Not even North Korea can be bothered to troll Beto

This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," May 26, 2019. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DONALD TRUMP (R), PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: So I'm going to be very calm, because I don't want them going out to the press and saying that I was anything but calm. So I was extremely calm, very much like I am right now. That was so calm. You all saw me minutes later, I was at a news conference. I was extremely calm.

The narrative was I was screaming and ranting and raving. It was terrible.  What was my tone yesterday at the meeting?

SARAH SANDERS, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: Very calm.

TRUMP: What was my attitude yesterday at the meeting?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I mean, she is right in her answer. You were very calm.

TRUMP: I'm an extremely stable genius.

(Laughter)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST, THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW: You know, he didn't ask me, but I think he is calm.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: You know, it's summer when those old cranky pieces of junk you see on the road start overheating and breaking down.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ROBERT DE NIRO, ACTOR: You didn't think you were completely going to get away without a [bleep] Trump moment did you?

JEFF DANIELS, ACTOR: The big gamble is to go all the way to November 2020, which I agree and lose -- it is the end of democracy.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes, another batch of broken stars suffering from morbid stupidity. As the real movie roles dry up, they fill the gaps with cartoons and remakes as these Beverly Hills basket cases all voice outrage against the orange monster.

It's insane what Trump's done to Hollywood. He has scrambled more brains than a bucket of bad acid. So now all they do is spew identical nonsense exchanging one script for another. Look at the transformation.

This was Jim Carrey before Trump.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JIM CARREY, ACTOR: It was insane. I mean, it was unbelievable. But you know, the penguins were happy. So that's all I care about.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: This is him after Trump.

CARREY: I can easily re-retire have money and even when I'm older, I can eat my whole fist.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Wow, this was Jeff Daniels before Trump.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DANIELS: Movies are king, but not really. Television is really coming right into our living rooms in a way that it never has before.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: This is him after Trump.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DANIELS: Camera whiskey, we got it here and go get scrap fries to make the wedgie he wants to make an abracadabra. If Jetsons. Boom. Jam bands.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: This is Robert De Niro before Trump.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DE NIRO: We're not anti-vaccination, we're just -- we just want safe vaccination.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: And this is him after Trump.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DE NIRO: Parrot, hammock, different looking chalice. I've been fighting in the Navy.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: This is Rosy before Trump.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ROSIE O'DONNELL, ACTRESS: N'yet, sir, n'yet. N'yet. N'yet.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: This is her now.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

O'DONNELL: N'yet, sir, n'yet. N'yet. N'yet.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: See. At least she is consistent. Actually, they've always felt this way. Not about Trump per se, but about you.

Trump, after all, it's just a symbol for the rest of America. That vast wasteland in between the rehabs of Malibu and the restaurants of New York.  They hate you. They hate me. They hate everything that doesn't buy the crap they're selling, which is themselves.

Maybe it's time we return the favor. How about an honest tourist guide for Hollywood?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Can't decide where to go on your next vacation? How about Hollywood? The land where shallow people who hate their parents seek validation from perverted producers. Where vacuous attention seekers can maintain careers and drug habits while never producing anything good.

You want proof? Go see a movie. They suck. Hollywood. Where you can sit in a car for hours on a one mile stretch of road inhaling nothing but exhaust fumes as your soul withers away to tiny nub.

Where you can stroll down the historic Walk of Fame while dodging hustlers, junkies and vagrants who would stab you in the eye for a quarter.

Get accosted by Harvey Weinstein. Have your car parked by a valet who claims he is an actor but hasn't had a role in years which is why he hates your guts.

Meet desperate parents of child actors who would sell their kid's soul for a bit part in a rap video.

Gawk at plastic-faced celebrities as they preach about environmental toxins, while simultaneously pumping their bodies with enough silicone to caulk a swimming pool.

Tour sprawling rehabs that service overpriced breaks from self-loathing, as sitcom actors descend that steady staircase into hell. And of course, see timeless stories of romance, pairing older men with younger actresses who could be their daughters, as older actresses are abandoned in nearby canyons.

Hollywood. It's for losers, meaning it's not for you.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Nice. All right. It's harsh. It's sad though when you find out people you thought were talented were just lucky and stupid. You realize their intellectual growth stunted the moment they decided to chase the spotlight, actual thoughts were replaced by one refrain "Me, me, me."

So as stardom fades, they return to that barren yard in their brain where wisdom was supposed to be and they find nothing but the same thoughts they had when they were 15.

Their opinions are literally childish, but the politicians are right behind them. After the collusion narrative collapsed, the cries for impeachment only increased.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

REP. JERROLD NADLER (D-NY): The recalcitrance of the President and his lawless behavior is making it more and more difficult to ignore all alternatives including impeachment.

REP. STEVE COHEN (D-TN): I see a lot more people believe that impeachable offenses occurred.

