This is a rush transcript from "The Five," May 28, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Kimberly Guilfoyle along with Geraldo Rivera, Pete Hegseth, Dana Perino and Greg Gutfeld. It's 5 o'clock in New York City, and this is "The Five."
It's Memorial Day, the unofficial start to summer. So, grab your margaritas and your hotdog and let's have some fun, because it's time for the Memorial Day fan mail special. We're going to answer your questions throughout the hour. So, shall we begin? All righty. So we're going to start out right away with the Instagram questions. Are you guys ready?
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Um-huh.
GUILFOYLE: Instantly for Instagram. All right. This is from Ted Nursey, something about -- there you go. I'm doing my best with that. And so, this is really a basic like Memorial Day question. Do you go hot-diggity- dog or do you go hamburger?
GUTFELD: Are you asking me? First off, I want to point out that you said grab your margaritas. I think it's horrible that we're starting off with cultural appropriation. We should be drinking pants blue ribbon.
GUILFOYLE: The Latinos on this end of the table like Doritos.
GUTFELD: This identity politics is killing all of us. Hotdogs or hamburgers, I'm more of a hot burger, which is eating a hamburger with my shirt off.
GUILFOYLE: Wow. Spare us that image.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Why did I think that was so funny?
GUTFELD: You know why, because it's covering up.
GUILFOYLE: Geraldo doing that is one thing.
GUILFOYLE: OK. So, Dana, I'm curious about this. Hotdog or hamburger, and how does the vote go in your house?
PERINO: On Memorial Day or in general?
GUILFOYLE: I would say Memorial Day.
PERINO: I go to hotdog.
PERINO: But I don't have hotdogs regularly, but I would have hamburger regularly.
PERINO: So, hotdog is like a special occasion.
GUILFOYLE: Does the term dog in it upset you?
PERINO: Not at all. I'm very comfortable with the hotdog.
GUILFOYLE: What about Peter? Yeah.
PERINO: I don't know.
GUTFELD: Blood pudding. He likes blood pudding, yeah.
PERINO: Blood pudding, yeah.
GUILFOYLE: That's hilarious. All right, Pete. You'll probably going to want both knowing you, right?
PETE HEGSETH, CO-HOST: I'll go to great pandering sage, Mitt Romney. My favorite meat is hotdog. My second favorite meat is hamburger. Not steak because I'm command of the people. Of course it's both. Hotdog first then, and as much of a hamburger you can get, and then probably back to a hotdog. It's a running thing throughout the day as the grill goes.
GUILFOYLE: That's the thing. And then you have to see, like, if the hotdogs look in danger, like, too many people are grabbing them. You've got to get that one first then you move to the burger.
PERINO: Bun or no bun?
GUTFELD: Well, that's the problem. If you don't have an even matchup of buns and dogs, you're in big trouble, and that led to actual death.
HEGSETH: You actually have the hotdog burger, kind of a hotdog but on a burger bun.
GUILFOYLE: By the way, that's been done as well. OK. So, Geraldo.
GERALDO RIVERA, CO-HOST: Mitt Romney had an elevator for his car.
GUILFOYLE: When you have your Memorial Day soiree.
RIVERA: Yes, ma'am.
GUILFOYLE: . I don't know what's on your boat. Do you grill on your boat, hotdog, hamburger?
RIVERA: I go for the Nathan's kosher hotdogs.
GUILFOYLE: Those are delicious.
RIVERA: And Nathan -- and they cook very crispy on the outside, so you bite in it's kind of like.
GUILFOYLE: A zing.
RIVERA: A zing. It's like a burst, a flavor burst.
GUTFELD: You can hear somebody's eyes out.
GUILFOYLE: Yes. I would say, I love hamburgers, but I also love hotdogs. I probably eat at least two hotdogs every week. But I have those, like, kosher national, Hebrew nationals. It's quite tasty. And I think they might.
RIVERA: Remember that story you lost an hour of life for every hotdog you ate.
GUILFOYLE: Is that true?
RIVERA: Maybe I made that up.
GUTFELD: I don't believe that.
GUILFOYLE: Here's another one. Now, this is a twitter question. Greg, you love twitter.
GUTFELD: I do.
GUILFOYLE: . and this is your playground. OK. This is from @wendyladymj. All right, favorite barbecue food. I know you like barbecue.
GUTFELD: I love barbeque so much. My favorite barbecue food has to be the rutabaga. Lot of people don't barbeque rutabaga. They eat them raw. But a good barbeque rutabaga, can't go wrong with it. Screw the ribs and the steak and the burgers. Go with the rutabaga this year, America. You won't be sorry.
GUILFOYLE: OK. And eat it in the Winnebago. OK.
PERINO: Are you talking about a rutabaga counsel?
GUTFELD: No comment. But they have paid me handsomely.
PERINO: Pay to play.
HEGSETH: Is that a vegetable?
GUTFELD: Yes, it is.
GUILFOYLE: Ms. Perino, now what is your favorite barbecue food?
PERINO: Well, I guess coleslaw.
HEGSETH: Is that barbeque?
PERINO: It is burn at the barbeque.
GUILFOYLE: It is true. Technically.
PERINO: Is it not?
GUTFELD: Yes, but you don't barbecue it, Dana.
PERINO: But you can barbecue corn.
GUTFELD: Yeah, there you go.
GUILFOYLE: That's a good one. That is a good one. You could also microwave it with a wet towel for a couple of minutes. Quite tasty. Two minutes per ear.
PERINO: That's true. I don't know you knew that. That's a good little tip.
GUILFOYLE: You taught me that.
HEGSETH: Somebody has to explain to me how we got -- I'm the third person to answer about barbecue and we haven't talked about meat yet.
