This is a rush transcript from "The Five," April 17, 2014. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
ANDREA TANTAROS, CO-HOST: This is a Fox News alert: President Obama just wrapped up a news conference at the White House where he addressed the crisis in Ukraine and he also took another victory lap on ObamaCare and engaged in one of his favorite pastimes, bashing Republicans.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: I find it strange that the Republican position on this law is still stuck in the same place that it has always been. They said nobody would sign up. They were wrong about that. They said it would be unaffordable for the country. They were wrong about that. They were wrong to keep trying to repeal a law that is working when they have no alternative answer for millions of Americans with preexisting conditions who would be denied coverage again, or every woman who would be charged more for just being a woman again.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
TANTAROS: And he also doesn't think Democrats should be afraid to run on it in the November elections.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
OBAMA: I don't think we should apologize for it. I don't think we should be defensive about it. I think there is a strong, good, right story to tell. I'm still puzzled why they've made this their sole agenda item when it comes to our politics.
If Republicans want to spend all their time talking about repealing a law that's working, that's their business.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
TANTAROS: He sounds very much like someone I know sitting to my left, literally and figuratively.
Bob, the president came out today. He spiked the football. He's excited but he couldn't help himself attacking Republicans.
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: You know, we were talking about this before the show, Dana and I. I listened to the numbers coming down. Now, whether you want to agree with them or not, I think that they're just -- they're fine. They're very good, much of better than people expected. CBO numbers are good. The deficit numbers are good. Everything else.
And then he's got to instead of just leaving it there and saying, gee, we're doing a good job, then he has to take off after the Republicans and bash them over and over. It's the lead (ph).
The Republicans are opposed to the good numbers he had. I don't get it.
(CROSSTALK)
BECKEL: No, absolutely not.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: And that's the thing. So we were in the greenroom watching together. We were getting our makeup done because that's what Bob likes to do in the afternoon. We're getting our makeup done and we're watching and I'm like, you know what, the president's got some good numbers, got some good news.
Then I just lost it with anger. I don't understand why he can't help himself to just lead and say, I have some good news to share with you, America. I'd like to take your questions. Leave it at that. And then people wouldn't say, why is he such a jerk all the time?
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: That's the hilarious about this when he said, it's not about me. He made that -- the thing is, it's about him. It's never about us as in the U.S.
ObamaCare has been the president's whale. He is Ahab. This has been his obsession. And he sacrificed everything chasing this whale as everything fell apart. If you look at what's going on around the world, whether it's Russia or Venezuela, what's being ignored is the sacrifice that he has made and Putin understands that.
Putin sees a president that is tinkering on the car in the garage while the house is burning down and is very happy that he's obsessed with this thing. To say it's not about me is probably the funniest thing.
Also, he is like walking Ambien. When was watching that, he's got like a special super power. He's like spider-man except he shoots out -- he shoots out Ambien. And all of a sudden, you're kind of like in observance (ph) and you're --
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: But he does the opposite on Dana. It's like walking caffeine on --
(LAUGHTER)
PERINO: I'm so calm, cool and collected at 4:00.
GUTFELD: That's never happened.
BOLLING: Can I not throw in the towel just yet?
PERINO: I'm not throwing the towel either.
BOLLING: Can I not agree with his numbers?
BECEKL: Of course you don't agree with him.
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: Let's talk about this for a second. For six months, from November through the end of March, they had no idea how many were signing up. Not a single clue. Sebelius went on Jon Stewart, got destroyed by Jon Stewart for not knowing -- not even ballpark.
But the minute the program ends, they know it's 7.1 million. A month later, they know it's 8 million. They know it's X percentage of young people, how many people are paying.
This is all bull.
PERINO: I agree.
BOLLING: This is absolute -- here's -- they're doing what Bob Beckel does to us all the time. Prove it.
TANTAROS: Pulls a number from anywhere --
BOLLING: Prove it.
(CROSSTALK)
BECKEL: Pardon me. I was just -- it's Groundhog Day. I've been hearing this over and over again.
BOLLING: Where does he get the numbers?
(CROSSTALK)
BECKEL: Look, I don't know where he gets the numbers.
(CROSSTALK)
BECKEL: The fact of the matter is it's working. The numbers are good. You guys have staked your stake on something that is a losing issue for the Republicans.
So what? Go ahead and do it. That's your issue.
PERINO: You really think there's going to be a whole bunch of Democrats all of a sudden start running to ObamaCare?
BECKEL: Not at all. But it's not going to be nearly what people thought.
TANTAROS: That's actually what I want to ask you, Greg. Do you think any Democrat is listening to the president saying first of all, this isn't about you -- it's all about him. The name is ObamaCare.
And two, what Democrat in a vulnerable position is going to run on ObamaCare?
GUTFELD: I don't know. It -- these were my -- the thing I love about it is that he's declaring it's over. It's over.
PERINO: Let's stop talking about it.
GUTFELD: Let's stop talking about it.
No, but it hasn't even started. It hasn't even begun.
BOLLING: It's the cop at the crime scene. Nothing to see her. Keep going.
GUTFELD: Nothing to see here. By the way, he can do this because he's confident that the media will help him out. They're the guys putting the yellow tape around the crime scene.