REP. NANCY PELOSI (D-CA): Ignoring subpoenas, obstruction of justice.  Yes, these could be impeachable offenses.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: They're so dumb, they can't even see how dumb they are.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: Because impeaching Trump isn't just impossible. It's suicidal.  They fail, he is a folk hero. They succeed, he is friggin Paul Bunyan, and then you get Pence. And Pence is not exactly a liberal. The guy is so conservative his flag pin, where's the flag pin?

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: Meanwhile, how is Trump handling it? Well, he's got bigger issues like when he thought the sun was in his eyes.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: I thought that was the sun in my eyes. It's these stupid lights, people. I mean, what are we -- what are they doing? Is there any way they can turn those lights down, folks?

(Cheering and Applause)

TRUMP: Crazy. You've got a thing called the sun. We like the sun better than the artificial lights.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: He's pro-sun. That's good. And that's a lot of people.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: That's a lot of people. It looks like the Academy Awards used to look before they decided to go political against us.

(Cheering and Applause)

TRUMP: Now the Academy Awards is yonk.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I don't know what that sound is. But I agree completely. But you know, he's had such an easy life.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: I had such an easy life. People say, I had such an easy life. Who the hell knew it was going to be this difficult, but I love it.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: You know, he's right. Think about how different politics is from real life or his life. In real life, if you were going to meet with someone to discuss work, you wouldn't first publicly accuse him of a crime.  But that's what Nancy did to Trump before that infrastructure meeting. I think he handled it well.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: I don't think Nancy Pelosi understands the deal is too complicated, but it's not a complicated deal. She's a mess. Look, let's face it. She doesn't understand it.

I don't want to say Crazy Nancy because if I say that you're going to say it's a copy of Crazy Bernie and next don't good.

Crazy Nancy. I have been watching her for a long period of time. She's not the same person. She has lost it. It was sad when I watched Nancy all moving the movement from the hands and the craziness. And I watched it.  That's by the way a person that's got some problems.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: How can you not reelect that? So all this insanity swirls around him and he is still presiding over good stuff. You've got it boom economy; historically low unemployment, a world in which our enemies feel the gaze of an awakened giant.

But I felt for those farmers at the presser -- that guy behind Trump expected this thing to last maybe 10 minutes, so he thought after drinking that 32-ounce Big Gulp, I'm going to wait to go to the bathroom.

Then 10 minutes became 45. A Trump presser it's like a plane on a tarmac you could be there for days. Meanwhile, all the Dems can do is investigate, litigate, hyperventilate. With Hollywood at their side and the media egging them on, it truly is a new movie -- a stop action classic.  A sequel if you will call it Dumb and Dumber and Dumbest of All. Period.

ANNOUNCER: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. If you're feeling sick, he will do the trick. Host of the radio show "Dr. Drew Midday Live," Dr. Drew Pinsky.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: He is smart, charming and completely disarming. Author of "Up in the Air" and columnist at "Harper's Magazine," Walter Kirn.

She's got 99 problems and she'll tell you every one. Host up "Sincerely, Kat" coming soon to Fox Nation. Kat Timpf.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: And when he's tired, he rests his head on Canada, former WWE superstar and host of the new show, "'Nuff Said," coming soon to Fox Nation as well, Tyrus.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Everybody has got a new show. All right, Dr. Drew, so much --

DREW PINSKY, RADIO SHOW HOST: Greg, before we start.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PINSKY: When he said extremely stable, he is a genius. I just thought of you. I just thought, Greg extremely stable genius.

GUTFELD: How can you not enjoy this -- this world isn't such a good place that we could entertain this kind of public roasting. The only reason we can enjoy this is because nothing bad is going on.

PINSKY: It's uncanny, right? I mean, things are going well. We're having these this horrible rhetorical thing.

GUTFELD: Walter, you look great by the way. I've missed you.

WALTER KIRN, NOVELIST/LITERARY CRITIC: Thank you. That's the reason I came.

GUTFELD: What are your thoughts?

KIRN: In general or about this business?

GUTFELD: Yes.

KIRN: Well, impeachment. I hear that word. And I think of that Charlie Brown Halloween special, "The Great Pumpkin" where all the kids go out in the pumpkin patch. And they wait because Lucy has told them the great pumpkin is going to appear. That is every liberal in America right now.

Out in the pumpkin patch being rained on, catching cold waiting for the great impeachment pumpkin to rise above the horizon. It's never coming.  And I feel sorry. I know a few of them and they're having a difficult time.

GUTFELD: You work with them.

KIRN: I work with them. I've been out working in Hollywood and I can tell you, it's much worse than you think. People who hate Trump a lot can't even hang out with people who just hate Trump.

GUTFELD: Yes.

(Laughter)

KIRN: You have to be in the same bandwidth in your hatred of Trump.