HEGSETH: I don't know how that works. I'm going to say ribs and pulled pork, and especially if they're done really well. I'm not good at it. I don't do a lot of home barbecuing. I'm pretty simple, burger, and dogs, and steaks. (INAUDIBLE).
GUILFOYLE: I've got to tell you, it's phenomenal. Even when I order Chinese food I go with the spare ribs. I think it's fantastic, barbeque spare ribs.
HEGSETH: You live more dangerously.
GUILFOYLE: Yeah, I'm very dangerous.
GUTFELD: Not as dangerous for the pig.
RIVERA: Definitely ribs, well cooked. Crispy, crispy burnt.
GUILFOYLE: Crispy burnt?
RIVERA: And corn on the cob.
GUILFOYLE: OK, so.
PERINO: I like corn on the cob.
GUILFOYLE: Corn on the cob, everybody loves that. Butter, no butter, I don't know. I'll take it out on the butter. I can't believe it's not butter, our friend?
GUTFELD: Ah, Fabio.
GUILFOYLE: Fabio. What's a barbecue without Fabio?
GUTFELD: Oh, I wouldn't call it barbecue at all. Not enough Fabio meat there.
GUILFOYLE: Yeah. I did answer because I've copied Pete and did the pulled pork thing situation with the ribs. Yum.
HEGSETH: Did you date Fabio?
GUILFOYLE: No. He might have set me up with him though.
GUTFELD: Yes, I did. I tried to set her up with Fabio, but she was involved with somebody else.
GUILFOYLE: And by the way, with what's his name.
GUTFELD: I believe it was Yanny.
GUILFOYLE: Or was it Laurel?
GUTFELD: That's what I said.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God.
GUILFOYLE: All right. So what about this? What a weird show. What is your favorite tradition to kick off summer? That's from Sarah.
GUTFELD: Probably when we get things out of storage, like Aunt Helen. I don't have any -- I don't think I have any -- I live in an apartment in New York. The only thing you do is you turn on the air-conditioning and hope it works. That's my tradition.
GUILFOYLE: Then you know things look favorable. Dana?
PERINO: I think -- Well, it's not really kicking it off, but I always think of the summer when the dogs are no longer allowed on the beach. Memorial Day to Labor Day the dogs aren't allowed, so you've got to give them their one last big freedom session.
GUILFOYLE: All right, Pete.
HEGSETH: Yes, since -- I'll go serious for a second since Memorial Day is the kickoff for summer, it's memorializing this day which we talk about barbecues and should have fun, but the first thing you need to do is remember all those men and women that gave everything.
HEGSETH: . so that we can sit at this table today. I know everyone here knows that, but you have to remind yourself. And if you've got kids, sit them down and tell them why this day matter. Why we have this day off. Why we're barbequing. Take them to the parade or take them to the ceremony in your town. It's actually very powerful. So, remember that. It's the guys who gave everything. There's Veterans Day. Today is Memorial Day.
GUTFELD: Good point. Good point.
RIVERA: And July 4th has a great parade in every small town -- in every small town I have ever lived in.
GUILFOYLE: Favorite tradition? We've got to get to the next one.
RIVERA: I like having all the kids who are, at least in the country, comes to Father's Day. I like that.
GUILFOYLE: Do you? OK, fantastic.
GUTFELD: That's a lot of kids for Geraldo.
RIVERA: Now with the grandkids it's a crowd, burgeoning crowd.
PERINO: That's fun.
GUILFOYLE: So, my favorite tradition to kick-off summer would obviously be at the hot tub. No question about it, hundred percent. I love it. It just feels like it summer then, happy.
GUTFELD: Have it for the winter?
GUILFOYLE: It does to me, yes. Because when you get out you're still warm, right? And then you can have little snacks in the hot tub. You should be careful, talk to your doctor about it before you do.
HEGSETH: Liquid snacks. Liquid snacks.
GUILFOYLE: It's the same thing.
GUTFELD: It's just the table of the people.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, exactly. I don't have a hamster.
GUTFELD: With Fabio.
GUILFOYLE: Yeah, 100 percent, as long as he puts his hair back in a ponytail. It's a grand question from El -- who knows, it's E-L-Z-Z at Roth, something of that nature. What is your favorite vacation location and do you prefer summer, Dana, or winter vacation?
PERINO: Oh, summer vacations. And where do I go? I like to go everywhere, but I have -- come to have a lot of affection for the Jersey shore.
PERINO: Right. And the bay head. And I also.
PERINO: . South Carolina.
GUILFOYLE: Check Instagram.
PERINO: I do feel like it's summer when I head back west to Wyoming or Colorado, that always feels like summer to me because I spent my youth there.
GUILFOYLE: OK, I like that. It's very good. The pictures are beautiful. Check out her Instagram. All right, what about you, Greg?
GUTFELD: I think you know the answer. My favorite place is home. I go nowhere. I don't leave. To me, I can create an entire vacation in my head without having to get on a plane. I hate traveling. So, that's my vacation.
GUILFOYLE: Plus, when he vacations everyone else suffers, because you would think he would come back chipper, happy with a positive sunny disposition, but he comes back cranky.
PERINO: I thought you liked that Mexico place.
GUTFELD: Tulum? I always come back with some kind of illness. The last time I went to Mexico I had a bulls-eye bruise and I had to take four weeks of antibiotic for that.
GUILFOYLE: I told you. You have ring worm or something.
GUTFELD: Yeah, yeah. I got ring worm from camp, I'll never forget that. No, every time I come back something is wrong with me.
GUILFOYLE: You have different bite.
GUTFELD: The world is dangerous.