PERINO: And half of the bill has been delayed anyway.
BECKEL: Yes, delayed and the cost -- blah, blah, blah.
TANTAROS: But can I ask you, Eric? He specifically went after Republican governors. It's like he has a check list, right? He had the talking point about women, check. Get that dig in. Talk about Republicans, get a dig at them, check.
He went after Republican governors, Eric, for not taking money to expand Medicaid. He said, they don't even have to pay for it.
Not exactly a true statement. Because the federal government, we the taxpayers are footing the bill.
BOLLING: Right. And I think he was also going after the Republican governors who did not choose to do a state health care exchange, because clearly the state health care exchange, were signing up far more than healthcare.gov was signing up.
So, he was taking his shot. I don't care. I'm still not convinced, that these numbers -- million, 8 million, I'm not convinced that many people -- I'm not convinced anyone has even paid yet.
BECKEL: You're not convinced the sun is going to rise tomorrow. That's your problem.
BOLLING: Bob, the point is, he's taking victory lap, he's taking shots at Republicans based on a number that someone told him. Here's a guy who didn't even know about Benghazi, didn't know about the IRS, didn't know whether healthcare.gov wasn't going to be ready until someone --
BECKEL: And he had Reverend Wright. Don't forget Reverend Wright.
BOLLING: Until he watched it on TV, but now he knows --
BECKEL: Don't forget Reverend Wright. Bill Ayers, don't forget that one either.
PERINO: Or the dog.
BOLLING: Here's the biggest problem in the world.
GUTFELD: He ate a dog.
(LAUGHTER)
BOLLING: He came up with 15 -- at one point, he said, let me do the math here, and he came up with 15 million. Where did that come from? Are you kidding me?
PERINO: Not only that, but --
BOLLING: Fifteen million -- get out of here.
BECKEL: I don't know. Somebody just decided to write it down and walking in --
(LAUGHTER)
BOLLING: Yesterday, he said there were 15 million Chinese that's overstayed their visas, oh, it was Muslim.
BECKEL: It was a mistake.
BOLLING: It was 15,000. I'm going to say, President Obama has the same math that you had yesterday.
BECKEL: No, but I'm telling you, the idea that somehow you think this is big conspiracy of numbers, that's fine. Keep having it. But every time we hear new numbers, they're good and the CBO backs them up.
So, listen, if you want to keep this battle, I want you to do it, because I think without it you'll go into a terrible -- you'll have a stroke.
BOLLING: OK. However said, maybe Andrea said it, Dana said it, if you're a vulnerable Democrat, I'll bet you my bottom buck ObamaCare is not going to be on one of your ads. Not one of your ads.
TANTAROS: The reality is, the president can come out and he can say 8 million people, Bob, all he wants, but people are sitting at home and they're seeing their plans canceled, they're seeing their premiums increased. So, it really doesn't matter what he says.
PERINO: And their deductibles increase. And also, there was an anecdote from somebody the other day, that independent person, small business owner, lost his health insurance but he's a responsible person, goes on, signs up for the gold plan but not the HIPAA gold plan, whatever. There's two different ones.
Now, he needs to see a neurologist. So, he tries calling around, trying to get an appointment. There's not a single neurologist in Manhattan that he calls that takes his insurance. So he has to go to the Bronx.
That's the little stuff that starts happening. And why people are against the policy look at this 8 million, OK, fine. How many of those are Medicaid? How many of those are low income subsidies are going to be released?
Also, Chuck Blahous of the American Enterprise Institute wrote today about the disastrous finances and underpinnings of this. So, I think President Obama in a way is taking a premature victory lap. This -- it's a marathon, not a sprint to disaster. It's just going to take a little longer for people to figure out.
GUTFELD: Can I just say something?
BECKEL: Please.
GUTFELD: How can you celebrate a program in which it's driven by coercion? This is how it happens when you take it away from someone else.
TANTAROS: And you threaten to tax it.
GUTFELD: Yes. And we live in a time where if something is free, people are going to use it whether it is good or bad. It's free.
TANTAROS: Yes. Well, they're putting the gun to the head with the mandate.
BECKEL: Look, you've got to trust some outside sources. The Gallup organization says the cost of health care has gone down. The average number of people who are uninsured has gone down.
BOLLING: Wait, can I --
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: But the cost of health care hasn't gone down.
BECKEL: Gee, did you hear what the president said?
BOLLING: No, no. The speed at which it was increasing is slowing.
BECKEL: Going down, yes.
BOLLING: But that means it's still going up.
PERINO: But there's also another reason, because the economy isn't growing either.
TANTAROS: That's right. So, people are not going to the doctor. They're not filling their prescriptions as much as before. So, it has to do with his bad economy.
BECKEL: This is the last outpost. This is the Alamo right here.
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: I just want to -- before we move to the next topic, I just -- I think President Obama had a good statement today, had reason to go out there and basically try to say, I know everybody is really frustrated with it, but you know what? There's success and I hope we can all celebrate it. Next question.
He didn't have to take the further step, which is basically got everybody riled up and angry.
TANTAROS: OK. We have to move on. The president also asked about a very important, what's happening with Russia and what's happening in Ukraine.