GUTFELD: Right. Exactly.

KIRN: And then you have to hate the kids. And you have to give reasons for hitting the kids and then you have to give reasons for hating the kids. I mean, it's conversation.

PINSKY: Then you have hate all the Fox News anchors, too. That's another hate category. You've got to hate Greg.

GUTFELD: Yes.

KIRN: You have to hate Greg. You have got to hate me --

GUTFELD: No, it is. Like, it's hatred by connection. You do this show?  Then they'll have to talk to you and tell you not to do this show. How can you do Fox? And then it just -- it keeps moving and moving.

And also, it's not about like not liking Trump or what -- you have to be part of the resistance, or you're the enemy.

KIRN: Anything short of loathing Trump is considered collaborating.

GUTFELD: Yes. Exactly.

KIRN: Or normalizing that's the word.

GUTFELD: Yeah. Normalizing. Kat, do you care to normalize anything?

KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: No, I mean, not really.

GUTFELD: Okay.

TIMPF: Actually. I'd like to normalize maybe on a first date, asking them whether they'd consider being buried next to you or not. That one hasn't - - that was just something I was thinking about in the shower the other day.

GUTFELD: You don't waste any time. You don't waste any time, do you?

GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Maybe sit one out, Greg.

TIMPF: Well, if you don't want get -- if you don't want to get buried next to me, why are we even here? You know. I mean --

MURDOCH: It's a huge commitment, Kat.

TIMPF: Yes, but commitment should matter. I think I'm a catch.

GUTFELD: All right -- even when she is dead.

TIMPF: Did you want me to talk about Trump? Yes, right, Trump?

GUTFELD: Yes, talk about Trump.

TIMPF: Yes, they're overreacting. People are overreacting. I like kind of though, when people hate me for working at Fox News, which many do because then I can just say, "Oh, they hate me because of where I work."  And I don't have to think about any of the other reasons why they might hate me.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: You get a lot of that, don't you?

TIMPF: Yes, well, I've got stop asking people if they want to be buried next to me.

GUTFELD: Yes. Last word to you, Tyrus. Isn't Trump becoming basically America's favorite uncle?

MURDOCH: I don't know about that, but I'm shocked you guys have people who are mad at you because you work at Fox News?

GUTFELD: It never happens to you.

MURDOCH: No, because I mean, well, I've got a great card. You're working for -- oh because I'm black, right? Then they don't know what to do.

(Laughter)

MURDOCH: No, we love that you are gainfully employed and you're not selling drugs. What? What did you say? No, excuse me -- and they blow up. It's just phenomenal like this this secret -- especially in California and that video. Boy, I was rough, but you're kind of dead on.

Like it was -- and I grew up in California and it is like that where there's like this secret society of like, "Hey, join the resistance." But there's also this one like, "Hey, Tyrus, you're doing a good job." "Is Greg really that short?" Yes, he is.

So it's a way -- I don't think it's as many of the hate. It's just, you're stuck. They are all in one place.

GUTFELD: Right. Right.

MURDOCH: You're trying to write a TV show and surrounded by people talking about feelings and voices and stuff. And you know, Trump tweeted something the other day, my God, stop working so we can read it. Like it's a small group. The rest of America is doing just fine.

GUTFELD: I have a feeling too when people see you and don't like Fox, I don't think they confront you, Tyrus.

MURDOCH: No, they don't. What they do is they say, "Oh, you work at Fox."  Yes. "Cool."

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: All right.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: A brand new show just added for the "Gutfeld Monologues Live," Saturday, July 20 at Asbury Park, New Jersey at the Paramount Theater.  Tickets are on sale now. Go to ggutfeld.com for ticket information.

And I could tell you there will be some tour dates added for this fall.  Details coming soon. Up next, Joe is still up, Beto is still down and I'm still awesome.

(Cheering and Applause)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ANNOUNCER: And now, THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW presents, the 2020 Can't-idates.

GUTFELD: When you're no longer making a splash, no one cares about your trash. It's called opposition research a common thing and politics.  Someone is running for office. Their opponent hires a firm to dig dirt on them, unless you're Beto.

Yes, requests for dirt on Beto have dried up. No one thinks he's a threat anymore. The latest Quinnipiac poll -- I love saying that -- shows Beto tied for eighth place with Amy what's-her-face?

Beto was third back in March. Now, at the top, Joe Biden in, second but losing a little, Bernie. But this week, North Korea said Biden was a low IQ idiot. Well, someone is learning from Trump.

But not even North Korea can be bothered to troll Beto or de Blasio who has been in the race for a week and Democrats already know that he stinks.

He's scored the lowest favorability of all candidates. You see that long bar going in the down direction. That's de Blasio's favorability.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: But that's among Democrats -- that's among Democrats.

MURDOCH: What?