GUILFOYLE: . G.I. disorder.
GUTFELD: Inside, being inside is the best place. We evolved as human beings to create our own dwellings. We don't have to go outside anymore.
RIVERA: You're a cave dweller.
GUTFELD: I am.
HEGSETH: Because every day is a vacation day for you then.
GUTFELD: I'm taking off this day right now and you don't even know it.
GUILFOYLE: He's idea of vacation is like a bar on Ninth Avenue and a glass peanut, right? And writing your book. I know you so well. Like the newlywed game.
HEGSETH: I like summer vacations in winter. Going to places where is warm during the winter time like Mexico. I like Mexico. Last time I was in Mexico I got a tattoo. So, you go there and you come back like some guy on the corner.
GUTFELD: Well, we've got more than a tattoo.
PERINO: Very safe place to get a tattoo.
HEGSETH: No, it wasn't. But everything worked out OK.
GUILFOYLE: He got to chase it with some antibiotics.
RIVERA: I've been traveling all my life, you know. The half century I've been on the television news business. And I've seen, basically, the whole globe. Like Erika is so much younger and now old, 12 years old. So, we're re-doing all of the places that I -- like Paris this June.
GUILFOYLE: Sure, that's nice.
RIVERA: She loves that and visits all the tourist spots, and I drag my sorry behind.
PERINO: You're like, oh, the Eiffel Tower again.
RIVERA: Actually, having dinner in the Eiffel Tower again.
PERINO: I hear you're going to take her to Mount Rushmore?
RIVERA: I don't know if I'll take her there. That's really -- that's a motorcycle.
GUTFELD: Just knock it all out in one thing, Epcot Center. Go to Epcot Center and you don't have to go anywhere else. You're indoors.
GUILFOYLE: You just became a travel agent.
GUTFELD: Yeah, Epcot Center. They have all the food around the world, you never have to leave.
GUILFOYLE: OK. All right. So, so my favorite vacation -- look, I would have to say is Mexico. I'm no longer allowed there.
GUILFOYLE: Too many engagements. So, I have to find a new one.
GUTFELD: They've built a wall.
GUILFOYLE: they've built a wall to keep me from going over.
GUILFOYLE: OK. So, we've got time for one more. Please do a speed round on this, Greg. So, put the pedal to the metal on this. What is your favorite past time when you have some time off? And this is from.
PERINO: I know the answer.
GUILFOYLE: OK. Dana, please go.
PERINO: For Greg.
GUTFELD: That's to skip me.
PERINO: Or at the local bar, wine, writing a book.
GUTFELD: There you go. That's what I do.
GUILFOYLE: Followed by complaining.
GUTFELD: Followed by embarrassing drunken tweets that I have to answer for the next day.
HEGSETH: Why not?
GUTFELD: Please don't do this anymore, sincerely, executives.
GUILFOYLE: Executives, yes. A new band call executive -- the executives. All right, Dana, what is your favorite past time.
PERINO: I love hanging out with family and friends. My husband, Peter, and our dog, Jasper, but I also -- I really love to read fiction. So, if I get extra -- a little-bit of time to myself I try to do that.
GUILFOYLE: You love to go to the beach too with Jasper.
GUTFELD: So you read the New York Times.
PERINO: Fake news.
GUILFOYLE: OK. Sweet, Pete?
HEGSETH: I mean, throwing the football around with the kids on the beach, whatever, or the pool. Food, drinks, nothing, you know, sun. Just totally shut it down. Maybe read a book.
GUTFELD: Don't go that far.
GUILFOYLE: Boys love to play football and they're quite good. They're quite good. OK. Geraldo?
RIVERA: I love being on the water, as you know.
RIVERA: Just took my boat from New York harbor up the Hudson River. Erie Canal, Lake Erie to Cleveland. So, I went to Cleveland by boat. And I love being on the boat.
GUILFOYLE: All right. So favorite past time, I like to read. That's for sure. And then, also, I love to go to the park. The park is very fun.
GUTFELD: Which park and what time?
GUILFOYLE: The park in Brooklyn.
GUILFOYLE: Yeah, exactly. We're going to end it right there because it's getting frightening. But we are just getting started, so we want you to stay right there because "The Five" Memorial Day special returns with more of your fantastic questions. That's next.
PERINO: Welcome back to "The Five." We're answering your questions on this memorial fan mail special day, special, special day. And I've got your questions.
GUILFOYLE: Look at the folder. It's blocking your whole body.
PERINO: Kind of a big folder. OK. Actually, it's just a normal size folder. I am your pint sized host. OK.
PERINO: Instagram question from "The Five" fan page. Kimberly, what advice do you have for young people who want to do what you do for a living?
PERINO: Excellent advice, Geraldo?
GUILFOYLE: Look good, feel good. Advised? You know, I love to keep a good calendar, and to do list, and be very focused, like to accomplish something with each day to make every day count. It sounds kind of simple but it's really, really true, because when you have -- the power of just one day, what can you imagine that you can do to change a life or change your route. So, I think that's always kind of like being focused and happy and like getting -- moving the ball forward.
PERINO: All right. Geraldo, you've got some good advice in your book.
RIVERA: If you want to be on the air, then you should take any opportunity you can to be on the air. Journalism school is nice for theoretical background, but it is the actual hands on experience. Take every internship you can get. Work for the lowest pay at the smallest station if that's the gig that you can get. But get in there and do it because it is doing it rather than reading about it that will be your path to success.
PERINO: What about you, Pete?
HEGSETH: Good advice.
PERINO: You -- well, almost everyone at the table, except for Geraldo, didn't intend for this to be what we're doing now.
HEGSETH: Yeah, I still don't know what I do for a living.