The president was asked specifically if military intervention would be on the table. Here's what he said.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
OBAMA: Over the last week, we have put in place additional consequences that we can impose on the Russians if we do not see actual improvement of the situation on the ground. I think I've been very clear that military options are not on the table in Ukraine because this is not a situation that would be amendable to a clear military solution.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
TANTAROS: Now, Greg, it's the one thing I actually agree with the president on. I don't want to see one American boy or girl die for a country like the Ukraine, even though it's hard to see a country like the U.S. get bullied by Putin.
What options do we have? Is he right on that?
GUTFELD: Well, you know what he said earlier, not in this press conference. He said, "We don't need a war." You know, the only troops he could rally are Cub Scouts at this point.
It's not the point. No one needs a war. But what we do need is a presence. We need a willingness to suit up and help our allies, to send tanks where they once were, to suspend cuts in defense, to show that we're serious about protecting freedom around the world.
I understand -- I made the comparison that like it's a Russian squabble over there, you don't want to get in between two families fighting. But the fact is, we're not even present anymore. And I think that's -- what you're basically saying is we're not going to do anything.
BECKEL: Wait, wait. Just yesterday the United States, the Russians and Ukrainians and E.C. met together and started negotiations on this. I mean, yes, we're present. Yes, we're doing it. We're trying to do (INAUDIBLE).
But again, Russia is getting weaker. And what I said yesterday, if you take away their nuclear missiles, maybe they want to launch them and do all over the world, they are not a strong country. They can't -- whatever that research crap we got today about World War III, whoever said that was a fool.
TANTAROS: So, Bob, what happens if Putin adopts the same strategy that he's adopting now and he starts to go after the Baltic States? Then, what? Then, we have a responsibility --
BECKEL: I think if he goes after the Baltic States, that I do think military options are on the table. But I don't think he's going to do that.
TANTAROS: Dana, do you agree with no military intervention?
PERINO: Well, it depends -- I think when people think of military intervention, they think of American troops rolling into Ukraine. That is not -- there are lots of other options before it would ever come to that. It never came to that before in the last 50 years, it doesn't have to with Russia.
I think that the president should use his rhetorical skills and give a speech that lays out what is the American foreign policy when it comes to Europe. Do we still believe that Europe should be whole free and at peace? Is that our policy? If that's the case, are short term economic sanctions actually the way to get it done? I would be surprised if anyone thinks that's true.
I also think that on a day where -- if Russia is weak, there's a troubling report out of "USA Today" that one of the ways you lash out when you're weak is to try to put other people down. "USA Today" reports on pro-Russian military folks telling Jews in eastern Ukraine that they have to register their property.
Now, maybe that will be debunked in time, but I don't think "USA Today" runs a story like that if there isn't some semblance of truth.
BECKEL: That's the most disturbing story I've heard so far.
TANTAROS: So, Eric, a lot of people are hinting that this could be the brink of World War III. I mean, this is "USA Today," as Dana pointed, some very disturbing story and it's making the rounds. World War III on the --
BOLLING: Hopefully not. And I said this yesterday. I got blasted on twister for it. But I think President Obama is playing this the right way.
In my opinion, I don't think we have a dog in this fight.
PERINO: Oh my God.
BOLLING: I just don't. I think the E.U. does. I think maybe NATO does. I'm not even really sure about that. But I think out -- it's in our best interest to continue whatever financial sanctions that President Obama has instituted and stay out of this one.
This is not ours. I mean, we don't have -- we have virtually no trading with Ukraine. We don't trade with them a lot. We trade with other E.U. partners. I get that. But they have the big -- Germany has the biggest interest of all. Where are they?
GUTFELD: You know, it's not an arms race. It's an oil race. That's one. And we should be exporting oil and making it hard for Putin to make money.
And there is -- I believe there's already a World War III and it's radical Islam versus the West. It's been going on for years.
BOLLING: I agree with that.
GUTFELD: So, the idea there isn't a world war -- we're all targets.
Lastly, this is a very odd suggest. But I think President Obama can redeem himself in one single act, and that is to pluck Snowden out of Russia. What a humiliation it would be to Putin if he woke up on Monday and Snowden was in McLean, Virginia. That would be beautiful.
If Obama did that, I would vote for a third term.
BECKEL: By the way, someone else could redeem himself -- Lieutenant Colonel Ralph Peters, who said about the president of the United States, he called him a fool and a weakling.
Colonel, you ought to be better than that. You're a smart man, I know who you are. You're not a bad guy, but that's a foolish weak thing to say.
TANTAROS: All right. We got to go.
PERINO: President Obama just said every Republican is that.
BOLLING: I thought you were OK with Snowden.
BECKEL: What do you mean Snowden?
BOLLING: I thought you're OK --
BECKEL: I think Greg's got a great point, if he gets back here, it's great.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: He should be back. He's a useful idiot for Putin.
TANTAROS: You know what we haven't heard about yet? The International Space Station, too. What happens when Putin decides to take that?
GUTFELD: Put Snowden in the space station.
TANTAROS: All right. Eric's fastest seven is up next. Today is the crime time edition, including a kidnapping stunt ant a playground that some parents didn't find very amusing. That shocking tape and more when THE FIVE returns.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BOLLING: Welcome back to fastest seven, taking a bite out of crime today -- three shocking stories, seven swift minutes, one snappy host.