GUTFELD: Yes, but if graphs aren't your thing, here's the de Blasio's whose favorability in video form?

(VIDEO CLIP PLAYS)

GUTFELD: I hate it when we do that just for a video. RIP Joe. No, that was not -- everything is fine. I'm just making a morbid joke. Walter.

KIRN: Yes.

GUTFELD: Walter, the can't-idates. What are your thoughts so far of the Democratic field?

KIRN: Well, first of all, Kim was not saying low IQ individual in Korea, and that was mistranslated.

GUTFELD: Oh really?

KIRN: The word that he was using for Biden in Korean means, "The man with eight arms and hands." The octopus.

TIMPF: Really though?

KIRN: Yes. And in South Korea, it means hair sniffer.

(Laughter)

KIRN: But now, let's move through the candidates.

GUTFELD: Yes.

KIRN: Pete Buttigieg.

GUTFELD: Yes.

KIRN: Just a month ago, he was mowing lawns in my neighborhood and now he's running for President.

(Laughter)

KIRN: Also, he doesn't resemble Alfred E. Neuman at all. Now he reminds me of that Bob's Big Boy guy with the hamburger.

GUTFELD: Yes.

KIRN: Now that that's Pete.

PINSKY: The big boy.

KIRN: Yes, he's a Big Boy. What other candidates are there? Kamala Harris. I don't know what to think of her. She's been nowhere. She was the front runner in a lot of what people were talking about earlier. Apparently they have something on her. I don't know.

Elizabeth Warren. I think -- I don't want to be nagged scolded and you know, treated like a bad third grader for the rest of my life. Whenever Elizabeth Warren talks to me, I feel like I've done something wrong. I have to apologize. I'm not sufficiently virtuous.

TIMPF: That's how I feel whenever anyone talks to me.

KIRN: And to her, I just want to say modernize your haircut. Come on. But okay, who is the real front runner though?

GUTFELD: Biden.

KIRN: Besides Biden.

GUTFELD: Sanders.

KIRN: Sanders. Sanders just keeps on going. Why are they deserted him? I thought young people loved him. I thought he was the new Beatles. And yet what happened?

GUTFELD: It's Pete Best.

KIRN: Now, he is Pete Best.

GUTFELD: It's a little Beatles trivia there, Dr. Drew.

PINSKY: We just have a problem with aging politicians. We have a real problem. And people don't understand the process of aging is inevitable and inexorable. And these people are entering office at an age when, you know, in my profession, you'd be pulling people aside, go, "Hey, it's time to step out."

GUTFELD: I am not planning on being alive.

PINSKY: Well, that's a different issue. But we'll have to talk later, Greg. But seriously, I mean --

GUTFELD: I thought it was a rash.

PINSKY: Think about it. This is really a problem. I mean, we have we have the age of -- you know, after which you can become President. We have no upper limit.

GUTFELD: There's no upper limit.

PINSKY: And we are people that are going to be --

GUTFELD: No one's ever said this. You know, we have a lower limit 35. If we said the sky's the limit. You could be you could be Grandma Moses.

PINSKY: Yes. Woodrow Wilson ran the country for what a year and a half after massive stroke? His wife did it. I mean, we've never really addressed this issue. We're going to have to because we have people that are in front of our eyes that are developing medical problems. We have to deal with this.

GUTFELD: We could have a dead President.

KIRN: Jimmy Carter could be President.

GUTFELD: Yes, Jimmy Carter. No, he served --

KIRN: No, he served only one term. Tyrus?

MURDOCH: Yes. There's never been a worse time to be white Democrat.

(Laughter)

MURDOCH: You know what's sad about this, as I was thinking about when the Republicans had the big field, there was a lot of movement. There was a lot of like, intense battles between them. And they were drawing lines in the sand. They were making strong stances and people were making decisions. Like, I'm going to be a Rubio guy. I'm going to be this guy.

And it was like you and me, we were making jokes about it. I think Trump could do it. Nah, he can't do it. But everyone was -- we knew everybody involved. Everyone had a voice

GUTFELD: Right.

MURDOCH: [Bleep] over.

(Laughter)

MURDOCH: It's like a bunch of people saying, like, I was flipping through channels today. They don't even address them as presidential candidates anymore. They talk about the job they have now.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: They were like Senator such and such. By the way who is running for President like it's already over. So I mean, this is really -- I mean, I think Biden unless what Dr. D was talking about, Father Time creeps up on him, and he forgets where he's at during his speech. He's got it.

I mean, and then that's going to be whoa.

GUTFELD: That's going to be whoa. Those debates when Biden -- oh, it's going to be scary, Kat. I noticed about these candidates, none of them can see their blind spots.

TIMPF: Right.

GUTFELD: You know?

TIMPF: Clearly, especially not Bill de Blasio.

GUTFELD: No, no.