PERINO: Yeah, we've been asking -- that's what we've heard around the building. What does that guy do around here?
HEGSETH: What do we do here?
GUILFOYLE: He wanders from each studio, and then, do you need me, everybody?
PERINO: Like joining the military is not a bad idea.
HEGSETH: I'll just go out and do things that you believe in, you know. Get involved in something. Go after as hard as can you. Believe in it. Put your head down on it. And don't worry about just doing something so you get to the next spot, to the next spot, no matter what. I mean climbing is important.
GUILFOYLE: Become an expert.
HEGSETH: Yeah, become an expert. Have something to say worth listening to. And then you'll -- if it's meant to be it will be meant to be. And you have to be intentional about it. You have to find the places where you can plug in.
GUTFELD: Well, I would obviously say buy my book which is called the Gutfeld Monologue, which the answers is in there, but that would be terrible for me to say.
PERINO: You shouldn't say that.
GUTFELD: OK, I won't. I would say I would agree with Geraldo, if you want to be on air try to be on air. Start by streaking at professional sporting events. And whenever you see a reporter doing a hit on TV, get up behind them and wave your hand and do a lot of gesturing, because the producers go that guy has got something. That's how we actually hire people here at Fox is we watch the people behind the reporters.
GUTFELD: That person should be on The Five. That's how we got Hegseth.
GUILFOYLE: How did they see you behind? I just want to know.
GUTFELD: I was a writer, so I wasn't going for TV. I was a writer, and so I wrote a lot, and I held a lot of meetings, and that helped me articulate my thoughts.
PERINO: I would say, also, don't major in journalism. It's not necessary.
GUTFELD: Well, good point.
PERINO: Take a couple of journalism classes, but major in something -- like Charles Krauthammer would say study history.
GUTFELD: Yeah, English, history, absolutely.
PERINO: OK. Instagram question from Susan Mulligan. Peter, I'll go to you first. What do you most look forward to after every show be it food, drink or activity?
HEGSETH: Well, a drink, of course.
PERINO: Even after "Fox & Friends" on a weekend?
GUILFOYLE: Why did you think I told you don't answer.
HEGSETH: Yes, I mean, we are a morning show person. By the time the weekend show, which is just four hours long is over, it's basically 5:00 PM on my internal clock.
PERINO: What do you do, Geraldo?
RIVERA: I like to drink.
RIVERA: I mean that first drink is such a sigh. You know, just, ah, I've done it. But with Fox & Friends, a little different for me because I only go on for 15 minutes, I work out after Fox & Friends.
PERINO: OK. Greg, what do you like to do? Let me guess.
GUTFELD: No, I like to unwind. So, I'll just have a big giant roll of tape and I just sit there and just unwind it. And for about an hour I find it's incredible stress relief. And then, of course, I do my charity work because children to me matter more than anything on the planet.
GUILFOYLE: Fake news, fake news.
GUTFELD: So, I would spend the rest of the afternoon just helping out kids.
RIVERA: Random kids.
GUILFOYLE: Yeah, random.
PERINO: Kimberly, how about you?
RIVERA: Think he's a pervert on the playground.
GUILFOYLE: Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm traumatized by Greg.
RIVERA: I'm just here to help.
RIVERA: I'm just here to help Johnny.
GUILFOYLE: My favorite thing to do -- you know, quite, honestly, I like to go -- return calls or messages to make sure I've gotten back to everybody that, you know, means something to me. So, it's nice to do, so they don't think that you've forgotten them.
PERINO: I like my walk home because it's quite.
GUILFOYLE: I love your sensible shoes.
GUTFELD: You do walk home.
GUTFELD: You take the same path every day, don't you?
PERINO: No, I mix it up.
PERINO: Nobody notices me.
GUTFELD: That's the great thing about being short is that nobody can -- like, I can glide through a crowd and no one sees me.
PERINO: Like, no eye contact.
GUTFELD: No eye contact. I see a lot of unsightly bellies.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God.
PERINO: OK. This question makes me nervous. Instagram question from Mrs. Hammel dot forever. OK. I will start with Greg. What is one of your habits that you know annoys your co-host, but you just can't help yourself?
GUTFELD: Oh, geez.
PERINO: I know. This is a tough question.
GUILFOYLE: Yeah, reply all.
GUTFELD: A producer in my ear just said reply all because I often reply all. But it's only just because I don't really mean what I'm saying when I'm replying all.
PERINO: You do it with all caps.
GUTFELD: I do. I'm imitating crazy people, like all caps, reply all.
GUILFOYLE: You're imitating yourself, like, why are we doing this?
GUTFELD: I annoy people because I'm constantly complaining about certain - - like things, ailments.
GUILFOYLE: Remember you got the award, number one diva.
GUTFELD: Yeah, which is unfair.
HEGSETH: Who gave the award out?
PERINO: All right, Kimberly, we're supposed to tell what our own bad habits are. I would say you don't have any, but you have to come up with something.
GUILFOYLE: I love you. Oh. All right. So, sometimes when I get like -- I'm trying to like pipe something -- like, I'm not very good with typing with the tweets, so I'm correcting and fixing it 30 minutes to send one. So, then I check my phone if I'm like nervous during commercial breaks and that might annoy -- that annoys our producer. I'm so sorry.
PERINO: Pete, I'm sure you don't annoy anybody.
HEGSETH: No, not at all. Don't ask Abby Huntsman or Ed Henry at all.
HEGSETH: No, I'm doing it right now. I pick my fingers under the take. Do you ever notice that?
PERINO: It doesn't annoy me, no.
HEGSETH: I feel like people could see it or maybe you could even hear it?