On Saturday afternoon at a park in Washington state, two masked men grabbed a 4-year-old boy sitting on a park bench near his mother. The men proceeded to put the child in the van and drive off. The whole thing caught on tape.
(VIDEO CLIP PLAYS)
BOLLING: I'm looking at parents reacting, frantically, some running after the car. Their panic turned to outrage upon discovering the abduction was a hoax in order to film a YouTube video to promote kidnapping awareness.
Greg, what about this? Going a little too far?
GUTFELD: It was so obvious it was a hoax because the child wasn't that cute.
No, this is a bad thing. Pranks reduced trust in the public when real trouble happens. People think it's probably just a prank. So what that does is it offers a great excuse for real crime. What if you decided you were really going to kidnap somebody or really rob a bank? Just have somebody with a camera with you, so when you get caught, you say, oh, this is for a prank. It's just an act.
BOLLING: Aren't they doing that now?
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: Filming it.
No, but it's idiotic. Pranks are fun but these are stupid.
BOLLING: Thoughts on this one?
PERINO: You know how when you have a child so that you can imagine. When you get scared, your first reaction is when you realize everything is OK, your reaction then is anger.
GUTFELD: Right.
PERINO: Right? I wouldn't -- I think that the parents --
GUTFELD: I would have punched that guy.
PERINO: Yes, exactly. They should have beat him up.
BOLLING: Well, it's the fastest seven, so we couldn't do it. But there are a bunch of parents who are fooled by this, really ticked off.
PERINO: I bet.
BOLLING: Bob?
BECKEL: Look, I agree (ph) with what Greg said. Listen, imagine the next time, you talk about awareness. OK, you're sitting in a park and some kid gets snatched, legitimately gets snatched, you go about, ha, there's another hoax. They didn't make the first one work.
PERINO: They're not going to get me to react.
BECKEL: They should be in jail for what they did.
BOLLING: I wonder if they're breaking any laws.
Ands, your thoughts on this. This is kind of a rude trick to play on people.
TANTAROS: It's really stupid. They weren't thinking it through. You know, they tried to call the police to give them a heads-up and police were like, sorry, it doesn't work that way. You can't just warn us.
So, they may be facing charges. But what's funny is they were supposed to be doing a PSA on kidnapping. It ended being a PSA on idiocy. And imagine if one of those parents had a gun?
BECKEL: Yes.
TANTAROS: And they shot them. Then what? It's a joke, then the parent goes to jail?
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: All right. Check out this outrageous video. While 39-year- old Maria Teresa Pio (ph) shopped at an Arizona grocery store, her 14- month-old baby was in her Cadillac Escalade in the parking lot, turned off and windows just cracked, the temperature inside 124 degrees.
Meanwhile, another Arizona mother, Shanisa Taylor (ph), 35, left her 6-month-old and 2-year-old alone in a hot car 45 minutes last month while at a job interview.
Some say go easy on these.
Let me start with you, Andrea. Go easy. Remember, these kids depend on moms. You go hard on these moms, penalize them for what they're doing, or do you go easy on them because it might hurt the kids?
TANTAROS: Well, the one story where the woman was in a job interview is a little bit different. She couldn't get a babysitter. Now, it's a dumb decision. It was very hot out, 124 degrees.
But she doesn't have a babysitter. It appears that she's an unwed mother. She just wanted to get a job to provide for her family. So, I am sympathetic to her.
But this is the argument against the feminists that tell you not to get married, against an administration that says it's OK to be a single mom. This is what single moms go through. This is why when Sheryl Sandberg says lean in, ladies, and the only way you can do it is with a good partner, people should take note and women should take note.
BOLLING: Bob, what about this one?
BECKEL: I think -- first of all, I know a little bit about this, it happened before in Phoenix. As a matter of fact, a couple of children have died. There is a place you can take kids in Phoenix so you can go shopping, go for a job interview. There's no excuse for it -- 124 degrees, another ten minutes those kids would be dead. I think they both made a terrible mistake.
BOLLING: I think they should take those kids away from those moms because the time they may not so lucky.
BECKEL: They did.
BOLLING: Yes.
Dana?
PERINO: I think it's harder taking kids away from a mom, does it cause more problems later on? But it does seem to me this is criminal neglect. So, I think they have a case.
BECKEL: Absolutely.
BOLLING: They have laws. We can stay on it. But they have laws. You can't even leave a dog in a car.
GUTFELD: Yes.
You know, it's interesting. Shanisa, who is the one that was applying for a job, it's a sad story. She already has a publicist. She has a wave of advocates defending her. And she's got thousands of dollars rolling in.
So, the moral is: leave your kids in hot cars.
BOLLING: Well, maybe, could be more.
All right. How about this video? This one is going to give you a creeps. Whether you're a parent or not, check out this Houston burglar caught on surveillance cameras lurking over a toddler who is sound asleep in his crib. The homeowner had no idea anybody was inside until their computer was found on their law, prompting the family to review the video footage taken inside the home.
PERINO: Oh my gosh! I didn't know. I mean, I just read about that. I hadn't seen the video until just now. That is so horrible.