TIMPF: I mean, de Blasio running for President of the United States is like a hoarder trying to start a home makeover show.

(Laughter)

TIMPF: I mean has he been to New York City? I mean, maybe not because he takes motorcades everywhere. But I'm sure if he actually stepped outside for a minute, he'd be like, "Wow, it smells like pee."

(Laughter)

TIMPF: And do you know why it smells like pee, Greg? Because there is pee everywhere.

I saw a man peeing up the subway stairs once. One time at Port Authority, I saw a man with pants around his ankles rotating in a circle peeing like a lawn sprinkler. These are all facts.

The only thing that there's more of them pee is trash. So that should be his campaign slogan. De Blasio, 2020. Pee and trash. Because they have a lot in common except for pee and trash are far more popular than his campaign.

GUTFELD: That is true. That is true. It's a very sad, sad sack of people. Up next, the media made Avenatti a household name. Now, he is trash, which is still a household name.

(Cheering and Applause)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

AISHAH HASNIE, FOX NEWS CORRESPONDENT: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I'm Aishah Hasnie. A woman who vanished while hiking in Hawaii is sharing her remarkable story of survival. Volunteers found Amanda Eller, Friday after weeks of searching for her. The 35-year-old lost her way during a hike. At one point she fell 20 feet off a steep cliff breaking her leg. Eller ate wild strawberry, guavas and plants. She even spent one night in the den of a wild boar. Speaking from her hospital bed, Eller says it came down to life or death and she chose life.

Overseas, a human traffic jam has caused tens of deaths on Mount Everest in two months. Five of those climbers died this week. A record number of mountaineers who want to conquer the world's highest summit during the peak climbing period, which is April and May. This is now one of the deadliest seasons for climbers. I'm Aishah Hasnie, now back to THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW.

GUTFELD: It's been a dark journey for the world's worst attorney. More charges for Michael Avenatti this week. This time Feds have charged the creep with defrauding Stormy Daniels. Yes, he screwed her and she paid him.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: Talk about a career reversal. But he claims the charges are political payback. He told "The Washington Examiner" that a Republican close to the President, that this had Trump's fingerprints all over it, right, because Republicans close to the President are talking to Avenatti all day long. No, that's the media's job.

"Vanity Fair" came out with an interview this week. Called it, "Inside the epic fall of Michael Avenatti." Avenatti called it garbage, a hit piece. Boohoo. So he is blaming everyone for his troubles now. But what do you expect? Well, just a year ago, the media treated him like this.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

RACHEL MADDOW, MSNBC HOST: Joining us once again is Michael Avenatti.

BILL MAHER, HBO HOST: You're something of a folk hero now.

ALISYN CAMEROTA, CNN ANCHOR: Joining us now is Stormy Daniels' attorney, Michael Avenatti. Michael, great to see you.

MICHAEL AVENATTI, ATTORNEY: Good morning.

JOY BEHAR, ABC HOST: He has a bigger calling here that being a lawyer is minimal compared to what he is doing.

PHILIP RUCKER, WHITE HOUSE BUREAU CHIEF, "THE WASHINGTON POST": You look at the field of Democrats right now and Avenatti is the one who stands out.

CHRIS CUOMO, CNN ANCHOR: Joining us now to discuss that is Stormy Daniels' lawyer, Michael Avenatti.

NICOLLE WALLACE, MSNBC CHIEF POLITICAL ANALYST: If they decide they value a fighter most, people would be foolish to underestimate Michael Avenatti.

AVENATTI: I've made a lot of TV appearances and I've gone on a lot of shows.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Have you ever seen a bigger pile of insatiable morons, every one of those people should be suspended.

(Applause)

GUTFELD: They should all be suspended like when you were in high school and you did stupid stuff. We would have been better informed if cable shows had booked these two instead.

(VIDEO CLIP PLAYS)

GUTFELD: Kat, thoughts on Avenatti?

TIMPF: I am not talking about Avenatti on television.

GUTFELD: Okay.

TIMPF: Because he thrives on attention and people paying attention to him more than anything else, and I'm not going to give him what he wants.

Like what else are we going to do? Like do a segment where we just go by Hillary Clinton a bunch of pantsuits, or buy like Anthony Wiener a brothel? Or there's this guy who follows me on Instagram with the handle, Daddy loves your pretty feet. And he's always asking for pictures of my feet. So why don't I just cut off a toe and mail it to him? Like, no, I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to talk about him. I'm not going to give him what he wants. So my answer your question is just "Huh? Who is Michael Illuminati?"

GUTFELD: I kind of follow that, Walter. But we've got to -- can we point out that even though we're laughing at him, this guy did try to ruin Kavanaugh's life by fabricating a gang rape chart.

KIRN: Yes.

GUTFELD: I mean, he's an awful person.

KIRN: Every stripper has a boyfriend like this.