PERINO: No, but your mom would not be happy.
HEGSETH: No, I do it all the time.
GUTFELD: I thought your most annoying trait is when you throw an ax at people.
RIVERA: Sometimes my answers get to be proclamations or monologues, and I sincerely regret.
PERINO: How about the vault?
PERINO: I live my life thinking that everyone is annoyed with me all the time. Even if I haven't seen you in two weeks, I will wake up and think why is Greg mad at me today. I can't remember why he would be mad at me. And I just live my whole life like that. So, do we have time for one more? All right. Question from Jason Ainge, Greg, who preps the most for the show?
GUTFELD: I think it's without question it's me.
PERINO: It might be.
GUTFELD: It might be me. I write -- this is for another show that hasn't happened yet. This is all -- I make so many notes.
PERINO: I think it might be you because I think I prep the most for the 2 o'clock show, which means I don't have to prep the most for this show.
GUTFELD: Yeah, because everything is working in your brain. The reason why I do this, to go back to an earlier question about what to do to get a job like this, is preparation. Even if you don't use preparation, 90 percent of it is just you acting it out so that it's in your head. So, I write stuff down so it's in my head. So, I call that preparation H.
GUILFOYLE: I knew you were going to say H block.
PERINO: All right, everyone, up next. Which famous American, dead or alive, we want to be married to? Wow. Think about that. "The Five" Memorial Day continues when we return.
HEGSETH: I don't know this one.
GUTFELD: It's from "Man with the Golden Gun," Pete. It's in the title.
GUTFELD: Welcome back. More fan mail questions. Oh, this is a great question. This is from @GoodBreakApril. That's a hell of a nickname. All right.
GUILFOYLE: People can see your --
GUTFELD: Must have been a safe driver.
GUILFOYLE: Greg, what's on the outside of your folder? Just FYI.
GUTFELD: Notes. What's the weirdest food you've ever had -- Dana.
PERINO: I am very unadventurous when it comes to food. Oh, gosh. I have to say I don't think I can answer that.
GUTFELD: Ever tried Jasper's food?
PERINO: What? No. I don't try -- and I had a chance to travel with President Bush to lots of different places, around the world. It was 44 countries in that last year. There was a lot of things served.
PERINO: And I was really good at never eating any of it.
GUTFELD: You stirred it around?
PERINO: I'd fake it.
GUTFELD: Wow. So no weird foods. You must have had a weird food, Pete.
HEGSETH: Yes. Certain things that you just sit around a table with people who don't speak your language and they present it to you. And they're massively offended if you don't eat it.
PERINO: Right. Right.
HEGSETH: And no one uses utensils, and so you just sort of dive in.
PERINO: What was it? You don't know?
HEGSETH: I don't --
HEGSETH: Goat usually and other assorted meats.
GUTFELD: Yes. Goat head.
HEGSETH: You get kind of used to it.
PERINO: Brains? Did you eat brains?
GUTFELD: Goat head. Goat head soup.
HEGSETH: I actually think -- I don't think I ever had a head. I would say the weirdest thing I would --
RIVERA: With ganja.
HEGSETH: -- encounter here would be a veggie burger.
GUILFOYLE: I had one of those.
RIVERA: No MRE?
HEGSETH: That's a bad MRE.
GUILFOYLE: I hope they don't make veggie burgers now with, like, kale. Right?
PERINO: I bet they do.
GUTFELD: Geraldo, I'm sure you've had some weird stuff.
RIVERA: Well, in Carnivore, a well-known restaurant in Nairobi, Kenya, they -- they give you the regular meat, the chicken, you know, the beef. And then they get to the giraffe and the alligator tail.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh.
RIVERA: Or ostrich.
GUILFOYLE: No, Geraldo.
GUILFOYLE: And it goes through every being.
GUTFELD: Like a wild kingdom for your intestines.
RIVERA: Like a wild kingdom for your --
GUILFOYLE: You would literally.
GUTFELD: Perkins climbing down. We're now in Geraldo's aorta.
GUILFOYLE: It would expire in, like, six minutes, right?
RIVERA: And the place stinks of, like, flesh. Burning flesh.
GUTFELD: Like my apartment.
Kimberly, what is the weirdest food you've ever had?
GUILFOYLE: Can I come over? The burnt flesh.
GUTFELD: You must have had some weird food on your life. You lived in the Bay Area.
GUILFOYLE: Totally. Accidentally, I'm sure.
So yes, when, like, campaigning and everything and then when I was first lady go to a lot of, like, special dinners.
GUILFOYLE: And so you go into different neighborhoods. San Francisco is very culturally diverse. So when you go into some of them it's like different things like floating duck head soup or whatever. Things like that. And you've got to just --
PERINO: Do it.
GUILFOYLE: -- jump in. Everything is better with a little bit of salt if you're feeling, you know, whatever.
But one time I ate my dog's food, because I thought it was beef jerky.
RIVERA: You ate your dog's food?
GUILFOYLE: I was, like, one of those treats.
PERINO: Not bad, right?
GUILFOYLE: And I was like, "Wow, this is delicious." And then, "Oh, no, that's the -- you know, the dog." I was like, "Whoa, OK." A cookie.
GUTFELD: I had the most probably -- I ate the most adorable creature on the planet. If you've never heard of a puffin, Google it and you'll go, "How could you eat a puffin?"
GUILFOYLE: Why would you do that?
PERINO: Why would you do that?
GUTFELD: I was in Reykjavik on vacation. A crazy restaurant that was overpriced, and I said, "Well, if I'm paying this kind of money, I'm eating an adorable animal."