GUTFELD: I'm sorry. It looked like my house. I had been drinking. I left.
PERINO: That is very scary. You know what, I'm convinced that people need to have -- in my opinion -- dogs. Dogs don't let that stuff happen.
(CROSSTALK)
BECKEL: I want to know, where were the parents when this was taking place?
BOLLING: He didn't do it. He was quietly. He broke in. He looked at the toddler, spent some time in the room and left.
BECKEL: Why was the toddler there by himself?
PERINO: No, he's sleeping in his bed.
BECKEL: I know, where are the parents?
TANTAROS: It's the middle of the night.
(CROSSTALK)
BECKEL: Oh, they were asleep in their own bedroom?
PERINO: Yes, yes.
BECKEL: OK, well, they should have woken up.
TANTAROS: No, Bob, they let him in and escorted him to the kid's room.
BECKEL: It's scary, man. It's horrible.
TANTAROS: It is a parent's worst nightmare. I guess the kid is cocky that I guess he was looking into the camera, mouthing words and then --
BOLLING: It's crazy stuff. Greg, last thoughts?
GUTFELD: Yes. You know, he might have been scared off by the baby. Some people don't like children.
PERINO: What?
TANTAROS: It would have been a better segment if the parents would have woken up and found him.
(CROSSTALK)
BECKEL: They would have woken up with an Uzi.
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: You want to know something? Have a dog or a gun.
GUTFELD: A dog with a gun. Train your dog to shoot.
(CROSSTALK)
BECKEL: They were sleeping, what can they do with a gun?
BOLLING: Train your toddler to shoot.
Still ahead, liberal economist Paul Krugman loves to flap his mouth about income inequality in America. But flappy hasn't responded to the hypocrisy alert. So, what's gagging Krugman? Greg is coming up, next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: It's time for...
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ANNOUNCER: Greg's Super Awesome Fantastic Evil Genius of the Universe Award.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BECKEL: Where did this come from?
GUTFELD: Today the award goes to New York Times blogger and Obama's favorite economist Paul Krugman, who just got hired by the City University of New York to drop by once in a while.
Apparently, the school is going to pay the Krugster 25 grand a month to play a modest role at events dealing with inequality. Let's recap: Krugs will yack about inequality for 25 G's a month. This is genius. For is there no better way to point out the absurd extremes of inequality than getting paid eight times what other professors get? And no teaching.
This is pure performance art. A stroke of masterful self-perpetuating employment. It's like a fireman getting paid for arson, a doctor spreading the flu so he can treat it. He creates the problem and arrives on the scene to provide the solution. He's like alcohol.
One question, though, will he rage against his own contribution to inequality? A thing that he roundly condemns? And what are the professors getting by on 36 G's a year, not a month, will they complain? Or will they keep on reading Chomsky, caressing their love patches, eating-day-old tofu in torn underpants?
Fact is, Krug wins. He knows the only way you can get away with being rich is if you parrot leftie assumptions about the evil rich. Calling them evil excuses your own.
It's a great gig, and Krugman is king. Knowing there's a sucker born every minute, he just scored the biggest lollipop ever.
I think he should be paid more, Dana.
PERINO: Really?
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: That raises the bar for everybody else so we can all be getting paid more?
GUTFELD: Yes. Everybody should be paid more.
PERINO: OK.
GUTFELD: You should get $100,000 just for burping.
PERINO: For walking down the street?
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: Remember that it was City University of New York where General David Petraeus was asked to teach a class. Remember he was chased by the students.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: And he said, "Fine. You know what? I'll teach there. I want to teach this honors course, and I'll do it for $1."
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: That's integrity and character.
GUTFELD: It is. Eric, he doesn't even have to deal with students.
BOLLING: Can I ask you a question? Love patch.
GUTFELD: Yes.
BOLLING: Soul patch.
GUTFELD: They did soul patch. Some people call it love patch. I call it offensive.
BOLLING: Because I'm thinking there's something I'm missing here.
You know where they do get paid just to wake up in the morning? Saudi Arabia. Because the mineral rights underneath the country.
Anyway, OK, so Krugman is the typical liberal hypocrite. Like Bloomberg with guns, you know, "I'm against guns except for my guns right here that are protecting me. I'm against income inequality except for my income. My income is cool. If yours is too much that's not cool anymore." It's just liberal hypocrisy. And all of, you know, the Hollywood elites who talk the same crap.
I guess maybe he should donate it if he really means it.
GUTFELD: He should donate it to Bob.
Bob, in two months he makes more than a professor there for a year or whatever. They must be choking.
BECKEL: You're also -- you're also forgetting about the $30,000 three-year travel and research budget and a graduate assistant, $450 a year.
Here's the problem with this. There is income inequality in America. There is no doubt about that. And a guy like Krugman, who makes a living off of writing about it, all he does is hurt the cause. This is the kind of story that lets somebody like Eric Bolling just go off like he just did, when fact of the matter is, there is income inequality. It's unfair. And Krugman, all he does by doing this is making it worse.
GUTFELD: Andrea, he even admitted that the deal was generous.
TANTAROS: What's he supposed to say? He wanted more money? And he probably would have taken it if he -- if he would have taken more.