TIMPF: Where are you going with this?

KIRN: Have you ever noticed, I mean, $900.00 a night? And they drive an old Ford Fiesta? Where does the actual money and --

MURDOCH: Listen up, this is knowledge.

KIRN: The Avenatti's of the world have been running this game forever? He says or she says he owes him $300,000.00, but he spent it all. She came in with a garbage bag full of greasy ones from the stage, threw it on his desk.

MURDOCH: I've seen them.

KIRN: And he's supposed to keep track of that?

GUTFELD: That's true, yes. It's hard.

PINSKY: But I think we were just watching the Trump derangement syndrome in full blossom. In fact, we were talking about earlier, all that is required to be a part of the team is to hate him and his family. And if you do that you have -- there's -- nothing you can do is wrong.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PINSKY: And by the way, we don't care about your background, your previous professional behavior. We won't even check.

GUTFELD: They won't vet. They won't vet -- like Nicole Wallace. She is a ventriloquist, he was the dummy. Or he was a ventriloquist and she was the dummy. Either way, they were both cohabitating in this weird little anti- Trump world.

So they can say whatever they want. He could say whatever they want, but you can't vet it.

PINSKY: Why would they bother? He is speaking the magic. HE is towing the line. And he is one of us. And it's a weird delusional. When two people do it, it's called folie a deux. I don't know what it's called when millions of people do it.

GUTFELD: I don't know either. I don't even know that other word.

KIRN: It's called CNN.

GUTFELD: It sounds like something I paid for in --

MURDOCH: And now you want to talk to me?

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: No, I don't want to talk to you.

GUTFELD: He could go away for 400 years. I think maybe cut that in half. Get out in 200.

MURDOCH: You know, what's funny is this wasn't like his first time doing this.

GUTFELD: No, no.

MURDOCH: His entire career has been robbing clients and he is really fond of like people in wheelchairs or people battling with hospital lawsuits and stuff like that. And what he does is he gets the money from a settlement for and then the people call him like, "Where's my --" "Oh, I'm going to sue them. They're not giving it to yet." And he spends his client's money. Like this was nothing new.

But why vet if he is saying -- and this is a great comment in terms of, you have to give him credit because he saw an opportunity.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: And it wasn't until the Kavanaugh situation where they finally realized like, this wolf might be actually worse than the wolf we're trying to get rid of.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

MURDOCH: But they didn't realize -- because every time there was a problem, he had something to say. That's when he got greedy. Every time, it was like, "Oh, man, we think Trump -- he is the reason for global warming." "Oh, I have iceberg melting in my -- I can be on TV tonight with iceberg. I am representing icebergs."

GUTFELD: Tune in. But this is the thing. I mean, I'm critical of CNN. But isn't anybody there running the joint? To allow that guy. He basically ran their news coverage.

He run their news -- every single day he was on and they kissed his ass. It was disgusting. And while he was ruining people's lives. Well, CNN, why don't you go look up Julie Swetnick? What happened to her after she said that she saw Kavanaugh in a gang rape? Where are the journalists?

TIMPF: They don't need her anymore. It was all about accomplishing an end.

GUTFELD: Yes, all right, up next, a story about politics, donuts and sports. What else do you need?

(Cheering and Applause)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Why was ESPN so reviled? It's because they let politics run wild. After some hard lessons, the President of ESPN, which is a sports channel, now say its viewers aren't coming to them for political opinions, which makes sense it being for sports and all.

But before this, here's what had been going on over there.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: This is not the way political leaders behave. And I understand that's part of the appeal --

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Especially the President.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Appeal to the most debased parts of his base.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: He insulted them. He was defensive, insensitive and childish.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Meanwhile, a Dunkin Donuts VP -- what a great job -- said this at a conference, quote, "We are not Starbucks. We are not political. We're not going to put stuff on our cups to start conversations. We want to get you in and out of our store in seconds because." Because they hate their customers -- no, I'm kidding.

So yes, I hope this trend continues and I'm glad Dunkin Donuts wants to give me my coffee and get me out of there. If only though they were as fast as McDonald's.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Two sweet teas, please. Put that on debit. Thank you.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Have a great day.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Thanks.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Wow. That is fast, Tyrus. Tyrus, politics is great when you keep it in its box.

MURDOCH: Yes, where it needs to be.

GUTFELD: Yes, you don't want to put it in music or sports. Then it gets everybody --

MURDOCH: It ruins the moment like I mean, that's like going to like have sex with your wife and you start talking about dentistry. It just doesn't work. Like it's not that --

GUTFELD: Well, that's foreplay.

MURDOCH: You know, I don't want to do that.

TIMPF: So don't do that.