And so they served a puffin, and it tasted like licorice shoelaces. It was absolutely terrible. That's why puffins are still around. You taste awful, puffins. That's a great -- by the way, evolutionary trick for animals --
PERINO: Taste like crap.
GUTFELD: -- taste like crap.
GUILFOYLE: Right. So then --
GUTFELD: No one will eat you.
RIVERA: Wasn't that a scene in a "Star Wars," a puffin being eaten by Chewbacca?
GUTFELD: I have no idea.
HEGSETH: No, it was something like that.
GUILFOYLE: By the way, Greg, you know what's something good? You had tripe, like cow intestine. I really love that soup. I grew up having it, you know, being Puerto Rican. And people might think, "Oh, that sounds crazy," but it's quite good.
RIVERA: It's not bad.
GUTFELD: Haggis. What do they call it, haggis? Which is a stomach filled with other stuff. Anyway, let's leave that.
This is an interesting question from Sean Cantor: "What was your favorite radio station growing up?"
GUILFOYLE: I know.
GUTFELD: KR -- Dr. Don Rose.
GUTFELD: Dr. Don Rose, 610 AM. Oh my God. Dr. Donald D. Rose. Used to do novelty songs on San Francisco.
GUILFOYLE: There you go.
GUTFELD: Oh, my God. Great guy, too. I never met him, but he's dead now.
GUILFOYLE: You could believe it (ph).
RIVERA: I would say Murray the K. I think it was WINS 1010, before it was all news.
PERINO: Oh, yes. Cameraman loving it.
RIVERA: Rock 'n roll.
HEGSETH: 101.3 KDWB in Minneapolis, Minnesota. You know, the kids -- kids, we listened to it.
GUILFOYLE: I know Dana's, because you were a D.J.
RIVERA: You were a D.J.? How adorable.
PERINO: A country music D.J. That wasn't in my listening area when I was a kid. It was a country music station, I guess. KCCY-FM, 96.9, Pueblo- Colorado Springs.
GUTFELD: Now KFRC was AM when I was a kid. But when I was a teenager, all the college stations in California were punk. KFJC, KLAX Berkeley.
GUILFOYLE: Remember K-ROC?
GUTFELD: No, that's L.A. K-ROC was L.A.
GUILFOYLE: No, but there was one up in the Bay Area.
GUTFELD: You think of K-FOG. KFOG.
GUILFOYLE: Are you sure? Was that the rock one?
GUTFELD: KSAN also played a lot of great music. The Bay Area had great -- great --
GUILFOYLE: What about KISS-FM? Where is that from?
GUTFELD: L.A. I don't know.
Do I have time?
HEGSETH: Yes, I think it is.
GUILFOYLE: I saw the tease.
GUTFELD: Did she say "tease"?
PERINO: I think so.
GUTFELD: I couldn't hear. All right. I only had two questions. "If you had to name your child or pet, after a president, who would you choose and why?"
GUTFELD: George? That was easy.
HEGSETH: Theodore, Teddy.
RIVERA: I was going to say Roosevelt. Yes.
GUILFOYLE: Probably Ronald, Ron. I already have Ronan. So --
GUTFELD: I would have to say Hillary, because in my heart she won.
PERINO: In your heart?
GUILFOYLE: You're with her. You're with her.
GUTFELD: I'm like a cow. I have four stomachs.
PERINO: You have such a big heart.
GUTFELD: I do. I have many small hearts all over my body.
PERINO: Oh, gosh.
GUTFELD: Temporary tattoos, America.
All right. Coming up next, if "The Five" could declare one new holiday, what would it be?
PERINO: I've got a good answer.
GUTFELD: Our answers, next. She's already prepping.
GUILFOYLE: Such a great song.
HEGSETH: Welcome back. It is a good --
GUTFELD: It's a terrible song.
HEGSETH: -- to "The Five's fan mail Memorial Day special. It's off the rails, and we'll keep it there. Time to answer more of your questions. My turn.
All right. Twitter question from @CaptainMax79. Excellent. "If you could declare a holiday, what would you want to memorialize?"
Greg, I'll start with you. A holiday to memorialize, for anything?
GUTFELD: It would have to be International Short Man's Day. A lot -- most of the greatest things that have been invented or created since humanity began were done by men 5'7" or lower. Or under.
GUTFELD: Yes. Well, he was just one of many. Let's go through the list, shall we?
PERINO: Oh, no.
GUTFELD: No, I'll just stop.
HEGSETH: Dana, shall we --
PERINO: I would say Election Day. And I would end early voting.
HEGSETH: That's a great idea.
PERINO: I would end early voting.
HEGSETH: Yes, I agree with that.
PERINO: Election Day. Let everybody have a chance to vote, and there'd be no excuses.
GUTFELD: You know what, though? There will be people that just won't vote and just take it as a day off. And those people --
HEGSETH: We'll shame them.
GUTFELD: -- we'll shame them.
HEGSETH: Openly. Great answer. Geraldo, try to top that.
RIVERA: Hangover Monday after Super Bowl.
GUTFELD: Good point.
PERINO: Jesse Watters agrees with you.
GUILFOYLE: Jesse wants that all the time. Yes, yes.
GUILFOYLE: I mean, good idea.
HEGSETH: You could run for office on that platform.
GUILFOYLE: And get elected twice.
GUILFOYLE: Popular vote and electoral.
OK. I would go for -- I have two things. International and Extreme Poverty Day. And also International Children's Day.
PERINO: That's every day.
GUILFOYLE: Everybody thinks about what connects as human beings across the planet.
GUTFELD: Yes. I'm offended by her choices. Every day should be those days, Kimberly.
RIVERA: I just fear that --
GUTFELD: I'm sick to my stomach. Four stomachs.