So CUNY is a school that's run by the city of New York, but a lot of the money comes out of the state treasury. So if I'm a New York taxpayer, which I am, I'd be pretty furious about this, because the state and the city are facing big budget deficits.
So to your point, Greg, shouldn't this money go to an actual teacher in the classroom?
GUTFELD: Right.
TANTAROS: Or maybe a needy student as part of a scholarship? Because if anyone isn't needy, it's Paul Krugman.
Let's just hope he does more for CUNY than he did for even Enron. Because remember, he has history of being a consultant, doing exactly what the left hates; being one of these big-wig consultants for corporate America. Now he's doing it yet again. I hope he helps CUNY the way he helped Enron, because look what happened to Enron.
But this is the two Americas that Obama created. He talked about two Americas, the connected and the not connected. And you're not connected. He is. Lois Lerner is. All the other ones are, as well.
BECKEL: Do these kids -- just a question, do they have to pay for their school, or do they...
TANTAROS: I think it's a very small tuition.
BECKEL: Very small amount?
GUTFELD: Do you guys want to hear him talk about income inequality?
PERINO: No. I think I'll throw up.
BECKEL: No.
GUTFELD: How will he explain this? He will say this is not greed because he cares. As long as you care, correct? Is that how you get out of it?
PERINO: Like when they attack the Koch brothers for donations to causes that they...
BECKEL: Not just for...
PERINO: ... ideologically disagree with. But the Koch brothers are actually the most generous. I remember being at the Lincoln Center where the big theater there, where all the dances take place, the ballets. It was donated by the Koch brothers.
And you read like the New York Times, it's such an interesting picture. You have the New York Times headlines, you know, screaming about how evil the Koch brothers are. Meanwhile, they have donated all this money for this building right above it.
BECKEL: Meanwhile, they underwrite every right-wing cause.
TANTAROS: The liberals should love them.
GUTFELD: Bloomberg does with guns.
BOLLING: Can we just point out what the issue with the liberal -- the liberal progressive is with income inequality? That the top end strives to make more money. Right? That's the issue.
Paul Krugman is doing exactly that.
GUTFELD: Exactly.
BOLLING: I'm not begrudging Paul Krugman for making a lot of money. I'm fine with that. However, don't get on your high horse and say what a terrible idea it is to go -- I guarantee his agent negotiated that deal out from wherever.
TANTAROS: He's also the Paul Krugman -- put it in context -- who said that we should fake an alien invasion to stimulate the economy. Why is he put on a pedestal to begin with?
PERINO: I think he might say, as an excuse for this, I think he might say that he has advocated that the rich should pay higher taxes and that, if he makes more money because he's so brilliant, that he'll pay higher taxes for it. That might be what he says.
TANTAROS: He should donate it.
BECKEL: We could handle all of this with a $20-an-hour minimum wage.
GUTFELD: There you go.
PERINO: How does that help? How does that help?
BECKEL: Well, because it would make a lot of people have a lot more money and more money many the economy.
PERINO: And how long would that last?
GUTFELD: I say 50.
TANTAROS: No, $100 an hour.
GUTFELD: A hundred. Why do you have to stop at...
BOLLING: And a car.
GUTFELD: And a car.
There you go. Let's Oprah-fy it.
OK. We've got to go. So generous.
Next, there's nothing the IRS won't tax. The agency now wants to go after freebies many of us get at the office. Dana has the details, coming next.
BECKEL: We do?
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
PERINO: I do love that song. Thank you, Joshua. Very good.
All right. There are a lot of companies across America that offer perks like free lunch to their employees, especially ones in Silicon Valley. But to the IRS there's no such thing as a free meal. The agency is considering taxing those freebies as well as other perks of the office.
Now, we don't necessarily get free lunch here. I had a chance to go see Google a couple of times in Silicon Valley, and I got to go down here. It's great. And they hire really good people and attract great talent to their company, partly because they have these benefits. They weren't supposed to be taxed, but now the IRS is going to tax them.
GUTFELD: We have great benefits here.
PERINO: I'm not saying we don't have -- well, I'm not an employee.
GUTFELD: I have -- I have free colonics whenever I want. I have foot massages.
TANTAROS: Where does this happen?
GUTFELD: It's in a private room.
TANTAROS: Eric, I did come to get your personal masseuse earlier today. Security escorted.
PERINO: I'm going to have to renegotiate.
GUTFELD: Government will tax anything that -- that moves and sometimes that doesn't, i.e., dead people. But it's a proof that government doesn't create. It confiscates. So it looks at a wildly successful company, and it doesn't say, "What can we learn?"
They think, "What can we take?"
PERINO: That's interesting. Eric, there's a lot of incentives for especially tech companies to get started, you know. Government tax credits, things like that. But then once you get to be successful, that's when they start to come after you.
BOLLING: I think what they're -- and here's the reality, though. So Google makes money. They take some of the money and offer lunches and nice campuses to their employees.
PERINO: Yes.
BOLLING: And so they're taxed once, and then they're taxed again, the employees tax. So another double and triple taxation.
PERINO: How are they going to decide...
BOLLING: Bob, I'm pretty sure they'll give them a certain amount, but they won't let them hand out and write it all off. Otherwise...
