Miller Time: 'Polar Vortex'

This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," January 8, 2014. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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O'REILLY: Thanks for staying with us, I'm Bill O'Reilly. In the Miller Time segment tonight, let's get right to the sage of Southern California, joins us now from Santa Barbara where the temperature is 59 degrees, a catastrophe in that area. So Miller, it was 9 degrees last night in New York City. What say you?

DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Say we are 50 better than you, my friend. But it gets cold once in a while. I liked what you said about the Green Bay Packer fans. What are you going to do? It's weather. Get on with it.

O'REILLY: That's right. You got to embrace it.

MILLER: Yes. Billy, I have to say, apropos of the weather, the great Larry Mann (ph) died yesterday. 91 years old. He was the voice of Ucon Cornelius (ph) in my favorite Christmas special "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." It is apropos he would die during a winter like this, and in commemoration of Larry, I think for the next week we should bounce all bumbles at half-mast.

O'REILLY: You are the only human being in the world who would eulogize Larry Mann.

MILLER: That's my favorite Christmas show. So it means a lot to me. Thank you, Larry, for all the pleasure.


O'REILLY: What is it the polar what is it again?

MILLER: Vortex.

O'REILLY: Vortex. Does that frighten you, Miller?

MILLER: I like the old days, when the polar vortex was known as Pelosi's stare. But I'm an old timer. When I see everybody exhaling back there on the streets, Billy, I know you have got a burr under your saddle about the pot laws -- that must be driving you crazy. It looks like everybody is exhaling out there.

I blame this on Al Gore. This goofus had a chance to pick the words climate change, but he always has to look brighter than everybody else, so he can't come down on covering both of his things with climate change. He has to say global warming for 10 years, then when it gets this cold and people notice that it seems like we have overbet a hand as far as global warming, they come down on us. Can you not reach across the aisle, the left in this country, and just give us an ironic moment where you say, yes, we did go heavy on warming, and damn it is cold out there right now. Just give us one moment where we have to say beware of Gore, beware of the prophet seeking profits. That's what he did.

O'REILLY: Look, as I always say, I don't know why the planet is warming, it is, but believe me I don't think -- I think the deity is the only one that knows.

MILLER: I love you. I work on the Factor. I don't think you know that either.


MILLER: If global warming is freezing me, then I'm going to start doing pot. If global warming is going to kill me by freezing me to death, I might as well start smoking a joint.

O'REILLY: It's about the polar bears and the penguins, you know.

MILLER: Yes. Listen. Life's tough. Wear a cup.

O'REILLY: All right. Pot, you know, we're worried about the kids having a message sent to them that this is okay. In fact, we use so much video of that guy who just smoked the pot, he is getting his own cable show.

MILLER: Trust me, trust me, the pipe is more interesting than him. Now, listen, I think when you have got a president who was in something called the Choom Gang, the smoke is out of the bong on this one, Billy. I don't think there is any way you can get the toothpaste back in the tube, although they are going to give it a try because it leaves trails. When you have a national case of Epstein bake syndrome like we have, and we are already a low producing country to begin with at this point. Everybody has kind of given up. We have problems down the road, because folks, I want you to take the biggest pothead you have known in your life, all right? Think of that kid, all right? He can work on your brake line now under the influence. That's where we are heading as a culture.

O'REILLY: That's where we are headed.

MILLER: Do I think it's the end of the world? No. Do I think it's our highest aspiration? Yes, on one hand I do, but I don't think it's a very high aspiration on the other one. When you take 112 weeks of unemployment and you mix in healthcare on your parents until you are 26, you have 50 million people on food stamps to buy munchies, and then you take, you know, throw in some of the other things you can get out there. This whole country is about to turn into "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure 3."

O'REILLY: And the guy who is going to tell us all about that is Jay Carney, White House spokesman, who has a different look, Miller. Let's put it up and get your grooming critique on it.

MILLER: Well, let me see it here. Billy, I'd say this. He has been acting as a beard for this president for five years. Why not grow one, okay? At this point why don't you put a pedometer on him to measure how pedantic he is. This guy blows more smoke than a Rastafarian death rattle. And like I said, that whole press room has turned into men staring at goats blaming other goats, all right?

O'REILLY: Do you think all the White House correspondents, including Henry, should now grow beards in solidarity with Mr. Carney?

MILLER: Yes, but some of the more insipid ones, I don't think have mastered facial hair at this point. Yes, do I wish the whole world would turn into the National Hockey League because they are the last men? Yes, I do. But I don't think it's going to happen.

O'REILLY: Dennis Miller, everybody, and we have some new bolder fresher shows to talk to you about. We're going to Miller's hometown, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Friday March 14th at the Console Energy Center. That's going to be wild. We will be in Cincinnati, Ohio Friday, April 25th at the Tap Theater. Buffalo, New York the next night Saturday April 26th at the Shae (ph) Arts Center. Get ready, Hawaii, Miller and I in Honolulu at the Blaze Del (ph) Concert Hall Saturday May 10th. Tickets go on sale tomorrow for all those shows, details on billo' As always, premium members get first crack.

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