RIVERA: -- if you had a day for poverty, and everybody was celebrating by not working. It's like Memorial Day. And you don't eat, and you don't memorialize.
GUILFOYLE: No, you spend time with children.
GUTFELD: We should have July 5. You know what? Because there's a lot of people who were born on July 5. And it's like, what about me? July 6.
HEGSETH: Our country was born the day before that, Greg.
GUTFELD: I know, but you know what? Let's -- let's not forget about those millions of people --
PERINO: It really deserves two days.
GUTFELD: Yes, there's millions of people who were born July 5. They're like, "Hey, what's up?"
GUILFOYLE: What about me?
HEGSETH: I would decouple Presidents' Day. Lincoln and Washington deserve their own days.
PERINO: Separate days.
HEGSETH: And they should both be --
RIVERA: When I was growing up --
GUTFELD: Typical. Two white men.
GUILFOYLE: Two white men.
HEGSETH: Well, I will not check my privilege.
GUILFOYLE: And then they flash the Puerto Ricans on the screen.
HEGSETH: All right. We're doing well. Next question on Instagram.
RIVERA: We like holidays.
HEGSETH: DJASC1112. Quickly, I'll go on this one. "If you were a state, which one would you be?" Kimberly, I'm going to start with you. Opposite direction.
GUILFOYLE: I would probably say New York. Since I'm here, I love the diversity of it and also my representations have the best parades here. Irish and Puerto Rican.
RIVERA: Though my principle residence is Ohio now and the secondary residence in New Jersey, I would say New York. I was born and raised here.
GUTFELD: What was the question? I thought it said, like, if you could be any --
HEGSETH: If you could be a state.
GUTFELD: You guys are just --
HEGSETH: If you were a state, which state would you be?
GUTFELD: I would pick --
HEGSETH: Rhode Island.
GUTFELD: I would pick Montana.
GUTFELD: Yes, because you can do a lot of stuff in Montana.
HEGSETH: You can?
GUTFELD: Yes. No one knows.
GUILFOYLE: With the animals?
GUTFELD: You know what I'm talking about, Montanans. Huh?
GUILFOYLE: That is so gross.
GUTFELD: See you in a few months.
RIVERA: Is it Montanians or Montanans?
GUTFELD: I made it up. Could be Montanans. Montanians.
HEGSETH: I would go with New Hampshire. Live free or die.
GUTFELD: Very good.
HEGSETH: That is --
RIVERA: Best slogan.
HEGSETH: Best motto in the country.
All right. Last --
GUILFOYLE: That's where you used to campaign first.
HEGSETH: It has nothing to do with politics. Everything to do with guns.
All right. Next question is from Facebook, Donna D. has this question. She says, "If you were to get a tattoo --"
GUILFOYLE: Oh, boy.
HEGSETH: "-- what would it be?"
I don't even have to answer that.
GUILFOYLE: What don't you have?
HEGSETH: What don't I have? But it's not about me.
RIVERA: We're going to start flashing? I've got this one right here. See? This was a Jewish star, and I got it after the Maalot Massacre to memorialize the 37 children who were killed by terrorists.
GUILFOYLE: OK, that's a really good one.
HEGSETH: That is a good one.
GUILFOYLE: I don't know. I don't have any tattoos like Dana. So body's a temple. I don't know.
HEGSETH: Dana has tattoos?
GUTFELD: She's covered.
GUILFOYLE: No. Doesn't have any. Doesn't have any.
RIVERA: Like, the big condor.
HEGSETH: There's a tattoo artist right over there.
GUILFOYLE: I don't know. Maybe like the cross. But a very, very kania (ph) one.
RIVERA: Very sketchy.
HEGSETH: But that was the first one I got, but a nautical kania (ph) one, a big one. Yes.
RIVERA: I hate tattoos on women. Does that make me a chauvinist?
GUILFOYLE: I don't know.
GUILFOYLE: We'll find out soon enough.
GUTFELD: The answer is yes.
HEGSETH: All right. Dana.
PERINO: If I were going to get a tattoo?
HEGSETH: If you had to pick one. Yes.
GUILFOYLE: I know, it's tough. I think it's like --
PERINO: I just wouldn't.
GUILFOYLE: -- Jasper.
HEGSETH: OK, Greg. You got time to think.
GUTFELD: Herve Villechaize.
HEGSETH: What? Herve what?
GUTFELD: He played Tattoo on "Fantasy Island."
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God.
GUTFELD: He's a hero of mine. "The plane."
GUILFOYLE: By the way, you two are twinning.
HEGSETH: What about a big podium on your forearm or something? Sorry, sorry.
If you had to give up one of the five senses, what would it be?
HEGSETH: The answers next.
RIVERA: Welcome back to "The Five." We are answering your fan mail questions on this Memorial Day.
So the firt one is, "If you had to get one of your five senses," Kimberly - -
RIVERA: "-- which one would it be?"
GUILFOYLE: It would be smell, because then I wouldn't have to suffer the Starbucks bathroom situation.
RIVERA: What about fresh bread, though?
GUILFOYLE: Well, no, I love all that. I love --
RIVERA: And the smell of your little baby.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, well, I love all of that. But you have to pick one.
RIVERA: You have to pick one. You have to pick one.
HEGSETH: It's like deduction, almost. Like, touch no, sight no, hearing no. What's the other one?
HEGSETH: Taste, no. So it's got to be smell.
RIVERA: Got to be smell.
HEGSETH: Get rid of the bad smells, too. In life, you usually experience the bad smells more than the good smells.
GUILFOYLE: You're going to miss some new ones. But --
PERINO: I don't know. I think this is a very, very hard question.
GUILFOYLE: It is.
