUM: I kind of disagree, and I'm actually anti-therapy dog and plants because I do think the definition just becomes ridiculous.
JONES: Yes, there's been abuse.
GUTFELD: It's abuse.
MACCALLUM: But I think that dogs, you know, in places like hospitals or even naturally and workplace, that's just cheers everyone up.
GUTFELD: But that's not --
MACCALLUM: But if you're on a football team, you know, and everybody is really strung up high, and they're all going out there hitting each other, maybe it's nice to just be like --
GUTFELD: That's what the paycheck is for, carry your pay stub. Look at your pay stub before you go out there and go, my God, I made $4 million a game.
RIVERA: I didn't know you wanted gentle football players.
RIVERA: When did that start?
PAVLICH: All I know is when I walk my dog down the street, everybody smiles at him and I feel --
MACCALLUM: I know. It makes people -- it just gives everyone a little bit of --
PAVLICH: So I'm fine with that.
MACCALLUM: Of all things you could do --
PAVLICH: It's better to pet a dog than to like do drugs or somebody.
GUTFELD: I would dispute that. Be specific on the types of drugs.
PAVLICH: Illegal drug.
JONES: They can keep the dog.
GUTFELD: That's too general.
JONES: "ONE MORE THING" is up next.
GUTFELD: Time now for "ONE MORE THING." Let's do this, OK?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Animals are great. Animals are great.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Everybody on this table looks miserable when that song comes on. It makes me happy. I like solutions that solve for two problems. You know, when you want me to charge your phone, but you need to, you know, make sure that your hamsters fit, well check out this little fella here. Is this amazing? This is how you could charge your iPhone without ever needing an actual plug. You just plug it into that little thing on that little guy.
JONES: This is abuse.
GUTFELD: Is this? That's not abuse. He loves that.
JONES: He doesn't like that.
GUTFELD: You know, I did a one on one interview with him, Lawrence, and he told me personally --
PAVLICH: He was going to die on there.
GUTFELD: There are worst things. And that is why animals are great. All right.
JONES: That was mean.
GUTFELD: How dare you people. I'm challenged. My animals are great. Geraldo?
RIVERA: You know, this is my 50th year in the news business. Labor Day will be my actual 50th anniversary. And in recognition of that, Fox graciously, is giving me for four hours of documentaries on Fox nation that first, you know, the rock and roll years, the talk show years, the war correspondent years. But the first one is about my biggest story about the Willowbrook Institutions for the population we then described as mentally retarded. Now you don't say that. Now we call the population the developmentally disabled. And this is a trip down memory lane. I cry every time I see it or think about it.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
RIVERA: Unannounced and unexpected by the school administration, we toured building number six.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Nobody had ever really go in and filmed the actual conditions of a hellhole like this.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: People felt helpless when they had a child that is severely disabled.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The filming was so raw.
RIVERA: There was a groundswell of outrage. We put that on the air and it was like an explosion.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I am Geraldo 50 years, part of Fox News All Access only on Fox Nation.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
RIVERA: It starts on the 21st of January. I'd love you to watch it. I'd love the social work schools around the country to get it.
GUTFELD: I think that they should just do a special on your changing hair. Did you see that?
RIVERA: My has always been that cozy.
GUTFELD: Amazing. All right, Katie.
PAVLICH: That's a Twitter handle already, Geraldo's hair. OK, it is National Law Enforcement Appreciation Day. Law enforcement officers, as we all know, put their lives on the line every day for their communities. They answer the call of public service with courage and bravery. And so today, I want to give out a shout out to my good friend, Banal County Sheriff's Office Chief Deputy Matthew Thomas. He works in Arizona. He deals with a lot of bad guys and I'm just appreciative of all his work over the years. There's Sheriff Mark Lamb who he works for. That's his boss. So thank you to him for his service over his career. National Law Enforcement Appreciation Day was founded in 2015 as a way to thank officers across the country for the daily sacrifices they make for the communities that they serve and protect. So thank you to Matt Thomas.
GUTFELD: And it should be a day that is every day.
PAVLICH: Every day.
GUTFELD: Every day.
PAVLICH: So we do have a special day --
GUTFELD: I appreciate them whenever I'm pulled over.
RIVERA: Whenever he -- you're such a wiseass that no one knows when you're being serious, when you're being sincere.
GUTFELD: My wife says it to me every single day.
MACCALLUM: I read his wife say on Twitter every single day.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes. So I just keep quiet from now on. Martha, you're up.
MACCALLUM: So mine is not about law enforcement or about groundbreaking reporting like Geraldo did with Willowbrook. Mine is about this very strange dear story. Just watch this. So this is Hugo, Minnesota. He went out to get the mail and then this deer just sort of wanted him to keep petting him, and then he wanted to come home with him, and then he hung out with the family in the driveway for a while. So I'm just trying to you know -- dear to me -- this scares me for the deer. It's like when squirrels don't run away and get too close to them. I think he maybe was domesticated and maybe somebody had him and then they let him go. But anyway, dear should want to run when they see you, don't you think?
PAVLICH: Don't feed the animals, everybody. This is what happens.
MACCALLUM: I know this is cute and everything, but I just think he's going to be defenseless and he's going to end up you know --
GUTFELD: Did you hear what Lawrence said, maybe he's an orphan and he wants to like a (INAUDIBLE)
MACCALLUM: Well, they're taking -- he's eating French fries out of their front car -- our their car.
GUTFELD: Well, anyway --
MACCALLUM: That's it. That's it. That's all there is to it.
GUTFELD: That was a fun story.
JONES: How much do you love Taco Bell? You all got to this. Probably not as much as this guy who was craving the Bell so badly that he broke into one of George's Taco Bells on Christmas morning. Look at this guy. No cook, no problem. The burrito bandit used the restaurant's deep fryer and made himself an off-menu special. Look at this guy.
GUTFELD: He's hilarious.
JONES: He's going to get what he want. Now, what happens after you eat a whole bunch of Taco Bell?
GUTFELD: I'm afraid.
PAVLICH: I don't want to know.
GUTFELD: I know what happens to.
JONES: You thought that you need to take a nap. So he's taking a nap. He takes a nap for a couple of hours after his meal. He stays there for a little bit. And then when he leaves, he takes the computer, a tablet. But he cleaned up though guys.
PAVLICH: Wait, did they arrest him?
JONES: He cleaned up. They still haven't found him. He's still at large.
PAVLICH: Oh my gosh.
GUTFELD: I have a feeling. Probably -- if he knew how to work the instruments, he must have -- he must have --
JONES: I know. He knew everything was --
PAVLICH: You think he works there?
GUTFELD: Yes. I think he works there.
JONES: Or maybe worked at a Taco Bell.
GUTFELD: He certainly as a shell of a man. Maybe he'll be grounded. I'm running out of things to say. OK, that's probably a good thing. Set your DVRs. Never miss an episode of THE FIVE. "SPECIAL REPORT" is up next. Hello, Brett.
BRET BAIER, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: Hello, Greg. Good evening and welcome to Washington.
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