MURDOCH: Don't do that. You don't know what sex is yet, but one day you will. Because Mr. Timpf is watching. But you know, ESPN was great when it was about sports.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: And I enjoyed watching it and I would even leave Sports Center on for hours at a time to catch what's going on in the games or whatever. And then I stopped doing that because it became more like gossip and stuff.

Once they go that route, you lose your base. You lose people. You want to go Dunkin Donuts. I couldn't agree more. Give me my jelly and my coffee and I'm out. Bounce.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: I no longer need to see struggling -- no offense, Walter -- struggling novelists working on their battery on their laptop with their screenplays. We're talking about the songs from 1985 of the new CD and a coffee maker I need to maybe possibly quite pick up and listen to you we'll talk like this.

Like just give me my [bleep] so I can get out. Like that's what it's supposed to be, so good for Dunkin Donuts to keep it. There not -- it's not the worst place. Politics is in your house or if you're in politics, you go debate or you watch a show like this. You seek it out. It shouldn't be dumped on you.

GUTFELD: We do politics, right because we don't take any of it seriously, doc, I think the reason why this happens is because the media rewards politics -- radical politics or liberal politics in any pop culture form. Whether you're musical artists, you always get more press.

PINSKY: Right, people believe that and that has worn thin. People are tired of it. How weird is that? They were living in a time when a business distinguishes itself from all of the businesses by saying, "Hey, no politics here."

That's weird. That's weird. And for the record, I'll listen to Stephen A. Smith read the phone book. So aside from him, I don't want to hear politics.

GUTFELD: Yes, he is interesting. Walter, if you look even like, like Brie Larson, you know her. Every time she was interviewed, she had to spout some kind of political thing and that made it more that -- that became the spotlight instead of like "Captain Marvel," which I think was the movie.

KIRN: Right.

GUTFELD: I don't know.

KIRN: Two things. I read recently that a lot of the people who suffer from Trump derangement syndrome and were most vocal and upset and, you know, depressed and overeating were actually faking it in order to show support for other Democrats.

In other words, there was a kind of competitive misery thing going on, like, your knee hurts, both my knees hurt. You know. You threw up because of Trump. I had diarrhea because of Trump.

(Laughter)

KIRN: In fact, neither one threw up or had diarrhea. They just want to prove --

PINSKY: It's status.

KIRN: Yes. It's become a status --

MURDOCH: Attention --

GUTFELD: Who is suffering more? It's a virtue suffer. Instead of virtue signaling or suffering signal. It's a suffering signal. I just coined a phrase. That'll be the title of my next book, Kat. Please do a blurb for it?

TIMPF: Oh, great. Oh, I'd be honored. Okay. I've done some actual reporting on this issue. I'm not joking. This is not -- I'm not doing a bit. I am not. Remember when Starbucks did that race together thing? Where they encouraged customers to talk to baristas about racial issues and they were getting their coffee.

I made a video for "National Review" where I wore a hidden camera and I went and did that.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And I did not solve racism.

GUTFELD: No?

TIMPF: I did have a lot of people behind me that were very pissed off and wanting their coffee though. So I think that Dunkin Donuts has the absolute right idea. People, when they go to a coffee place, they generally want coffee.

(Laughter)

TIMPF: Groundbreaking stuff.

GUTFELD: It is, you know, politics was invented to keep us from beating each other to death. And now we're going to beat each other to death because we're putting politics into everything.

PINSKY: Everything.

GUTFELD: It's disgusting, it's wrong. And I am kind of against it. Okay, summer camps for of obnoxious brats. That's next.

(Cheering and Applause)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: There's a new kind of camp for your attention seeking scamp. YouTube summer camp for kids. You send your brat there to learn how to become a YouTube star. They learn how to shoot videos, edit and create a personal brand. It's for kids from ages 10 to 17. And when it's over, they come home with a video that the parent could post online.

Now, putting yourself on YouTube can be dangerous or profitable. If you're lucky, it's both. Remember, that's what Lori Loughlin's daughter was making a living at until her mother made her go to college. So is YouTube camp good or bad? I don't know. It can't be worse than that summer I went to lumberjack camp.

[VIDEO PLAYS]

GUTFELD: Go ahead. Clap at my pain. Okay, so I'm going to go to the people with kids. Doc?

PINSKY: Yes.

GUTFELD: Okay.

PINSKY: Under no circumstances.

GUTFELD: No, no.

PINSKY: Unless my daughter was this lady in yellow here. Then I'm afraid she'd kill me if I didn't.

GUTFELD: That's true. That's true. Then she'd bury you in the backyard.

PINSKY: We'd be buried next to each other.

(Cheering and Applause)

TIMPF: Thank you, thank you, Drew.

GUTFELD: All right, Walter, how about you?

KIRN: I'd send my kids to you to camp?

GUTFELD: Yes.