PERINO: God gave us the benefit of five senses for a reason. For people who don't have them, it's really tough. And like, if you don't have smell, then you reduce the taste. But I think I would -- I'd go with speech.
RIVERA: Is that one of your five senses? I'm not quite sure of that.
PERINO: I don't know. I just want to shut up.
RIVERA: We added a sixth sense.
All right, Greg.
GUTFELD: I would say get rid of the census. I hate the census. You know, there are always -- you get those forms. And you go, "I've got to fill it out." Get rid of the census.
PERINO: I'm with him.
RIVERA: You, too?
GUILFOYLE: Census. Look at him. He's like blue steel-ing for the camera. Greg.
RIVERA: I think it would be -- and I understand how, you know, people who have lost their hearing really have a real challenge. But at my age I have heard like everything now. I think that I might, you know, I've heard my baby cry. I've heard my wife whisper my name.
GUTFELD: All right. Let's go.
RIVERA: I'm watching. An Instagram question from DevinAdams1004. "If you were ever to join the military, which branch and which job?" Greg.
GUTFELD: I would probably join something that keeps me in an office. So it would be probably the United States Interior Office Brigade. And what we do is we just sit there and we talk about stuff that's coming up.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, you would be, like, super kicked out in five seconds and be complaining.
RIVERA: And you?
GUILFOYLE: You know, so many that I would like to do. So probably my father was an Army guy, so I love the Army. But then I think, like, being a Navy SEAL would be super fun.
GUILFOYLE: Aside from sea sickness.
RIVERA: Great outfits, too.
GUILFOYLE: Yes. I would shave my head. Wouldn't that be cool?
RIVERA: I'm not sure. Don't try it.
PERINO: I would say Marines, and I would like to be deployed as one of the spokespeople that worked with reporters in the field. I thought that -- I think that that would be a great job.
RIVERA: They had some bad-ass PAOs, the Marines did. No doubt.
HEGSETH: I guess I've done the Army, so I would try something else. And I didn't know anything about the military before I joined, so I defaulted to the Army. I probably would have done -- if I knew more, I probably would have done the Marine Corps the first time around.
HEGSETH: And I -- that's going to be heresy to every soldier out there. I don't mean it that way. I loved my time.
RIVERA: Love the Marines. I would fly A-10s for the Air Force or Apache attack helicopters.
GUTFELD: What are those mercenaries that are really small?
RIVERA: Best sound in the world.
GUILFOYLE: Small mercenaries?
GUTFELD: You know what I'm talking about?
HEGSETH: French Foreign Legion?
RIVERA: The Gurkhas. The Gurkhas, yes.
GUTFELD: Did I just say "gherkins"?
RIVERA: "One More Question" is next.
HEGSETH (IMITATING SEBASTIAN GORKA): Gorka.
(MUSIC: THE OUTFIELD'S "YOUR LOVE")
GUILFOYLE: I like it. Do you love it, Dana?
PERINO: Favorite summer song.
GUILFOYLE: All right. Hope you're enjoying your summer, because it's time now for "One More Question." Indeed.
All right. Instagram question from Mark01221: "What is your favorite part about your job at 'The Five' each day?" Or you can say at FOX because many people host other shows, as well. Greg, please?
GUTFELD: The money.
RIVERA: Money is good. Money is good.
PERINO: Good answer. Good answer.
GUILFOYLE: All right.
PERINO: I like that it's so unpredictable. Though this -- "The Five" is not scripted in any way except for what we read at the top. And so you never know what's going to happen. And that's kind of a fun way to come to work every day.
GUILFOYLE: Or how much trouble we're about to get in.
PERINO: Or how much you might laugh.
GUILFOYLE: That's true, which is a lot. Let's be honest.
So Pete, you're recession proof. You've got a lot of jobs here.
HEGSETH: I would say the people. I'm going to answer for all the viewers out there. They watch you because they love you guys.
GUTFELD: We're like family.
HEGSETH: Great personalities. Great --
GUTFELD: We're like family to the viewers. I want to make that clear.
GUTFELD: We are your family.
RIVERA: I don't know about that.
GUILFOYLE: Geraldo save everyone.
RIVERA: Well, I like my first tweet of the day. My first cup of coffee and -- first cup -- and to find out where I'm going and what I'm going to be doing.
GUILFOYLE: What about the shop?
GUTFELD: We wonder about that, too.
GUILFOYLE: You're so mean. OK. My favorite part. I have to say quite honestly, you guys, working with you. It's the best part of my day besides my munchkin in the morning. It's coming here and, like, looking at you guys and laughing and feeling that sense of family, because I don't have any family but you guys are.
RIVERA: You are one of the nicest people ever.
GUILFOYLE: Sweet. Well, it's fun. Isn't it true, though? It's like nice to care about them.
Greg, would you like to redo yours, because it really was subpar.
GUTFELD: No. Actually, no. I just look forward to talking. Talking is fun. Getting paid to talk is awesome.
GUILFOYLE: You like your monologue. You like preparing your monologue.
GUTFELD: I like chatting.
HEGSETH: You've got to like making people laugh.
GUTFELD: Every day is like homeroom.
GUILFOYLE: You know what you like? You like being in the green room and getting your little complain on.
PERINO: I think what you like the most is when, let's say, somebody else is talking and you have an idea or a point that you want to make. and it's like a spark of excitement. I think that's your favorite.
GUTFELD: Exactly. It's like I suddenly have to run to the bathroom.
RIVERA: You have that little dark cloud over your head.
GUILFOYLE: Thanks for spending some of your Memorial Day with us. We're going to see you back here tomorrow on "The Five." "Special Report" is next.
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