BECKEL: When I get a job where you get free massages, free shoe shines, free big lunches with celebrity chefs, of course they should be taxed on it. I mean, because I bet they write it off as...
PERINO: You mean the employees or the...?
BECKEL: No. The owners of Google.
PERINO: OK. And then who do you think that's going to affect? And how do they decide how much to tax -- how much is a turkey sandwich worth?
TANTAROS: Well, some geniac (ph) over at the IRS is going to have to figure that out, along with taxing us on ObamaCare and all these other things.
BECKEL: You've got more than that tax.
TANTAROS: This is an old debate. Right? They've been debating this for a long time, whether or not to tax perks. But it doesn't make any sense.
I remember having a job where they incentivized me to stay later by paying for dinner so I wouldn't have to go out and spend 45 minutes getting dinner and paying for it myself. They also sent a car service home, because it was very late at night. But I worked harder, and they got more productivity out of me.
If they take that away, I'm not going to want to stay late on my own dime. So what does this do to the company? And then if I decide to quit, because I don't get all these perks or I can go somewhere else to get the perks, well, then that's turnover for a company.
BECKEL: What percentage of companies give away this kind of stuff?
TANTAROS: It's just disincentivizing work, Bob. Why does this administration constantly have to disincentivize people to bust their butts?
BECKEL: ExxonMobil is one of the biggest -- one of the biggest companies in the world. They don't give away perks like this.
TANTAROS: That's their choice. They want to do it, they can.
GUTFELD: No. You get a free -- free cup of oil.
PERINO: That's good for the digestion.
GUTFELD: It is. Tell me about it. It just flies right through.
BECKEL: Oh, man. What a visual that was.
PERINO: Next, how a man can tell if a woman just wants him for his money. Bachelor Bob has some experience, apparently. And a list of tips, coming up.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BECKEL: How do you spot a gold digger? It's a skill a lot of men would like to have. I for one have that skill. A matchmaker in New York City is offering some help. She noticed these trends among some of her female gold digging clients.
No. 1, they're obsessed with dating a successful man and knowing his salary. Doesn't surprise me. They don't have a job. That's a good point.
They complain about the matchmaker's thousand-dollar fee. They make an unreasonable demand like "date must have a plane." Or they ask the wrong questions like, how many homes does the matchmaker's client have?
Now Eric, I bet before you were married, you were probably a gold digger's dream. Right?
BOLLING: I'm not anymore? What are you talking about? What happened?
BECKEL: Your old lady would so kill that person.
BOLLING: That's true. That's true. But what about -- isn't there a web site where they actually make these matches, where the wealthy guy is looking for the gold digger?
BECKEL: Yes. But that's as a whole different -- that's a whole different story. Sugardaddy.com. Sugardaddy.com. I'm aware of it.
PERINO: How's the traffic on that site?
BECKEL: Those are not exactly what you're...
BOLLING: I wouldn't see you as the gold digger...
BECKEL: It's not what you -- it's the other side. I, for one, can -- there's no gold to dig anymore, because I spent it all.
OK, Dana. You were a gold digger, right, when you married?
PERINO: I tried to be. Very disappointing.
BECKEL: Just because he had an English accent you thought he was rich, didn't you?
PERINO: Well, yes. That's where you think they're smart and rich. That's the thing about the English accent.
BECKEL: Yes.
PERINO: But you know what? I got love.
GUTFELD: Aww.
TANTAROS: That's worth more than gold.
PERINO: Here's the thing. I actually think this is wrong. I think that there are more men looking for a woman and that the gold digging is actually going the other way. I think that women who are more successful and making more money across the board all throughout New York City, that it's young men that are looking for women.
BECKEL: I think you're exactly right. Because I'll tell you, if there's one out there worth $1 billion, got a plane, right here. Great.
GUTFELD: First off, the biggest gold digger is the government; let's not forget that.
Gold digger -- you shouldn't get mad at the gold digger. Because it's the female counterweight to the cad. This is why prostitution is honest work, because it's a deal between someone who has a financial interest with someone who has a sexual interest.
But seeking status only hurts if you sacrifice your best years with people who only see you as a temporary fix. That's the problem. If you're in your 20s and you're seeking the rich guy who's going to dump you in your 30s, those guys are still going to be dating girls in their 20s.
TANTAROS: That's true.
BECKEL: Good point. Yes. I think that's accurate.
GUTFELD: Because you know what?
BECKEL: Sometimes even when they get a lot older than that, that happens.
GUTFELD: You know why, seriously, is I don't buy this woman's expertise. The fact that on her list she says the sign of a gold digger is not paying to hire her.
TANTAROS: That was her weakest point.
BECKEL: You yourself are not a gold digger, but I bet people come dig gold for you, right?
TANTAROS: I'm sure there's a lot of people who would like to dig my gold. However, to Dana's point...
BOLLING: I think we lost Bob. We'll be right back.
TANTAROS: More men finding women with some gold. However, I never admired the gold digger theory, because that's all about control. Right? Can you control yourself, Bob?
BECKEL: You're the one that came up with the line. I didn't.
TANTAROS: You set me up.
BECKEL: I set you up. OK. I liked your line. OK, go ahead.