KIRN: Damn right, I would. Number one. You don't have to -- every time my kids go to bed at night with their phone on, it's YouTube camp. In other words, they just disappear. Off at camp, at least they could produce money making, you know, constructive version of what they're doing all the time.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PINSKY: I really believe we're going to look at screens like tobacco. As it pertains to young people one day, I really do. I think we're going to be taking them away from young people because they've had very negative influence. I'm sorry.

KIRN: Well, it's -- but I actually -- I actually think that YouTube can --

PINSKY: But if you're going to go with it.

KIRN: Making them conscious of the thing they're doing all the time. Giving them the opportunity, perhaps to learn, you know, the language of film and so on. Damn, make a camp out of the thing that hate. Nose picking camp. Make you know --

GUTFELD: I went there. I think this is important, Kat because human brains aren't fully developed as teens. Teens and preteens cannot access risk at all. But whether it's driving or putting themselves in public places or tweeting.

So you've got to train them before they ruin their lives, right?

TIMPF: If I were a child and this was a thing, I would have begged my parents constantly to go to YouTube camp. It's a whole camp where they teach you how to get more attention. And you know, make money off of attention.

You know what I had to do, Greg -- this is really sad. I had to figure out how to seek attention at regular camp. And there is only so many times you can put the smore sticks in your mouth and run around saying you're a walrus before people get sick of it.

And then I even had to like put them on my nose and be like, I know, "I'm the nostril walrus." And then you know that people had to say -- and that was very difficult for me. And I also can't make fun of anyone else's camp. Because in high school, I went to yearbook camp. It's worse than that. I went to yearbook camp two times.

GUTFELD: Oh, fantastic. Fantastic.

TIMPF: Not the most popular kid in school. No.

GUTFELD: But you know, they should have hired you to look into Ralph Northam then, because you're an expert.

TIMPF: That's true. How did I -- I blew it.

GUTFELD: You blew it. All right, Tyrus, I think -- I think this is a good idea. I had --

MURDOCH: You do?

GUTFELD: I took my nephew aside and lectured him on what not to do in social media because you've got to tell people.

MURDOCH: Yes, you've got to.

GUTFELD: So that's all I am going to say.

KIRK: The camps have to do something now because they used to depend on Indian lore. You know, learning to shoot a bow and arrow and stuff.

GUTFELD: Can't do that.

MURDOCH: I know Walter, you've been locked in a closet with liberals for last month, but like my name is Tyrus. You're Walter.

Me Tyrus, You Walter. Greg asking me question. I then answer. We're only a 40-minutes show.

KIRN: You're right.

MURDOCH: Write it in the book, I'll read it. You know I will.

KIRN: you're on every week, Tyrus. Give me a break.

MURDOCH: We will get you a podium --

KIRN: I've spent six months in Hollywood. I'm frustrated.

MURDOCH: I feel it. You forgot your name.

GUTFELD: This is like Pelosi and Trump.

MURDOCH: No, it's not because neither one of us are drooling, and we're not making stuff up. He clearly cut me off. Because he doesn't know any better, because he's been in a room with there are people talking about feelings for eight hours a day and he was just trying to write a script. So I get it.

But I hate the idea of camps. You send your kid at camp, play outside. And look, not all your little sweethearts are talented YouTubers, Mom and Dad.

TIMPF: I would have been the best YouTuber.

MURDOCH: Let's just get it over with. If they were good at it, they'd do it already. My daughter and son can download and break any locked computer in my house. That's what kids could do. I didn't send them to a damn camp for that.

But when the camera comes on, they stutter. So guess what? You aren't going on YouTube. Because you're not talented. So you want to pay a thousand dollars for them to send your kid -- I can download stuff. Yes, put the camera on -- because you don't have talent and charisma, kid. That's why you're not on YouTube now.

GUTFELD: Walter, you will get the last word.

MURDOCH: Oh, please let him.

KIRN: Who cares what --

MURDOCH: But as I was I saying -- see, it hurts, doesn't it?

(Cheering and Applause)

MURDOCH: I love you, Walter. You know I love you.

TIMPF: How come none of you cared when he did it to me?

(Laughter)

MURDOCH: Because you're not 6'8" and grouchy.

TIMPF: I see how it is. It's okay.

MURDOCH: I'll walk the door.

TIMPF: Almost time to cry. Show is almost over.

GUTFELD: Okay, I think we might have time for "Final Thoughts," but I doubt it. That's next.

(Cheering and Applause)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ANNOUNCER: "Final Thoughts." It's the last thought, that's why it's called the "Final Thoughts." Okay.

GUTFELD: We have time for one "Final Thought." So Walter, take it away.

KIRN: Dunkin Donuts will never get out of politics because all the donuts I see there resemble politicians. Take the jelly filled donut. It's white on the outside and a red in the middle, just like Bernie Sanders.

GUTFELD: Nicely done.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: All right, thanks to Dr. Drew.

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