TANTAROS: But I always was -- I didn't like the gold digger theory, because the woman that eventually marries the guy with all the money has to abide by him, because it's about control. It's the golden rule. He who has the gold makes the rules. That's why I tried to earn as much as I can. I make the gold.
BECKEL: Let me just -- let me give this advice to them. It's a prenup.
OK. "One More Thing" is up next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
TANTAROS: It's time now for "One More Thing," and I'm going to kick it off.
You may have heard the story on FOXNews.com where a boy in a special ed class in McDonald (ph), Pennsylvania, was being bullied, and so he tried to videotape the bullies with his iPad. And he tried to take it to the principal's office to show the principal that he, in fact, was bullied.
Well, the principal, Scott Milburn, decided to call the cops on this special ed student and instead charged the student with some violation of a wiretapping law.
BECKEL: What?
TANTAROS: This is why I want to put his picture up. Scott Milburn, principal in McDonald, Pennsylvania, at Fayetteville High School, you are an idiot. And I'm going to out any idiot principal or educator going forward that pulls stuff like this. Especially when it comes to bullying and special needs kids.
Scott Milburn, there he is, the geniac (ph), the brainiac who can't think realistically and make decisions based on reality.
BECKEL: And you know something, fat boy? I'm going to bully you. How's that? One fat boy to another.
TANTAROS: Dana, you're up.
PERINO: OK. Here's a way that you can help kids. Mrs. Barbara Bush and her daughter, Dora, have teamed up with Scholastic for the HelpThemRead.org campaign. Take a look at this commercial.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: It's my favorite book.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: "Where the Wild Things Are."
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: "Green Eggs and Ham."
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: "The Very Hungry Caterpillar."
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: "Good night, Moon."
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: "Madeline."
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What's your favorite book?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: So Mrs. Bush and her daughter Dora are continuing this legacy that Mrs. Barbara Bush started early on about literacy for kids.
Here's the great things. Scholastic, if you go to HelpThemRead.org and you vote for your favorite children's book, they will donate a book. So you don't have to donate any money. You just have to vote for your favorite book.
GUTFELD: Vote for "Not Cool."
PERINO: "The Giving Tree" is the most popular, apparently.
GUTFELD: Boo.
TANTAROS: I love that book.
PERINO: "Not Cool" is a good option, though.
GUTFELD: Children's books are terrible. They're so stupid.
BOLLING: There's this really -- there's a really, really good child's book.
PERINO: "Where the Sidewalk Ends" is great.
BOLLING: "The Spider and the Fly" is one of the -- it's a great book.
GUTFELD: You know which one I like? I like "Naked Lunch."
PERINO: "Naked Lunch." It's a good children's book.
TANTAROS: We won't ask Bob about his favorite book selection.
BOLLING: OK. They're rushing us along. Tonight I'm going to sit in for Sean Hannity.
Rand Paul is going to be the first 2016 front-runner who's going to weigh in on the Bundy ranch controversy going out west. And you might be surprised on some of the things he's going to talk about there.
It's not a left/right issue. It's a libertarian issue in my opinion.
OK. Also, war on Easter. Al Sharpton, Kimberly Guilfoyle is going to be on, and a great book a guy wrote about the assassination attempts of all seated U.S. presidents. Guess which president there was a plot to blow up his cigarette lighter? Guess which president there was a plot to poison his coffee. You've got to stick around.
TANTAROS: Are you asking us? Or we have to tune in.
BOLLING: You have to tune in.
GUTFELD: Tease, people.
TANTAROS: I'll be there -- Gregory.
GUTFELD: I'm going to be speaking at the Nixon library. There might be tickets Saturday that are available at Yorba Linda. Go to GGutfeld.com. You can see if tickets are still available.
Again, I'll be talking about my book, "Not Cool." If you haven't purchased that, you are the devil.
PERINO: Maybe not the best way to move it.
GUTFELD: I know. Also I'm going to see my mother. Happy Easter, mom. I'll see you in a couple of days.
Also, banned phrase, real quick. "Living the dream." When people ask you, "How are you doing?" Don't say "living the dream." Just say "fine."
PERINO: I like that one.
BECKEL: I like that.
GUTFELD: I don't like "living the dream."
PERINO: I agree. It's overused.
BECKEL: Well, a big, big day. Big announcement for the Clinton family. Chelsea Clinton is pregnant, and she's due to have a child sometime in the fall. Hopefully, right around election day. And they couldn't be prouder parents.
Her mother has made it very clear this is the biggest thing she's wanted in life. For Chelsea, congratulations to her; to her husband; to the Clinton family and, if I might add, being a little partisan to all Democrats because we can ride this baby for a long time.
GUTFELD: Bob!
BOLLING: In 2016 she can hold a 2-year-old. She can kiss a baby, hold her own granddaughter, 2-year-old.
PERINO: Can we take bets?
GUTFELD: You are so honest, Bob. It's unbelievable. You admit the baby is going to be a prop.
TANTAROS: And 100 bucks says it's a girl.
BECKEL: I hope so.
TANTAROS: All right. Don't forget to set your DVR so you never miss an episode of "The Five." We'll see you right back here tomorrow.
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